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If your girl can't crack your skull between her thighs then whats the point of even being a human being.
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How do wing.
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Omae wa mou shindeiru.


Well hello.

I guess I should introduce myself, huh.

I'm Gardevoiran, just some schmuck going to college and working towards getting a degree in Fine Arts.

I do commissions and what-not, and you can ask me to do a commission for you through my Discord (Gardevoiran #1429) or up here through RPGuild PMs, and I receive donations and payment through my Ko-fi page. Clicking the box right below here will take you to it.

I'm a nerd. I play Pokemon religiously, I dabble in some anime, I write up here, and I love watching incredibly awful movies and just making fun of them. Specifically things like "Leo the Lion" and what not.

I don't have much else to say, so I guess I can leave you guys with a really bad joke.

"What do you call a cow with two legs?"
"Lean beef."

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Digbie felt his hands overflowing with magical energy as he continued up the fight with the rest of the party. He had a smile on his face while the slime that initiated the attack started to deteriorate at a rather quick pace. Torrent was doing a hefty amount of work on the big boy, though she could probably use with a bit more shielding. Before the demiblin did anything, though, he found his arms and legs back on the ground, him splayed out, as he tried to maximize the mana regain from {Earth Vein}, hopefully enough to offset the cost of {Sacred Ground} and keep Digbie's mana filled enough so he could keep casting.

"Here's another one, Torrent! Shield II!" the demiblin called out to his ally, snapping his finger towards Torrent as a vector for casting his spell. His other hand was still connected to the ground, pumping out magic to keep the {Sacred Ground} going so everyone was still feeling alright, hopefully also losing the risk of taking damage they didn't have to take.

Digbie raised his head to the slime, and without even thinking, he called out to the group. "Just a little more! We can take it down! Let's go, team!"

"Hmm... that is a bit of a drop for a Ralts..." Skylar scratched his chin as he looked up at the green and red blur, trying to figure out what exactly to do about this situation. Given the circumstances, Skylar didn't want to just hold out his hands and let the little bugger fall into them. That ran the risk of his eyes failing him, which they probably would. For a moment, he considered sending Seabreeze up to let the Ralts ride down on the bird, but he wasn't sure if the Wingull could hold the Ralts or if it was going to be too heavy.

The trainer thought for a little longer before he snapped. "Got an idea. I'm just hoping Paradise will be okay with it." From his belt, Skylar pulled out Paradise and let her out of her Pokeball. At first, she was a little festered, as she seemed to be having a good nap, but she quickly stood up and dwarfed Skylar, looking down on her trainer with confusion. "Pi?"

"Really sorry to wake you up from your nap, Paradise, but we've got a small situation up there." Skylar said as he pointed up to the roof, the Ralts still standing overhead. "Think you might be able to help the Ralts there get down?"

Paradise looked up at the Ralts before she stretched out, the top of her head just barely reaching the roof. If the Ralts wanted to step on, Paradise would be more than happy carrying him down to the ground from there. If that happened, Skylar'd pat her on the neck and return her to her Pokeball to continue the nap she was having. If not, something'll be figured out.

Meanwhile, Celebrity waddled over to where Vivia's Rotom was and glared at it, for some reason. Whether it was because it was hogging all of Vivia's attention or if Celebrity was tired of it's shenanigans was unclear, all that was certain was Celebrity was annoyed with it. From seemingly nowhere, Celebrity presented a small microphone, and looked at the Rotom with a mischievous glint in her eyes.


"He's right, but all we need here is me." Stride said as he flung his scarf off, revealing globs of saliva dripping from a very large gash all around his neck. Looks like that's what the skeleton meant by him being headless. Magically, his scarf wrapped around his wrist and started to animate, making a slashing motion towards Bob before Stride held out his sword at the skeleton.

As if on cue, the magic of the tome floating besides Stride materialized, three chakrams made of pure water firing towards the skeleton and chopping off it's head and arms, leaving it... only a torso with legs. Of course, they were all still animated, but the skeleton was now very much less useful.


"Son of a bitch! Grox, snatch the boy!" Bob shouted as he and Stride dashed towards eachother, no doubt being the two to duke it out, and leaving you and Digbie with the Orc and his Owlbear. The Orc immediately hopped onto the bear's back, charging towards you with vigor and anger in his eyes. He was ready to raise absolute hell on Earth, and it was all going to start with gouging your eyes o-huh?

You noticed a thick wall of stone shoot up from the ground, smashing into the owlbear, and causing Grox to soar off the monster and skid along the ground before you. Similarly so, you saw a ring of toadstools appear around the battlefield, and as more and more sprouted up, you felt the immense pain from your fiery tricks lessen. Looking to your right, you saw Digbie back on his feet, his tattoos shining with a radiant blue hue and his eyes royal blue with strength.

"I'll keep the bear off us! You just take care of that Orc!"

Grox slowly rose back to his feet, drawing his axe to face you alone. He didn't stand as tall above you as that skeleton did, but he did easily dwarf you. "Toby, Death will meet you soon!!!" he cried, charging towards you.

You had a few seconds to react. How will you proceed from here?!

Digbie gasped for air as soon as he could, sitting up from the dirt looking back at the giant slime. Digbie saw the attacks from Oberon and Ash connect, though it just seemed to be a race against who could outdamage and outtank the big blob. Quickly the goblin rushed to his feet, keeping his hands on the ground as he thought about something. The more contact he made with the ground, the more mana he could regenerate with {Earth Vein}. As a result, it seemed pretty wise for Digbie to just stay on all fours for this fight, at least until {Earth Vein} leveled up (if it did during the fight).

He rushed back to the party, raising his voice to the rest of the cast as he called out what he learned. "Material Analyzed! If we act quick enough after it's defeated, we can actually harvest it and eat it!" He called to the party before looking at Torrent with the wicked glint in her eyes. She was terrifying, to say the least, and seeing what she's done so far didn't help with what Digbie was thinking she was about to do. The goblin stayed on his feet and one hand as he raised a hand towards her.

"Shield II! Protect the mischievous rogue from the harm she's up against!" Digbie called out as he cast {Shield II} unto the lesserwurm, hoping that it'd keep her safe from any damage the slime could do to her... or any done to herself. To hopefully add some kind of secondary effect, Digbie tried to imagine an aura of flame surrounding Torrent, not enough to hurt her, but just enough to help give her a little boost to her powers. It's unlikely it'd actually do anything, but who knows? Maybe it'd work out!

After the {Shield II} was placed onto Torrent, Digbie'd fall back to the ground in between all the party members and crank out a {Sacred Ground}, targeting Torrent, Oberon, and Ash for the healing effects. He'd fallen back to supporting the party, but he'd happily give it his all if it meant they survived this slime and beat it.

Also Digbie is precious.


Akiko glared directly at Rose. The utter audacity this girl had to waltz up and just hug Akiko's cat was remarkable, though it certainly wasn't much welcome when it was able to assault the cat that Akiko had. "Hey! Listen to the catgirl, Cap'n Cleavage, and get your hands off her!" Akiko scolded the pirate mage with an explicitly annoyed tone, a flash in her eyes going off while she gazed into Rose's soul. You don't just walk up and hold someone's cat without telling them first! That's just rude.

"We can absorb our Serei?" Akiko questioned as she looked down at the catgirl with a raised eyebrow. "... while I could likely use your strengths to increase my own for power, I'm pretty sure I'd rather wait to do anything like that. Nothing against you, Smitten, I just feel like we could get to know each other better before any of that happened," she explained as she pulled out her fans and looked at the other party members again. "Rest assured, I'm no biker, and even if you are just a Spirit it could be possible that you just need some sort of incredible power to escape the clutches of the tower. This'll be quite the learning experience, that's for sure."

The bard's attention was quickly grabbed by the arrival of yet another new girl. "Sheesh, why does he get a harem?" Akiko didn't mind exactly what was going on, though they did somewhat wish that there were a few more guys around. So far the ratio seemed to be... hold on...

Akiko, Kanbaru, SK, Touka, Umi, Rose, and Lin... to... literally just Tokuda. Grand, it was a 7:1 ratio. The tower coward had his own personal harem.

"Welp, hello newcomers. This... is the ragtag party, I guess. I'm Akiko, and hopefully I won't have to introduce everyone else." Akiko finally introduced herself to the rest of the cast before she looked back down at Smitten once again, placing a hand on her hip all the while. "I know you're probably gonna react with a 'Do I look like I'm ten?!' response or something similar, but do you wanna get on my shoulders or something?"

"CAPES ARE TRASHY! WE DON'T NEED CAPES!" Damien was running around the hobby shop, frantically shouting his Anti-Cape messages to everyone in the shop taking a break from protesting. Charlotte was furrowing her brow at him all the while, staring him down with as much disappointment as she could muster. This was another reason nobody liked him at the shop. He kept trying to push his ideas that all capes were bad onto everyone else.

"Damien, do you mind not shouting in here? Not everyone's agreeing with your ideas." Charlotte was sick of Damien's shit, to say the least, since she was both a cape herself and she had her own beliefs on the matter. "Capes did try to save the world, and some still do, y'know?"

"Say what you want, Starlotte, but everyone here knows that Capes are bad and deserve to be destroyed. The last thing we need are more superpowered circus freaks roaming around, 'helping' whoever they can."

"Ok, but why aren't you shouting that outside? The four customers we have in here don't need you to keep rambling about your thoughts while they're trying to look at merch." Charlotte raised her eyebrows and folded her arms. One of the customers in the store had nodded towards her in the meantime, seemingly in support of what she'd said before. "And, for the last time, please don't call me Starlotte. I'm not okay with you doing that."

"Starlotte, Starlotte, Starlotte. You're just shrouded in your myths. Soon enough you'll come to see my side and join me in making sure capes stop showing up and appearing." Damien smiled towards her with malice and mockery, leaning against the counter with his sleazy attitude. He really just seemed to look like that stereotypical indian shifty tech support guy, except you could finally put a face to him, and it was very unpleasant.

"You're not working today, and I can kick you out of..." Charlotte stopped as they heard the sound of distant helicopter blades, tilting her head as she heard them, the sound accompanied by footsteps heading down a small flight of stairs. "... do helicopters normally fly this low?"

The assistant manager finally dropped from the last step in the shop as he walked towards Charlotte and Damien both, his own eyebrow raised. "No, I don't think so."

Damien ran to the door, looking outside it to see where the source of the noise was. "See, Starlotte?! This is why we don't need capes!!!"

Charlotte and the AM walked to the door, looking out to see a ton of cables, a captive pilot and helicopter, and the perpetrator to the whole ordeal being cradled by some pretty tough-looking cables. Surprisingly, the trio of hobby workers could hear the voice of the perp as they spoke out to their audience.

"Hello, my name's Spindle. I've got a hostage, and one term.

“Disband the First Guard."

"Like always, I'm right. It's okay everyone, I'll be signing autographs soo-"

"Damien, shut the hell up." Charlotte curtly said, turning to the assistant manager. "Are we closing up shop today because of this event?" The manager only calmly nodded, allowing Charlotte to take off her apron quickly and throw it behind the counter.

"Sorry, sorry. I've just gotta go and make this urgent phone call. I dunno if they're gonna cancel my appointment or not after this event." With that, Charlotte grabbed her bag and scooted out the store's door, running forward while pulling out her phone. Of course, she didn't actually have to make a phone call, but she did have to go play dress-up for a little while, at least to offer her services to help the Guard out in trying to alleviate this issue.

Charlotte ducked into an alley as soon as she could before she found herself in a hardlight form. Aesthetic was here to rise and shine, though she definitely had to handle one thing first before anything else could be done.

Within seconds, the cape's legs extended past her hips and knees, stretching all the way up to allow her to climb onto the rooftop of a nearby building. From there, she looked up at the scene playing out in front of her, before bringing up her phone to face the scene.


"Nice. That'll help with the blog." Aesthetic smiled to herself as she put her phone and bag down next to a vent. She'd come back for those later, and certainly nobody would be able to find those there. She wasn't too worried about people stealing them, more or less she was worried that they'd break in the heat of action.

Once again, Aesthetic's legs stretched out, and she found herself on a higher rooftop watching the scene play out. She decided to stay uninvolved for the time being, but if she needed to spring in to save the day, she was more than happy to do so.
You guys managed to walk forward a little ways, before you hear a scratchy voice behind you. It was high pitched, and very similar to a goblin's, if not a little deeper and especially scratchy. "That's a mighty fine sword you've got there, eh elf?"

Stride turned around to face the goblin, pulling off his hood as he stared the Goblin down, drawing his sword and opening a tome beside him in the air. "What's the deal, Bob? Not a shoot-on-sight situation this time?"

"You know I'm always gonna reason with someone before I offer them the end of my blunderbuss." The goblin presented forth his large blunderbuss, comically oversized for his frame, but fitting in perfectly with his soot-covered face, no doubt from gunpowder. Behind him was the massive Skeleton, though you weren't exactly sure if he was willing to fight you or commit some friendly fire.

"We both know I can beat you in a fight, and same with the bonehead behind you." Stride commented confidently, Digbie dropping quickly to the ground in a sweaty fear, but his tattoos began to glow along with it. Something was correlating with his magic and the ground, so you might find out what that means in a little.

"Well, here's the thing. You're surrounded, and Yashar's offerin' us extra pay if we bring your head back and the kid back alive." Sure enough, Bob was right, as a hulking orc and his fearsome Owlbear, hunching slightly larger than the skeleton at full stance.

"Yer' not gettin' awae dat easl'y, Stride!"

"So he did get a new mount..." Stride commented as he looked at Bob again. "Just you four? I figured Yashar would've sent Deprave with you..."

"Yashar's busy with him. Something about Dragons, if I'm right." Bob explained before snickering to himself. "So you've got two options here, Stride. Come alive, or-."


"Not yet, Arghy. We'll let 'em choose."

You see Stride grip his scarf in his free hand, looking over at you and Digbie. Out from under his scarf, you can see a strange liquid forming and seeping out from the bottom of it.

It's you, an earthen Demiblin, and a Half Elf versus a Gunner Goblin, Orc, Owlbear, and Colossal Skeleton. How will you proceed.

"Hey Charlotte, you're late."

Charlotte stepped into the store she worked at and looked at her manager. She was late by three minutes, due to some unforseen circumstances that she couldn't have controlled that morning. "Sorry! Sorry! I had to finish drying some pants, and my dryer added another few minutes when I wasn't lo-"

"Whoa, calm down! I'm just givin' ya a hard time. I'm not gonna yell at you over three minutes." Whew, what a relief. Honestly, the pants that Charlotte was wearing at the time were still a little damp from the ordeal. "You're already working a bunch of days this week that I didn't schedule you for already, so it's okay. You're at least here to work 'em, unlike Damien."

"I thought you fired him already?" Damien was quite the terrible worker. Always late, rude to the customers, and never cleaned up the shop later. Working with him was a nightmare, easily, and all the other workers were just itching for the inevitable day for him to go. Everybody hated him, and everybody also expected that since Charlotte was taking his shifts he had gotten fired the week before.

"I'm only the assistant manager. Trust me, I'd fire him on the spot, but the actual manager's the only one with that power at the moment, and you know the situation."

"Right... so... we're giving me his shifts so he gets worked up and quits?"

"Exactly. Think you and me'll be able to handle this shift together?"

"As long as you're okay with me possibly taking a quick 10 minute break at a random time. I... need to make a phone call, and I dunno if the office I'm calling will put me on hold for a long time or not." Of course, this didn't mean an actual phone call. It was just in case Charlotte had to go stop some criminals, which she hoped didn't happen. She wasn't very fond of being Aesthetic if it could get her in trouble, but if it needed to happen, it needed to happen.

"That's fine, as long as we're not really busy then."

"Cool. Well, shall we start opening up the shop then?" Charlotte pulled her apron's knot tight and her hood down as she walked towards the overturned 'OPEN' sign, waiting for the go-ahead from the assistant manager.

"Go ahead!"

"Howdy girls!" Kendall stepped into the sheep pen in their boots and overalls and found themself happily greeted with a paw from the sheepdog collie of the farm, Roscoe. "Heh, and boy." They dropped a hand down to pat the dog's head and snout before they began their rounds of the sheep pen. It was one of the things they had to do every morning, just to make sure everything was spic-and-span and there wasn't any sort of hazard lingering around, no matter how big or small.

Everything was alright at first, with the pen being fairly well kept in terms of the fence around it all. The grass was good, the stream that flowed through was nice, and everything seemed to be in order. It wasn't until a little while later that Kendall saw the fence was a bit broken in one area. Not very broken, it was just that a board had fallen down and needed to be fixed up. Without a moment of doubt, Kendall grabbed the board that had fallen and placed it atop the fence, balancing it on the two stakes that had the other boards nailed into it to make a nice fence. They'd have to fix that later. Right now they didn't have any nails on them, nor did they have a hammer.

Kendall looked back towards the rest of the farm before quickly looking at Roscoe. "Roscoe!"

The collie poked his head up, tilted, as he watched Kendall's every move.

"Were there any problems last night with the sheep?"

The dog got all the way onto the ground, almost imitating an army crawl, before putting his paws on his snout then standing back up with his dopey smile.

"Good. No troubles." Kendall stepped over to the collie and got onto the ground, rubbing the neck of the doggo and scratching behind his ears. "It's because you're such a good bodyguard of these sheep! Good boy! Very good boy!" Roscoe's tail wagging wasn't enough to convey their excitement as they began to grunt out in happiness.

After a minute of love, Kendall stood back up and looked towards the farm. "I need to go tell Ana that the fence is broken. I wonder if she's awake... meh, we'll find out. C'mon Roscoe!"

Roscoe got up to his feet as he trotted happily beside Kendall, the two heading up towards the farmhouse with a pep in each step.
"Come back safe! I don't want to see you hurt by those goons when you get back!"

The walk into town was mostly normal, save for the few odd faces that intently watched you walk in with the hood over your head. Some whisperers said you were another one of those ne'er-do-well cultist types, and the goblin beside you was clear evidence of that. Those people could be wrong, though, because you knew better.

Digbie stuck to your side, his burlap trousers collecting dust along the pant leg with every step, and Stride led the fray towards the main market area, taking off his outer robe and putting on another cloak he pulled from seemingly nowhere. Could he have something like a bag of holding? You weren't sure immediately, but when he looked to the right, he hastily looked back straight.

"Over there, at the steps of the tavern."

Sure enough, looking over at the tavern steps you could see a goblinoid creature, no bigger than Digbie if anything, wearing a backpack that just emitted smoke as cloudy and dark as a night sky. Beside the goblin, you saw a massive skeleton, very likely standing over eight feet tall, bashing his club (which easily dwarfed you) into the ground while screaming about... something you could only hope that wasn't about you.

Despite having no vocal cords visible, the skeleton could really make noise.

"Grox must be inside there. Hopefully his pet is at the other side of town in those stables... b-best not to think about that."

"T-they're scary..."

"That's not the half of it, Digbie. They're the reason I wear this wormskin scarf all the time."
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