"Twas the night before Hunger Games, when all through the lobby
not a creature was stirring, not even a Broby.
The weapons were hung by the cornucopia with care,
in hopes that Dinh AaronMk soon would be there.
The contestants were nestled all snug in their beds,
while visions of Jennifer Lawrence danced in their heads.
And Waifu being kawai, and I with my pipe,
had just filled our brains with pre-game hype.
When out on the arena there arose such a clatter,
I sprang from my bed to see what was the matter.
Away to the window I flew like a Rudolph,
tore open the shutter, and threw up on the cloth.
The moon on the breast of the new-fallen snow
gave the lustre of midday to the nonsense objects below,
when, what to my wondering eyes became attestant,
but a miniature sleigh and some tiny contestants.
With a little old driver, so lively and quick,
I knew in a moment it must be St. Nick.
More rapid than eagles, his people they came,
and he whistled and shouted and called them by name:
"Now Saturn! Now Burma!
Now, Cynder and gnome child!
On, Clirkus! On, Witch Cat!
On, The Elvenqueen and Baby Jesus!
To the top of the arena!
To the top of the wall!
Now fight to death! Fight to death!
Fight to death all!"
Hess stays in character and
flies away from his problems. Mr Potato Head wraps his tiny replaceable arms around a cookie and hobbles away. The Witch Cat invites a sea-witch, an American communist, and a vaudeville turtle villain into a sleigh, hoping perhaps to make allies. Travolta has no such friends, and sleighs away alone. The Emoticone also flies away. A pattern develops - people don't stick around to collect anything from the cornucopia, they get the fuck away. Cynder does manage to find a heavy brick to fight with, while the Waifu single single-handedly protects her latte from some Goonies.
The Equestrian Royal Guard gets drunk on the job. Tiny Gizmo smashes in Aaron's nose for a tasty casserole, allowing him to feed after midnight. Woody Guthrie uses his proletarian labor to produce a merry Christmas without the help of private capital, thus disproving capitalism once and for all. Crosby plans on giving out Christmas albums and prepares for their presentation. Chanukah Zombie disguises himself as a gentile.
Bert grabs snow and spells it out as he flaps away puppet-like. I, as per holiday tradition, leave milk and cookies out for the spirit of early 2000's cartoon network. Charlie Brown discovers the meaning of Christmas in a bag. Krampus also disguises himself as Santa, meaning the Santa brand, co-opted by an undead Jew and a Demon, is truly a multicultural event. I seem to have cut off the Snuggie part, but from the picture we can trust that it is in fact Wenceslas, Snuggie, and Turboman as a threesome working together. Santa, realizing people are trying to replace him, gets the hell away.
There are an awful lot of backpacks full of Christmas in them. Putin also finds a sort of Christmas Cheer, which is good because it looks like he really needs it. Baby Jesus, meanwhile, jumps on board a cooked turkey and rolls away.
And thus ends the bloodbath. Next on the Holiday Games we will observe the First Day of Christmas.
Wilted Rose
