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After he had washed, made his way downstairs to the throne room of the Uberpalace, where he took his seat on the Uberthrone of Prussia. The Uberthrone was thirty feet wide and seventy two feet tall, so tall that it dwarfed the courtiers who waited on him at the foot of his seat (the courtiers were, of course, literal dwarfs since Frederick liked how being surrounded by Dwarfs made him feel big). From one side of the room to the other it stretched, like an eagle stretched out majestically with a mug of beer hanging from one wing and a pretzel hanging from the other.
"Mein Spaankingfuhrer" a little blonde dwarf warbled far below him, his knees bared by his high-rising lederhosen. "Lord Manhavver Deutschlong is here to see you."
Lord Manhavver Deutschlong was perhaps the prettiest man in all of Prussia. He wore eyeliner on his magnificent, bushy eyebrows, which made them seem like mini-beards in their own right. But there was one thing about Lord Manhavver Deutschlong that Frederick and his beard could not stand - his face was a soft and smooth, like a young babes bottom. All of the Lords attempts to grow a beard had ended in catastrophic failure. His last attempt had left several unsightly scars across his neck. The Lord lusted after a beard of his own. And there was only one man in the Uberreichdom of Prussia that could grant him the power to have his own beard - Frederick.
"Mein Spaankingfuhrer, I beg of you. Let me have some of the wunderbarr locks off of your beard and wear them as my own" shouted Lord Maanhavver Deutschlong from the bottom of the Uberthrone of Prussia. Frederick's face contorted into one of anger, amplified by his massive fucking beard. "Lord Manhaaver Deutschlong!" he boomed, his voice echoing across Central Europe. "It is mein beard and ich have it! You have angered ich! You have been stripped off all ubertitles!"
The Uberemperor of Prussia stood from his throne as angels sang and a cool wind blew his beard behind him. He pointed a single finger at the greedy lord and screamed an almighty Germananic prayer. Lord Manhaaver Deutschlong gave a cry of patheticness and turned his heel, determined to leave. But it was too late. He was slower than Hugs post writing.
Fredericks beard snaked around the Uberemperor's hand and shot out with the force of a thousand schnitzels. The beautiful blonde locks sailed through the air faster than anything seen before and Lord Manhaavver Deutschlong fell to the ground as it slipped around his ankle, tripping him. "Nein! Nein! Nein!" cried the insolent lord as he was dragged by the ankle towards Frederick's blessed beard of blondenfreimer. T'was truly a day to remember as Lord Manhaaver Deutschlong was sucked into Frederick's grand beard to the sound of a thousand goosestepping dwarfs, never to be seen in this world again. All that remained of the former Bavarian lord was a twitching hand sticking out, that fell dead in the moments after the beard contracted and began to feed on its prey.
Pepper needs to post or I gotta revoke his Germany privileges.
I don't know about you but I think all of Prussia just exploded into revolution and is getting invaded by a superior French force. Strange what happens to nations when their players don't post for months on end, eh?