Hidden 5 yrs ago 5 yrs ago Post by Sundered Echo
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Sundered Echo

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Hidden 5 yrs ago Post by Ellri
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Ellri Lord of Eat / Relic

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@Sundered Echo
Most of the contents are good in this sheet due to prior discussions and intimate knowledge of the guides, thus more of a focus on phrasing, grammar and minor details.

OoC / Goals:
too → to

Appearance:
Grumble-grumble. Use Galactic standard system of measurement, Echo.

“... she is surrounded by a subtle other-worldly glamour with decidedly uneasy and off-putting sensations.”
Something feels off about this sentence. Not sure what.

Force:
Add question mark after “but why would I need to”

Non-Force:
Find one error:
“I am a highly respected Archeologist among this Sith.”

Doubled up?
“I am a capable administrator, though I prefer to delegate when I can. I also know the many basic skills taught in the Sith Academy, though I prefer not to have to use them.

The many skills taught by the academy are also known to me, such as wilderness survival, basic slicing and medical skills using limited resources.”

Lightsaber:
“with a single or double handed grip when using one blade.”
Two-handed. When → while

Politics:
Check whole sheet for doubled spaces

This section, in some ways, feels very short.

Underlings:
“HKZ - 341”
Remove spaces? (multiple instances)
Bold underling names?

Psychology:
Maybe expand this to provide a few situational examples of how she’s possibly likely to respond in a few example situations?

Flaws:
Bold flaw labels.

because of a hyper focus on her current objective → because of a passionate focus solely on her current objective
Or somesuch. “Hyper focus” feels wrong.

Interests:
“Exoteric” sure you intended this word and not another? Is her non-biochemical research intended to be understood by all?

Bio:
Legacy hunting → legacy-hunting

Almost surprising to have a human nanny involved in Kurzayon’s project.

Age fifteen, “new found” → newfound
Thirty sixth → thirty-sixth

Possible change: split bio into “epochs” to make looking things up easier

45 → forty-five

Hidden 5 yrs ago Post by Heat
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Heat Hey, nice marmot

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Hmm, a familiar face...

The sheet looks awesome, got my approval!
Hidden 5 yrs ago Post by Sundered Echo
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Sundered Echo

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Nitpicks fixed, as requested.
Hidden 5 yrs ago Post by Ellri
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Ellri Lord of Eat / Relic

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Hidden 5 yrs ago Post by Sini
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Sini

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Tiny Darth is go.
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