EliteCommander

Call of the Hunt [EliteCommander and Muttonhawk]

"Without the collective knowledge and resources of the Order, it could take several Elven generations for her to find a solution, if she ever does at all." Nytala replied, still fairly unwavering to the point she was trying to make. "Perhaps you are correct, perhaps she could be cured in the next few decades, rather than centuries. But, she will be able to find a solution much more quickly here than anywhere else."

Nytala continued at a more average volume, now that she was no longer saying anything she would need to keep quiet. "And you may not be wrong that my perspective has changed from being here. I may no longer be able to relate to the people of Tamriel as closely as I once could, but I have also been granted many more perspectives you may not see. Even Mer often have difficulty truly grasping the idea of eternity. It is a time without end: something that is rather easy to say, but quite difficult to truly and completely grasp. Both the length of time we have been having this conversation, and the entire history of Mundus, are equally minuscule compared to eternity. Your lifespan, my lifespan, and the lives of Loremaster Celarus and Hal-Neesa all combined are but the smallest, fleeting instant compared to eternity. I am suggesting that Meesei risk giving up a century or two with the people she cares about, but not to do so would be to risk giving up her eternity with them. Please...at least suggest the idea to her."

Call of the Hunt [EliteCommander and Muttonhawk]

There have been a few instances of a soul being destroyed in lore, I believe. One off of the top of my head would be Malyn Varen, who trapped himself inside Azura's star, and was destroyed entirely afterwards. In the context of the ES universe, in contrast to the real world, most people can reasonably expect that their soul will persist after death in some plane or another, as there is solid proof to that fact. So, I would reason that the notion that one's soul could simply stop existing would be a bit more alarming to them.

Call of the Hunt [EliteCommander and Muttonhawk]

Nytala sighed, though not quite because she was disappointed in Lunise's approach to Meesei. She looked around, somewhat nervously, and spoke softly once she felt they were not near enough to anyone else to be overheard. "I understand, I really do. I...admire your principles in this, but you have to understand what will happen to Meesei if she dies. It would be as if she had never lived at all. For both you and her, I want you to be able to be happy together."

For a few seconds, Nytala was hesitant to speak, but nevertheless continued after another nervous glance around the room. "Look, the council would not like me saying this, but I think it is important to note that her membership does not have to be forever. The Order is not a prison, and we are free to take our leave at any time, even if it does mean not being welcomed back. She would not have to stay forever. Just a century, perhaps, or however long it takes to cure her soul. Then, she could return to her life."

Call of the Hunt [EliteCommander and Muttonhawk]

"I see. Then I will be sure not to keep you long. I understand she is likely going through quite a lot at the moment." Nytala answered with an understanding nod. She knew that Lunise had told Meesei about her soul, and that she had not reacted well to the news.

Nytala walked along with Lunise, allowing her to gather their breakfast along the way while they spoke. "In fact, that is what I wanted to about. It was always a risk, telling Meesei before the invasion. She needs to be focused and able to perform at her best to face the challenges ahead of her. But, it was a truth that she deserved to know. With that all said, were you able to make any progress convincing her? Do you think she will agree to join the Order after the invasion?"

Call of the Hunt [EliteCommander and Muttonhawk]

Meesei released a long, uncertain breath. She put her hands over Lunise's at her stomach, but she still remained staring straight ahead. "I am not sure. It has just been...a lot for me to think about. It is hard not to be uncertain about it all, about whether or not I can do this. Assuming I even survive the invasion, I would have to find some way to repair my very soul. And whatever learning abilities the Hist gave me will not help with that. If I am destined to fail, to be destroyed entirely...then I suppose the only real meaning to my life would be in what I leave behind. If I can help leave a safe world for you, for Sabine, for my family, then I will have at least meant something."

Meesei turned her head just enough to be able to look at Lunise. She smiled, though it was fairly forced. "I do not think I plan on just sitting here in this room for the rest of the day again, but...I do think I would like to take just a bit of time here with you. Maybe eat our breakfast together in here? Do you think you could go get something for us? I would appreciate it."

Zyausak had shown Lunise where they could go to eat the previous day, so she would know where to go within the College of Psijics. There did not seem to be a kitchen anywhere in the building, so it was not certain where exactly the food came from, but there would be plenty to choose from regardless. Although, if Lunise did go to collect something for them, she would find herself delayed by her mother waiting to speak with her.

Call of the Hunt [EliteCommander and Muttonhawk]

Meesei easily lost herself in the moment. Intimacy itself was nothing new between them, but she had not woken up next to a lover since she was an apprentice Treeminder in Black Marsh. And with Lunise, she felt more loved than she had with any partner from her past. To Meesei, it was just a taste of what their life together could be like some time in the far future, when they no longer had to fear for their secrecy. For her, it was a goal that could certainly serve as motivation, though it also carried a certain pain with it. Once these few days had passed, they would have to go back to keeping their secrets.

"Yes...definitely." Meesei finally answered. It took considerable effort for her to will herself to move, but she did eventually pull away, throwing off the blanket covering her and partially sitting up on the bed. For just a few more seconds, she cast her gaze back down to Lunise, smiling and seemingly admiring her. However, the peace she felt in the morning was, unfortunately, short-lived. All it took was for her mind to wander, for her to think about the Psijics hosting them, for their conversation about her soul to creep back into her mind. When she looked away, all of that weight fell visibly back onto her. She hunched forward somewhat, pulling her legs up to her chest, staring at the door, and dreading the day ahead.

Call of the Hunt [EliteCommander and Muttonhawk]

It was fortunate for Lunise and Meesei alike that she no longer experienced the frequent night terrors that were so common to lycanthropes. The influence of Hircine's Ring kept Meesei's beast spirit in check, and allowed her to get through the night without making it even more difficult for Lunise to sleep. Even still, given the stresses that Meesei was now faced with, it was a small miracle that she was able to sleep through the night at all, nightmares or no. It had taken her longer than usual to get to sleep, though she did finally rest well once she was.

Although Meesei was not as many years removed from such intimacy as Lunise, she still found herself briefly surprised when she finally did come back to consciousness. She was awakened slowly by Lunise's hand running through her feathers, and it took a few seconds for her to open her eyes and come to her senses enough to recognize what was disturbing them. There was a certain comfort to having Lunise's face be the first sight she witnessed when she awoke. It was a new feeling, and one that drove her to tighten her arms around Lunise and pull them even closer together. She gave in quickly to her urge to draw in Lunise for a deep kiss. The whole situation might have been perfectly romantic, were it not for the inconvenient fact that Meesei's breath was not entirely pleasant in the morning.

Call of the Hunt [EliteCommander and Muttonhawk]

While Lunise's question now was far more simple than any of the revelations she had to contend with in the past half hour, she still had almost as difficult of a time answering. "I am not sure, honestly. I suppose Master Marcaano and Zyausak will be back here soon, and I know your mother wanted to spend some more time with us both, but...I do not know if I am ready for that right now. I do not think I could focus on anything else, or just pretend I am okay. I really feel that I just want to be able to rest and think. I believe I just want to stay in here for a while, and I would welcome having you with me, if you want to stay too. Although...I do think you should still spend some time with your mother when she is ready. You deserve some time alone to catch up with her, and that is why we came here, after all. I am sure she will understand if I am not feeling sociable right now."

---

True to her word, Meesei was not keen on leaving the room for much of the rest of the day. She still remained polite and friendly when Zyausak and Marcaano returned with their clothing and supplies, but for the moment, did not take Zyausak up on any offer to show them the island. There was a short time near the end of the day that she left their quarters to watch the sunset by the shore, though even to Lunise, she was not yet ready to open up about how her feelings had developed.

The night was peaceful on Artaeum, if not somewhat quiet compared to home for Meesei. In as crowded of a place as the Silent City, its name did not feel too appropriate. It was rare that there was not someone up and about through the night, not to mention the constant sounds of Dwemer machinery that served as a constant background noise in the city, especially closer to the ground level. Although, for Lunise, the sound-dampening enchantments that had been applied to her room meant that a quiet night was nothing new.

What would be a new experience for Lunise, however, was waking up in a bed alongside Meesei. In all the time they had been together, they had never actually shared a bed through a whole night. Given the secrecy they had to observe with their relationship, there was always some worry about what could happen if they were both sleeping at the same time, in the same place. Neither of them would be conscious to deal with any unexpected intrusions, so it was always safer for them to go their separate ways before retiring for the night. Now was the first time that they had no reason to fear discovery. The Psijic Order was already well-aware of the relationship between them, and they certainly would not be sharing that information with Lunise's superiors. Now was the first time since they had been together that they had the freedom to show their affection openly, and the first time that Lunise had woken up in Meesei's still-sleeping arms.

Call of the Hunt [EliteCommander and Muttonhawk]

You mind if I bring them to the next day?

Call of the Hunt [EliteCommander and Muttonhawk]

Lunise's effort to drag Meesei out of her deepening depression was met with a long silence, though in this case, that was not necessarily a bad thing. She was not merely sobbing into her hands, but rather, staring ahead, contemplating every word that Lunise spoke. Minutes passed, though it may as well have been hours for Meesei.

Finally, Meesei stood from her chair and immediately embraced Lunise. Although she was obviously still seeking comfort from Lunise, she was at least no longer overtly degrading her own accomplishments and self-worth. "I just...still do not know, Lunise. Part of me still feel like this all cannot be real, yet...another part of me knows that it is. If there is any group that could know these things about me, it would be the Psijic Order, and I do not think your mother would lie to you. I just...I need time to think. Time to process. Maybe I am more than just a collection of ancient memories stitched together, or maybe I am still destined to just fade from existence. Maybe I just need to rest and let the ideas come to me.

Meesei lowed her gaze away from Lunise's eyes and let out a sigh. "I feel like I am going to drive myself to panic if I keep thinking about...nonexistence. The thought of becoming as if I had never existed at all, honestly, is the most frightening feeling I have ever experienced in my life."