GAME: Crush A Wish

[ArenaSnow]

Granted. You drink it and fall into a permanent coma, but you're still alive.

I wish for dynamic delete keys on the keyboard. The one that's there just doesn't do it.

[Arkaquiavel]

Granted, but everything you delete using these keys will reappear one week later.

I wish the moon appears bigger in the sky every night.

[DepressedSoviet]

Granted, it gets so big that the tides on earth go so erratic that everything drowns in massive tidal waves.

I wish for all the enemies of communism to be destroyed

[Arkaquiavel]

Granted, all enemies of communism are destroyed by nuclear weaponry, but radiation levels go wild all over the planet and communists are heavily affected aswell.

I wish I have telekinetic powers!

[Aalakrys]

Granted, but your ability will not allow anything to move within ten feet of you so if you approach an item physically, it is repelled away.

I wish there was a real winter and not a scattered day or two of almost freezing weather before it's suddenly spring.

[InfiniteEmbers]

Granted, but the long winter turns into a global ice age.

I wish that I could have sleepless nights without being affected by a lack of sleep.

[Arkaquiavel]

Granted, you now never sleep nor are affected by lack of sleep, but each night you become paralized, only being able to feel with your senses and use your mind. Boredom ensues.

I wish for a better, long lasting computer which is able to do everything my current laptop does, except faster.

[DepressedSoviet]

Granted, but its power cord is the only one that plugs into it, and is designed for a wall outlet that no adaptor exists for.

I wish for World Peas

[ArenaSnow]

Granted. The world's water is drained in favor of several metric trillions of green peas per square mile, and everyone dies of water deprivation because all the water in the world became peas.

I wish for the snow outside of my house to hopefully not make it past the 6 inches mark.

[Spambot]

Granted - it only goes to a few centimeters, but becomes very slippery, causing you to slip and die the moment you step outside.

I wish for an extra 500TB of storage space.

[Todd Howard]

Granted; But it comes in the form of an external drive that is filled with Zoophilia porn; And you have to watch each video from start to finish before you can delete them for your desired space. And each one is in 144p.

I wish for america to be great again.

[DepressedSoviet]

Granted, the entirety of the American continents become great again, and with their newfound political and economic power create a global superwar that rivals the death tolls of both the First and Second world wars together.

I wish for recursion.

[Gutshot]

You are a very depressed democrat through the powers of democratic depression, that of which makes you a very depressed democrat.

I wish for resurrection

[Arkaquiavel]

Granted. You now die every quarter of hour, just so you can be resurrected within a few minutes every time.

I wish for a jar of dirt, just like Jack Sparrow's.

[Gutshot]

You obtain a jar of dirt, but the rum's all gone.

I wish to quickly produce s̛̗p̧̹̫i̲͙͡ͅͅc͏̩̪̮̳y̥̩ ̧̫m̙̣͎̳͙͕͞ȩm͈͚e͏̗̺̲̬̹s̢̜̘͈̝̟͙ at an alarmingly safe pace.

[wXw]

You make memes with chili pepper, they strike your eyes, however badly that can go.

I wish for a duck.

[Arkaquiavel]

("Why is the rum gone!?")

Granted, but each spicy meme you produce results in you feeling as if you just ate something really, really spicy. More spicy than you would ever consider pleasant.

Granted, but your duck is a rare meme, and everyone wants to steal it.

I wish for a working bicycle with square wheels!

[wXw]

Your working bicycle gets a 9 to 5 job and then goes to the pub to smooth its squared edges with its colleagues.
You never see it.

I wish for a rocking chair.

[Gutshot]

Think a KISS member, but your sitting on it's face constantly. Rocking Chair.

I wish for @Arkaquiavel to have never been ninja'd.

[Arkaquiavel]

Granted, but the granted wish's consequences become a fusion of mine and these which would've now been ninja'd, these written by @wXw, resulting in both your eyes and tongue being struck alike.

I wish I become able to change my own gravitic acceleration at will, being able to do slow falls, fly, just walk normally, etc.