Undisclosed Date
Zenkichi Hasegawa & Sandalphon
The Avenger
Word count: 3,001 (+4 XP/Rapport)
When Zenkichi arrived at the bridge, he found it almost deserted. Sandalphon caught eyes immediately, with the high-visibility radiance of her halo a sharp contrast to the electronic blues and greens of the hologlove nearby. With the Avenger in the capable hands of its tireless onboard AI, Hope, there were no other personnel necessary to keep the airship in the sky. Even at night, it seemed, the ship did not land, since there would be no better time for an ambush from Moebius, hungry as they were to hunt their foes’ stronghold down. After a cursory look around, though, Zenkichi realized with a start that he and Sandalphon weren’t alone; the Commander happened to be here too, off to one side and motionless as an appliance, silent but watching, always watching.
Sandalphon greeted the detective with a small smile that did not seem to reach her eyes. “Thank you for coming,” she told him, her voice low, lacking its usual stoic authority. “I won’t occupy too much of our time. There are many tasks to attend to in preparation for tomorrow’s missions, and to achieve optimal results all units must be adequately rested. Even me.” She gestured toward one of the curved benches surrounding the hologlobe. “Will you sit down?”
Once seated, the archangel took a moment to gather herself. Then she spoke, her tone a touch slower and more deliberate than usual. “For some time now, I have been perturbed by certain dreadful thoughts. Nothing quantifiable–just what I imagine most people would refer to as a ‘bad feeling’. Or a ‘sinking feeling’, perhaps. I managed to put off further investigation into the troublesome matter in lieu of my other duties, but willful ignorance is something I can neither conscion nor stomach. This afternoon, I called a number of my Midgar contacts to gather relevant data and meticulously assemble a timeline of certain events. What I discovered is not necessary for any Seeker of Light to know in order to perform the tasks required of them. However…”
Sandalphon hesitated. “In the brief time we’ve known one another, we’ve achieved a level of rapport that’s somewhat unusual for me. I believe this extends beyond our shared combat effectiveness, as well. It would not be untrue to say that I have grown…fond of you. At the same time, the behavioral and physiological readings I’ve taken of you in my presence indicate a similar attachment to me, empirically speaking.” She gave him her best attempt at an apologetic look, as if saying she was sorry for defaulting to such methods. There was more to her contrition than that, though. “As such, I think I owe it to you to share my findings with you.”
The archangel reached out gingerly, hoping to take Zenkichi by the hand. “Before I do, however, please allow me to express that I do not regret my decision, either to establish my Covenant with you, or to bond with you or Akane. I would not qualify these actions as mistakes. I would understand if you do…but, personally speaking at least, I would hope not.
She looked off into the middle distance. “Approximately three and a half years ago, I began employment with DespoRHado Enforcement, LLC. Prior to that I served as a cleric of the Lateran Church. That period lasted approximately six years. I was unable to piece together of the exact span during which I existed in Midgar before my induction into the Lateran Church, but as best as I can tell, it lasted no more than a couple months.” Sandalphon breathed in evenly. At some point, her pupils had become stress marks. “I trust that you are aware that in this world, we are all incarnated with a built-in lifespan of ten years?”
As Sandalphon spoke, she could feel Zenkichi's hand in hers grow warm, while his face slowly grew pale as realization set it. ”Y-yeah…” Three and a half years with DesporRHado. Six years with the church. A few months before that…he could do the math. His eyes closed as he prepared himself for what he knew was coming.
“Unfortunately, due to insufficient or inaccessible records of my earliest days in Midgar, the margin for error is unacceptably high. Well outside my personal standards for data analysis.” If anything, Sandalphon seemed more annoyed by that than what she was about to convey. “As best I can tell, I have between one week and three weeks left. Before my expiration date.”
When she finished, Zenkichi's eyes finally opened, pinpricks that seemed as if they could see a thousand miles away. What could only be described as the broken smile of a man desperately trying to hold himself from shattering slowly found its way to his face. ”....oh.” was all he could manage to choke out, even as his grip on her hand tightened, as if he was afraid she would disappear right in front of him.
The ensuing moment of silence stretched out into seconds. Sandalphon wanted to say something, but she couldn’t quite find the words. Nothing could have prepared her for a situation like this. From an impersonal standpoint, she’d delivered all the information she needed to, but she felt compelled to dispel the dreadful quiet settling around her with something more sentimental. To mitigate the painful impact of this revelation, if indeed it could (or should) be mitigated. But what could she say? It was hard enough to try to unpack the tumult of unprecedented feelings swirling around inside her, let alone read and properly address Zenkichi’s.
After a moment, she said the only thing she could think of that might quash his distress. “I’m sorry.”
The words seemed to snap Zenkichi out of the state he'd fallen into, his demeanor quickly changing as he leaned forward a little, squeezing her hand before loosening his grip. ”No, you don't have anything to apologize for. That was…it's a lot to take in. It just…it almost feels like a sick joke. It's just…bad timing. But I don't regret it, either.” He added, calling back to what she'd said earlier. ”Meeting you. Becoming your friend. Being…close to you.” A flush crept up his neck as he spoke, but he carried in without shame or embarrassment.
”Losing Aoi…changed me. On a fundamental level. I made a choice that, no matter what happened, I would never let anything like what happened to her happen to Akane. She hated me for that choice for a long time, because it meant betraying myself for her sake. It meant allowing another victim to take the blame for Aoi's death.” He couldn't recall just how much of his own story he'd told Sandalphon before, but he was resolved to leave nothing hidden now.
”An influential politician was driving drunk when he struck my wife, killing her. An aide took the blame, and committed suicide after the incident. I began an investigation into the man responsible, but after I received a letter threatening Akane's life, I let off on the pressure. My boss and I were still planning to climb the ranks and find justice when there was less red tape in our way, but it was the easy way out, letting someone else take the blame until I had the perfect hand to play, and it took meeting the other Phantom Thieves and seeing the dark side of Akane's hate that made me realize that. That was when I awakened to Valjean. My ‘rebellious spirit’, as Mona calls him. It's the manifestation of my dedication to justice, to doing the right thing, and it was only when I set aside my grief and my fear for Akane that I was able to truly make that dedication again. But it didn't mean that I can't look out for her, too. I was just…too afraid to take that risk. Too afraid of losing someone else.” Taking a deep breath, he turned a sad smile Sandalphon's way.
”I don't want to lose you, either, Sandalphon. I don't…I don't know if I'd call what we have love, but the thought has crossed my mind. Nobody has made me feel the way you do since Aoi. There were…women…after. And girls. Nobody too young, but when you're in a club and drunk off your ass the differences between 20 and 40 are a lot less noticeable. But all that was just me running away from my pain. When I'm with you, I feel like I'm marching towards a future. I…felt like I was. It just…feels like a potential path I was hoping to walk has been ripped out from under me. I can only imagine how this must be affecting you. I'm sorry if my reaction has seemed selfish, Sands.” The nickname came with the best playful smile he could manage at the moment. It was a small, fragile, precious thing.
The archangel listened to his story at rapt attention, absorbing every detail. To an extent, her gaze probably felt too intense–like she was staring straight through Zenkichi, trying to dissect how he thought and felt so she might be able to understand how to think and feel herself. When he apologized, though, she shook her head. “Not at all. Firstly, allow me to thank you for sharing your story, despite the pain that must have resurfaced alongside those memories.”
“Secondly, I believe that I not only understand, but share that sentiment, now that you’ve put it to words. This exercise in becoming more human, in growing closer to a human, felt like…realizing that I had been trapped within a roundabout all my life, and that a brand new road now lay in front of me. A free and open road that seemed to stretch past the horizon itself, ripe with promise. It intimidated me, and it would not be without challenge, but I knew I could walk it…if you were alongside me.” Her unblinking eyes slid closed, and her head drifted downward. Overhead, her halo gently sank. “I have never thought highly of my own existence, beyond the value I bring to a team and the good I can do for mankind. But to see the terminus ahead of me, so soon after that grand vista unveiled itself…I agree. It does feel like a…like a terrible waste.” For the second time in her life, tears began to well in the archangel’s eyes. “If it were possible. I would have liked to see…that future. For us.”
Seeing Sandalphon cry for a future that they could never share was like a dagger to Zenkichi's heart. It hurt, so deeply, both to know her fate and to know that she felt the same. It was such a tragic twist of fate that they had met with such disparate lifespans remaining. He knew that he would carry the memories of their time together, of their bond, for the rest of his time in the World of Light, however long that might be.
But alongside that pain in his chest was a slowly simmering anger. Anger at the circumstances that would tear them apart. Anger at Galeem, for toying with their lives, the very worlds from which they came. He knew that, given the choice, he would choose to meet Sandalphon every time, but even still, the unfairness of it all gnawed at him.
Keeping a light hold of her hand, Zenkichi stooped out of his seat and knelt before Sandalphon, in a much more deliberate recreation of the time she had done the same in Everdream Valley. ”Sandalphon.” He started, slowly. ”I told you that I promised myself that I would never let what happened to Aoi happen to Akane. I…can't promise the same to you. It would be a lie. We both know that. But I can promise that, as long as I have left in this world, I will carry you with me, one way or another. Not Simon,” he turned his head, addressing the Captain who had told them about the time limit. ”What happens when somebody…reaches their time limit?” He asked, dreading whatever answer he would receive in a different way.
The Commander kept his mechanical hands clasped behind his back as he replied. “They dissolve into light.” Zenkichi's stomach, and face, dropped at the revelation. That was probably the worse of the two options.
How fitting, Sandalphon thought, amongst other things. Zenkichi’s sincerity was touching, and his callback did not go unnoticed, but in the archangel’s opinion a eulogy was a touch premature. After a moment she stood, lifting the detective to his feet alongside her. “I appreciate your sentiments. However, I am not dead just yet. Should the worst come to pass, you will have ample time for sadness later. For now, we should focus on what we can do with the time I have left.” Haltingly, Zenkichi nodded in response.
Though her cheeks glistened with tears, Sandalphon’s brow furrowed in thought. “We have a lot of ground to cover, after all, and the world is full of wonders. There may be a way to save me. The Commander here is proof of that.” She looked over at the automaton. “Of course, merely copying my mind into an artificial shell would be of little benefit to myself, but it proves that there are options.” She lifted her other hand and examined its palm, as if answers could be divined from the lines that arced across it. “I mentioned one path before–the path trod by all humans. Today, I unwittingly set foot upon a second path. I know precious little, but I am deeply intrigued. I feel an ephemeral pull, and in my mind’s eye I can see a glittering northstar, far above that all-too-short road. Where they would lead me I cannot say. I know only the name of this path: Remembrance.”
Sandalphon placed her hand on her chest. “I have heard it said that to remember something is to make it real once more. Regardless, let us not mourn before I am gone, but hold out hope for a miracle.” She stared into Zenkichi’s eyes, and a smile crept across her face. “Can you do this for me?”
Slowly, Zenkichi's face grew a smile mirroring Sandalphon's. ”I can do that.” He managed, though it was a little strained. To cling to hope, to fight for a miracle? It was hard. But he supposed it was easier than just giving up.
His hand slowly found its way to Sandalphon's cheek, gingerly wiping away a tear and caressing it, as Zenkichi slowly leaned forward to lean his forehead against hers. ”I'm…afraid, Sandalphon. Afraid of losing you. But even more than that, I'm afraid that I'll lose you, and one day we'll meet again…and you won't remember.” His voice shook, but he carried on. ”And I'm afraid that will hurt even more than losing you.”
The archangel did not recoil from his gentle touch. Instead she carefully leaned her own forehead against Zenkichi’s, the light of her halo shining down on hair both black and white. His skin felt warm, while hers felt cold. “Well. Technically speaking, that would not be me.” She closed her eyes. “I am afraid as well. It is a curious sensation. Yet, at the same time, it is also wonderful to have something I am afraid to lose. Something…precious.”
Zenkichi nodded ever so slightly at that sentiment. ”It is.” His thumb gently traced small circles on her cheek as he leaned closer. ”Having something to lose…something to fight for…is a wonderful thing.” As he finished the sentence, his lips closed the distance between them, gently pressing into Sandalphon's as he closed his eyes.
“Yes, and-” All of a sudden, Sandalphon found herself quite unable to speak. In fact, for once in her life she was completely overwhelmed, her mind short-circuited by bioelectricity. She was frozen, not by discomfort, but by cluelessness. If Zenkichi’s eyes had been open, he would have seen that the archangel’s irises were completely black, as if her pupils had simply shut off. Nothing existed except the man in front of her, so close and so very warm, her chest pressed against his. After a moment, though, her own eyes slid shut, and without thinking Sandalphon kissed him back.
The tiniest bit of surprise at Sandalphon's complete lack of reaction at first tickled the back of Zenkichi's mind, but he'd learned to roll with the punches a long time ago. He did not press the kiss too deeply, though he did not leave it a simple, chaste peck on the lips either. It lasted more than long enough for Sandalphon to recollect herself and return the gesture, causing a smile to force itself onto Zenkichi’s lips despite the fact that they were puckered and pressed to the archangel's. He let the connection linger a few more moments before breaking it, keeping his forehead against hers. ”That was also wonderful.” He whispered, eyes half-opened and gazing lovingly into hers. ”It feels like I could do that forever.” As he admitted this, a deep blush began creeping up his neck to his cheeks.
At some point Sandalphon’s pupils had returned, taking the shape of hearts. “If only,” she murmured. Her chest heaved, her breath labored; for a few moments, she had in fact forgotten all about breathing. As her heart pumped, though, her pale face began to redden as well. “We have a little longer, at least?” After a deep inhalation, she closed her eyes again, her gray lips ajar.
Zenkichi's face blossomed into a bright smile at Sandalphon's words. ”That we do.” He pressed his lips to hers once more, one hand sliding to the small of her back and holding her closely as the other gently cupped her chin. In that moment, everything was right. The time would come when they had to separate, to go their separate ways as part of their mission, but for this ephemeral blissful moment, there was nothing to worry about.
