Avatar of Xanadu
  • Last Seen: 5 yrs ago
  • Joined: 7 yrs ago
  • Posts: 103 (0.04 / day)
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    1. Xanadu 7 yrs ago
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Bio




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Xanadu | Xan | That asshole | etc
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21 12/13/1997
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University Student: History & Philosophy
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Forum Based RPing for 8+ Years
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Who Art Tho?

The man known as Xan
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Hello there! You can call me Xanadu through originally on Old Guild I was known as Fa11ing Phoenix. I'm a University student that lives on the East Coast of North America studying History and Philosophy with aspirations of either becoming a History Professor or working in the Digital Humanities. I used to be really into forum based roleplaying when I was younger starting out on Neopets before moving to Max-Dan-Wiz and finally ending up on the Old Guild.

As I entered college though, I found it hard to find time to allocate time to writing posts when I have to write essays for grades and the like. Recently though, I've decided that for the sake of my own mental health that I have hobbies beyond work in an attempt to help keep myself sane. And thus I have returned with the expressed intent of continuing to do this weird collaborative writing experience that I love so much!

Current Projects
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RPs That I GM:


RPs That I Participate In:
  • N/A

Genres that peak my fancy
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  • Fantasy: [High | Low | Urban]
  • Sci-Fi: [Mechs | Science-Fantasy | Space Operas]
  • Historical [Westerns | Wuxai | Chanbara]
  • Punk [Steam punk | Diesel Punk | Post-Cyberpunk]
  • Fandom [DC & Marvel | Dragon Age | Mass Effect]

Fun Facts
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▶ I play the Kantele, Tenor Sax, and Clarinet
▶ My favorite color is Orange

Most Recent Posts

@Inkarnate That's completely understandably and thank you for keeping up with the communication throughout! I'll add you to the list of names in case we ever need a spot to be filled!

@Monochromatic Rainbow
Gotcha' I'll let y'know if I see anything amiss!

And finally here is Batch#2!!!!



@Rtron


This...This is a very good sheet! Like hot damn! It made me feel things! Honestly I had trouble finding things to pick apart from it! I have a few questions and comments peppered about but really you don't need to answer those. They are kinda just there to maybe help you think of things you didn't think of at the time or answer some questions that I still had after reading. Over all though you did a very good job! Much impressed!



@Lauder


Alright this a solid concept but as you can see I also ended up making a fair bit of comments! That really isn't an issue per say, it just means that I had a lot of comments or suggestions. The framework is there and now you just need to expand on it more. Because right now you have done a very good job at getting us from Point A to Point B, but now I want to see those extra flourishes added. Really focus in on characterization and highlighting moments that let us see Hann as a person. Because right now it feels very clinical and while giving us a pretty good idea of her history, I wanna know more about Hann as a person and how this history effected her beyond her being kind of a non-active party in events happening to her half the time. Did these events change her? Or did they make her resolve stronger? Was that her taking the initiative to learn how to shoot was that something forced upon her? I hope a lot of my questions can point you in the right direction. But don't worry because right now you have a very solid concept and starting point! Now you just gotta finish fleshing the product out!


@DJAtomika


I think you were being harder on yourself then needed! I really like Sully a lot as a character, he's a very familiar character but very different at the same time and I think that is really really cool. I think the sheet would benefit from you going in depth a little bit more about his life on Tunchka before he left for Omega. Things like his family life or maybe a story about the first thing he repaired on his own or something. Something to give us a little bit more info on those formative years and give us a better idea of where he is coming from.

Beyond that I have a few questions peppered throughout that I feel that maybe answering or at least thinking about will help you along!

Oh and one final thing just for me would be to maybe throw some dates or at least when he x years old blank happened in there. Just so I have a better idea of the time frame of events!

But overall very good job! ^<^
@Monochromatic Rainbow
Yeah it's weird. They talk about it like it's a much bigger battle then it is but really it was pretty quick. It's not a you problem! It's a the game isn't really clear about it expect in like a few dialogues from the very beginning of ME-1 so not a lot of people remember them problem. lol

The ground teams had a much harder fight, but still managed to hold out for several hours. When reinforcements finally arrived, the enemy turned tail and fled in what vessels they had left.
That's a line from the ME wiki and when you talk to Presley about it in ME-1 he also describes it as a relatively short affair.

@Jarl Coolgruuf
Mhmm! I look forward to it and I wish you the best of luck!

Alright! Here is Batch#1! Batch#2 is already in the oven and will be out as soon as I'm able to finish it up! Once again I would like to thank all of y'all for your patience and cooperation as I try to handle all these applications!



@Heat

In general this is another high quality sheet! My only real problem arises in the history of the Drayak's Fist. You make them seem like an outright terror, running circles around the likes of the Eclipse, Blood Pack, and Blue Suns. The justification is they are small and thus can be illusive but part of me doesn't buy it. The section just seemed a little too unbelievable y'know? Like for example in ME:2 once Garrus started causing problems for the merc, groups they formed a coalition to take him down. Like they aren't going to just sit around and let a small time mercenary group basically bully them like that. So like them not just surviving but thriving for six decades seems a little much for me.

My second issue also kind of groups into this. Why would they try and make beef with the mercs anyway. Like yeah mercenary companies are going to have issues with one another. But why did the brother's choose to actively antagonize them by going after their bases? I just don't see the reasoning there.

Beyond that though its a very strong concept overall and I think it just needs some ironing out. Because right now you make it look like Drayak's Fist was the biggest and baddest mercenary company in the galaxy for sixty years. Which probably wasn't your intention but still! ^-^


@Jarl Coolgruuf


Alright I'm not gonna sugar coat it here there are some problems. On first impression when I read the sheet basically all I was thinking was "Oh this is a Jack clone" which is never a good sign to start off with.

In my opinion, the major problem relating to this is the history section. In its current form it is very weak. It skips over entire sections of her life. Some of it directly conflicts with established lore and generally it just feels incomplete. Which is an unfortunate thing because you leave room for a bunch of hooks and ideas to expand upon and then you just don't. But currently it feels incomplete in way? I don't really know how Kaitlyn is, I don't know what makes her unique. And because the history section falls flat and I can't really connect with her my thought goes immediately to other edgy biotics which is why I'm like oh "Jack Clone" and the Haunt and Drive doesn't really help in that regard either.

Beyond that there are some other issues mostly in the equipment section.

My advice for you if you want to continue pursuing this character is to redo that History section. Like if you have time start from scratch and work from the ground up. Because right now the sheet is just isn't there yet.



@Monochromatic Rainbow


Alrighty! Once again this a pretty solid character but there are some hiccups.

Like the majority here most of those problems are of course in the history section.

The major problem is with the events surrounding the Blitz. As mentioned above, the Blitz wasn't like a year, it was a single battle. A battle that only lasted a handful of hours. So that whole section is going to need to be reworked and retrofitted because right now it just doesn't work.

Beyond that the rest of the sheet is pretty solid. I threw some more questions out there and some prompts that if you have time you could answer or add to the sheet. But it's very good so far!

@Lauder@DJAtomika
Y'all have been added to the list! ^<^

Daily Update:
Sorry for the real lack of activity on my part today. My brain hates me sometimes and is like let's go to bed at 7 even though you need to be up at 9. And I've been busy with a bunch of other stuff so I really haven't had time to hop on until now. That being said, I currently feel if I look at a screen for too much longer, my eyes will melt and so I'm going to step away for a bit and maybe take a nap. If y'all need anything from me just shoot me a PM or tag me here and I'll address it after I sleep.

Judging from my current time line for reviews I should be able to get most of them out tomorrow and those that I can't I'll finish up on Friday. Cause I wanna try my best to get in as many of them I can before applications are due!

Anyway talk to y'all later!


@Ceta de Cloyes
If it makes you feel better, I'm in the same boat here. I had my post ready and after reading it over I was like.... wait this is trash and doesn't do anything that I want to do. So I may have made the stupid mistake of rather then posting it and just moving on I deleted it and I'm now starting from scratch. Though I will say there is something cathartic about deleting 3,000+ words and several hours of work with one press of a button lol, felt very zen.
@Rtron
Gotcha' expect a review soonish!

@Star Lord
I'll take a quick gander soonish as well to make sure that all the most pressing issues were addressed. And the color is all good!

@Prizrak
That's fine! Though be warned that I'm not going to be likely to delay the applications for a WIP in this case since you have unfortunately displayed interest so late. But I implore you to shoot your shoot and my advice would just be to have that WIP as completely finished as possible!

@Lauder




Also another quick update on my part.

Working on reviews as we speak! I also managed to finish up the sheet for the sweet summer child/complete trashcan fire of a living being that I feel the urge to protect at all costs that is Faena if y'all want to take a gander. Just to give you guys another sample if you still need help in that area!
@Xanadu so how much will character classes be taken into acceptance? Im guessing you want some variety?


Yeah variety is important, but it is also honestly the least of my concern. This isn't a game where our team comp has to be optimal. Sometimes I find it is more fun to be less optimal actually. But let us say that I have two sheets of identical caliber and one is a Solider and the other is an Engineer. If for example, I'm already looking at accepting three other soldiers and we only have one other engineer, then I'm probably going to be more inclined to go for the engineer. But that being said before that I'm going to go through some other stuff as well like writing ability as shown in previous RPs, the level of commitment they have shown to previous RPs etc as well. So it is far from the deciding factor but will help inform my decision in those rare edge cases.

Disgusting.




And time for Practice Review #2!

@Dervish's


Overall this is a very good sheet!

One aesthetic thing is teal font is kinda hard to read sometimes so you might want to change it, but that's really up to you!

Everything is pretty solid. Really, my only request would to be maybe expand on some of those things that I mentioned in the history section. It isn't completely necessary and I feel that in its current state, the sheet would have no problems standing on its own. But I also think that expanding on those lines of thought and ideas, or even just thinking about them for a bit will help you have a better overall feeling of who Ardan is and where he is coming from!

@Inkarnate
Nope! As mentioned previously, the haunts section is effectively you guys telling me what is on the ship, not the other way around! In this way, I hope it will help everyone feel more connected to the Achilles, because they helped make it.
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