Ellri

The Relics

Most of that sheet looks good, LiverisGood.
The first image doesn't fit the era. Thats more around a post-industrial era (equivalent of the high times of the british empire, we'd guesstimate) from the ankles up. The part below that is something no soldier would be found wearing, as it would be far too unstable to fight in.
What sort of role does she have in the military? You mentioned something about officer and riding a horse, but you did not really say what she does. Is she one that fights in the thick of it? if so, then armor makes sense. If she's more in the background, it might make sense with somewhat lighter armoring, possibly leather-based. But no matter what role she holds, the second image is more appropriate than the first.

The Relics

Indeed. No matter how much we criticize a CS, it is sad to see a player go. It takes a lot of frustration before we consider it anything but sad for a player to leave. Echo probably knows roughly how much that is.

By the way Echo... You need a kick to get started on Alessia?

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Actually freeshooter... one mistake there.

Freeshooter92 said rape is A-OK in god's eyes, as long as babby is produced.

Rape is a sin of the worst sort. Its only the vocators who get away with using captives for breeding against their wills.
EDIT: A "not" had snuck itself in there, turning its meaning around completely. Fixed now.

The Relics

Ok, we finally found a decent connection to (ab)use, so here goes the criticism:

Shifter_Masters Alphonse

Firstly: We’re tired of characters loyal to themselves alone. A true mercenary is better than a mere loner, but still its something we would rather avoid. Perhaps you should try him actually working for someone from the start?
But that is a minor issue compared to the fact that you’ve essentially not integrated any lore into your character. With the two above combined, you have no reason to connect to anyone else. Not good.

Secondly: Assasssins aren’t complete misfits. The assassin that sticks out the way your character does (from non-physical traits) makes him a horrible assassin. We’d rather he has some sort of loyalty to someone. Doesn’t matter to us whether its Kalnach, Oragos, Idris or some other nation, just not another loner. In a medieval era, an assassin working alone won’t have the connections get both the information needed to kill high-profile targets or to get said jobs in the first place. Working for another nation’s throne (or some ambitious person near it), he would have all that.

Thirdly… The relic:
You have multiple powers that have no logical reason to fit together other than to serve as an assassin package. Bloodcrafting doesn’t mesh with shadowweaving. And both of those are extremely powerful in the right hands. Scratch out one of those and add a means of feeding/fueling the relic, and you should be more compatible with this RP.
Also, the appearance of the relic is not conductive to him staying out of sight, which would in turn make him less effective as an assassin.

Then there is the fact that your relic also allows him to drain life. With those powers all combined, your character is exceedingly overpowered.

Fourthly: You describe him as hating the relic. Unless he’s an adherent of the Order of Idris, that makes no real sense. And this would mean he hates himself, for when a relic bonds to someone, it makes him or her want to keep the relic, to use it.

The only thing consistently good in this CS was the appearance.

Seps Kheris

Though short, its fairly balanced. For origin: maybe he’s from Oragos?
We really want people to have allegiance to one nation, faction or other.
Nothing major to criticize at this stage.

Apokalipses Lavica Nizak

“Answers to no one”. Not good. We’ve got more than enough people already with no allegiance to anyone.
Relic powers: We think the relic makes her a bit too powerful in its versatility, but at least it is balanced out fairly well by having powers that fit well together. Try to reduce it to a few powers she knows how to use. Maybe you can expand it later. If you do that, we’d also accept that she can use the power more, as that would make her more effective in the long run. Maybe there’s one or two she’s managed to figure out, with the potential for others. Also, restricting it to three actions is not quite logical. Three lightning bolts is quite different in energy requirement compared to lighting three candles. We have no doubt that you can figure out a way to balance this without restricting yourself too much.

Flaws: These are good. We like flaws, and these restrict her well, just mind the suggestions above.
Skills: Considering Kalnach is a society where women are hardly more than property, these skills don’t make much sense. Education is something that they would not want women to have much of any of. Its gives them too many ideas, lets them think for themselves, and that simply will not do. Knowing how to resist unwanted advances, while unseemly of a woman in Kalnach, is something a noblewoman would know how to do.
“She can outsmart anyone any day” is godmodding, no matter how you try to excuse it. Having her more wily than most is ok, but being perfect at outsmarting everyone is not acceptable.

Background: Fix the stuff above and update this in comparison to that, and we can see again. The lore for Kalnach may be adapted a bit to become clearer on certain fronts.

The lore on Kalnach was a bit unclear concerning

lixvaris Sven

See criticism above concerning people only loyal to themselves. Not acceptable.
Relic: How large is the relic? Is it a ring? A bracelet? Something else?
Too powerful. Both illusions and mind control is way too powerful. Especially when combined with the ability to drive people insane. Sure, you can use illusions to drive someone insane, but thats a tricky thing to achieve.
Pick one of the two, then build on that. Either the illusions, or the mind control.

If you’re going with the mind control, it has to have limits. Either its hard to use for much on anyone, or its self-reversing shortly afterwards. I.e. you can trick someone into doing something once, but you can’t permanently change them. Driving someone insane should be a task that takes time, especially if its meant to be lastingly insane.

If you’re going with illusions, then you can do all sorts of interesting things. We’d recommend having a limited range, though. And given the opportunity, you can probably still drive someone insane, but it will be tricky, as you have to convince them the illusion is real. The people may not all like evokers, but they still know they exist, so an illusionist has to be doubly skilled to not be outed as one and have his/her illusions ignored.

Having the concentration flaw on it is a nice balancer. Short-term blindness is also something that you can play with as an effect, but not sure if its necessary.

Whatever option you go with, you should have some means the relic “recharges”. Doesn’t matter how, but its something you should have.

Appearance: That appearance does not make sense. For one, its not something anyone would go out in public with in the middle ages. For two, its a dracula image, not a human. Evokers might have superhuman abilities, but they’re still human (more or less). Try again.
Flaws: Needs to be reworked to reflect the above stuff, but there are some decent ones here.
Skills:Why is he more agile? How did he become acrobatic? Where did he learn how to manipulate people? How did he learn to fight with knives?
Biography: It may have been unclear in the lore, but slavery is forbidden and non-existent Kalnach. As such, you need to work this over heavily.
Personality/motivation: Again, needs working over due to slavery being forbidden.

The Relics

We'll see what we can do, Fallen. Depends on how good net access we have, which at home is zero right now. Fortunately, we're not limited to accessing it from there.

The order of Idris is very much focused on destroying relics and their users. There's also some elements of good old medieval gender imbalance. Women aren't much more than property according to them. In turn, in the kalesian empire, women have equal rights, and the religion of the Empire give them better choices in life.

Bingthewing: in the Dominion of Idris, there are just a few ports where foreigners are permitted at all. There are similarly a few trade towns on the land borders where foreigners are permitted. Other places in the Dominion are closed to outsiders. Only high-ranking members of the order are permitted in certain regions within the Dominion.
In Kalnach, ports and borders are open. Of course, the inquisitors have some private locations, much like the order has in the Dominion.
In kalesia, borders are open, but most outsiders don't go far into the Empire because they rarely need to. They are permitted to do so, though. Some few locations are off-limits, but they are generally far from most anything.

The Relics

First of all, sorry if we miss anything, our connection is lacking, so we can't read everything and be sure not to miss something on limited time.

The religion of the kalesian empire is defined as something other than worshipping the old kingdom. It's a simple fertility religion, where willing acts of attempted procreation equals worship. They might want to unify all of Azukhar, but they don't want to reincarnate the old kingdom.

Maki: anything on your CS radically changed from relics v1?

SillyGoy: maybe he joined the Kalnachian branch of the order of Idris?
There might be a small movement that recently arose in Othea of the faith of kalesia. But they're few in number and all fairly young.

We'll save commentary on dogfael till you fix the stuff alida mentioned.

The Relics

What Sep said. Those pants hanging like that leave you terribly vulnerable in combat. There's a reason that when not going with full body armor, people have always gone for protecting the torso. There's all sorts of organs inside it you would find rather inconvenient to get damaged. Not to mention, the torso is a big target that is easy to hit, no matter what your weapon is. Its only in Hollywood movies that you don't get hit in the torso if its insufficiently protected.

If you're going with the appearance being "femme fatale", then having the appearance being androgynous is a contradiction. The character could still be androgynous beneath the clothes, but the definition of "femme fatale" is "an attractive and seductive woman, especially one who will ultimately cause distress to a man who becomes involved with her." As such, looking androgynous is a contradiction.

We have some other comments, but not posting them yet as we're gonna discuss that with you Alida/Barks in the PM convo.

The Relics

The thing with clothes that do not cover properly is that they will end up biting you when bad weather comes around. We don't mind clothes making characters look seductive, so long as they make sense for a medieval society. Doesn't matter if you go for dress, tunic, pants, robes, etc... That can all depend on specific culture in one nation or other. The more balanced gender-wise a society is, the more likely it is for clothes to be practical for women too.
We doubt women dress equally to men in the Dominion of Idris, for example. After all, they are hardly more than property there. If you're going for "femme fatale", we would guess a suit of say, form-fitting leather would portray the right image. It could also serve as partial armor as a bonus. (think a bit like the mord-sith from the sword of truth series)
An easily discarded, thick woolen Cloak could add necessary protection from elements to such. Woolen lining (on the leather) might also be beneficial.

The Relics

Connect him to the lore, freeshooter. Right now, he doesn't really have much of any connection to the lore. As formatting is done in raw code, it shouldn't strain your computer much. Bonding section names on the cs is sufficient.

The Gray Dust: did you read the earlier answers to your questions at all? We specifically stated that all characters have to be alive and human, not artificially animated beings.
Second, the clothing on that image doesn’t make sense in the setting. Those are undergarments plus a cloak, not full clothes.

The Relics

Vocators will still be in.