Hidden 5 yrs ago 5 yrs ago Post by Almalthia
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Almalthia Friendly neighborhood redhead

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Hidden 5 yrs ago Post by Ruby
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Ruby No One Cares

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Approved.
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Hidden 5 yrs ago Post by Ellri
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Ellri Lord of Eat / Relic

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Personnel Files:
What is “Sith-Human”?
Do you mean Sith Pureblood? Imperial Human?
Given the Sith ancestry percentage listed, her species would most likely be the former.

While not “wrong” per se, it is unusual for an apprentice of her age to have delved into three spheres of influence enough to be considered “associated” with them. Most Sith tend to only start branching out considerably later in life, when they have more influence and experience.

Appearance
It generally takes a lot of Force Lightning to leave visible marks on the body. Or a lot of electricity for that matter. As burns go, electric burns are the least visible kind. Perhaps replace the source with something more technological? Something like an energy beam, a plasma torch or somesuch?

She should probably have at least latent hallmarks of her Sith ancestry, well beyond the sharply defined cheekbones. Some options could be: Cheek tendrils, bone spurs, “sithy” collarbones, etc.

Force
Would it be a problem to write a bit of a descriptive bit on her use of the Force in addition to the nice list?

What sort of style does she favor? Is there anything she avoids doing?

You misspelled “crucitorn”.

Non-Force
Descriptive text would be nice here too, so that a better impression of what the character is like comes across.

Combat & Lightsaber
Presuming she uses standard-hilt saber? It isn’t specified. Like the previous two sections, a bit of a description would be very nice.

It seems quite unusual to innate talent for such a wide range of lightsaber forms. We’d recommend shaking it up a bit and adjusting some of those talents over to just training. Probably for the less well-trained forms primarily, but we’d also recommend talking out the lightsaber stuff with Echo.

Influence
Being an apprentice of Embrus, she will have some influence due to his being a Darth, but you could perhaps specify that virtually all her influence comes through him.

Perhaps invent a couple of (really) minor folks that she has influence with, probably from her primary or secondary sphere. Even a regular ol’ army sergeant, corporal or such can be an asset, even if he or she cannot exactly change imperial policy or anything like that. For that matter, a friendship with a good cook can come in handy as influence. Don’t think solely about influence with major figures.
Plus, such characters might give other players something to work with (or against).

Rivals
Is any of these four more important as rivalries go?
Verification: the lost limbs is the rivals losing said limbs, right?

Underlings/Associates
See the influence point, that overlaps with this one.

Ownerships
Which academy, the less-used one on Dromund Kaas, the one on Korriban or some other? The resettlement of Korriban is still in a fairly early stage, so there isn’t much in the way of civilians living there. Especially not next to the Academy.

She owns nothing except those three things? Really? Is her master that stingy with her? From the ownerships, it feels more like she’s a neophyte or acolyte than a full-fledged Sith.

Psychology
Not much to say on this section. A bit short, but concise. Perhaps build up a bit to show how her flaws affect her personality?

Flaws
How is she observant in spite of her partial extreme focus? If it is counteracted like that, why is it even a flaw listed?
What is she possessive of? Her few belongings? Clothes? The non-existent associates/underlings? Knowledge?

What makes her arrogant? Her ancestry? Her skill with the lightsaber? Her skill the Force? Other skills?

Is she arrogant in the face of all, or just in the face of some? If the latter, who?
What is she stubborn about?

Interests
Is she disinterested in improving her skills with the lightsaber? With the Force? Does she seek anything in her life beyond slicing and enjoying herself with song and dance?

Achievements
Highest marks at what? None of her listed skillsets immediately stand out as truly exceptional.

Failures
Some minor grammar stuff in the first failure (missing comma).

Interview
Being two years old upon enrollment at the academy is extraordinarily young, younger than both Darth Theya and Darth Nyiss were at the start of their training.
It is especially strange when combined with the fact that she passed from Neophyte to Acolyte early. While early discovery allows for some things to be taught early, there are many things that cannot be taught until the mind and body have reached a certain point of development.

We would suggest adding in some idea of how old she was at reaching each of the various key points in her training. Especially whenever she earned a new title.

Generally speaking, Sith don’t get the title of Apprentice until they either are claimed by a master, or (more rarely) amass the power to seize it for themselves. Sith seeking apprentices often come by the academy, or send underlings to look for prospective apprentices meeting certain criteria.

It takes a lot for a Darth to betray the Empire. Way more than you’ve described. Darths are powerhouses in the Empire, controlling significant forces and are generally ridiculously aloof. They would not inform a lowly apprentice that they’re going away, especially not where they were going unless they had a need for said apprentice to report to them there.

We would suggest rewriting the former master as at most a Sith Lord and to expand more upon the treachery situation leading up to this.




All in all, this sheet is a good start, but needs a bit of work to flesh it out fully. We think that a bit more work on fleshing her out will make for a good Sith.
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Hidden 5 yrs ago 5 yrs ago Post by Almalthia
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Almalthia Friendly neighborhood redhead

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Personnel Files:
What is “Sith-Human”?
Do you mean Sith Pureblood? Imperial Human?
Given the Sith ancestry percentage listed, her species would most likely be the former.

While not “wrong” per se, it is unusual for an apprentice of her age to have delved into three spheres of influence enough to be considered “associated” with them. Most Sith tend to only start branching out considerably later in life, when they have more influence and experience.


Updated.

Narrowed down.


Appearance
It generally takes a lot of Force Lightning to leave visible marks on the body. Or a lot of electricity for that matter. As burns go, electric burns are the least visible kind. Perhaps replace the source with something more technological? Something like an energy beam, a plasma torch or somesuch?

She should probably have at least latent hallmarks of her Sith ancestry, well beyond the sharply defined cheekbones. Some options could be: Cheek tendrils, bone spurs, “sithy” collarbones, etc.


Appearance wise lightning leaves a scar when someone is struck by it. I have a friend that has a scar similar to my character and that is where I pulled the idea from.

I have added that she looks more human than her siblings, a toss to her human ancestry as flavoring. Her eyes are very Sith though.


Force
Would it be a problem to write a bit of a descriptive bit on her use of the Force in addition to the nice list?

What sort of style does she favor? Is there anything she avoids doing?

You misspelled “crucitorn”.


Added.

Added.

Corrected.


Non-Force
Descriptive text would be nice here too, so that a better impression of what the character is like comes across.


Updated.


Combat & Lightsaber
Presuming she uses standard-hilt saber? It isn’t specified. Like the previous two sections, a bit of a description would be very nice.

It seems quite unusual to innate talent for such a wide range of lightsaber forms. We’d recommend shaking it up a bit and adjusting some of those talents over to just training. Probably for the less well-trained forms primarily, but we’d also recommend talking out the lightsaber stuff with Echo.


Updated. Also added a basic skill of unarmed combat.

None of the lightsaber talents are innate. Fencing, if this is what you’re referring to is. The advanced level for that skill with the years behind the character makes sense, after all with Olympic athletes train for shorter periods in life and are the best in what they do at a national level.


Influence
Being an apprentice of Embrus, she will have some influence due to his being a Darth, but you could perhaps specify that virtually all her influence comes through him.

Perhaps invent a couple of (really) minor folks that she has influence with, probably from her primary or secondary sphere. Even a regular ol’ army sergeant, corporal or such can be an asset, even if he or she cannot exactly change imperial policy or anything like that. For that matter, a friendship with a good cook can come in handy as influence. Don’t think solely about influence with major figures.
Plus, such characters might give other players something to work with (or against).


Updated.


Rivals
Is any of these four more important as rivalries go?
Verification: the lost limbs is the rivals losing said limbs, right?


Updated.
Affirmative hence the language of “...lost to Subject…”


Underlings/Associates
See the influence point, that overlaps with this one.


Added a couple here.


Ownerships
Which academy, the less-used one on Dromund Kaas, the one on Korriban or some other? The resettlement of Korriban is still in a fairly early stage, so there isn’t much in the way of civilians living there. Especially not next to the Academy.

She owns nothing except those three things? Really? Is her master that stingy with her? From the ownerships, it feels more like she’s a neophyte or acolyte than a full-fledged Sith.


These Academies are not named in the lore. None of this information is in the lore.

I have explained her reasoning for the lack of materialistic possessions.


Psychology
Not much to say on this section. A bit short, but concise. Perhaps build up a bit to show how her flaws affect her personality?


Noted; but no need to give away things that can be explored in role play. Also see the six month review at the end of her bio from an underling of Darth Embrus.


Flaws
How is she observant in spite of her partial extreme focus? If it is counteracted like that, why is it even a flaw listed?
What is she possessive of? Her few belongings? Clothes? The non-existent associates/underlings? Knowledge?

What makes her arrogant? Her ancestry? Her skill with the lightsaber? Her skill the Force? Other skills?

Is she arrogant in the face of all, or just in the face of some? If the latter, who?
What is she stubborn about?


I did not define it with real world definition, ADD is commonly characterized by those who have it as functioning in this way. It’s still a flaw and can be overwhelming at times but focusing exercises assist with lessening the fixation tendencies. Most people who have ADD tend to be more observant than the average person, it’s getting them to tell you what and when that is more complicated.

Expanded upon.

Expanded upon.

One does not have to have one thing in particular to be stubborn about.

Interests
Is she disinterested in improving her skills with the lightsaber? With the Force? Does she seek anything in her life beyond slicing and enjoying herself with song and dance?


Expanded a bit in this section.

Achievements
Highest marks at what? None of her listed skillsets immediately stand out as truly exceptional.


Updated.

Failures
Some minor grammar stuff in the first failure (missing comma).


Updated.


Interview
Being two years old upon enrollment at the academy is extraordinarily young, younger than both Darth Theya and Darth Nyiss were at the start of their training.
It is especially strange when combined with the fact that she passed from Neophyte to Acolyte early. While early discovery allows for some things to be taught early, there are many things that cannot be taught until the mind and body have reached a certain point of development.

We would suggest adding in some idea of how old she was at reaching each of the various key points in her training. Especially whenever she earned a new title.

Generally speaking, Sith don’t get the title of Apprentice until they either are claimed by a master, or (more rarely) amass the power to seize it for themselves. Sith seeking apprentices often come by the academy, or send underlings to look for prospective apprentices meeting certain criteria.

It takes a lot for a Darth to betray the Empire. Way more than you’ve described. Darths are powerhouses in the Empire, controlling significant forces and are generally ridiculously aloof. They would not inform a lowly apprentice that they’re going away, especially not where they were going unless they had a need for said apprentice to report to them there.

We would suggest rewriting the former master as at most a Sith Lord and to expand more upon the treachery situation leading up to this.


There is nothing saying that this is incorrect in the lore given. Nor at what age that a character is enrolled in the Academy. Again extrapolation from the lore given, is that there is a chance that the family could reside near an academy and therefore the child would be assessed and found early. None of her talents or skills, save for seduction, are outside the lore that is given. I broke down an estimate of when it was taught; Neophyte, Acolyte or a cross. The skills are listed as being things that she’d have learned within those years.

I have updated Major Achievements and Failures to reflect the ages as requested.

The lore once again is vague on what would be considered appropriate timeline for the Titled Apprentice, ergo extrapolation. Not to mention that it doesn’t seem to take much to get the title. Simply please an Overseer. While that may be an oversimplification it is not clear in the lore given. It is also confusing on the point of the difference in a Titled Apprentice and one that is de facto Apprentice by way of being chosen by a Lord/Darth. To make things simpler I have taken out the Titled Apprentice achievement.

I have made Darth Rahl Lord Rahl as suggested. The character’s lack of knowledge is what kept her alive. She would not know classified information so expanding on it serves no purpose in a file on this character. Nor would the recorder likely have access to that information.


All in all, this sheet is a good start, but needs a bit of work to flesh it out fully. We think that a bit more work on fleshing her out will make for a good Sith.


Updated and thank you! @Ellri


Hidden 5 yrs ago Post by Ellri
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Ellri Lord of Eat / Relic

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Can't deny that the Sith guide is a bit vague on the numbers. Probably something we should grab Echo for sometime to fix up.

The best way to estimate is to look at the sort of skills a neophyte is expected to know before earning the rank of Apprentice, then extrapolate from that how long it'd probably take to learn it, while taking into account your character's aptitudes and age/maturation.

as for becoming a titled apprentice? That's (almost) entirely at the whim of a Sith's master. It can happen quickly or it might never happen.

We've not read through the sheet itself again yet, but we will look at doing that later on.
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Hidden 5 yrs ago 5 yrs ago Post by Ellri
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Ellri Lord of Eat / Relic

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@Almalthia Finally got around to rereading sheet. (so many shiny objects... so little time...)

Force throw isn’t a thing. It is merely a part of telekinesis.

You’ve described her force use in combat, but how do you imagine she tends to use it outside combat?

Fix those two thingsthat one thing, and the sheet should be good to go.
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Hidden 5 yrs ago Post by Almalthia
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Almalthia Friendly neighborhood redhead

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@Almalthia Finally got around to rereading sheet. (so many shiny objects... so little time...)

Force throw isn’t a thing. It is merely a part of telekinesis.

You’ve described her force use in combat, but how do you imagine she tends to use it outside combat?

Fix those two thingsthat one thing, and the sheet should be good to go.


Asked about Force Throw in Discord was told to keep it.

Updated her use outside combat.

@Ellri
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