[IC] Call of the Hunt [EliteCommander and Muttonhawk]

[Muttonhawk]

As much as Meesei might have tried to allay Sabine's guilt, she felt it in full force when hearing about Meesei's actions. She brought her arms around Meesei and held her tight. "I remember when you were stabbed by a silver spear. And I remember when you almost died outside of Do'rhajul's stronghold. I know what it was like to almost lose you." She closed her eyes. "I am sorry I did not go and show you I was safe as soon as I could. I should not have caused that fear." She sniffed. "Is the Daggerfall clan leader okay? I feel like I should apologise to him. Maybe we both should."

[EliteCommander]

"That was not your fault." Meesei replied firmly. "He had the proof of what he said, but I was too impatient, too angry to let him show me."

Meesei attempted to calm herself at least enough to allow herself to speak clearly, rather than being strained through her own sobbing. "Their alpha is okay. You do not need to worry about him; it was my mistake, and I can be the one to deal with it. I just want to know that you are going to be okay, Sabine. I know you are strong enough to overcome all of those terrible things that happened to you. You do not need the Hist or any sort of divine intervention, to deal with the pain. Perhaps as a child you did, but they did not do anything for you that you were not already capable of doing for yourself. If anything, they just helped you use the strength of your own spirit."

[Muttonhawk]

Sabine took a half-breath in and out. "Whether I can or not, I still need you." Sabine shut her eyes, trying to stay understandable. "I cannot sleep well. I have nightmares. I get pains in my hands and my stomach. I was rained on when we were near Daggerfall and I thought it was my own blood at first."

She sniffed, wiped her eyes, and looked at the Staff of Magnus. "And I cannot let go of the staff. Each time I lay it down, I...It is stupid, I think someone will snatch it and hurt me."

[EliteCommander]

"I know it is not going to be easy, and I understand that it might feel impossible, but you do have the strength to overcome this. And you do not have to do it alone." Meesei responded. She could not truly understand how Sabine was feeling, unfortunately, as she had never experienced anything quite so terrifying. Meesei had been on the edge of death on several occasions, but she had never been the victim of such relentless cruelty. Still, it was also true that Meesei was no stranger to long-lasting pain, even if it was of a more physical nature. "I remember after the battle in Elsweyr, the effects my wounds had on me. The silver shards embedded in my flesh took years to remove; I relied upon your potions just to stay alive. You were there to support me through it all, just as I am going to be here for you. My injuries were physical, easy to see, but that does not mean the scars in your mind are not just as real."

Meesei managed to smile, though it still showed the pain she felt on Sabine's behalf. "The only difference is that you are strong enough to recover much more quickly. I am sure of it. I will help you in any way I can." As Meesei finished speaking, she placed both of her hands firmly onto the Staff of Magnus. She pulled on it, not hard enough to make it feel like she was trying to yank it from Sabine's grasp, but just hard enough to suggest that she wanted Sabine to release it to her.

[Muttonhawk]

Sabine swallowed hard. Meesei's words were what she needed to hear. However, she did not manage to let go of the staff. She held on with a vice grip and quickened her breathing.

She looked to Meesei with some mix of fear and pleading. "No. No, please. I...I cannot. I need it." Her tears renewed shockingly quickly. "I cannot let it go," she whispered. "I cannot think when I even consider it. Please."

[EliteCommander]

Meesei remained just as firm, both in her tone and demeanor, though not aggressively so. "Yes you can, Sabine. The staff is a powerful tool, but you do not need it. You know you can keep yourself safe without it. To get past what happened, you are going to need to be able to let go of it all. I doubt you will ever truly forget what happened, but you will need to be able to leave it in your past. This staff...it is yours by right. There is no one who could look at what happened, what you did, and say that you did not earn the right to wield such a relic. But, you still have to be able to let it go. The staff serves you, but you are not dependent on it."

Again Meesei looked down to her hands still holding onto the staff. She tugged on it once more, again not being forceful enough to make it seem as if she were trying to steal it. "I do want to help you study this weapon and help you discover what it can truly do. But, you have to trust me with it. Do you believe that I am going to hurt you?"

[Muttonhawk]

Sabine's panic grew to the point where she was barely listening to Meesei. She held fast onto the staff. "But I did not!" she cried. "I was still captured! They still..."

When Meesei asked for Sabine's trust, she remained holding onto the staff but she at least went quiet. She forced herself to breathe deeper and more slowly, shivering though she was in doing so. After another long moment, she nodded. "I trust you," she breathed.

Sabine shut her eyes tightly, tensed up her shoulders, and let her fingers uncurl from around the staff. Her arms shook in place, remaining raised where they had been grasping the staff. Meesei saw in Sabine's demeanour a trapped animal. Even if she said she trusted Meesei, she looked like a cornered mouse expecting death, or worse.

[EliteCommander]

Meesei inspected the staff once she had it in her grasp. It was a bit easier to feel the power within once it was solely in her own possession, without Sabine's magicka to interfere. "It is easy to understand how Arinette was such a threat with this staff. The power inside it is incredible. I understand why it made you feel safe to have it. I hope with both of us working together to study it, we can unlock all of its secrets within at least the next few months. We just have to be careful; this kind of power is dangerous."

Meesei could easily see how shaken Sabine was. The kind of fear that she saw in her eyes was familiar, and painful for Meesei to see again. But, she had not been lying to Sabine in trying to console her. Meesei did truly believe that Sabine had the strength to recover, but she might require guidance in the right direction. It seemed to Meesei that it would be best if she kept Sabine away from the staff for a while. The artifact had essentially saved her when she claimed it, but now it seemed that she had become dependent on it for comfort. Sabine needed to be able to feel safe without it. Along a similar vein, as much as Meesei just wanted to sit and hug Sabine, Meesei knew that she had been giving her plenty of sympathy. What Sabine needed now was the encouragement to press on with her own strength.

Standing to her feet, Meesei offered Sabine her hand to help her stand as she glanced over to the dragon. "I think we should bring this body back to the clan. The dragon, I mean. It could be quite valuable to us, and seeing it could be impressive enough to the clan to help...persuade them to listen to you in regards to Do'rhajul. We will not be able to keep him hidden forever."

[Muttonhawk]

Sabine neither noticed Meesei's hand, nor for a moment had she opened her eyes from when she let the staff go. She had cringed to the point of curling her head forward and covering her face with her crossed wrists. She shivered on, just as paralysed as she was before. On certainty, she was not doing any persuading in her current state.

While Meesei had not seen Sabine in such a state of sustained panic in any peaceful setting, she remembered all too well the way Sabine used to isolate herself in her handmade cloak of hides as a child. In such times, it was not necessarily sympathy that brought her out, nor did scorn move her. It was simply a guiding hand that Sabine was pliable with, both in the metaphorical manner Meesei resolved to give Sabine just now and -- at times like this -- in a more literal sense.

[EliteCommander]

Meesei felt fortunate that Sabine at least could not see her frown, or the rest of her worried expression. It now seemed clear that Sabine had been suppressing this since she had escaped from her captors. It was worrying, but at the same time, it did give Meesei some hope. Clearly, Sabine had been able to keep herself focused and motivated enough to go after the Rueful Axe on her own initiative, to help those who had helped her. The pain in her memories was not completely dominant.

Reaching down, Meesei moved aside Sabine's hands to uncover her face, then placed a hand on her cheek and lifted up her head so they could make eye contact. "It is okay, Sabine. You can do this."

This time, Meesei took the initiative in taking Sabine's hand and pulling her up to her feet. She had already looked around the area enough to know that she wanted to bring in others to help recover the spoils of the battle, but Meesei still did not want to leave just yet. "I can see there is more than just the dragon here. You should show me what you think might be useful to us, I think." Meesei suggested. Even if it was simple, Meesei wanted to give her some task to focus on.

[Muttonhawk]

Sabine flinched at Meesei's touch initially. As she lead Sabine to look at her and helped her to her feet, there was little resistance. However, Sabine's movements were careful and she kept her head down.

She took a step. And then another. Sabine suppressed a sob. Before moving forward further she held tightly onto Meesei's hand and wrist. She walked as if leading Meesei around the horde, but anyone could easily tell that Sabine was holding on for dear life.

"Th...There are furs here." She swallowed and nodded to the next crate. "S-silks...from the south." Another two, unsteady steps angled Meesei's magical light to reflect brightly from a crate of ingots. "Silver...M-m...mined in..." She couldn't remember the name of the insignia branded onto the treasure.

She almost sobbed again. A pleading look at the staff told Meesei where her thoughts remained. Though they had only just started.

[EliteCommander]

Meesei had to hold back a sigh when she saw Sabine's eyes on the staff. It was challenging to get her to focus on anything else except what happened to her, and the staff that had been used on her during her torture. It was frustrating, but Meesei was patient. Still, it was clear that the staff was going to be a problem. Meesei lifted up the staff in her hand and looked at it in silence for only a moment before, quite suddenly, turning back and throwing it with a fair amount of strength and just a slight bit of telekinetic guidance to make sure it landed where she wanted: out of sight behind the Dragon. Despite the Staff of Magnus being perhaps the most valuable item Meesei had held in her life, she tossed it with all the care of a worthless stick.

"Sabine, do not worry about the staff right now. It is not important right now; we are alone here, and we are safe here." Meesei said with complete confidence. "Just...stop a moment. Close your eyes, take a breath. I want you to try and think back many years, a long time ago. Back to when you were just a child in my pack. You had your pain then, your secrets, your scars. You have had those scars in your mind for as long as I have known you, but you have not had to carry their weight on your shoulders for well over a decade now. The Hist helped you, but they did not help you by erasing those memories. They helped you gather the strength to move past it. I want you to try to think back to the Hist, and your experience with them all those years ago. What do you think it was that helped you?"

[Muttonhawk]

When the staff flew, Sabine's breath caught in her throat. Meesei could even feel some reflex of magicka flowing through her hands, likely to attempt telekinesis, but she did not follow through. Instead, Sabine blankly gaped her eyes at the dead dragon, holding her breath until Meesei redirected her attention.

Sabine complied. She shut her eyes and did her best to take in a slow breath. Thinking was much harder. Images flashed in her mind of her old traumas, the trials before the hist ritual, and the trials during the ritual. She remembered everything that made her afraid. She held Meesei's hand tighter and tried to force her way into the other details. Her breathing strained.

For a short while, it appeared as if Sabine was not capable of answering Meesei's question. But right before the thought to speak came to Meesei, Sabine's facial features relaxed. Her breathing slowed to a forced, yet consistent pace. Even through her immense anxiety she found the first detail she needed in her thoughts and she fell into focus.

"I remember," she said rapidly to avoid stuttering. "They showed me I could survive. I could be safe. Even if there were things beyond my control. And...guilt. They helped me let go of my guilt. And they told me to act for my own good, even if it would mean pain at first."

Sabine opened her eyes. The only sound was her breathing through her mouth. Her brow wrinkled in a sad despondence. "But I...do not know what to do. I don't know. I know I can live. I know I can be strong. I know I am safe here. But I cannot stop shaking! I don't know how to make it stop!"

[EliteCommander]

It was difficult for Meesei to keep her composure. It was painful for her to see Sabine in such a panicked state, but if Sabine saw any doubt within Meesei, then it would only make it easier for Sabine to give in to her own doubt. If Meesei was going to tell Sabine that she believed she had the strength to recover, then she had to be able to say it with complete confidence.

"The Hist showed you everything you needed to cure your pain. Everything that you just described to me, it was not some otherworldly magic; it was your own resolve. The Hist are powerful beings that function outside of time as we consider it, so they were able to help you reach a patient solution right away. This is going to have to be solved in 'mortal' time, but I do think it will be easier to overcome than your childhood trauma. What happened, it is still fresh on your mind, but I do not believe that the pain is nearly as great as what you once faced. This time, it was out enemies who captured you and...did those things to you. They were monsters that you had no reason to trust. But, as a child, it was your sister who betrayed you, at least to your perspective. It was your own flesh and blood who gave you your scars. And yet, you were able to forgive her even before your encounter with the Hist. If you were able to recover from the pain of having your own family torture you, then I know you can overcome this." Meesei reached her arms around Sabine, giving her another hug.

[Muttonhawk]

While Sabine returned the hug, she was wordless and still breathing with a shiver in her midsection for some time. Over time -- likely enough time to process what Meesei said through all the fires burning in her fear-gripped mind -- Sabine's breathing slowed to a stilted weeping. She pressed her eyes into Meesei's shoulder.

She remained as such for a few minutes. Although, unlike when they first reunited, Sabine was not becoming any more relaxed by being Meesei's embrace. She realised as much as the worst of her panic passed away from her. She pulled away until she held Meesei by the upper arms. Sabine's shoulders were drawn in and tensed up and her face was freshly tear-strewn. She was not shivering anymore, at the very least.

"Meesei," she said after a hard swallow to level herself. "I want to overcome this. Patiently. I can hardly think. I can hardly breathe. But maybe I can help myself over time. A long time." She slowly breathed in to full capacity. "I want to...get Saraya's help. Najirra's daughter. Like Fendros and Ahnasha did with Najirra. And I would like you to be there when I need help. I will need help, at times. And...I am sorry but I cannot help against Vile without the staff. It is the only thing that lets me...feel safe anymore." She almost broke down again. "I am this mess without the staff. I want to help finish this."

[EliteCommander]

Meesei kept a firm grip on Sabine's shoulders, with just enough pressure to provide another reminder of Meesei's constant presence. "If that staff is as powerful as it seems, then it would be foolish not to use it against Vile. However, if you really are relying upon the staff as much as you say, then that is all the more reason to stay away from it as much as possible. The staff is just a weapon. A powerful weapon, but still just an object. It is not healthy to have your sanity bound to a lifeless object. I know it will not be easy, but you have to try to break yourself away from it. Sometimes, there has to be pain before there can be healing."

For a brief moment, Meesei looked back towards the Dragon. She would not want to diminish Sabine's accomplishment, but its body did serve as strong evidence of the staff's power. It allowed Sabine and the others to slay the Dragon with hardly an injury among them. It was understandable that the staff would give her confidence; the problem came in that Sabine seemed to have lost all of her confidence without it. "When we are back home among our clan, or not doing anything to involve ourselves in a fight, I would like for you to allow me to keep the staff securely locked away. We can use it against any danger, but I do not believe you should allow yourself to become accustomed to it always being around. Powerful artifacts such as the staff tend to be fickle, with something of a mind of their own. They can move on from their owners at their own will, according to old stories. I will be there for you every step of the way, and I promise you will have the time you need. Just because we now have the Axe does not mean we are ready to invade Vile's realm right away. We still need to take the time to gather all of our allies, resources, equipment, and everything else we will need to give us the best chance possible. Not to mention, we still need to have another Daedra empower the Axe. All of that will take time, so you do not have to worry about rushing into anything."

[Muttonhawk]

Sabine grit her teeth. Meesei's request made her only more stressed.

"I do not want to be dependent on the staff either," she clarified carefully. "But I could hardly even tell you about the items here. I cannot even fill my lungs properly. I do not know how I could perform alchemy or fix my robes or even sleep. Can I not at least hold it every now and then? When I need to stay calm? I could...I could ween myself from it." Sabine was quietly pleading at this point. "I can give it up, but please. Please. I need it for now."

[EliteCommander]

Meesei kept her eyes fixed upon Sabine's and repeated her question from earlier. "Do you trust me, Sabine? All I want is what is best for you, and I am willing to do anything it takes to help you. I will stay by your side for every waking moment, for however long is necessary, if that is what it takes. With both of us together, Sabine, there is little in this world that we could not defeat, or at least escape. Just think back to when you were captured. Imagine if I had been right there beside you; if we had both been able to combine our talents to fight back against Arinette. Perhaps we could not have defeated her with the staff, but we could have got away from her. You, me, the rest of our pack, there is nothing we cannot handle together, and you can feel safe with us. Just, for a moment, try to think of our abilities and what we can accomplish. Can you honestly think of anything that we could not survive together?"

[Muttonhawk]

"I..." Sabine tried and stopped multiple times to come up with any point she could. She still could not think properly. Meesei was going to be stubborn about disallowing the staff. She tried instead to accept staying away from it. Not that there was any choice.

"Meesei, I do trust you," Sabine said. She shook her head. "I do not trust my own abilities. I do not know what is going to happen. I am just..."

She could not find the words. Her current state spoke in her stead. She was a crying, nervous wreck that barely resembled her usual quiet confidence. Whatever fears were keeping her as such were clearly not something taken away with logic, at least not immediately.

"You may lock the staff away," she said with her eyes away from Meesei.

[EliteCommander]

Meesei hugged Sabine, placing her hand upon the back of her head. "I know it is not going to be easy, Sabine, but I only want what is best for you. We can get help for you back in our clan, and I will be there with you every step of the way." She said reassuringly. Meesei felt confident that, once enough time had passed and everything that had happened was not as fresh on her mind, she would be able to accept the fact that they were safe in their clan. The Silent City was extremely well-protected, and violence among members of the clan was not common. At least, not unsanctioned violence. The fact that challenges and duels were not only an accepted practice among lycans, but an encouraged one likely contributed to that fact.

After she was finally comfortable with releasing Sabine, Meesei walked back over to the dragon, then telekinetically pulled the staff behind it back to her hand. She hoped that Sabine would soon come to be less reliant on it for comfort, but she would be consulting with Saraya on the issue. The Khajiit was much more of an expert than Meesei, after all.

There were a few moments of silence as Meesei looked over the Dragon, taking in its size. "The Dragon, I would like to claim its body. As aggressive and dangerous as this one was, I feel it would be a disservice to such an impressive being to just let its body rot. From what you described, he was a proud warrior. I think we should at least honor his remains by using them. Do you think this staff could create a large enough portal to bring the body through?"