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3 yrs ago
Current Auld Lang Syne, everybody. roleplayerguild.com/topics/…
4 yrs ago
Vote in my new quest, Mirage, a RP quest set in the far, far future roleplayerguild.com/topics/…
5 yrs ago
Kink-Shaming. Kink-Shaming Never Changes.
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5 yrs ago
roleplayerguild.com/posts/5… Vote for Dead in Depression. The mechanics of the quest have now been posted!
5 yrs ago
Voting is open until the end of the week! Please come and vote! - roleplayerguild.com/topics/…
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PSA 1: New Hires




$$$




department: bargain bin

date: there is no date in the Wal

time: closing hours

Everyone in the department could feel that Clearance was overstaying its welcome, especially as Black Fryeday approached with its shivering air-conditioned gales. From the top of a Shelf, he sipped a CapriSun red through a curly straw, the burning sweetness burning a hole through his gums and down his throat. The Bin was a mountain of forgotten relics of past Departments and brands. The Curator of the Books Department had requested multiple times to do an archeological survey into its unscoured depths and he’d rejected them all the same. Aside from the risk of enraging the Stockers and awakening some malfunctioning automaton, the Cashier Of Bargain Bin felt that perhaps some items were meant to be discounted forever.

The tin-can phone rattled, the string running through the front wall vibrating like a violin string. He picked it up and immediately regretted it.

“ Sir, it’s him.” The normally svelte voice of his secretary was distorted into an monotone warble of two people speaking together in tune.

“ Send him in.”

Diplomacy and deal-making were an unfortunate part of his responsibilities as Cashier that he’d learned to deal with since the expiry of the last Cashier. Sending out squads of Lifters couldn’t be done on a whim. You had to sign paperwork. You had to discuss details of payment. You had to talk with angry or idiot clients.

This particular client, though, he wanted to exile from his Department. He wanted to trap him inside one of the Fridges Of Groceries or drop him inside the misty lands of Baby Goods, let his corpse rot until the Janitors processed his body and send him off to the Land Beyond the Lots.

The door clicked open and a man strode in, his face covered by a over-cast hood that made his face seemed like an endless chasm. He walked over towards the Cashier and simply stood instead of sitting on the pastel-coloured plastic play stool on the floor. Clever bastard.

" I’ve been considering your offer for some time now.”

“ And?” The hooded man replied.

“ Convince me why I shouldn’t have Casio here nail your head to the floor.” On cue, the aforementioned bodyguard on his right brings out a hefty looking staple gun. , He points towards his guest accusatorily. “ Do you even know what position you’ve put me in?!”

It’s not a question meant to be answered and his client knows that. He continues forth, his answer slowly transforming into a rant simmering on the edge of rage.

“ An envoy of the Gucci Guard rode him to my office and said that the Glamagesh would like a private meeting with me. As if his Highness would deign to roam around with us out-of-fashions. Rumours spreads that the Rafters are mounting yet another assault on our territory. Amboluceti have been spotted in our northern borders, even though we haven’t seen them for several seasonals.” He takes another draught of the Caprisun and glares at the arrogant smile sitting across his coffee table. “ You should have never brought that cursed thing at all.”

“ Are the claims I’ve heard about the Bargain Bin unfounded? I thought you would take in any item, no matter the condition.”

“ It’s not the condition of the item, it’s the conditions of the contract! This contract is easily worth a thousand Pachinko tickets yet the price you’re giving for this is barely enough for a Wal-Cart.” The Cashier signs. “ I’m entrusting an artifact of the Great Sam to a naive dorf, a disgraced penja, a Pet-Master and his rabid runt, a Tron Girl who talks to obscure idols, some silk-clothed noble from Clothing and a half-mannequin brat.” His temper is rising. He snaps his fingers, vein pulsing on his head, as one of his attendants pours out a fresh lick of vintage Mountain Dew for him to sample. “ You’re playing a foolish game, Greeter.”

“ Foolish?” The Greeter simply smiled a Cheshire grin. “ The fool is the one who plays by the rules of the Wal. I’m merely changing them.”






Count me in, bosswoman.

I’ll drive this RP for you again.
Guys, no questions, this is my official pairings thread. Also, I will bump this thread pathologically until I form a multi-page interest check. You have been warned.

DA BORK RULEZ

1) There is only Bork.
2) You are Bork.
3) This thread is Bork.
4) Soon, the whole world will be borked to Bork.

DA BEST PAIRINGS IN DA WURLD

- ROCK (ME/YOU) X PAPER (ME/YOU) X SCISSORS (ME/YOU)
- THE PLANT (ME) X SUNLIGHT (ME) X CARBON DIOXIDE (YOU) X WATER (YOU)
- INCEST
- TRUCK (ME) X JAYWALKER (YOU)
- COCAINE (ME) X THE STRAW THAT GOES UP YOUR NOSTRILS (YOU)
- SPACE SQUID (ME) X SPACE SPERM WHALE THAT EATS IT BECAUSE THAT'S HOW THE FOOD CHAIN WORKS (YOU)
- IMBALANCED POWER RELATIONSHIPS VERSION ONE MILLION

[b][u]FANDUMS[/b][/u]
- Foodfight the Movie
- The Smurfs Movie
- The Bee Movie
- Toy Story
- Freddy Got Fingered
- Every M.Night Shyamalan Movie. Ever.
- Every Uwe Boll Movie.
Yeah, it would be great if there wasn't such bullshit like character limits. I swear to god, the amount of times I had to cut up a Discord post into several just because it was too long.....
SCATS







The Tron’s aim was true as the pair of bolts lodged into the Mister’s body, first in his chest and then his jaw. Scat had managed to push himself away from the mad shopper in time. The first arrow in the pirate’s left breast made him hunch over while the second one struck his jaw and sent him spinning to the ground. His handheld crossbow splashed into the inundated floor of the storage cabin.

Soon to be dead. Scat wasn’t sure whether to euthanize him or let the Spillway take him to a watery burial. He didn’t have time to decide as the Detergent continued to topple on top of itself, threatening to send them all plunging into a drowning death if they didn’t escape soon. In the madness, Scat somehow found purchase on the Tron’s hand, his plate size palms grabbing on for dear life with a bone crushing grip. The Q-Tip sent a jolt of agony with every slight movement he made. Even the simple task of standing was a trial, a marathon of his willpower. Paw. He focused on that. I need to find Pa-

Another Q-Tip hit him from behind and Scat was regretting not having crushed the Mister’s head underneath his boot. The hot burning sensation bounced up and down his spine like a rabid Chihuahua, boiling his nerves. By the time he was sensate, he tried to get up.

But couldn’t. Scat frowned. He was no baby chick. This was a simple matter of -

Nothing. Simply nothing. Scat looked back and found the answer to his predicament. The Q-Tip had penetrated firmly in the lower back of his spine.

His legs were now just lumps of dead meat. Stiff. Frozen forever. The Mister laughed a low chuckle, deluded and separated from the Wal around him. Scat found it a miracle that he was still able to speak.

“ If any of you realised what your friend’s got there…” One of the Mister’s hands pointed towards the card in Scat’s grasp. “....you’d kill him for it too.” Scat noticed a tuft of white fur skulking behind the Mister. “ You’ll be a pack of fish food soon, Lifter. Got any final words for me?”

Scat replied with a sharp whistle.The pirate chuckled darkly.

“ Perhaps, you’ve bled too much red already, Pet-Mas”

His words became a blood-sputtering garble, Paw taking the opportunity to clamp his jaws around the Misters neck. Scat watched with satisfaction as the rabbit wrenched his head back and tore out a massive dripping chunk of the former helmsman throat. The Mister’s bald head shook left and right like a bobble head, spasming as what looked like a tongue slapped out of the wound in his neck like a wriggling earthworm. Muzzle tinged red, Paw hopped towards him, each hop becoming more slowly as he neared him. The rabbit’s button nose flared to take in the scents before chittering rapidly. Scar hand’s rubbed through his Pet’s fur. It was something he did to calm himself.

The life floaties had docked into the open hole blown on the side of the Detergent, boots stepping down on the sinking floor. The apparent leader, a clothshanger strapped to his stump of a left hand, signalled them with a beckoning wave.

“ WHAT ARE YE ALL ‘TANDING THERE FOR! GET IN OR GET SHAM WOWED!”
WIZARD COPS - NEW ORLEANS




DISCLAIMER: WIZARD COPS IS FILMED WITH THE MEN AND WOMEN OF ANY MAGICAL SPECIES OF MAGIC LAW ENFORCEMENT. ALL WIZARDS ARE INNOCENT UNTIL PROVEN INNOCENT IN A COURT OF LAW.


concepts

- script style format like the TV show?
- no big bad guy. dark wizards are like the equivalent of serial killers.
- tv show being filmed live to educate modern society about the dangers that the Wiz-Cops face on a daily basis.

crimes
- wand licenses, broom licenses,
- potions and talisman and rare magical parts trafficking
- magical creatures
- drug stings
- voodoo doll assaults
Can I do a paraplegic boxer?


Ssorry, but I'm already cold-blooded. I prefer to kill in hot blood.













I'm expecting to do a revision of this again but this is the basic concept I have in mind for now. Thinking I'll revise a few things after feedback.
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