"
Just give up already."
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Name |
Niles Augustus McMillan
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Nickname |
Niles? I don't know... I'm not that creative (He hates his middle name).
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Birth Date |
July 4th I hate it.
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Age |
18
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Gender |
Guys, yes. I have a penis.
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Sexuality |
Tits.
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Relationship Status |
Virgin What?! Who wrote that!
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Occupation |
Do I have to tell you...? I'm a Concessionist at Edwards South Gate 20 & IMAX
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Family |
Augustus "Gus" McMillan, Father (43); His main job is a janitor at the Aquarium but he also has a weekend job at an ancient arcade, "Joe's Classic Video Games", that has been here since the 80s (it doesn't get much revenue now). His small family apartment is above the classic arcade! His buddy gives him discounts. He's a straight up goofball. Along with that, he's loyal and hardworking - but jokes is his thing. FC: Kevin James
Suzanne "Suz" McMillan, Mother (42); Her occupation: Beverly Hills High's School Nurse. She's extremely sweet (to a fault) and she would help a student without questioning their intentions. Although she isn't fortunate with wealth, if they need money she would give them as much as she has in her wallet. If they need a nurse's pass, she will quickly write it up in a heartbeat. And she's okay with kids using the infirmary as a place to catch up on sleep. Everyone loves her usually. The infirmary is also a sweets goldmine. FC: Jayma Mays
Mae McMillan, Older sister (24); She's a striving psychologist and is very passionate in the field she has chosen. Loving and nuturing, she is affectionate towards her younger siblings and takes care of them whenever need be. She may seem overly touchy towards her younger brother, and is the root of his ideals for women. FC: Christina Hendricks
June McMillan, Older sister (21); Nicknamed "Junebug" by her family, she is bubbly and fun-loving. A geek like her younger brother, she indulges in the many pleasures of gaming, cosplay, and comics. Niles' personal confidant, he tells her absolutely everything. She tries to advise him to the best of her ability while being very defensive when it comes to him. FC: Lindsay Sterling
Lucy-Pearl McMillan, Younger sister (16); A natural born flower child, she enjoys the family camping trips more than the rest of her sibs. With Fleetwood Mac and the Beatles constantly on repeat through her ears, she believes she should have been born in the 70s. She attends Lobelia Academy for all girls, and is Club Vice President of the Glee Club. She tries to enlighten her brother in the wonders of nature and life, but his cynical personality is a real downer. FC: Bonnie Wright
Bailey McMillan, Younger sister (12); The most brazen and audacious of the six McMillan children, she has the desire to become an inventor in the future. She is always surrounded by the many contraptions she creates in her room. She also has this deep-set attachment to her big brother Niles, and is very protective over him; FC: Joey King
Theodore McMillan, Baby brother (6); The youngest child, he is very introverted but indifferent despite his lively family. Born deaf, he tends to observe rather than to interfere in other peoples' business besides Niles. However, Niles understand him the most and has taught himself sign language. Niles takes the responsibility of instructing his little brother in the language, but for the most part Theo has learned quickly. He is very artistic, and passes his time drawing; FC: Oaklee Pendergast
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Classification |
Last year, thank god.
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Role |
I'm a geek, woopidoo. (Head Geek)
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In Depth Appearance |
Messy dark brown hair, void brown eyes, lanky, sometimes a beard, sometimes clean shaven, Niles is laid back - sorta - with great facial expressions when he actually gives a fuck. Tremendously blind, if he isn't wearing glasses or contacts, Niles can't see shit for the life of him. His bullies' favorite past time is taking his glasses away and taunting his blindness in front of him, which is why he buys contacts (though he can't always afford restocking - just is luck). He stands at 6'2" and weighs around 157 pounds. Unlike some people in his "clique", he loves to shower and smells of cinnamon like his mother. People have judged him for it because it's usually a feminine scent - his friends, that are girls (which aren't many), don't mind it.
Prefers t-shirts (of his interests), jeans, and hoodies, Niles doesn't really put much effort in his looks. His mother does encourage him to dress nice occasionally, having bought him khaki pants, plaid shirts, button up shirts, and dressy shoes. She even saved up to give him one fine top-of-the-line suit. When he's home with little to no care in the world, he replaces his jeans with one of his many different colored pajama pants - he still wears t-shirts.
"
You gotta fuckin' be kiddin' me."
"
Oh, cute. I felt that."
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Habits | Quirks | Oddities |
- When he's in an awkward situation he tries to retreat.
- He has a tendency to say some harsh shit, weird shit, and funny shit. Honestly, his filter sucks. He doesn't really care though.
- Bad luck - to the extreme. His clumsiness may cause disasters. He has bad timing. And just - god, has cursed him.
- Pretty expressive when he wants to be, which makes him adorable when people care to pay attention to him. He's especially expressive when he talks about things he enjoys.
- He gets bored easily - so, he may get antsy.
- Likes to crack his body - Niles freaks people out when he does that.
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Hobbies |
- Gaming, might have a secret guilty pleasure for Dating Sims
- Domino Toppling and puzzles
- Fort making!
- Camping - what a geek likes to go outside?! Yeah. Camping with his family is something he looks forward to.
- Indulging in food when he can. He might have a fast metabolism?
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Likes |
- Analise Arnette - since the first day he met her. But, he cherishes their friendship and doesn't want to risk what they have.
- Binge watching shows, movies, while eating the worst kind of food. He'll surely get diabetes.
- Historical/Era based drama shows - Shit's good.
- PAX Prime and PAX East
- Tabletop games - especially strategic warfare (like Risk)
- Female cosplayers
- Golden Age Cartoon Network, Looney Tunes, and Animaniacs
- Tetris, Snake, Joust, Pacman, and other fun classic arcade games
- Surprisingly decent in billiards
- Online gaming, his online friends, and his gaming laptop - dude, don't touch it.
- His comic book collection that he's laminated - don't touch it.
- His figurines and action figures - don't touch it. He's broke for a reason.
- Sparring with light sabers and nerf gun wars
- His character t-shirts and posters. Guys. He likes a lot of things.
- Burgers. Burgers are great.
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Dislikes |
- Anna's naive nature - he doesn't want her to get hurt because of it.
- Furry fandom. No. Just no.
- Not getting the loot he deserves! Damn you quest giver!
- Females can be rather... intimidating. They're hot. But scary. Scary hot.
- People touching his shit he spent a lot of money on. Ask (but even then, there's a high chance he'd say no).
- Salad - fuck, just leaves? and maybe some veggies. Nah.
- People that think they can sing, but really can't.
- Coffee. Kind of bitter. He prefers tea.
- The Mall. One of the most crowded places. He'll go if he must. But he'd rather get his things else where.
- Pigeons. Fuckers like to shit on him.
- Losing all his progress with anything really. He's backs up and saves obsessively.
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Fears |
- Losing Anna as a friend...losing contact...hurting her... he loves Anna, guys. Leave him alone.
- The apocalypse. He's fuckin' prepared for zombies or robots or anything really to take over the world, causing the end of days. He practices with nerf guns, bitches! He and his sisters are so ready to kick some ass - still scary, but you know. Be prepared.
- Not being able to provide stability for his future family.
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Personality |
♦ Cynical ♦ Awkward ♦ Humorous ♦ Clumsy ♦
Sarcastic humor and a tendency to be pessimistic, Niles McMillan is not the most poised person on earth. With terrible luck, he unintentionally commits social suicide and embarrassing disasters. A lot of this roots down to his inability to fit in with the popular kids, as much as he has tried in the past to blend.
A senior now, he has abandoned the want to belong and simply continues to be the weirdo that he is. Rarely does he care about many things, making him very much indifferent to life. When he does find something that intrigues his interest, he wholeheartedly dedicates himself to whatever it may be. Having a fairly large household, Niles is a family man by nature but also rues the day of having his own kids (not against it though).
Honestly blunt and not afraid to step in front of people he knows that can beat the living daylights out of him, he will protect those he cares about using his body as a meat shield. All his life he has been surrounded by many, MANY females, despite that fact, he has never been in a relationship and butchers his chances by accidentally offending those he crushes on. Luckily, he hasn't offended Anna yet. Constantly thinking of the consequences of his actions, Niles has not taken many wild chances in his life (like asking Anna out because he believes she is out of his league).
With all that being said, he is a good man with a heart pure as gold. For those he loves, he would travel great lengths for them to the point that he forgets about his own well being. Very selfless in that aspect, he has subconsciously catered to Anna (and his sisters) in any way she needs him, allowing himself to be used and abused. Although he isn't aware of this, he is a romantic and quite the sensitive guy. Niles takes care of all his sisters which make most (perhaps besides Lucy-pearl) strive for a man that is like him. Because he has sisters, plays dating sims, and has his own fantasies of wooing the love of his life (Anna), he has gained a second nature of being a gentleman (well, he's still pretty vulgar) and would never pressure a girl to do something they didn't want to do.
"
Guys. You know, maybe rather than get drunk and search for some succubi pussy, why don't you actually go on the damn quest?"
"
It's cold as balls out here and I'm just waiting... like a creep."
|
History |
A Vlog with Niles McMillan or Izual, the Dragon Slayer!
Get it? My penis slays dragons! ...one day
“
Uh… how do I start this. What the fuck do I say? Um, hey bitches! Wait… no. That’s unclassy as shit.” A man with a scruffy look, a navy hoodie, blue plaid pajamas, and bags under his eyes, stared deeply into his webcam, as he awkwardly waved. “
Greetings Earthlings. Uh, fine. Whatever. I’m not good at this. The names Niles and I’m here to tell you more about myself before all the ZOMBIES or ROBOTS or BOTH come killing us. Because they will. Don’t think they won’t. Everyone is gonna get eaten alive while I’m safe in my basement protecting the citadel! Anyways.” His brown eyes narrowed angrily as Fleetwood Mac blasted from the floor above him. Slamming his desk in the basement, he growled, “
Holy fucking shit Lu! You making this place Woodstock will never be a thing! If you don’t turn down that shit, I’m going to sell your tracks on Craig's list!”
The door upstairs creaked open as a sluggish, yet flowery voice muttered down, “
Embrace the beauty of this music man! It’s better than that angsty shit you listen to.”
A sweeter and higher pitched voice with a light Irish accent interjected upstairs, “
Lucy-Pearl, respect your brother while he’s - how do you guys put it? ‘Netflix and chilling.'’’
“
MOM. I don’t even have a girl to do that with!” The 18 year old's face went ghastly pale at his mother's obliviousness.
“
Wait, you need a girl? I’ll be happy to join you!” she cheerily chirped.
“
NO. No… it’s okay mother.” He placed his palm on his face and sighed, hoping to the gods that his mother wouldn't come waltzing down stairs in his man cave under the ancient arcade. Bringing his attention back to the camera, Niles cleared his throat, “
Either way, I have a big ass fam. Let’s start with how my parents met. It isn’t your classic fairy tale with your prince charming and damsel in distress. You got a jester, who didn’t think he was going to get too far, and an innocent maiden, who cared too much about what others thought, until she met dad. My ma use to suffer from Bulimia, because she was surrounded by cheerleader models, and my dad kinda held pride for being the fat guy. A big, jolly man. Before nationals of her sophomore year, his junior, she fell for him, who had the legendary McMillan sense of humor.” He took a moment to take a sip of Mountain Dew, because fuck being healthy. “
SO LADIES. If you like a guy that can make you laugh...” He lifted the Mountain Dew by his face like he was advertising it and gave a playful wink to the camera as he joked, “
I’m on the market!" He went quiet, like he was waiting for reactions but all he mentally heard was crickets. Putting his soda down in shame, he gazed at the camera with gritting teeth - like he knew he was digging his own grave, "
Eh-hem. Well, getting back to the story. They both were able to, I guess, pull each other out of their own darkness. My dad made my mother feel beautiful and want to pursue a career in nursing. Be there for teens who may be going through similar demons she had to battle. While my ma gave dad purpose and kids galore. Like jesus. They fuck like bunny rabbits.” He went silent, wondering if he was being too honest to the camera. It wasn't like anyone was going to
actually see this. Shrugging, he continued with a faint, very faint smile.
“
My parents ended up with six lovely children. Life hasn’t always been easy for them financially. It doesn’t help there’s so many of us. On top of that, my mom’s parents hate us so... no help from them." His voice tried to impersonate someone with a British accent, but only butchered the attempt instead, "
High society lawyers who live in the Hamptons. They resent the day my mother fell for dad. They don’t send bday cards, or even invite us over for Christmas." He went back to his regular, apathetic tone, "
Great grandparents they are...ugh, who needs em. Right?" Shaking his head in obvious disapproval, his hand tightened on the can as he lowly said, "
Rich people can have their heads so far up their asses sometimes."
Deciding to change the subject, he placed the can down, grabbed a pencil and began to doodle stick figures on a paper, "
Moving on, before the apartment above Joe’s, with the exception of me in the basement, we lived with G-ma and Pa McMillan. Crazy times those were, we basically were the real life Tanners from Full House. But my dad is no Bob Saget." Niles let that settle in for a moment before continuing, "
When we first moved into our humble abode, we had no furniture, just a bunch of blankets and a television my dad found in the alley to the right of the building. That was an eventful day, he almost broke his back trying to bring it up the three flights of stairs. But like with everything, my dad was stubborn as a mule and persistent as fuck. He saw the TV as a 'housewarming gift' from God, or something. Yea, he literally said that. I got electrocuted trying to hook it up, tasted metal for about a week." He chuckled to himself, recalling the fond memory, before adding, "
Stuff like that always happens here. Somehow, we make it through, despite all the bad luck and shit." Shrugging and leaning back in his chair, Niles nonchalantly said, "
I don’t see our luck changing for a good while. I remember when my mom was pregnant with Theo... ugh, so many hospital visits." As much as he looked frustrated, his eyes did soften when he talked about this past event, "
Mae had to get a second job as a waitress, along with already working as a after school tutor, to help Dad pay bills. She hated the job, she would always come home crying because of the sexual harassment she’d get from her co-workers AND customers. I wanted to beat the shit out of them, every single one of them. Fuckin' assholes. Mae quit once Theo was born, which was prematurely." His face grew serious for an instant. "
He died for three minutes. I never seen my dad so shaken up before. Miraculously, the little guy came back to us." He started mentally drifting from the conversation as he recalled his family freaking out and then eventually having tears of joy.
Shaking his head to wake up and stop zoning out, he entered the topic of high school, "
Blah blah blah, family shit and more struggle. Now, onto my time at Beverly Hills High." Leaning in closer to the camera, he stared suspiciously at the lens and whispered,"
People ask how the hell I got into this school." He paused for dramatic effect before proudly yelling, "
It’s called brains, bitches! Gets you scholarships. Come at me, bro!" He nervously chuckled, like he shouldn't have said that, then again he really didn't care. "
Not really, that was a joke. Ahhhh... BHHS, the school for the beautiful, rich, and privileged; really it’s just a convention of assholes. But then there’s Anna, a beacon of light in this hell." His eyes became almost puppy dog like as he thought of her, "
The first day I met her was the best day of my life. Freshman year, I was running to second period and I tripped on my own foot right smack in front of her. I dropped a shit ton of papers. Then an angel helped me pick them up - like, have you seen her? She's damn gorgeous. I have never seen a more beautiful smile in my life. We’ve been friends ever since. I would do anything for her, she's the love of my life! In my head, that is..."
His face suddenly became solemn, "
It's not like I stand a chance. She's out of my league and deserves someone ten times better than me. Plus... I don't want to ruin what we have. Whatever that is. I love her too much to lose her." Not wanting to stay so serious, he scratched his head and smiled, "
But HEY. I have friends. Not many girls... that are friends. But I have friends! I have been considering, you know... asking someone out soon. It's my senior year and I'm still a-- I'm pure. I'm a white knight! Either way, I think I'm gonna look around. Maybe see if any of my gal pals are interested in giving me a shot, you know?" He gave the camera finger guns while leaning in his chair once more. "
Don't get me wrong. I love Anna, with all my heart. But I'm just not the guy for her. I need someone to keep my mind busy. I've experienced three full years of public embarrassment and pompous teenagers - somehow, still surviving - but now it's time to find a babe! My body is ready!" A devious giggle is heard from in his closet. He was still leaning in his chair. His eyes widened as he fell back in surprise, all the while howling, "
Bailey! Get out of my room!" Standing up quickly and brushing off his pants, he turned back to the webcam and quickly spat out, "
End of log." And stopped the recording.
|
Extracurricular Activities |
Niles either is at work, hanging out at one of his friends' houses, or going wherever Anna wants him to go. His life isn't that exciting.
|
Extra |
Knows sign language.
Considering dating his good friend Alba to get over Anna but... he doesn't know how to go about it or if he should even try.
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Anything Else |
Check Eve's C.S.
