Xuna — Roleplayer Guild

@Xuna Hello, I'll be your reviewer. 

I will put this very simply in three easy steps. 

Step one: Take into consideration the amount of detail put in both your character's moves (what they precisely do and effects) and personality.

Step two: Compare text volume of other accepted CS's to yours. You can take my character Aoi for example, both in terms of personality and technique description. More rigorous work is demanded. 

Step three: Perhaps you didn't realize this, but this isn't a shonen. Putting Hell into the name of a technique and explaining what it looks like isn't enough. Also, your character's personality is essentially he's a cool guy until someone is uncool with him. What kind of abnormal human being remains cool and swell when the situation sucks balls? "He's nice until someone makes him mad", these kind of cookie cutter personalities simply don't go.

Bonus: Working on presentation is always a plus.

Now you have everything you need to succeed in very simple steps. 

Verdict: Denied until you actually put some effort like anyone else. I hope you understand.@Savato

Appreciate it, but I've never really done personalities before. That's just something I like to develop into the RP. I have no idea what his personality is at the moment and I dont believe you can actually pin a personality down. I could've used more detail, yes, but I didn't since I thought it was of little importance. Will edit.

As for jutsu, will edit. However the word 'Hell' should I avoid it?

F**k it

(Brown Hair insted) 
【Full Name】
Douzen Ooi

【Age】
15

【Gender】
Male

【Birthplace】
Kirigakure

【Bloodline】
Ooi

【Rank】
Chūnin

Combat reports.

【Fighting style】
Conservative. He's not particularly fond of fighting, however all males part of the Ooi bloodline must. Meaning he will play defensive, although when in a rage his true skill shows. Most blinded by rage tend to stray from their skills and fall back on more instinctive reactions. Douzen, however, hones all the skills and manages to remain sane and collective on the outside, while raising Hell inside. 

【Custom made techniques】

Jutsu name: Hell's Wrath
Rank: B
Range: 1 yard circumference around user
Description: After placing one's hand on the ground, the User channels their energy through the Earth, Sapping the the life force around a small area. After doing such, the user pulls his/her hand from the earth with it's energy flowing around the palm. The user then combines that energy with the fire elemental affinity to create a small ball of fire. Once the ball comes in contact with a target, there is a small explosion that occurs that may inflict more internal damage. This may also knock the target back a few feet.

Jutsu name: Hell Hound
Rank: C
Range: 50 yards
Description: Douzen kneels to the ground and cuffs his mouth with both hands to perform this jutsu. He releases fire chakra from the mouth in the shape of a flaming wolf. The wolf charges forward to collide with the target causing a semi-small explosion that may leave 2-3rd degree burns.

Basic Fire Jutsu:

A Rank: 
Fire Release - Blaze Eruption

B Rank:
Fire Release - Fireball

C Rank: 
Fire Release - Flame Flower
Fire Release - Pheonix Flower Jutsu


Hell is given to some the advanced custom jutsu of all the Ooi clan in honor of Sishui "Hell" Ooi, the founder of the clan. 

Sishui was given the name "Hell" by his father, Undu, due to his decieving and mischievous personality. His older brother, Kuraku, was intellectual and wise, earning him the name "Heaven".

Kuraku was cursed and was ordered to assassinate Undu while he slept. Kuraku was caught by Sishui, seconds before his blade fell. Sishui ended up killing Kuraku and saving his father.


【Personality】
In his early years, Douzen was full of life and excitement. He was perceptive and a very fast learner. However, after the death of his father, Douzen slowly fell into depression and isolation. The first year was the worst, in which douzen would not speak. He had lost a lot of the interaction with his peers. His depression was relieved by determination. Douzen knew his father would've like to see him flourish, so he continued to train everyday. Upon achieving the Genin rank, Douzen only thought of his father which, at the moment, gave him a since a pride but proved to only further his depression.

Douzen finally conquered his depression after achieving the rank Chunin. His glum outlook still remained, but he could finally be at peace with his mind. He let his dad go and moved on with his life. He has vowed to not let another person or himself bring him down. He's dropped fear and laughs in the face of adversity, knowing it cannot be bested. 

【History】

Douzen was concieved and born in Kirigakure. His father was Museigan Ooi, deadliest and middle child of his 7 brothers, he was also despised by his father, Shin Ooi. This was due to the strong resemblance Museigan had with his mother, Reigan Ooi, Who left Shin after Museigan's 10th birthday. The boy was closest to his mother, even more so than Shin, so Atemi took Museigan and fled to the Sand. 

5 years passed and Museigan was determined to venture back to the Mist and settle things with his father. Achieving the Jonin rank, Museigan at 15 was more prepared than most men would've been in their entire life. 

After arriving at the mist, Museigan noticed a lot of change and took it all in as he made his way to his clan's home. The small complex of buildings was thriving with children, women and ninja. Museigan first noticed his youngest brother, Sougishiki, who directed him to the Elder's Quarters where their father was. His mother had never explained the "atrocities" committed by Shin so he decided to find out himself, first-hand.

Shin was honest with Museigan as their customs deny false-tellings to any sort of kin. Shin spoke of drunken stupers and old whores, but even then this wasn't Atemi's reason, Museigan could tell. After hearing out his father Museigan shouted at his father, ordering him to stop hiding and to face his son like a true father...So he did..

Shin revealed himself.  

--

He spoke of 16 years ago, 9 months before Museigan's birth. He explained how that was the peak of his honeyed romances and how his mother left before the last time. His words were soft and his blood calm, a rare state for Shin..

"She gave me her final warning and I didn't listen... She went out with her friends for a drink while I was galavanting with my ladies." 

Museigan glared, attention fixed on shin.

"I returned home to discover that my wife was missing...I made my way back to the streets in a panicked search. It was the dead of night and all was still, save for the rats that scavenge the ground in the darkness..."

He paused and lowered his head. Museigan only stood in silence to await his fathers next words. 

"There was a shriek...I managed to track the sound and found your poor mother cast upon the dirt lifelessy.. She had lacerations all over her body and she was stripped to the..."

Museigan halted his father and turned his back. Tears fell from his face after hearing the tragic truth about his mother. Which she, herself, could not bare to tell. 

"I found the man 6 years later when passing by in a market. Your mother dropped her things and only the look of horror remained on her face. He also..."

"Also what?" Museigan interrupted.

"...Looked exactly like you..." Shin forced, "I found out where he stayed, when he left and when he came back. I knew everything and once the moment was right, I did what needed to be done..." Shin sunk his head and slouched his shoulders. Douzen stood tall, but still turned around.

Seconds passed before Museigan finally gained the composure to speak, "So why'd she leave?" 

"I came home drunk, 5th night in a row, she had grown tired of it. The arguing began, but this time it was different. We both had different tones than usual and she wasn't crying as usual. I felt like I was losing the argument so I brought up the game winner...You.."
Shin grew quiet.

"She was gone by morning..."

--

Museigan then returned to the Sand where 3 years later he would meet the love of his life, Atemi Kanshaku. She was a beautiful brown haired accountant with a rich family history. They fell madly in love and eventually landed back in Kirigakure, where they would have Douzen. 

Before Douzen could even walk, the young family moved to Konohagakure. Museigan took up his role as a Jonin and Atemi had her accounting job for a big company. Museigan's skill advanced over the years and was considered top tier by some. Although earning this title gained him huge respect, it also came with the dirty work... While Douzen was still young, Museigan took on an elite mission and due to certain circumstances, He had chosen to sacrifice his life for his squad.

Museigan, however, would not let his son die with him. He filled a book with all his teachings and had asked Atemi to give it to Douzen. He had always seen great potential in his son and insisted that he become a ninja. Atemi also possessed the same feelings about the boy, so she obeyed her husband and handed the book over as promised. Douzen absorbed the information and translated it into action beautifully as a child, but lost a lot of that aggression and drive after getting over his father. Atemi never let him stray from the ninja way. after observing the boy's behavior, she knew the case and decided to put him through ninja school. 

【Family ties]
Atemi Ooi (Kanshaku) (Mother) 
Museigan Ooi (Father) -Deceased-

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