Hidden 4 yrs ago 4 yrs ago Post by Enzayne
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Enzayne Invading Eldar

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Hidden 4 yrs ago Post by Jackdaw
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Jackdaw

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Approved, aside from a minor comment on the corporate structure of Val’shan Trading Initiative.

This sounds like a corporation, which would be headed by a board of directors elected by the corporation’s shareholders, not a “board of shareholders.” Asra Lyn can control the board of directors as either an owner of more than 51% of the shares and therefore a majority shareholder, or by owning a large minority of shares, electing some of the board members and and using her considerable skill in intrigue and influence on the directors she does not elect as an activist shareholder, persuading them to support her goals and direction for the company.

Feel free to amend this in the character sheet, but more importantly I hope that gives you some guidance on how to depict her relationship with the company. It’s a great concept for a character.
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Hidden 4 yrs ago 4 yrs ago Post by Enzayne
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Enzayne Invading Eldar

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Thank you for the approval and feedback, @Jackdaw. I've made a choice regarding her involvement with the corporation. I have amended my application with a few edits to clarify the corporate situation, as well as a few things I felt needed retouching now that I am out of my initial haze of spellbound writing. If any of my edits changes the previous approval, I am happy to further edit them or otherwise backtrack to the state it was in previously. I understand it is not very cool to do any edits while it is in pending status, so I'm hoping ya'll won't hate me for this.

For the sake of transparency:
Clarified under political influences that her involvement with Val'shan Trading is criminal in nature.
Added a sentence to the associate Rassk about having worked as an independent contractor for the Empire.
Clarified that the Val'shan Trading Initiative is a corporation in associate Lazal Ke's entry.
Added a sentence to 'Villa Lyn' to give a better picture of the nature of her home.
Edited the entry for ownership - Val'shan Trading Initiative. Hopefully it's a little more understandable now.
Rewrote the passage about vehicles to be more clear.
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Hidden 4 yrs ago Post by Jackdaw
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Jackdaw

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I very much like the revisions.
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Hidden 4 yrs ago Post by Ruby
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Ruby No One Cares

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Approved. Love the concept. Can't wait to meet her IC!
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