FuriePhoenix

I am the fire - Constantine RP

She tilted her head into his touch again as he held her cheek, briefly closing her eyes to take in the feel of someone touching her in such a manner, and opened her eyes again as he asked his question. She knew if he was going to ask anything, it would be that, especially as it was now clear to her that she was crying out loud about her father in her nightmares. It wasn't unusual for her to do so, so it came as no surprised John would have heard it as well. "He wasn't always a bastard, when my mum was around he was a great dad. But when she died, he changed. Grief took over him and he became violent toward me. Told me constantly that he wished I wasn't around, that I wasn't his. That it was my fault his grief wouldn't let go of him because I looked so much like her. He'd lose his temper regularly and hit me, would leave me alone for days on end to fend for myself, then one day he just got up and walked out. His last words to me were "I can't live in a house where the kid looks like the only woman and person I could ever love" and that was it. Never saw him again. I was in the house alone for a week until my best mate Sam found out and told her parents, who as I mentioned before, adopted me" she explained.

She then leaned down to her new bag and pulled out the photograph of when she was only seven years old with her mother to show just how much she looked like her. The likeness from her hair to her face shape and skin tone was uncanny. The only difference between them was the fact her mother's eyes were more bright turquoise compared Kay's grey blue eyes. She handed him the photo, before going on, "it's said I got my eyes from him more as his were grey than blue, but otherwise, he wasn't wrong about me looking like her." she said. "But that wasn't anywhere near the worst of what I endured growing up" she added, "When I had to do therapy because my adoptive parents were worried for my mental state, my therapist...well...let's just say he abused his power of being the adult and seeing children one on one...if ya catch my drift" She trailed off, still finding even now that she couldn't just say easily 'he abused me and other children'.

I am the fire - Constantine RP

Kay was ready to leave, and even began to push herself off the couch when John grabbed her and stopped her from leaving. She listened to what he was saying, nodding. She did honestly think for a split second she messed up by kissing him but now she felt like she didn't and now understood why he stopped her. She still for some reason wasn't expecting him to kiss her again, and got surprised but gladly returned the kiss, her eyes closing once again and placing her hands once again on him. She didn't want the moment to end, but she knew if she didn't stop, she wouldn't be able to catch a breath, making her reluctantly and only partially pull away. "that give you your answer for if I know what I'm doing?" she asked, managing a small smirk. "my choice of moment could have been better though. I do admit that" she added.

"and if there's...anything you wanna know, you just have to ask" she said, knowing that after he saw how haunted by her nightmares were, she couldn't exactly keep her history properly hidden anymore.

I am the fire - Constantine RP

Kay knew deep down that she was making very little sense probably, she was rambling so many thoughts at once and to others it wouldn't seem like they fit together when in a way, they really did. So she couldn't blame John for not understanding what she was going on about, especially the vague bit she threw in there. When he pulled away and asked if she was okay, she was concinced she blew it, so she sat upright and refused to look at him. "I.. I'm sorry" she mumbled, wishing there was a way she could just run away. "just.. Just forget about it. I shouldn't have done that" she continued to say. Inside her mind she was cursing herself for thinking she could just kiss him, thinking that figuring out why she was drawn to him would bring answers through kissing him.

She sighed and ran her hands through her hair, feeling all the more the screw-up, but before she could stop herself from talking anymore she spoke up again, "I just, I feel drawn to you John and I can't put my finger on it. It's like this damn pull I can't ignore. I've never been the type to be like this with people. I was usually the one night stand type of chick with no care in the world. But the longer I'm around you, it feels different. Like this is where I'm meant to be" as she finished talking, she closed her eyes in annoyance at how damn cheesy it sounded, but she couldn't think of any other way to explain it. If she believed in such things like soul mates or the like, she would have thought it was the damn universe trying to tell her she was destined to be beside this guy, but she didn't believe. Or even think it was possible for her. In her eyes, who could ever love someone as screwed up as herself? Especially when it turns out she's not even fully human.

"maybe I should just leave you alone..." she mumbled.

I am the fire - Constantine RP

At the pull closer to him, Kay didn't complain once at it, just let herself remain comfortable and feel safe. She just simply nodded at his words of calling both her and Serena good people, finding that to hear such a thing was like being reminded she too was good. For so long she never felt like she was from what she's had to do to survive. But maybe it was true what he was saying, maybe she was still a good person. She just couldn't always see it when he looked down at her again and pointed out she was keeping something to herself, she didn't know how to reply to him.

"it's nothing.." she replied to begin with, really unsure if she should tell him what was on her mind. The last thing she wanted to do was scare him away or make him think she was crazy. "just trying to forget my nightmare" she lied with a sigh. She looked down, looking away from his eyes hoping it help her keep to her lie, but it didn't. With another sigh, she glanced back up at him. "I'm just not used to having people being around me.. I guess. Its been so long" she told him, "and then there's this other thing on my mind that I'm trying to work out" she continued. "being here? It makes me feel not so alone, and I guess it's hard to truly compute" she continued her ramblings, before she couldn't take it anymore. "fuck it." she muttered to herself and just let herself kiss him. Something that she wouldn't ever normally do unless she was utterly hammered.

I am the fire - Constantine RP

Kay had to admit there was something incredibly soothing about the way John hugged her, and she felt like she couldn't get enough of him doing it. There was a sense of comfort, belonging and contentment when he kissed the top of her head, something she never got from anyone doing such actions toward her. Hells, she usually hated it when people held her in such a manner as it brought back far too many horrendous memories of when she was made to go to hospital as a minor, and how her therapist abused his power and job title with her and other children. Yet with John it was so different, it was welcomed. SHe gave it some thought on his options, feeling like she couldn't bare the idea of sleeping again, and looked up at him again as he looked down at her once more. She was about to reply when he mentioned about the shadows keeping watch from a distance, making her check for herself if he was right, which he was. "She's a good person...better than me that's for sure" She replied, before deciding to actually give him an answer on his previous question. "As for your question, I don't wanna sleep yet. I'm not ready to risk more nightmares. As for what you can do? Just...be here with me?" She continued saying, before using the back of her sleep to wipe her face.

She found herself not wanting to peel away from John, and she wished she knew why. She also found herself fighting off the urge to just kiss him, as she was trying to convince herself it was just because he was being nice to her, being protective and got her out of her usual nightmare. Though there was fibres in her being trying to tell her otherwise.

I am the fire - Constantine RP

When he mentioned about carrying a metaphorical flashlight around to help with the darkness of the past, she couldn't help but smirk the tiniest briefest moment, as she thought it was almost ironic considering her ties to fire and could be deemed as a living torchlight. A blink and you'd miss it moment of a smirk. She didn't even take note of him telling the shadows that she was alright just moments prior. She looked up at him with her tear stained face, her grey blue eyes looking more grey than blue in this moment. Yet seeing him smile softly at her did make her smile ever so slightly back. "thank you John" she said.

I am the fire - Constantine RP

Kay nodded slowly keeping her grip on his shirt, letting him just talk and attempt to soothe her. "you do?" she asked/mumbled. She did as he told her to and took the deep breaths he suggested, making sure her breathing got to a slow but steady rhythm so she could once again be calm. Eventually she started to calm down, her grip loosening on his shirt but she didn't shift her position once, instead finding his hold on her greatly calming. "I feel so stupid for still letting him get to me. I was 9 for crying out loud. I should be over it by now..." she said quietly, unaware that Serena's shadows were even up and around or thinking of seeing what was going on.

"the nightmares though.. I know they're my childhood memories but they get worse every time. Like they're changing somehow.. Just enough to make me barely aware" she explained. She shifted her head at this point so she could be heard better, but still resting against him.

I am the fire - Constantine RP

When John first jumped over to her, she didn't wake, instead almost fought him thinking it was her father who was attacking her, just like in her nightmare. Sobbing and shaking she couldn't shake herself out of the nightmare until seeing her father's hand come flying toward her made her wake up abruptly, gasping for air and looking at John as she tried to compute she was safe. It took a few seconds until she realised it was John holding her and not a threat, making her bury her head into him and grip his shirt tightly. "I can't break from him John" she sobbed, refusing to let go. She always felt so ridiculous getting like this at her age, but it didn't seem to matter what she tried over the years, her childhood trauma still tormented her.

"why can't I break free of him?" she kept crying, wishing there was just some way to get closure on her past properly. She also hated that someone like John was seeing her so damn vulnerable, as she didn't want him to think any less of her, as well as the fact she just really despised being seen weak.

I am the fire - Constantine RP

Kay listened to him, seeing where he was coming from as she too got the impression that Serena wouldn't like anyone talking directly Bane too much, but she also agreed that the woman needed to open up more. "a bit yeah...what she is doing right now is self destructive" she replied as she let him prop his feet up and go back to reading. As he did that, she grabbed the book she was previously reading about her own kind's mythology. It still felt incredibly weird to read about her own kind in some ways in a book, but the fact that her mother is no longer here, she really had no other options.
Yet she also felt like she had read enough after she got a couple of pages in, yawning and closing the book. Placing it on the coffee table, she let herself slide down the couch so she was laying on it, and closed her eyes. She knew she should just go to the bed, but she didn't want to wanting to see if sleeping in the same room as someone else like John would stop any nightmares from coming through.

It took her all of about five minutes to fall asleep and only another mere ten minutes before the nightmares came plaguing through her mind. Except this time it was threaded with memories of how her birth father changed when they lost her mother. In her sleep she started pleading and crying. "dad.... Please! Don't leave me! Dad! Don't, no... No...please!" she started moving in her sleep on the couch as if she was defending herself from oncoming hits.

I am the fire - Constantine RP

At Chas' words and John's reply, Kay couldn't help but smirk and roll her eyes at John giving her a wink. "good luck being with that one" Chas joked to Kay, before saying goodbye and leaving to head back to his family.

Kay walked over to the couch and sat down, pulling her legs up once again, still having claim on the blanket as she wrapped it round her shoulders earlier. She looked at John back and shook her head, "she's said nothing to me really since I came round. So I can't help you there. She's been pretty silent actually which, considering she nearly always gives me migraines when she talks, I'm actually glad about the radio silence so to speak for a while" she admitted to him. Sure, it was incredibly selfish but after what she just went through tonight, she didn't care she was being selfish on that one matter. "if she ever does I'll let you know though" she added, not wanting to come across as she would ever deliberately keep something from him.