@Jangel13 the syntax erros aren't the problem, it's the way you write. I'm not saying this to be mean but seriously dude you got to step it up. A good number of your posts, grammar errors aside, read more like lists than they do roleplay entrees. You need to craft a story not a series of actions placed in order. Like this last one, it reads like this.
Greyson did not want to get on the raft
Greyson got on a raft
Greyson entered the rapids
Greyson was forced to battle a harpy
Greyson won the battle easily
Greyson went through the portal
Greyson thought he was drowning
Greyson was discouraged that school wasn't over
Greyson dried himself off and checked his weapons
No one wants to read a list of actions, we want a story, we want to know what's going on in your characters head. Is he angry that he took this class? Is he having fun? Is he killing the harpy with a flamable round (overkill) because he's mad at it or just to save time. When I read your posts there is a complete disconnect between what your character is doing and what he is thinking or feeling about what he's doing, as in you don't write almost anything inside Greyson's head. I could tell you everything Greyson's done since he got to Beacon, I could tell you what type of weapon he uses and the extents of his semblance but from your writing I have no idea who Greyson is. He does this, he does that but I've not got one glint that he has a personality beyond what his actions are. I'm sorry to be blunt but it's the truth.
That and you have a bad tendency to use the same words especially verbs and descriptive terms, for a lot of your post. I'll read one of yours and see the same word used three times in two sentences.
This is something like what a Greyson post could look like if had some feeling put into it. We like the details, they make your posts interesting cause right now your writing is skeletal in nature it has absolutely no meat or substance. Please work on it.
Greyson ran to the water's edge seeing the exit appeared to have been set up in the unstable waters. This seemed like a truly terrible idea but Greyson had had absolutely enough of this class, he was tired from the running, the fighting and the acid falling on his head. At this point anything that got him out of this forest would be welcome, even an apparent death ride over the river rapids. Greyson hopped onto of the barges and pushed it away from short into the depths of the thundering rapids.
It wasn't long before Greyson was attacked. He was fed up with this. First it was the Ankou, then the Itzamnas called in as reinforcements and finally the Salamanders raining acid down on all there heads. The harpy slashing at the side of his raft was the last straw. Greyson loaded a phosphorous round into his weapon to ensure the Grimm died swiftly and painfully. Greyson was done playing around, now he was just wanted to return to his dorms and sleep for an eternity. Greyson discharged his weapon into the harpy violently and watched in satisfaction as if burned before dissolving into the waters.
Greyson was expecting another harpy to take a swift at the side of his raft, it was a complete surprise when his barge tipped backwards as Greyson was pitched over the side of the water fall. He was certain he was going to his the water and be shattered and bloodied by the sharp rocks below. When Greyson hit water he was surprised to discover that none of his bones had broken from the impact. Greyson began to flail wildly determined not to let the rough waters kill him after he survived the fall.
Greyson's hand struck stone as he flapped around wildly and he young hunter realized he wasn't in the river anymore, they'd all landed in the fountain in front of the Gates of Beacon. Greyson groaned loudly as he haled himself out of fountain and collapsed on the stone. School wasn't even over and already he was ready to go back to his room and sleep for an eternity. At least his next class was Music, that was guaranteed to be calm and if he was lucky he might even be able to get some sleep. Greyson rose begrudgingly and started trying to ring ring out his cloths. "God damn it." he muttered giving it up. He'd have to go back to the dorms for a change of cloths. Through some spark of good fortune the dust cartridges of Greyson's weapons had remained dry through the whole ordeal. Maybe there was a small piece of good fortune in all of this.
For the love of god do not simply copy this over your most recent entree. This is my work and you won't improve your skill by copying someone else's stuff word for word. Use it to get an idea of how your posts could work and even improve on it.
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