Anarion

Sunshards

Chen lets out a little murmur when her Rosepetal strokes the back of her neck. She can't help herself, it just feels so good, makes her want to melt right there and then. Gosh and in front of the Pyre. And a gathering crowd in the neighboring streets to boot! Ys was full of marvels, but a full on demon parade still stood out, nevermind the battle of titans. Oh gosh, the gossip about Princess Chen was going to spread like wildfire. Though then again, it would have been a shock if it hadn't already started making the rounds from the Sky Castle by now. Word always did travel fast in the shard queendoms.

Chen's running a little behind reality here, given how Rose is displaying her, how hard she's blushing, and doing her best to sit still and let herself be nodded without fidgeting or squirming in her handmaid's arms (she is failing, but doesn't she look soooo cute with the effort?). But eventually her head gets there and understands what Rose is offering and she adds her own eager nods to those prompted by her girlfriend. Because yes, with everything they were doing they had to treat the Pyre properly now. This wasn't a trick or a trap or any of those things, it was an honest offer. If that meant some work now, well, the city would hold up until they could talk to Yin, and Yue would too for that matter! And if not then all the better to do this when there wasn't a bunch of other stuff to do and she could have her mind entirely focused on being the best maid ever, which Chen was very good at thank you very much! All that sword skill made for plenty good arm skill, and if you might stumble from time to time, it was only because she was trying extra hard to put on the best show possible with the most precise movements. And because occasionally a maid needed to do something to help the mistress really feel in charge. That was just the right way to go about these things!

What Chen does say as Rose holds her up right to the Pyre, still blushing so red, is "Thank you for believing in us. We won't disappoint you!" and she adds to the show by picking up the bare shreds of her dress still remaining and offering a tiny little curtsey from atop Rosepetal's strong, sturdy arms.

TSL: The Excess of Flowers

Giriel leans back against a rock. Or perhaps it's a bit of broken masonry from the castle? That's the thing about the symbolism of the tower, the catastrophe, its nature is to take the works of mortals and tear them down through a greater power until at the end who can even say what was once crafted and what was shaped by the gods. It doesn't matter though. What matters is that there's something solid for her to lean against, that whatever it might be or have once been it has the strength to hold her body and let her settle all her bulk upon the sandy soil and relax. Her legs scream at her as the pressure releases, that feeling like a rubber band stretched too far that can't snap all the way back anymore because it's strained too long washing through her legs and up her thighs. Yes, this would be a great time to simply let her legs fall asleep and the rest of her with it and she could deal with all the consequences of that later.

Of course, the instant she closes her eyes, there's an army. The world is like that. It's always like that. Just like it's always going to force those with dark knowledge into doing things that will bring them stares like Piripiri's stare. It's just always like that, it's how the titans and the gods and all their servants crafted it to be. Perhaps it was in the materials of Creation itself and even if they wished it, they could not have changed their clay any more than a potter can magically change the soil she is given to spin.

For a moment, Giriel's heart races and fear and adrenaline shoots through her, that sudden jolt of attention snapping through her body, the band tense once again. But pain shoots through her legs and they protest and continue their strike. And at any rate after that first moment she sees Cathak Agata leaping through the air with her blazing sword and pulling Melody away from Han. She grins despite herself, a rueful sort of grin, the grin of irony. If it didn't hurt so much, she would bark a laugh. It's like an epic poem isn't it? Han won't find it funny, but there she is finally finding the girl she cared so much to save and because she looks to be a monster she becomes the villain in the story. All a big misunderstanding. Or...hmmm. The adrenaline is fading, and Giri isn't moving, but her eyes are focused. Red Wolf understood many things, she'd known just how to dangle the bait before Giri, known that she wouldn't say no to solving exactly the problem put in front of her. Was she...did she know and pretend to misunderstand, performing for her own troops? It was hard to think long on that though, not when Red Wolf was moving so gracefully, not when Giri imagined herself though far larger than Melody, gripped by those strong hands and pulled closed into those muscled arms and that curving chest with its heroic armor.

Her eyes drift enough to that, ah good, there was Piripiri moving into their lines. Just as Uusha had thought then, well that had had always been the best guess. At least that brought a smile to Giri's lips though, a true one and not an ironic one. Because Piri would get treatment for her hand there, and safety, and a little comfort. She deserved that, deserved none of the suffering Giri had put on her, the exhaustion and the pain. Her blood had saved them and her march had been the hardest.

Well come what may then. Yes, come what may. Giriel Bruinstead was tired and she had decided that moving was not in her near future, adrenaline or not adrenaline. She owed Red Wolf a report anyway, she'd saved all of them whatever they may think of her, and she'd eventually be able to sort things out for Han when they weren't all having crossbows pointed at them. Yes, that would be good. For now, she would do nothing and it would be the most blissful nothing there was. Giri at last closes her eyes and relaxes.

TSL: The Excess of Flowers

Giriel's heart sinks down to her feet. It's obvious and she makes no attempt to hide it a her shoulders slump and her head droops. She can see the look, the detachment. It's almost worse that there's no protest, that Piripiri is just going along with it. It's just, there it is, what witches do is evil, everyone thinks it's evil and they're right. Even if it works, even if it saves them from hell, she has to do a monstrous thing. It's stupid that it would be like this, that blood magic would be the only thing she can think of, that the power of dragon's blood would be so damned powerful! She had hoped that maybe Piripiri would understand the need, but no, she must be cruel and take what is needed, though it harm Uusha's prisoner, and disrespect her and reinforce that witches are full of dark workings and never to be trusted. (Alas, it does not occur to her that perhaps she could have trusted more, and that had she asked and not demanded, things would be different).

She sighs, a deep, bone-weary sigh. "I am sorry, I have no choice, I can think of no other way to save us. Let all the guilt fall on me and none else here for this decision." She turns the dagger in her hand, no long presenting the hilt to Piripiri. Instead, she has the blade out and take's Piripiri's hand with her own. Her touch shakes, and she stops, breaths, and begins again, gentle as she holds Piripiri's hand in place, her own cradling it beneath. Then with the expert hand of someone well-trained in housework, she draws a shallow, clean line across Piripiri's palm. It stings but is not deep. A few drops of blood pool in the center, and she gently tilts her own hand so that they roll to the ground even as Peregrine has begun to work, drawing the circle around them.

"I...must work quickly" she says, ripping a piece of her own black shirt near the waist for a quick bandage. She wraps it firmly around Piri's hand. "Hold this there with pressure, and we will treat it more properly once we're out of hell." And with that, she pulls her greatsword and begins tracing her own pieces of the circle, adding interior lines and sigils as quickly as she can. This was all for escape, after all, the best respect she has left to offer is to make that happen as quickly as possible.

Sunshards

Chen's tinkling laughter echoes up and down the causeway. It's not, you have to understand she's not laughing at the Scales of Meaning, but there's just so much tension and, well, Chen might have had variations of this dream since she first had a maid wait on her in Ys when she was seven and none of them, not a single one of them had a demon telling the audience that her services could be bought for 18 kilo dollar volts or whatever gibberish the Scales of Meaning had just said. And so being confronted with that after, well, after everything was just a little too much.

It's not that laughter is going to convince anyone of anything, but it is the sort of thing that takes one aback. Especially the kind of bright, happy, tension relieving laugher that Chen's feeling. The kind that lets her shoulders relax and causes her to shudder in Rose's arms and snuggle in tighter to avoid falling over. That may be a response that the Scales of Meaning has never seen in all her years. Or maybe it is and Chen's underestimating her, but either way she doesn't much care.

So Chen laughs and hiccups (because those never went away and laughing just makes them even worse!) and tries to get a hold of herself. And it's in that moment that she understands a little bit about these demons. She understands a little more why Rose might have been so tentative and why she might like it so much for it to be safe for her to to just become small and be told exactly what to do as silly as she can be. Rose understands the value in that, the freedom, the joy of just letting go and enjoying yourself without worrying about the cost or the consequences or any other silly things like that. But the demons don't. They don't even understand what was being offered, not really.

Oh...they don't understand. Oh, oh gosh. She was going to have to...to say it out loud w-wasn't she? A bright blush rises to Chen's face.

"You um...ha, haha...you're not paying for, um, for maid services from us. That's um, we're not offering you a trade or a negotiation or barter or um, that's not why Petal asked if you want us to...to dress up as maids and c-c-clean you." Chen falls into a squeak there and needs a moment to compose herself.

"We'd do that because it's um, like, really hot, and cute, and um kind of embarrassing but like in a way that makes me feel all tingly inside and um, I always wanted to do something like that with my girlfriend, I mean, you know if she was into it, but um Petal seemed pretty into it and like she'd have a lot of fun and even added her own um twist to it you know? Or well, you don't know that's the problem. The problem is that you don't know what we mean. But like, we're trying to offer you a little taste of that feeling that you can't find anywhere else, of being cared for and cared about! Of being teased and waited on and having someone dress up all special just for you. You can't buy that because it comes from the heart, silly! We have to offer it freely because we really care about you for some reason, even if it's just wanting you to stop hurting so much and to, to understand things a little better!" And Chen stamps her foot for emphasis before going back into it. "And well, that's a really nice and special and important thing to offer someone and you have to ask if someone actually wants it and is okay with it before you do it. Otherwise it's um, you know, it's kinda weird and maybe mean to just start teasing people and doing stuff to them if they're not okay with it. So...um...so we want to um get dressed up as, as maids and help you...that is...we're asking if you...um...if you want us to and oh, oh suns!"

It's at that point that Chen can't keep up with herself and her blush becomes terminal. Instead of continuing on speaking, she buries her face in Rose's chest and squeaks and shakes a little and is just kind of hoping that nobody else nearby is listening to any of this at all but also she's kind of nuzzling into you Rose like she does when she wants to play more privately and gosh she's really hoping the Pyre understand this even a little bit and says yes, the poor thing! Rose, your Chen needs you to bring this one home, help the Pyre understand what she's missing!

[Chen will spend a string on Rose to trigger her Dream Mirror.]

TSL: The Excess of Flowers

Giri looks at the chaos of the fight, the declarations made by the divine spirit, the collapsing of the general. She looks at Peregrine, still enrapt, and at Piripiri, a full dragon-blooded handed into her care while Uusha goes to do yet another utterly idiotic thing. And all that as her friends and the knights all scatter below in the course of the chaos.

And then she is done looking. It is time to leave. Or at least make a go of it. And all the big and little gods willing, they could have an end of portals to hell when they're done.

"Peregrine, help me. Nobody here knows the they're doing, and this isn't a safe place to be. We need a way to get everyone out of the hells and to safety. Even Han can't just fight every demon that comes out of, she'll get tired eventually." Giri stands from her perch with Azazuka with some strain, her own burns obviously paining her though she grits her teeth and ignores it. Instead she's looking right at Piripiri. A dragon-blooded dropped so conveniently in her lap.

As she speaks there's a pain in her eyes. An apology perhaps, not merely the pain of her wounds or even of seeing her friends suffer. It's the pain of regretting something before you even ask for it. Of playing into your own stereotypes and not being able to do a damn thing about it. "Piri, I...we will need your blood. Peregrine and I are skilled but mortal witches. We don't have the raw power to make an exit and keep it in place for everyone. But you do. You have divine blood, the blood of the dragon, and you're right here. It won't take much. Once we start the ritual, just take my knife, cut your palm and drip your blood onto the sigils we draw. I...uh...command it as your captor" though that last has barely any force behind it and Giri looks terribly chagrined. She obviously wanted none of this, but is scared enough at being here that all she can think about is the fastest route to getting everybody out.

With that she handed Piripiri the knife, and then drew her sword and started drawing a large magic circle into the ground. If she just did it, if she just assumed everyone would go with her on this, they would right? She needed them to.

[Rolling to defy disaster with spirit. 5+1+2=8. Giri's willing to sacrifice her own reputation, and also most of the particulars of where they exit as long as it's back in the mortal realm in the name of making a stable exit out of here.]

Sunshards

Chen is crying quietly as Rose slowly shrinks herself. Her voice at the end had fallen almost to a whisper, and her body was letting out small sobs in the ruins of her travel dress. It didn't matter, it didn't matter if her clothes were ruined coming in or that Rose's were ruined, or anything else. She had just run out of words, and so she sobbed and she held on, and she hiccupped a little because she was overcome.

Then she felt Rose shrinking, and that made her sobbed and hiccup again as she saw Rose come back to herself. She saw the tears fade from her eyes, and it made Chen smile even though the combination of trying to smile and sob and hiccup made her cheeks hurt. She clings on tightly as Rose returns so slowly, her whole body a mess, overcome with emotion. There's so much of it! All the tension and anxiety from the flight, and then her Mommy, and everything she'd just done, Chen was entirely out of any ability to make herself look big, strong, and mature in front of everyone. She didn't care, she didn't have eyes for them anyway.

And then, then Rose was saying "I'm here" and "I love you" and and and, that just sent Chen into new sobs and she clung on tighter. It is perhaps something of the true nature of their love that surrounded by all these demons, they have this moment for themselves, uninterrupted save for a distant howling of a demon with swords. Distant, though she stands next to them because Chen at least is simply lost in the release of holding Rose and letting all the feelings inside her burst out through tears and a runny nose until she can breathe again.

When she can breathe, at last, she gives Rose a gentle kiss. "I love you too, my Rosepetal. I'll love you forever and ever" and she smiles and ruins it with another hiccup because oops those didn't quite go away, and she blushes then as well because she's finally starting to take in their surroundings.

"We um, we need new dresses" she manages, looking at the tatters left to both of them without letting go of Rose. "And um, didn't they say that you, um, owed the demons time. Is that why you came here, Petal? M-maybe I can help. If we both serve them t-then it counts double right?" That was Chen's understanding of how debts worked, at any rate, and it wasn't like she hadn't played this way in the past, with some of the handmaidens, and that one time with Yin.

A deeper blush started rising through all of Chen's neck and cheeks, but she was determined and also she might have had dreams like this for years that she never ever (ever ever) thought would see the light of day but here she was. "I-if we both dress as m-maids together we could...um, show the demons what's it like to be treated pro-properly and um...then they'll stop threatening Ys right? And we could go help Yue. Don't you think that's a...um...a good idea, Petal?"

[Chen is marking XP for Rose opening up. This gets her a last second advance, which she will use for heart +3]

TSL: The Excess of Flowers

You know what? You know what?! Maybe Peregrine had it right after all! Giriel had never been to hell before this journey. People didn't just go to hell! Even people wielding magic, that wasn't a thing you just did! Magic was supposed to be a safe, practiced thing, and they'd just tossed that out the window with all this experimentation. Giriel had been trying to help people, set things to right starting with the raised spirits who ought not to have been caught up in all this, and she'd landed in hell twice for it!

She still couldn't help herself. Even now she was helping Azazuka up, carefully avoiding touching the exposed skin and trying to just give her a comfortable position to rest. No time for healing magic this moment.

But the battle was interesting and there was a lot to be learned here. For one thing, was this what the heavenly spirit was after? Perhaps Giri had simply given unintentional offense, the thing had been of Venus after all. If it was here because of the upheaveal of the hells that would make sense. And the questions Peregrine was asking were such good ones.

Giriel cradles Azazuka over her lap and looks on. "Good thoughts, Peri" she says, quietly, starting her own patter as they both watch. "It matters that it's mimicry doesn't it? It carries the symbolism of the twin, the mirror, and the thief. It's not just heaven casting out a demon, but usurping the role that we're looking at."

Giri pats Azazuka comfortingly, one hand on her hair. She was burned so badly, and seemed to care much more. The poor girl probably had lived such a pampered, noble lifestyle she might have never felt pain like this before. What was her touchstone for it, even? A bad sunburn? An allergic reaction to a bee sting maybe? That hardly seemed to compare. "If we're right" she continues, still addressing Peregrine, "we might see the role retained and warped, right? The point of a usurpation would be that instead of creating a hole for some other demon to crawl into, instead the heavenly spirit takes the role and then her aspects change and warp it. She's a being of Venus, some aspect of love maybe, what would it mean to bring love into war? Or war into love? Oh gods, I don't want to think too hard about that."

[Giri's going to read Zhaojun as she does her thing here. Her questions are what are Zhaojun's feelings towards demons and what does she hope to gain from impersonating the General? Zhaojun can ask one at her leisure. Answers provided by her next series of actions are fine, hope she enjoys her witchy audience.]

Sunshards

Chen blushes. "Mommy, I, um...thank you" She holds the hug another moment, and then lets them part. There were still a lot of things to be said. She kind of wanted to go talk to other people around the city and understand why they all jumped over themselves to please Ysel. She had her own stories, that feeling of how much it hurt when Ysel disapproved and how hard won her approval was. But was that everybody's experience? Chen had always thought that she was treated uniquely because she was Ysel's and Hestia's heir. The twinshard princess and all that. It had never occurred to her that everyone else might have felt the same way about Ysel, or that Ysel might have felt like the whole world was the same and been hoping and praying that her daughter, at least, would rise above it. They would need to work on that together. Maybe Ysel could take a vacation after this and share some photos of her having fun (assuming her fun did not involve only destroying other people in the locales choice of hot or cold weather sports at least). Well, they'd figure something out after all this. It just felt, well, it felt to Chen like she wanted to be Ysel's daughter for the first time in a really long time and that was really special.

But, now her family was safe and she needed to get back and find Rose and get to Yue. Chen had gone and rushed off and she had thought Rose was right behind her, but she'd landed without her sweet handmaiden so, that was going to be the first order of business. One of the things Chen loved about Rose was how even though she was silly and vulnerable and wanted to taken care of no matter, she had the capacity to be strong and tough, so Chen could rely on her when she needed help. So Chen figured Rose would be fine even if she had been trying to throw herself into trouble to delay for her princess like a sillyhead.

"Mommy, if you want my, um...tactical advice...tactical's the right word right?...anyway um, go fight off Yin's forces and Qiu's regular army, and avoid the big burrow demons and Qiu herself. I'm gonna find my handmaiden and we're gonna stop Qiu." Then she smiled and flew up to survey the field.

***

When Chen first looked over the concourse and saw not only the Pyre of Inspiration with all her circus but a new lamia-like beast ringed with thorns and briars, she wasn't sure exactly what to make of it. It was scary, but the one that was definitely her little Rosepetal looked like she was winning! And while Chen couldn't necessarily have told you in advance that Rose was capable of kaiju battle, if you'd asked her, she wouldn't have said that Rose wasn't capable of it because in addition to being a silly little handmaiden who needed a firm hand to guide her, she was also a powerful giant magic woman and so why not, right? Maybe this was just how powerful old world creatures went at it and her petal would just do that once in a great while and would be mad at Chen for interfering? Maybe she'd even want to play a game of the mouse bringing down the titan if they could find a large and private enough space~

But there was also a myth about this sort of thing in Sourcefall. They used to say that there were spirits of the old world, demonic things of anger and hatred that could take over a person and turn them into an oni, a great ogre driven only by obsession. These were cautionary tales. The old spirits could only take you like that if you became obsessed and forgot how to be a person. They were lessons for children to teach them to become well-rounded adults. If they became too obsessed with fighting, or dancing, or any of their passions, they might forget why they were doing it at all and invite in a dark spirit that would turn them into an oni. Then they would attack the people they once cared about or anyone else who tried to stop them from doing what they were meant to do.

There was one story that had been made into a stage play that Chen had seen. It was set generations back, too long ago to be remembered properly. A princess had lost someone she loved very much and had found fighting to be the only thing that brought her any comfort. She had trained her own daughter to fight, and had trained her in unusual techniques for facing large monsters, even though such things were quite rare and not typically needed for a princess in training. The old princess, once she had finished the years of her daughter's training, went off to meditate and train alone because she was tired and she wanted nothing more than to dance with her sword. A year later, a great oni had appeared in Sourcefall from the north. A strange beast that stood as tall as a house, with a great blade of ice that could not melt and long frozen hair that ran down its body and wrapped it about like a sash. It had come and begun tearing down the outer villages, running and smashing and shouting wordlessly to be faced. It rejected all but the younger princess, who had been summoned from the castle with her retinue to face the beast. It's said that when she saw it, she began to cry, for she knew it was her mother and that her mother had known this would happen. Then their duel is shown on stage. The oni mother poses for the audience in a stance of power and charges, then the daughter moves, and they dance, a beast and a princess. The audience always loved this part, each choreographer would do their own version of the duel, it was never the same twice. But at the end, the daughter always landed her cut, and as the great oni fell, her mother said "thank you" and smiled.

Could that story have been based on creatures such as Rose and the Pyre?

So then, Chen first circled the air a bit, trying to understand the nature of what she was looking at and whether she could help or needed to help. Perhaps Rose was fine, perhaps she had lost herself, Chen needed to know. She realized the true nature of the problem when she got around to Rose's face. When she could see the tears. Then her eyes were drawn to the ribbons, hers and Yue's. That was the moment that her heart broke. That she knew how much Rose was hurting, that whatever this was, her sweet Rosepetal didn't want it. Oh Petal. What happened? She had thought you were doing fine! You'd done all that training with Keron, you'd worked together so well in the escape, like dancers who knew every step even as you improvised in real time! How could she have let this happen?!

At first, Chen wanted to beat herself up. Stupid little girl, Chen! She had taken her Rose for granted, been so concerned for her own worries that she'd rushed off as fast as she could and assumed that Rose wouldn't have any troubles or do anything silly! But Rose needed her! Rose was hurting and her own heart was breaking and that meant Chen didn't have the luxury of time to beat herself up! She had to reach Rose before she lost herself, before the tears stopped.

If Chen had entered the city as a comet, she is now a bolt of lightning streaking through a clear sky. She flies to Rose, heedless of the thorns that cut her, and latches onto her neck, her own momentum sending her swinging around the much larger lamia like a ring tossed about a pole as she settles into holding as much of her girlfriend as she can get her arounds around.

"Petal! Rose! My Rose!" she cries, as loud as her voice can shout through her little body! There are tears running down her cheeks and she shudders. "I'm sorry, Rose, I'm sorry! I shouldn't have left you alone! I..." She sobs, and clings to Rose tighter, even though some of the thorns are tearing at her own dress and ripping her sleeves. None of that matters. "Whatever you think you're doing, stop! Stop it! You don't have to do it for me. You don't have to hurt yourself for me, or or or for anyone! You're beautiful, and you're strong and weak and soft and hard all at once, and you're perfect! And, and you need to come back so we can buy you a new dress here in Ys, they have the best dresses, and your cute veil is all torn! And, m-maybe we can get matching outfits together, like Keron did, so we can look like the big and small version of the same theme cuz I think you're really cute and..." Chen is blabbering, like she does, just holding onto her Rose, ignoring the other demons, the circus, whatever Rose might have been doing. She clings as tight as she can, and buries her face in the soft space below Rose's chin. "Rose, I love you and I won't let you lose yourself. I won't! Come back to me! Please!"

[Chen will roll emotional support: 6+2+2=10. Since Chen and Rose are smitten, Rose can pick two options if she opens up.]

TSL: The Excess of Flowers

Giriel looks about her and smiles a wry smile. They are within the collapsing tower. One of the clearest symbols of disaster in all of divination, crossing civilizations, cultures, and the great seas themselves. It speaks perhaps to the shared understanding of hubris in all who look upon the world and, finding it wanting, seek to work change. Whatever the hopes and dreams of the maker, there will come a time when something they did not or could not have expected undermines what they have made. Fire, flood, war, and if all else fails, the slow creep of time will undo all that is made.

Philosophizing is, of course, the last refuge of the damned and Giriel Bruinstead understands full well her situation. Her group are lost all about and she won't leave them. No magic that she can work could hold up this tower. Perhaps in another life, in another time, a heroic effort on her part could accomplish such an end. But for herself, she must be content with slamming her blade like a club handily into a few wrack dolls. Keeping her current charge, the noble girl, at least alive. Knowing that the tide is unending and the stones below that tide quickly disintegrating, she can do only what she can in the moment and offer a prayer to Saturn that this is not yet their time.

It is funny that this is so much worse and she is far less panicked than she had been in her first encounter with the general. But it is in the nature of the mind that the most extreme reactions are the product of surprise and the unknown. Even the most extreme peril, encountered more than once, can become mundane if one survives it. This, then, is the reason that Giriel only screams when the ground beneath her feet finally gives way.

[Giriel attempts to defy disaster to protect Azazuka with her wits and will, offering up her own footing at risk. The dice say 1+2+2=5. Marking experience.]

Sunshards

“You need confidence Chen”

Her mommy’s words hung in the air, floating in Chen’s mind. Ysel’s hand was patting Chen patronizingly like all she needed was a bit of reassurance and she’d fall in line. It felt like she was in one of those trap rooms that sometimes appeared in ruins where you step on the wrong switch and the ceiling starts lowering on you until you’re crushed.

Chen had grown up with Ysel as her mommy. They had lived together for years and even after Hestia and Ysel found that they were such different people that they couldn’t function under the same roof, Chen had spent years of her life in Ys, the place that Ysel controlled utterly and absolutely. Everyone in the palace knew their role and followed it to a tee, some to earn favor, some because they liked things being well run and were happy to be a part of it. The streets, built of everything that Ysel had collected for her rule might seem brought together in a mad hodgepodge, but fundamentally reflected the likes and dislikes of the woman who ruled them.

Chen knew these things, this place. These patterns that her mommy pressed into everyone around her were grooved into Chen’s mind. Ysel knew that too. It’s why she thought she could react this way. Years of call and response were here. The times when Chen had missed a step in her sword forms and Ysel had responded with a disapproving purse of the lips. The times that Chen had snuck out to paint (something that Hestia at least endorsed as a hobby) and been met despite the Ysian heat with her mommy’s cold voice upon her return. There was even the time that Chen had just wanted to spend the day with Ysel, had begged to skip her lessons and just get food together, had told her mommy about some incredible azuki bean buns that she had tried in the streets and asked if they could just go enjoy them together. Ysel had politely asked the vendor to relocate to a neighboring village, out of Chen’s travel reach at the time, and it was done and that had been the last time Chen had ever told her mother she liked anything.

There had been as well the rare smile, when Chen mastered something particularly hard. She once got a head pat for doing a sword form she had fallen in love with and adding a move to it, a true moment of following her heart that lined up with what Ysel had wanted. Because that was the thing with her mommy. The praise came when you fell into the place that Ysel had set for you. And so years of that life made it almost rote for Chen to blush, to nod, to move into line and get on a horse like she was being told to do.

But Chen had been away from home for a long time now. She didn’t want to come back to this. Especially this. This feeling of being pressed until you fit in the slot that was laid out for you, crushed into place. It wasn’t right. It wasn’t fair! Chen wanted a mommy who loved her unconditionally, not one who loved when Chen fit her mold. She wanted a mommy whose delight came from seeing her daughter find the things she loved, not who was only delighted at the success of her own plans. Chen wanted a mommy who would see her after months of being away and be happy that Chen was there, not one who saw a game piece to move onto the board for a flank! She stared at Ysel like a poison dagger that had just stabbed her, half in disbelief and half in revulsion. And then…

“I won’t!”

The shout burst from Chen’s mouth before she even realized it. She tried to breathe, to calm herself, but it felt heavy and labored. Her eyes were hot and she could feel tears pooling at the corners, though she didn’t cry or sob. Yes, this hurt. It hurt because she wanted something so badly and it wasn’t that way. It was never going to be that way. She couldn’t make Ysel into the mommy she wanted and no amount of being a good girl and behaving as she was told was going to change that. That was the pain she was feeling now. The pain of growing, of coming back and not being able to fit into where she had at least been comfortable, but not having things change the way she wanted. That was the pain that was burning its way through her heart just now. That screamed inside of her until she had to scream with it.

“I won’t! I won’t! I won’t! I will NOT fall in line or command your army, or or get on a horse for you!”

Then Chen could breathe. She had to catch her breath. Her eyes were on Ysel’s eyes. The rest of the assembled all but forgotten, no care at all for the public moment this made. Perhaps Ysel was embarrassed that her daughter would behave so rudely in public, though if Chen had the head to think about it, that sort of reaction was much for Hestia’s than Ysel’s. Ysel was the mother who indulged, who made freedom and power one and the same. If you wanted to follow your own whims, you needed the power to do it. That was her bit, her advice even here. It was like a whirlpool, pulling you into it.

Now that Chen could breathe, she felt it too. You need confidence Chen. Was that all this was? Was she just fitting into her mommy’s view of the world even now? Was her growth just gaining enough confidence to confront Ysel? Was it really just enough strength in her sword arm, magic at her fingertips and shouting in her throat that moved her from a pawn to demanding her role?

No.

No. Now that the first explosion had escaped her, Chen could breathe. She didn’t just want to become like Ysel or to reject Ysel and demand that only her world and her choices were the right one. She wanted to be better.

For a moment, Chen remembered one of her practice duels with Yue. It had been in the heart of winter, a while after they’d started, and because Keron had a sense of theatrics and it was good training, they were dueling outside in the keep’s courtyard as a light snow fell. Yue was getting better then, and they were using real metal swords (dull for safety, of course) and going faster than they had been before. There was something magical about it. Chen had taken to the air freely then, and while Yue still didn’t totally have her flight down, she’d tried the same and it had been like, like they dancing snowflakes themselves.

Chen had lost herself in the wind, her moves coming faster and faster, the clang of the metal like the beats of the dance as they parted and swirled. And somehow Yue had kept up. She wasn’t moving as far as Chen was, and if Chen hadn’t been so lost in reveling in the world, she might have noticed a brief look of panic on her friend’s face as things got faster and faster, but somehow Yue had set her chin and her stance and had managed at least the series of parries, almost like Chen was on a string flying in and out and back in to Yue again and again. Chen even began to twirl and lift her legs as she went in and out, truly dancing in the storm. They had dueled to a standstill until exhaustion overtook Chen, and she finally noticed that Yue was shivering all over and holding her sword in quivering hands, like all her muscles had turned to jelly, but she had the biggest smile on her face and it almost seemed like she wanted to be wagging a tail she didn’t have.

It was only then that Chen realized what had happened, how fast and how long they’d been going. But when she’d blushed and apologized, saying how sorry she was, Yue had smiled, and said that she’d never seen her friend so beautiful. And on top of that, she hadn’t even known she could do that, but she couldn’t let the dance end early, she just couldn’t and so she’d managed to keep up her end of it. Because it was beautiful. Chen had cried then because she’d never had anyone say something like that in all her years training with the sword.

That was the start of it. There had been the anime with Jessic too. And the sessions training with Rose as a handmaiden, and also “training” with Rose as a handmaiden. Those had been how Chen learned new stories and skills. That had been how she had started practicing, herself, how to make her girlfriend feel beautiful, and how good it had felt to have Rose undress her and for her to undress her little Rosepetal and have that thick, strong body melt beneath her hands. That was how she had formed her dreams, was still forming her dreams. But she remembered as she dreamed those dreams the way that Yue had helped her live her own and part of Chen’s dream was to do that for her friends. No, not just her friends. For everyone that came into her care, for everyone that she could help. That meant Qiu even when she was being a meanie because she was only doing that because she couldn’t find anyone to help her feel the way she wanted to feel. And that meant Ysel too, even if…even if she made Chen hurt and couldn’t find a way to see past the way she had been living. Even then.

That was why, then, Chen finished her breaths and she took up speaking again, to Ysel, to the generals, to the people below the palace steps because this was for Ys too.

“Mommy, I won’t be your general because you’ve got the wrong plan. You’re doing the wrong thing for Ys, and for Qiu, and f-for me. I…I can’t claim that I’ve got this all figured out. But I know there’s more than just coming up with a vision and being confident in it. What you want, it makes everyone in your kingdom have to serve you. If it works, it will hurt Qiu and leave her sad and lonely. If it doesn’t, she still won’t get what she wants and she’ll bury this whole city in her rage.”

Chen took a deep breath, and continued, “And…and it won’t make me happy either. Because. Because I want to do better. I want to give Qiu the duel she deserves and save Ys. We can do that. We can do both. I want to fly, not ride because that’s what I love. I want to pick up the sword and save Ys because I love the sword and I love this kingdom, it’s one of my homes. I don’t want to do it because it matches your plan or because you think that’s the best role for me.”

Chen sighs then. “I don’t…I don’t think it’s wrong that you want an army either, mommy! I don’t…like I said I haven’t figured it all out. You don’t have to give up your dreams to let me have mine. D-don’t you dare! I just, I know that we can do more. That we can find a way to have dreams together and sometimes that will mean that everyone else doesn’t do exactly what you want, but that can be okay and you can still have your dream, it won’t disappear. Because a princess…a princess has to inspire people, not just command them. That’s what I think. A princess has to have dreams of her own and she has to make other people feel beautiful and that’s the only way it can be. S-so, I’m going to go help my friends, and you can take your army to face Yin’s knights, but please don’t try to force this on Qiu. Or on Yin. Or…or on me again.”

Then Chen walked right up to Ysel and gave her the hug that needed to happen, offering one last whisper just for mommy. “We can do better Mommy. I love you.”