There were so many people.
Mairin was both fascinated and extremely nervous. She had been to large cities and towns in past years, so it wasn't as if she'd never seen so many people in one place before -- it was more the way they were all there, together, part of the same group.
Part of the same group. She looked down at herself, womanly figure wrapped in black. It covered her well. Especially the mask. It was hard to break more than a decade's habit of trying to hide herself, and wearing that mask over her mottled eyes was comforting in a way she wished it wasn't.
Her hair she had done herself, pulling back a portion of the mousy locks to keep it out of her face but strategically leaving the rest down to hide the single shock of white hair and the accompanying spots at the nape of her neck. Again, old habits died hard.
She had told herself repeatedly over the past weeks that she had been
chosen to be there. It could be argued it was just a coincidence, a natural draw where some hand had found her name amid a list of thousands -- but for the last decade or so of her life, Mairin had been denied the grace of coincidence everywhere she went. No, there were no coincidences for her. She had been
chosen. By fate, by the Gods, by the stars, it didn't matter. It was the opportunity she had dreamed of since long before the fire that had started her on her wanderings, the opportunity to prove she had
not been cursed.
While she would like to walk about unashamed of her spots and speckles, after spending years hiding them, it was hard not to feel the skin-crawling tremble of anxiety whenever said markings were visible to others. Would her fellow servants of the Gods turn on her? Cast her from the island? Beg the Gods to do away with her in order to keep disaster from striking?
So far, no one had done anything of the sort.
Yet. Mairin had known brief bouts of peace like that before, where she dared to hope she might live normally somewhere... but all it took was one misfortune, one poor season, one tragedy, and all pointing fingers turned to the easiest one to blame: the
Gods-cursed.
And for what? Some silly white spots? Why did the markings on her skin make her an icon for misfortune?
Mairin gave a small shake of her head, stopping herself before she spiraled into the internal debate she'd had with herself a thousand times before. She was meant to be working, no?
Leaving the quarters she'd been assigned, she found the supervisor she'd been scheduled under and was sent to help in the kitchens until she was needed elsewhere.
Kitchen work went well at first. She was tasked with helping to prepare some small finger-food sandwiches and the monotony of the task helped her quell her nerves for a while.
At least until the news from the ballroom started trickling to the kitchens.
A night that had been planned for months, organized to perfection, stressed over and triple-checked for inconsistences -- was suddenly going awry.
Mairin heard each new revelation as she worked quietly, back to the rest of the bustling kitchens. In the beginning it was the arrival of the first Gods and Goddesses, passed down from one servant to another; nothing unusual there, but it did start a buzz of excitement among the staff. It was then that things started to go wrong.
First it was just a dropped platter of pastries. The clash of the dish hitting the floor and the startled exclamations of those nearby made Mairin flinch, and although the rhythm of things was slightly thrown it was quickly on the way to recovery.
Then came the shocked word from the ballroom that the Gods and Goddesses seemed to have had a wardrobe malfunction.
This caused a much bigger stir. Mairin could hear the whispers racing around the kitchen, questions and fears that one or more of the human staff had made some terrible error. There was panic among some, worries that the never-before-heard-of wardrobe trouble spelled disaster for the rest of the festival. Each murmur of concern and question of the cause made her heart beat faster.
She hadn't done anything to cause it, of course -- but she never did. That was how it always started. Something bad happened, questions arose, fingers pointed.
Then it got worse.
The God of Death and Decay was there.
Mairin's hands shook as she kept assembling finger foods, grey-blue eyes rooted on her work while her hear pounded in her chest.
Why would a God who'd never attended the festivities before suddenly decide to show up the one year
she was there? Surely someone would make the connection. Someone would start the rumor.
Her eyes darted to the side as a pair of cooks debated the topic nearby in agitation, one of them gesturing vaguely with a knife they'd been in the middle of using. The light glinting off the blade made her mouth go dry and her throat feel dry. She thought she could almost feel the old, ugly scar below her ribs where she'd been stabbed once in the middle of being accosted by an angry mob. Luckily it had been a weak stab and a shallow wound, but with only herself to tend to it in the weeks after it hadn't healed pretty.
Something clanged on her other side. Pots and pans maybe. It made her jump. Then another sound, behind her -- an exclamation from one of the head cooks, a raised voice that had her breaths coming quick and shallow.
Any second they'd all be turning on her, grabbing her, kicking her down, dragging her out--
Mairin practically threw the last little sandwich onto the tray and turned, dusting her hands on her apron as she tugged it off and tossed it on a line of hooks by the side door. Nobody noticed her leave, but she was too panicked to notice that.
Out she went, feet moving by instinct as she followed servants' corridors through the magnificent palace, made to keep humble humans out of the Gods' way. She'd learned the halls fairly well since she'd been there, but at the moment she wasn't admiring the architecture much.
Heart pounding, her feet moved on instinct as her mind whirled, body flinching at every sound whether she made it herself not. Walking, striding, running -- until--
Fresh air. Mairin stumbled to a halt, blinking as she realized she'd come out into the gardens.
Ah. Well...
She took a deep breath. Unfortunately, ever since she'd been badly sick once as a child, her sense of smell had been fickle; she couldn't smell the lovely flowers that the gardeners had been working so tirelessly on, but she was sure they were delightful if they smelled anything like they looked.
Mairin exhaled slowly, standing there amid the greenery for a long moment and attempting to calm herself down with deep breaths.
"Think logically," she murmured to herself.
Logically, even if everything did go horribly wrong again and she was thrown from the island... it would be done quietly, no? No one would want to make a big scene with the Gods there, would they? ...
Unless they'd just have the Gods get rid of her themselves... But that was unlikely. Surely the organizers and supervisors and everyone else who'd put so much time and effort into it wouldn't want the whole event marred by some kind of riotous expulsion of some random, speckled woman from the island.
Logically... The strange wardrobe mishap, with the Gods wearing gowns and the Goddesses in suits, must not be that horrible a thing. There were no Gods raining fire down on the palace or smiting servants from the face of the world, screaming and cursing. Maybe none of them were very bothered by it? Mairin hadn't seen any of them yet, but she assumed that, if they were terribly upset over the situation, she would've heard far more about it.
And,
logically... was it so terrible that Getsuy was there?
Perhaps she was biased. She'd spent plenty of time pondering on the eerie God used in children's stories to keep them well-behaved. She never prayed to him or left him offerings, as she'd heard some did, but she did think of him. In fact she thought of him often when alone on her wanderings, wondering if they were so very different. Always roaming, always searching... for different things, no doubt, but still.
She'd made her peace with death a while ago, anyway.
Beyond that, wasn't it good that he would attend this great celebration of the Gods? Perhaps it meant he was coming around to humankind, or perhaps it was a sign of a change in the fortunes of the world, for the better.
Mairin let out the breath she'd been holding, feeling her mind at last calming down. Her hands still trembled faintly within their gloves -- again, the habit of hiding her mottled fingers had yet to fade -- and her heartbeat was still a touch quick... but it was better. She wouldn't do herself much good if she
allowed herself to be the scapegoat for the world's misfortunes, would she? Best to keep a steady head and stay calm, even when things started to go wrong.
There was music playing somewhere in the gardens, a lovely tune. Idly Mairin wandered further, allowing herself a brief break from work before returning to the kitchens. There were so many people hustling and bustling about, she doubted she'd be missed for just a few moments. And there were no Gods or Goddesses about currently, which was good, seeing as it was apparently a very big taboo to be in the sight of one and
not be working. Maybe it was about showing respect? No one had actually ever mentioned it. But--
Coming around a bend in the footpath she'd been following, Mairin was suddenly made aware of the fact that she was not alone and her thought that no deities were nearby was mistaken. Two were there, seated at a bench in a kind of tranquil reverie, she assumed; as if they, like her, had been simply taking a breath of fresh air and enjoying the moment. One was golden and draped in blue, the other... less golden. More disheveled, perhaps, was the word, and she had no idea who he might be.
But the golden one -- he looked exactly like her father used to describe. This
had to be Melion, the favored deity of her parents. And of her, in her childhood. She felt that those days she had little to do with him, seeing as she didn't have the joy of farming or tending to wildlife... All the same, as she realized who he was, she felt a lump attempt to rise in her throat. Without warning, memories of her childhood came rushing to the forefront of her mind -- old visions of her father sat in his chair by the fire, still a bit dusty from the day's labor, helping her up to sit on his knee as he told her how Melion had helped him grow their crops that day.
Abruptly realizing however that she was standing in the presence of at least one God and quite possibly another that she felt she'd better pretend she wasn't unfamiliar with -- Mairin swiftly straightened up and put on her best manners. Best to act as if she was there for a reason and not just taking a break, otherwise she might end up cast off the island after all.
"My lords," she said, bowing slightly. Which probably looked a little odd, considering a curtsy would likely be more expected -- but she was far more used to wearing pants, and as a child she'd always followed her father around and had learned to bow before learning to curtsy. At least her voice wasn't shaking.
Of course, now she had no idea what to say. She didn't have any refreshments on hand to give her an easy explanation for what she was doing out there, and she wouldn't lie and say she'd been tending to the gardens. Straightening up, she recalled her training and avoided the urge to gaze curiously at the one sitting in front of the bench.
Think, Mairin, think! "Ah... may I fetch you anything from the ballroom?"Hopefully that would do, and they wouldn't be irritated by her intruding on the peacefulness of the moment.