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2 days ago
Current The internet classic Numa Numa is 15 years old today.
8 likes
3 days ago
It's impossible not to belt out the chorus to I'm Gonna Be (500 Miles) whenever it comes on.
2 likes
3 days ago
The new trailer for Mulan uses an instrumental of Reflection and it's not fair since that song never fails to get me in the feels.
2 likes
5 days ago
Trying to decide which Lindsay Lohan remake is better: Freaky Friday or The Parent Trap. I'm leaning towards The Parent Trap.
1 like
9 days ago
Raiding the liquor cabinet like I was home alone as a teenager again

Bio

Look, I got lost on the way to getting some jajangmyeon and it'd be foolish to leave now.

(spectrumized)

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Depending on when this launches I'm interested.

Either way I might follow along


featuring: chris quill & zofia maximoff



The Thor siblings didn’t realize how easy they had it. Their talent was natural, their power was natural. They didn’t have to work for anything! Søren was going to be a king one day — and not just any king, but the king of fucking Asgard, and the protector of the Nine Realms. He’d inherited Mjölnir for fuck’s sake. And his sister? His sister could fire photon blasts out of her goddamn hands and fly without the help of a hammer pulling her off. Chris? What could Chris do? Chris could come up with plans.

He was the plan guy, that was all he really brought to the table! He was the guy who pointed Thunderstruck in the right direction and then usually? He got the hell out of their way before they accidentally blew him up. He was good at being stealthy, and he was good at talking his way out of problems, but he wasn’t good at what they were good at. They were the powerhouses, he was just… the man with a plan.

So, naturally, when they didn’t all get grouped into a class together (for fuck’s sake, Chris sent letters! LETTERS. HE EVEN LAMINATED ONE), it was all his fault, and the siblings expected him to ‘fix it,’ and to him it was just like… Fix what? It wasn’t his fault! He wasn’t the one sitting at a computer and building the classes, so how was he supposed to fix that.

“I don’t have the power of mind manipulation,” he grumbled to himself, shaking his head. What exactly did they expect him to do without that? Sure, he was usually able to get people to his side, but it was hard enough with experienced people, let alone the teachers running this school. These people were real. Wolverine was not a joke. If he said the wrong thing to one of these teachers, then his life was over, and he’d never become the world’s greatest hero!

Why couldn’t the Thor siblings just enjoy life split up for once? It wasn’t nearly as big of a deal as they were making it out to be. Did they still have separation anxiety or something? It wasn’t like they were twins, or even really close enough for it to be a problem… AND BESIDES, THEY WERE SHARING A CLASS.

Chris needed something to distract himself, while he thought of a plan. Or a way to get out of it… Looking around, he found it in the way of a girl who looked like she was crying, or at the very least having an awful time — and it was before they even had sex. That was already better than last time.

Pretty girls were the best way to cheer oneself up!

Chris approached the girl on the bench, and with a smile, offered a greeting: “Hey, are you okay?”

Zofia had made a mistake in coming here, of that she was certain even after just arriving shortly before orientation happened. While she didn’t know any of her other schoolmates, she doubted very much that the lot of them were as...uniquely unqualified as her. Of course, the metric for her lack of qualification was her own, but given how she could barely talk to the girl with a cellphone on a stick she felt qualified to make that assessment. After darting away from that girl in a hurry, Zofia realized she didn’t have anywhere to go, she didn’t know this school, its layout, or any of its staff on any level. Her mother mentioned something about a Wolverine, but Zofia initially assumed her mother was talking about the animal.

She still wasn’t sure her mother wasn’t.

After fleeing the scene of the sudden interview, Zofia found an empty bench and claimed it for her own, stting with her head down and her arms crossed with her hands holding her elbows so tightly it was a wonder her fingers didn’t dig through her shirt. How could she go through something like this? How could she expect anyone to help her when she didn’t know what was wrong?

When a new voice entered her ears, one she hadn’t heard before, Zofia’s head lifted up like it was spring loaded. For a flash of a second, her eyes were dark, almost sunken and black, but when she saw a strange guy standing in front of her, her gaze was normal, if distant, as were her eyes, though it was clear that while she hadn’t been crying she was only moments away from doing so. “I’m...fine. Please...go away.” There was a certain desperation to her request that made it ripe for ignoring.

Of course, even if there wasn’t the tone in her voice, Chris most likely would have ignored the request anyway. After all, she looked sad, and that meant he had to try and cheer her up. As Søren’s dad often said, ‘that’s what heroes do.’ Instead of leaving, Chris did the exact opposite, and took a seat next to her. “I don’t think I can do that. I’m at hero school, and heroes wouldn’t just leave people that looked upset alone.” Luckily for both of them, Chris had interacted with a few women in his life (even if he hadn’t had a mom), to know that the most important thing to do when it seemed like there was something wrong with a girl was quite simple: don’t ask what was wrong.

It was a lesson that not many men had learned, but Chris, Prince of Spartax, had picked it up early on.

Instead, Chris would maneuver around the situation, and focus on other things. “My name is Chris, what’s yours?” He’d start with the basics, and see if he could fix her up a bit. Unfortunately, based on how she looked and seemed to be feeling… he wasn’t going to be getting laid anytime soon.

Was she not clear in her words or did people at this school have a hard time taking people at their word? The phone girl seemed to care only about the beat of her own drum and now this person didn’t seem willing to listen; or at the very least seemed not to care. Zofia wasn’t sure which was worse, the kind of person who ignored requests or the ones who didn’t pay attention. Both were cut from the same cloth. Zofia shook her head, closed her eyes, opened them, and sighed all in a slow span of time. Everything she did seemed to be deliberate, like her guard was constantly up like a phalanx.

“Please...just…” Zofia couldn’t be mean, he had done nothing wrong. It wasn’t a crime to talk to someone. Well, not in this capacity. “...Trust me...you’ll want to leave me alone.” Unlike the girls this guy was probably familiar with, Zofia wasn’t telling him to leave her alone with a disgusted, upturned nose kind of flair, but with the inflections of someone who was clearly nervous, afraid, and fidgety. “It’s...for your own good…”

“I don’t really do things for my own good, more for the ‘good of everyone.’ It’s kind of the way I am, ya know. Real hero. No big deal.” Chris had a way of talking and twisting words to make things make himself look better — it was annoying, or endearing, depending on who you asked. With this girl, though he wasn’t sure what was wrong. She seemed scared of something, but they were basically on one of the safest places on the planet… “Which class are you in? Do you know?” There, he’d go with something like that and hopefully she’d cheer up a bit with some gentle pushing to something happier.

Zofia was getting the sense that this guy was one of those people who couldn’t take a hint, and in the interest of not making herself out to be an incredibly rude, crazy person on the first day, her options were limited. She could get up and leave but there was no guarantee he wouldn’t just follow her - even knowing how creepy that might come across. Telling him to leave her alone just made him double down so what choice did she have? Zofia had to make him think she wasn’t worth talking to, she had to be the least engaging conversation haver he’d ever met; it was the only way she saw where this could end amicably. Just because she was afraid and confused didn’t mean she was rude or mean.

“No..I...no.” Zofia responded with a shake of her head. She could’ve elaborated and said how she didn’t go to the assembly but that would be giving Chris enough rope to hang her with. “I don’t know.”

“Did you not get a lil keycard?” Chris asked, showing off his own, that declared him a member of class 1-A, working with Kitty Pryde. Maybe she’d forgotten hers, or they’d just forgotten to give her one… he supposed that was possible. If that was the case, then she could probably just tag along with him, and get a card from his teacher. “I bet we can get you one from my class. Come on…”

“You know, you still haven’t told me your name.” This was a harder nut to crack than he’d thought it would be. Maybe he had to try a different method. He’d thought this would work, but it didn’t seem like it was making any progress. She looked… the same amount of upset. “I can be like your battle buddy. Everyone needs a battle buddy.”

“No.” Her response was curt and punctuated with a shake of the head; she had never seen the keycard before which led her to believe they were given out at the assembly...or possibly at check-in which she had conviently avoided as well. For the time being she might as well have not existed in the records of the school, though it would only be temporary of course. If there was a word to describe Chris it would be persistent though Zofia wasn’t yet sure if he would consider that a compliment - she wouldn’t say it was one but she wouldn’t say it wasn’t. Why was he so focused on talking to someone he didn’t know? That was...unusual.

“Battle...buddy?” It was better than nothing, at least she was responding in a manner that would continue the conversation, whether unknowingly or otherwise. “I don’t...what? Battle buddy?”

“You know, the person you work in combat with, and like your friend, and someone you have cool combo moves with. You’ve seen the YouTube videos of the Avengers busting out combat moves, right? Iron Man and Captain America. Classic Battle Buddies. It’s a whole thing.” Everyone had seen those YouTube videos, even Søren and Charlotte — of course, it was just because Chris had made them, but it still counted. Chris took this whole ‘hero’ thing a lot more seriously than the siblings, but he wasn’t going to let them drag him down.

“We should go get your tag. It’ll help, and then I can walk you to your dorm or something.” He was doing his best to keep things moving forward, and at the very least, distract her from whatever it was that was bothering her.

“Videos….? No…” Zofia wasn’t some weird person who had never heard of videos or the internet or the Avengers but she hadn’t exactly sat down to watch footage of them on any sort of normal basis. When your mother worked with the X-Men on a regular basis it was easier just to listen to her experiences...or pretend to. Still, she got the general idea though it seemed a bit unnecessary given that the only danger there was out here was...gravity or a strong wind and it wasn’t like ‘combo moves’ would be needed to walk to class. “Why..?” There were many questions that could follow. ‘Why are you trying so hard?’ ‘Why are you so interested in helping me?’ ‘Why can’t I just figure this out?’ ‘Why am I so against people helping me?’ But none of them were what she asked.

“Why...do you want me?” What she had meant to ask, or rather what she assumed was clear, was ‘why do you want me to go with you?’ but she seemed oblivious to what she actually asked; surely it made sense anyway. Who could take it the wrong way?

“There are at least like, seven reasons, and I’m sure you’ll find them all out in due time. You coming or what?” He asked, standing up from the bench and gesturing for her to follow after him. “I’m in 1-A. Maybe we’ll get lucky and you’ll be in the same one, huh?” Chris was doing a monumental job of ignoring all of her complaints and acting like everything was perfectly fine, despite her apparent outlook on life. “What’s your number? I’ll text you the videos.” Smooth as fucking butter.

“I...don’t know...I wasn’t at orientation…” If Chris thought it would be that easy to get her number, Zofia made sure to remind him otherwise; of course she assumed he was talking about her class or dorm number. The question was if she was doing it knowingly or not; if nothing else, though, she was speaking in longer responses and she was sounding less...guarded. Still guarded, but more like the kind of guarded where the door was slightly ajar. “You...might regret it if I go with you…”

Damn. Not smooth enough, apparently. Søren had it so easy with buffs such as ‘Asgardian prince.’ Nobody even knew what Spartax was… Oh well, she hadn’t said no, and that was honestly better than it went sometimes. Maybe if he just hit the gym a bit more… Whatever, that wasn’t important right now. What was important was continuing to hype this girl up and drag her out of the slump she was in. “Nah, I doubt that very strongly. Come on now, let’s go. The dorm isn’t too far from here.”

“I...warned you…” Normally that would have been taken as some kind of threat, but Zofia stood up, albeit with a heavy sigh. She would have to get off the bench eventually, and this guy seemed harmless enough which was not what anyone would want in a ‘battle buddy’ but she kept that to herself. Zofia didn’t exactly agree to being battle buddies with anyone anyway. If she couldn’t be escorted to the dorms at the very least then what hope did she have of understanding things? Fear was normal, but it didn’t have to be crippling. She read that in a fortune cookie once.

“Zofia...Zofia Maximoff…” He might not have gotten her number, but he got her name. It had to count for something.

“Well, Zofia, it’s wonderful to meet you. That’s a very exotic name. “ He wasn’t totally up-to-date, so if her family name meant someone in the scene, he didn’t know it off the top of his head. And just like that, he’d made his first friend and she was cute. If they were in the same class? Then Søren and Charlotte were gonna have to get over themselves, he wasn’t gonna let another one get away for those fuckers. Savages, the both of them.

“C’mon, the dorms this way.” And like that, the pair were off to the 1-A Common room, where they would soon arrive.



@Fabricant451 I know this is spoilers but I dON'T CARE SHE'S ACTUALLY PLAYABLE WHAT-

I need to get this game soon.


SHE'S PLAYABLE IN THE DLC COMING IN JANUARY
PLAYABLE KAIRI AND ACTUAL FINAL FANTASY CHARACTERS THANK YOU BASED NOMURA

Second character will be up tomorrow



<Snipped quote by Fabricant451>
That's a bold opinion. It's wrong, but it's bold.


I stand by it. I have no real history or experience with the older RE games, when they first came out I was still a child so my first real RE game was 4 on the Gamecube and at the time I didn't really like it. Through emulation and remakes/digital shops I eventually played RE 0-3 but found them largely frustrating than frightening. Then Resident Evil 5 came out and I didn't like it because it felt like it was stuck between the whole "we're technically a survival horror game" and "we need to modernize the gameplay".

And then RE 6 came out and plenty of purists and critics were saying how shit it is but I played it and something clicked for me. Maybe it's because I've no real connection with the older games but for me, RE has never been 'scary' because eventually you get enough ammo to where nothing really stands in your way and the monsters become less spooky zombie jump things and more dumb monsters with bulbous growths and eyeballs looking like they fell out of the reject bin of a tokusatsu show.

RE 6, to me, was the first game to actually embrace what RE was, or at least had become: a cheesy Japanese supernatural action movie. The kind of movie that has terrible special effects but that's what makes it charming. RE 6 feels like the game finally embracing how dumb the story and scenarios are in the best possible way. An extended minecart section? Hell yeah, throw it in. A long driving section with one person hanging out the window shooting? Fuck yeah! Young adults learning to trust each other and ultimately defeating the unbeatable monster with the power of friendship? Give it to me. Doing sick grapples and kung fu moves to zombies and monsters? Fucking awesome. A multi-stage final boss fight with a weird guy who is now a four legged bull horse goat monster thing that also happens on top of and around a speeding train? One hundred percent my shit.

Resident Evil shouldn't shy away from the ridiculous action stuff, it's what gives the game its charm. There's a reason the characters have dumb, cheesy lines dating back to RE 1 and why Leon in RE 4 tries his best to have witty one liners and comebacks but all of them suck. RE7 was marketed as being a return to the 'classic RE style' but even that had you fighting the first boss with a chainsaw and an entire DLC/epilogue based solely around punching the ever loving shit out of mold monsters.

I like it when Resident Evil games stop pretending to be horror games and embrace the goofiness of the setting its established. Basically I like it when they go big and dumb and RE 6 is the biggest and dumbest of all.
No discounts at the River's Edge Tavern but there is a Happy Hour if you smile on entry.
@MissCapnCrunch The Discord link is expired
I guess if there needs to be a new farmer and no one takes it I'd be willing to not be government worker or bartender what I'm saying is I'm not yet locked down with my character
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