Exactly, it just takes over everything, and you feel weak for letting it. People seem to understand to an extent, but they also think its something you can just wish away. There's this stigma that going into therapy is an admission of weakness. Its not. It is literally admitting that you have problems and working to fix them.
Have you had any luck getting over your depression?
I have (: Anti-depressants are a gift from God. Though, there are times when I relapse, like if I forget to take my pills for a few nights, or something happen. This week in particularly has been hard for me since my grandma is visiting and she drives me crazy. The other day she had that school shootings happen because people are "just messed up," referring to mental illness and stuff. Ugh, but yeah. I am happy, usually. My mom has been a great beam of support since she's gotten sober and my dad has always been someone I've been able to forget my problems with and watch great adventure movies with. As well as my best friend and my sisters.
I'm sorry for not responding sooner, I missed your post :/
I feel like depression just consumes pretty much everything, and people who haven't experianced it don't really understand it. My ex would always rant and rave about how she had depression and managed to pull herslef out of it, and how weak I was just because I couldn't, and that there was nothing else anyone could do for me and how I was ruining our relationship by not getting better. I feel like people have sympathy for those suffering, but it runs out very quickly.
That all sounds so terrible, it breaks my heart that you had to endure that :/ my parents are like my rock, I don't know what I'd do if there was ever a situation where they were in such a vulnerable state. I remeber when we couldn't afford to send my sisters to private school and my Mum just broke down crying and it was such a weird and human side of her that'd I never really seen before.
Some boys are right shallow arseholes, but I think shitty people will always just be shitty people. Please don't feel like you need to change your body to make others happy. I know it easy for me to sit here and preach about inner beauty blah blah blah, but I really do believe that sexy is something which we find in ourselves, and not in the eyes of others. My ex was a bigger girl, but she was alot smaller than she used to be. I'd look back at old photos of her, when she was bigger, and she just looked so much happier. There was this awesome, giggly side to her that I loved, and still do love, but then there was this awful cold side which I think had been forced onto her, and when I saw the old photos of her she just looked so much more like that awesome giggly person I'd fallen in love with. I guess what I'm trying to say, in my odd manner, is that there are plenty of guys out there who prefer bigger women, or who aren't so blinded by preconceived notions of attractiveness that they can't see the true beauty in someone. I'd like to think I fall somwhere between the two.
Thank you for your kind support, your words have reachly resignated with me <3 I'm here if you need me too, and I look forwards to RPing with you in the near-future! :D
Thanks! Glad we had this bonding experience ^_^ yeah, a lot of people mistake depression as just being "sadness" or something, but it isn't. It's this all-consuming thing that just takes hold of you. You care so much, but at the same time, you can't make yourself do anything about it. You sleep all day and sometimes have trouble sleeping, too. You hate leaving the house and don't participate in activities anymore, even activities that you once found enjoyable. And you don't know why. It's just kinda there; you have no reason sometimes, but you feel it. And at times, you just wanna be swallowed whole by the ground and just disappear. At some points you want to kill yourself, when the depression has gotten really bad, and at other times you don't want to die, necessarily, but you want to sleep forever and never wake up. But people see depression has being synonymous with sadness and so they sometimes throw around the word, not really understanding it. But, people like us do get better, whether it be by modern medicine or a hella good therapist.
Hey, I'm sorry you have to go through this. Depression is probably the worst. Well, i don't know what to call it, it's a lot more than a feeling.
In my RP (that I'm so glad you joined) my character Aella has a past of an alcoholic mother and a lot of Aella is based on my past. When I was little, my mother drank heavily, swallowed a bunch of pills one night, and had to get her stomach pumped and go to rehab in Scotland for a month. Around the same time, my seventeen year old sister was thrown out of the house, breaking in at night, partying, smoking, sexing it up and all of that. And she dropped out of school and moved to America. (My dad's in the military so we were in Germany)
Fast forward to my seventh grade year, I moved back from Germany and came to The South. And I hated it. I had decided to go to a private Christian school since my neighbor was going there and I wanted to know someone. There, I was bullied. People called me a nazi because I lived in Germany and hitler. While kids joke a lot about WWII and stuff, it wasn't just a joke to me. I had visited concentration camps, I had seen pictures of what the nazis did to the Jewish. A lot of times I would come home crying and one time, I almost started crying during class, so I went to the bathroom and an older student found be crying in there and told a teacher. The teacher came and half-heartedly comforted me, but didn't do much after that and she frankly didn't seem to care. So I checked out. Another thing I was bullied for was my jacket. Every day, hot or cold, I wore a black hoodie that had felt sewed to it to make it look like a dinosaur and it said rawr on the back. The kids would shout rawr at my back every time I stood up, every where I went. It may have seen like a little thing, but it was big to me because it was given to me by my best friend from Germany who now lives in Tennessee. And that year, over Christmas break, we had gotten into a flip over accident while I was visiting her. I had to get my head stapled together and to this day I can't sleep while I'm in a car because I was sleeping when it happened. After seeing therapy, we determined I had clinical depression and the bullying just helped it become noticeable. So I left private school and went to a public school.
However, my mom had started drinking again. And I had fallen deep into a depression even when I was on my medicine. Freshman year, for no reason at all, I had felt like there was no point to living since the world sucked, so I wrote a suicide letter and tried to cut myself. I told my parents out of anger and they called the cops on me. Ten minutes later, I was smiling and laughing as I played with my dog. Turns out im resistant to medicine and had to be put on a mood stabilizer as well as my anti-depressant.
Skip to sophomore year, my mom's alcohosim was at its prime. She had quit her job and she was never sober. I would yell at her, pour her beer down the drain, call her a bitch, I even dented the trash can once, but she didn't try to get help. My dad was what they call an "enabler," he allowed her to continue to drink, he would buy her beer and indulge her habits, because he was afraid that if she ran out of beer, she would climb into her car drunk and kill someone.
Well, one day in the fall, it was near Halloween, I believe, I came home from school. I walk home, since my school isn't far away, and I checked on my mom, and she was asleep per usual in her bed, and I turned on the TV and watched family guy. An hour or so later, I start hearing crying and so I get up and I see my mom crying on her bed, sobbing, drinking a beer. She had attempted to call places to get into rehab, but they were filled, and she was super drunk. Well, she must have hung up on one of the rehab secretaries or something, because she called back and I answered. I told her the situation and how it was just me and I needed to hang up to get ahold of my dad. So, I did, and I tried to call my dad several times, but he wouldn't pick up. The lady called several more times, I picked up every time, and she tried to calm my mom down. I didn't know what to do, so I called my sister who lived two states away. She didn't know what to do and so she tried to call my dad. Well, then the door bell rings and I go and answer it. The lady on the phone had called the cops. They came in, they tried to calm my mom down, and basically told me they could do jack shit. And they stayed there until my dad called back, having left his phone accidentally in the car, and then they left. Once he got home, he whisked my mom away to the hospital to get her vitals checked in order to submit her to rehab. Well, the next day, I wake up and go and watch TV, completely numb inside and pretending nothing happened when my dad just then got home. He came in and told me that my mom had drank 4x over the legal limit. The doctors didn't think she would survive. Lucky for me, she did and went to rehab. And came out in February, sober.
Fast forward to junior year. Ever since I was little, I had been overweight. Obese. Whatever. And I never knew why. I never knew why it had to be me that got rejected by boys because I had dimples on my thighs rather than my cheeks. I did whatever I could: I exercised, I went to fat camp, I starved myself, I tried to make myself throw up, I dieted hardcore and I never lost weight. Gained weight actually. And when I was a junior, I found out that I have PCOS. Rather, poly cystic ovary syndrome. Basically, there are cysts on my ovaries that fuck me up. I only have my period three times a year, it will be hard for me to get pregnant when I'm older, and i gain an obscene amount of weight because my body creates too much sugar. I can't have more than 12 grams of sugar a day. Also, it's a precursor to diabetes!! Yay.
Now, I'm not just telling you this to tell you my whole sob story. I'm just saying, I've had so many reasons to kill myself. So many, and so many times I've thought about it, I really have. But at the end of the day, one thought goes through my head that stops me: what would happen to my dog?
It seems silly and stupid. It really does, but you just need to have one reason to live to stop yourself. Whether it be your dog missing you, or your friends, or whatever. If you can't find one, get a fucking dog. It legitimately works. If I died, who would cuddle with my dog at night? Who would feed my rats and poke my gerbils tummies and accidentally scare my hamster?
I'm sorry this happened to you and you've had to feel this way, but I hope you find a reason to live like I have<3 I'm always here
Is a face really that important though? But if you insist, I'll write up a text description for you.
A little. What's the point of a picture if you can't see the face? Also, he won't be allowed to wear the hat/mask in school because that's just American school systems. Plus I told you to, and you didn't do it when I said the first time or the second time. I'm not a huge harper, but I don't like people not listening to me when I'm GM'ing. I'm willing to negotiate over certain things, within reason, but this has no rhyme or reason.
I have no sense of fashion either. And if people have a problem with what I wear a simply respond with "Yeah, and?" and give them one second to reply before walking away, cause I just do not care about their opinion. Really, if you're happy, that's all that matters.
:/ This isn't really an option. Either a picture of his full face, or a thorough description of his face. His face is not a big deal, and I don't want it to become one, but it bothers me that you aren't listening to me.
Care of Magical Creatures Divination Study of Ancient Runes
Clubs:
Duelling Club Astronomy Club
Boggart:
Lü Ziya's greatest fear is, as expected of such a great young teenager, in actuality a creature born from his own imagination, and so it is a sickly, eldritch mushroom creature that is the form his Boggart takes upon. With sterling silver eyes, perfect replicas of ancient coinage, and towering above even the tallest of men, it is a lumbering, fungal foetus that looks to corrupt, its decaying mass ready to devour all.
Patronus:
Varanus komodoensis
Amortentia:
The smell of freshly smelted copper and iron combined with the scent of a factory deep in the throes of industry.
Skilled orator, fountain of knowledge, enthusiastic and easily adaptable learner.
Weaknesses:
Lack of tact, obscured vision due to headwear, inability to accept positions contrary to his own, low stamina.
Personality:
The young teenager known as Lü Ziya is quite an eccentric fellow, one that seems to work on an independent wavelength from his fellow, less politically-motivated fifteen year olds. He seems a communistic society as the epitome of all political aspirations, and it is obvious from conversations with him that the pursuit of such a goal in the magical world is a major aspect of his person. He is a skilled orator, though the presence of the mask upon his face and lack of visible eyes due to his large hat are detrimental to his attempts at conveying his messages, with the muffled, lightly accented words seemingly comical to those who listen. Life is a source of passion for him, and he will take to all that he does with vigour and energy, although it can be rather overwhelming to others at times. His manner of speech is quite formal, and he will always try his best to treat everyone with respect.
Likes:
Sleeping; Cartoons; Learning new things; History; Dengism; Four Classics; Century Eggs
Dislikes:
The Bourgeois; Inefficiency; Opposing opinions; Mushrooms; Neo-Feudalistic Plutocracies
Fears:
The unknown; Dying; Failure
Biography:
In the mid-1800s, a lesser branch of the Chinese Lü family, a magical clan that claimed descent from the ancient military strategist and sage Taigong Wang (though supposedly separate from the House of Jiang, rulers of the Qi state), crossed the great Pacific Ocean for California, leaving their homes and loved ones to seek new fortunes in what was known as the Gold Mountain. Though the wizards and witches of the family would first suffer discrimination from the established white settlers like many of their fellow Chinese brethren, they were lucky enough to achieve success in the goldfields (though it was possible that magic may have been involved), and soon became semi-respected members of the East Coast's magical authorities, even after they were subsumed into the great American Association. While they were still in frequent contact with the upper branch back in Qing China, this side of the Lü family began to identify more as Americans as the years went by, becoming a mix of the disparate cultures of their motherland and their new homes.
This was the foundation of Lü Ziya's beginnings.
Following the victory of the Chinese Communist Party over Jiang Jieshi's Guomingdang in 1949, the members of the upper branch that had survived the horrific magical shadow wars that ran alongside the First and Second Sino-Japanese Wars as well as the Chinese Civil War were left in a destitute state. Their fortunes, located in their native Shandong province, had been destroyed during the Japanese occupation, when General Yasuji Okamura implemented his scorched earth policies to deal with the Chinese resistance, and despite prominently supporting the CCP, failed to regain their wealth after Jiang Jieshi's Republic was forced to Taiwan. The next few decades were hard for the family to bear, and the economic development enjoyed by Shandong following Deng Xiaoping's rise to power, while definitely improving their situation, failed to return them to former greatness. So in a snap decision, Ziya's grandfather, Lü Yongpei, moved his part of the upper branch over to the States, where they hoped that the lesser branch would accept them.
And they did.
By the time Lü Ziya was born, the first child of the magical Lü Zifeng and his long-time Muggle girlfriend, Hua Peixing, his family had joined the middle class of America, though backed with the support of the firmly entrenched lesser branch. It was quite a simple life for him in his youth, with the only strange happenings being his bouts of accidental magic. Then he turned eleven, when he was accepted into Salem despite his family's wishes to send him back to China for his wizardry studies. Still, he went to the closer American institute without too much disagreement, taking to the school like a fish did water.
He has spent the last few years enjoying his time at Salem, and wishes to continue in such a manner.
For everyone wondering, its a fucking komodo dragon.
Dangerous reptiles give me the creeps. Like dangerous mammals I'm like "they're so adorable can I have one?" But a snake? A crocodile?
Also, I know I accepted him in the past, but it bothers me that I can't see his face >.< You can add a picture of his face at the bottom if you like or something. But I'd really appreciate knowing what he looks like, even though people might not see it often. (Well, they probably will since American customs dictate that people don't wear things on their face/head inside as a sign of respect) Other than that, accepted.
I've never been a fan of uniforms. I always preferred casual wear since you can express yourself, so long as you stay within the guide lines.
Then again, I might simply hate school uniforms due to my earlier school years when I went to catholic school. Might also be the reason I lost faith, ironically.
Agreed, but I like the idea of adding more tabs so uniforms it is (:< I should probably also make a tab on house points!! AND DORMS!! AND TEXTBOOKS! AND HOW WE WILL TAKE OVER THE WOOOORLLLDDDD! Or candy or something idk.
Funnily enough, I'm not satisfied with dress codes without uniforms.
Banned
