EliteCommander

Call of the Hunt [EliteCommander and Muttonhawk]

"Yes, I...needed to make a statement. To show my power, unequivocally, to your superiors." Meesei remarked. She lifted her head up off of Lunise's lap and sat up beside her. She strengthened the spell and lengthened the chain, then held it between both of her hands. "I watched her closely during the fight. I remember being impressed by the spell; it was creative, and powerful. Especially in a duel. I had never seen a spell like it, something that could break magical defenses so efficiently. Just watching her, I realized I understood the core ideas of what she was doing. Or...had a reasonable belief that I understood them. I decided that, to display my skill, I would learn her spell in the midst of the fight."

After a moment, Meesei's first few thoughts led her to start growling at herself. "I guess I really am just reliant on other people's ideas." She remarked, though even she had to doubt her own criticism this time. While there were, perhaps, a few small similarities, the learning abilities provided by Meesei's latent memories, and the accomplishment of learning an opponent's spell in the middle of a match, were two entirely different scenarios. One was far more impressive than the other.

Call of the Hunt [EliteCommander and Muttonhawk]

"It is hard not to see them as something...else. Something separate from me. It is not natural to have such latent memories. If it was, then I would not be at risk of disappearing. Their influence on my life just devalues all of my accomplishments. I do want to cure my soul; I want to try. But, it would require magic no one has performed before, and these templates I have apparently been relying on will not help me with that." Meesei replied. At this point, she was reiterating many of her doubts, regardless of the arguments against them. There was certainly logic to Lunise's rationale, but Meesei's fear was overwhelming it.

Meesei shifted around on the bed once more and rolled over onto her back, though kept her head resting on Lunise's lap. She seemed to shy away from looking directly into Lunise's eyes, as if fearing her judgment. Rather, she looked down and slightly lifted one hand, occupying her flurry of thoughts with small spells. Although she had been outwardly resisting nearly every argument Lunise made, it would be inaccurate to say they were not affecting her. The thought that was most compelling to her was the one that prompted her to transform in the first place: there was no way she had any latent memories of magical control in beast form. It was true that she could only perform such a feat with the assistance of Hircine's Ring, but the ring alone would not allow just any other lycan to do the same. She worried that something within those unseen memories helped her achieve that power, but she had no way to prove it one way or another. It was a doubt for her, but with the stakes being her very existence, she was hesitant to just assume she accomplished it on her own.

As she was deep into her thoughts, Meesei idly cycles through a few simple spells in her hand: a small flame, a charge of lightning, a simple light, and a few other benign spells. However, as she shifted towards mysticism, a stray thought gave her pause. A violet, disrupting energy surrounded her hand and was quickly given a solid form: a dispelling chain. It wrapped around her hand and hanged down alongside her arm. It was powerful, like a concentrated void of magicka that broke apart any sense of order in the magic around it. Meesei did nothing further, said nothing further, and simply stared at the chain as if lost in a trance.

Call of the Hunt [EliteCommander and Muttonhawk]

Meesei lifted herself up slightly, focusing on the plate that Lunise offered. Every action she took was noticeably lethargic, but she did eventually capitulate to Lunise's demand. Fairly predictably, she reached first for a slice of cured meat, which, in her current form, was easy enough for her to down in a single bite. Although she quickly returned to laying back down on the bed, this time wrapping part way around Lunise and resting her head on her lap.

"I...know I have felt fear before. Uncertainty, doubt. I have feared death before. I was impaled through my stomach with a spear on one occasion, and taken to the brink of death by Do'rhajul on another. I was so poisoned by silver in that encounter that I had to take a medicine Sabine brewed for me for years afterwards just to avoid a slow death. I have had fear for the future, doubt for what may come of people I care about. But, there was always been solace in the promise of what I have to look forward to, should I ever fail. And now, I...I don't have that. If I fail, I lose everything, and I do not even know if I can trust myself anymore. I have always been able to trust in myself and my pack. I still have my pack, but...not myself." Meesei answered after finally putting together her thoughts. Meesei could feel a few idle charges of magicka coursing through Meesei's body, though she was not coalescing them into any identifiable spells at the moment.

Call of the Hunt [EliteCommander and Muttonhawk]

While Meesei was now harder to read, the short silence that followed was an indication that she was still distracted in her thoughts, to some extent. She laid herself back on the bed and rolled herself on to her side, towards Lunise. "Sorry, I was just...thinking on what you said before. I suppose your mother's suggestion makes some sense. I suppose I should not have thought the Psijic Order would keep members against their will. Both Galerion and Mannimarco left of their own accord, after all. But I just...I would still have to leave everyone for as long as it took."

Meesei looked down, clenching her hand into a fist as she surrounded it in a small amount of magical lightning. "You told me that my strength is more than just my templates. That no Argonian would ever have achieved magical control in werewolf form before me. That makes sense, I know it does. But...how can I be sure? What if it still because of this curse, in some way? Perhaps the latent memories in my mind somehow made it easier for me to reach the state of mind I needed?" Meesei said. Her argument did not have a great deal of specific reasoning behind her doubts, but she seemed to be taking them seriously nonetheless.

"I just hate this uncertainty. I have no way of knowing what I am actually capable of anymore. Am I even an average mage on my own, or do I just rely completely on these latent memories? I just...cannot know." Meesei added. She was quickly falling into melancholy. For Lunise, it was certainly the first time she had seen a werewolf sobbing, and even with the plate of food in Lunise's hands right in front of her, she hardly reacted to it. "Even with Ahnasha's help...what if I cannot do it at all without the Psijics? What if I die and just...disappear?"

Call of the Hunt [EliteCommander and Muttonhawk]

If Nytala had any frustrations, she was not showing it outwardly. Although, she was showing some degree of discomfort when Lunise made the suggestion for tests, which carried over into her response. "I...no, I am not trying to say time is meaningless. Quite the opposite, in fact. I want to make sure that Meesei is able to live to her eternity, just as much as you certainly do. I am just trying to convince you that Meesei's limitless years beyond her death is far more important than any number of years before it. I wish I could do what you ask and carry out those tests; I am capable of it. But, I am not permitted to right now. You have to understand, the Psijic order is exceptionally cautious about interfering. There were many years of debate for the council to agree to allow me to merely give you counsel in this matter. To start designing tests and casting spells on her would be a far more direct sort of interference, and I would have to seek the council's approval once more. I don't agree with them, I want to do as you ask, but my hands are tied right now."

With only a short pause, Nytala put a hand lightly onto Lunise's shoulder. "Like I said, I don't want to keep you too long. I would guess Meesei still needs you right now. I promise, I will try to convince the council to allow me to search for more direct evidence for you. Even if you are not convinced, could you at least mention to her that the...option I mentioned is a possibility? You could discuss it with her and see what perspective she brings to the conversation."

Meesei, meanwhile, had not so much as moved from the bed, though she was far from idle. Whenever Lunise did finally return, she would find Meesei, strangely enough, sitting on the bed in her werewolf form, staring down intently at her open hands. Her face would be difficult to read, but there would be little question that she was in deep thought.

Call of the Hunt [EliteCommander and Muttonhawk]

"Without the collective knowledge and resources of the Order, it could take several Elven generations for her to find a solution, if she ever does at all." Nytala replied, still fairly unwavering to the point she was trying to make. "Perhaps you are correct, perhaps she could be cured in the next few decades, rather than centuries. But, she will be able to find a solution much more quickly here than anywhere else."

Nytala continued at a more average volume, now that she was no longer saying anything she would need to keep quiet. "And you may not be wrong that my perspective has changed from being here. I may no longer be able to relate to the people of Tamriel as closely as I once could, but I have also been granted many more perspectives you may not see. Even Mer often have difficulty truly grasping the idea of eternity. It is a time without end: something that is rather easy to say, but quite difficult to truly and completely grasp. Both the length of time we have been having this conversation, and the entire history of Mundus, are equally minuscule compared to eternity. Your lifespan, my lifespan, and the lives of Loremaster Celarus and Hal-Neesa all combined are but the smallest, fleeting instant compared to eternity. I am suggesting that Meesei risk giving up a century or two with the people she cares about, but not to do so would be to risk giving up her eternity with them. Please...at least suggest the idea to her."

Call of the Hunt [EliteCommander and Muttonhawk]

There have been a few instances of a soul being destroyed in lore, I believe. One off of the top of my head would be Malyn Varen, who trapped himself inside Azura's star, and was destroyed entirely afterwards. In the context of the ES universe, in contrast to the real world, most people can reasonably expect that their soul will persist after death in some plane or another, as there is solid proof to that fact. So, I would reason that the notion that one's soul could simply stop existing would be a bit more alarming to them.

Call of the Hunt [EliteCommander and Muttonhawk]

Nytala sighed, though not quite because she was disappointed in Lunise's approach to Meesei. She looked around, somewhat nervously, and spoke softly once she felt they were not near enough to anyone else to be overheard. "I understand, I really do. I...admire your principles in this, but you have to understand what will happen to Meesei if she dies. It would be as if she had never lived at all. For both you and her, I want you to be able to be happy together."

For a few seconds, Nytala was hesitant to speak, but nevertheless continued after another nervous glance around the room. "Look, the council would not like me saying this, but I think it is important to note that her membership does not have to be forever. The Order is not a prison, and we are free to take our leave at any time, even if it does mean not being welcomed back. She would not have to stay forever. Just a century, perhaps, or however long it takes to cure her soul. Then, she could return to her life."

Call of the Hunt [EliteCommander and Muttonhawk]

"I see. Then I will be sure not to keep you long. I understand she is likely going through quite a lot at the moment." Nytala answered with an understanding nod. She knew that Lunise had told Meesei about her soul, and that she had not reacted well to the news.

Nytala walked along with Lunise, allowing her to gather their breakfast along the way while they spoke. "In fact, that is what I wanted to about. It was always a risk, telling Meesei before the invasion. She needs to be focused and able to perform at her best to face the challenges ahead of her. But, it was a truth that she deserved to know. With that all said, were you able to make any progress convincing her? Do you think she will agree to join the Order after the invasion?"

Call of the Hunt [EliteCommander and Muttonhawk]

Meesei released a long, uncertain breath. She put her hands over Lunise's at her stomach, but she still remained staring straight ahead. "I am not sure. It has just been...a lot for me to think about. It is hard not to be uncertain about it all, about whether or not I can do this. Assuming I even survive the invasion, I would have to find some way to repair my very soul. And whatever learning abilities the Hist gave me will not help with that. If I am destined to fail, to be destroyed entirely...then I suppose the only real meaning to my life would be in what I leave behind. If I can help leave a safe world for you, for Sabine, for my family, then I will have at least meant something."

Meesei turned her head just enough to be able to look at Lunise. She smiled, though it was fairly forced. "I do not think I plan on just sitting here in this room for the rest of the day again, but...I do think I would like to take just a bit of time here with you. Maybe eat our breakfast together in here? Do you think you could go get something for us? I would appreciate it."

Zyausak had shown Lunise where they could go to eat the previous day, so she would know where to go within the College of Psijics. There did not seem to be a kitchen anywhere in the building, so it was not certain where exactly the food came from, but there would be plenty to choose from regardless. Although, if Lunise did go to collect something for them, she would find herself delayed by her mother waiting to speak with her.