[IC] Amnesia [Suki & Summer]

[Rogue Sloth]

“As far as I can tell, I’m still in one piece,” Cas sighed in answer to Iris’s question without recoiling from her touch. In hindsight, they were lucky to have come away from what had just happened with nothing more than some cuts and bruises. He could feel a thin trickle of blood making its way down the side of his face, and his head hurt from the impact with the cement, but otherwise, he wasn’t in much worse shape than he’d been in before the bombs had landed. Things could have been much worse. Short of dying, they also could have been severely injured by the building that had collapsed or run through by shrapnel from the blasts. That they were both seemingly alright for the most part was nothing short of a miracle.

He could tell that she was struggling with more than just the injury to her head though. As she stammered about finding shelter and not knowing what to do, he felt a pang of worry that the attack had affected her on a deeper level. Truthfully, he was still rattled after they had almost died too, but he was still functioning enough to focus on what was important at that moment. There wasn’t time to grieve or panic because they were still in danger as long as they were out in the open. He was sure that the non-physical damage he’d taken would hit him hard at some point, but for now, he was burying it inside of him so he could work up the strength to keep going rather than break down in the middle of the road. It was the only choice he had until they were safe from the rebels.

When Iris stood up, he quickly followed suit, climbing to his feet beside her. It was difficult to do while he was aching from hitting the pavement, but he managed not to stagger. Watching her, he could see the anxiety written across her face, the rapid rise and fall of her chest as she struggled to breathe. She looked like she was having a panic attack. “Iris, Iris,” he repeated her name, reaching out to press his hand against her upper back, concerned that she was going to hyperventilate. “Calm down. Try to breathe slowly.”

Not thinking about the conversation they’d had just a few minutes before, he gathered her in his arms again, doing his best to comfort her until she was able to get her air intake under control. His resolution to keep his distance from her suddenly felt insignificant after they had nearly lost their lives. Holding her was practically a natural reflex to him, as if she was meant to be in his embrace. He rested his cheek against the top of her head, momentarily letting his fears shed away as he consoled her.

After a few minutes had passed, he shifted slightly to glance down at her again. “Are you okay?” he asked gently, trailing one hand absentmindedly over her shoulders. “Are you ready to keep moving or do you need another minute?”

[sukikyoufu]

It was strange hearing his voice call out to her because although she heard it the sound didn’t register. Everything seemed to be going slowly as she tried to focus herself again, but she seemed to come back to earth as she felt his hand against her upper back. The touch somewhat calming her as he told her to try to breathe slowly. Thankfully he was there as had he not been, she would have gone into a full state of panic. It was surreal thinking that they had almost lost their lives only moments ago, but he was right she had to calm down. They had to get out of here and somewhere that was remotely safe, then they could worry about what had happened.

Drawn from her thoughts as she felt him gather her in his arms, she couldn’t help but exhale slowly, the relief that he was still there standing with her. They were both alive and not badly hurt meaning they could push on. Closing her eyes as she wrapped her arms around him holding him as she slowly began to breathe in and out calming herself down with his help. As she calmed her breathing her heart rate soon followed and even though she still had the fever she felt much better calm and collected.

“Sorry.” Whispering as she slowly looked up at him trying to smile, “I can keep moving. We need too.” Although finding it hard she gently pushed herself away from him before glancing around the destroyed district they had stopped in. Taking a few small steps, she felt a little unsteady at first but once she got into the rhythm of one foot in front of the other, she managed to pick up pace a little. This time she kept her eyes forward not wanting to see the bodies because if she did, she would only think on what fresh hell had just been unleashed. Even though she hadn’t figured out where they were going just yet walking was helping, it was taking her mind off of everything if only for a split second but it hadn’t stopped the slight tremble of her body.

I have to keep positive; we can move onto another district… getting there though. Ah. Trying to think on what would be the best way to go about it she pushed on through the debris, eyes narrowing to shield them from the dust that was still floating about as everything began to settle in it’s new place. “I… it might be a little dangerous, but we may have to take the forest and the road. If that… well I think it hit the next district.” Holding back a shudder as she didn’t want to think on what state the next district was in from the bomb that had struck. It’s a shame, we don’t have camping gear. We may have to sleep under the stars tonight. Thoughts on what kind of shelter she could get them too as she tried to look at the sky but was met with more dust and chalk.

[Rogue Sloth]

When Iris apologized and agreed to keep moving, Cas didn’t say anything. He didn’t have the energy to tell her that there was no reason for her to be sorry. Despite the tough face he was trying to put on, he was just as distraught about what had just happened as she was, so he couldn’t blame her for having a panic attack. If anyone ever went through everything they’d experienced since they’d left Maisie’s apartment and came out on the other side perfectly fine, he would have thought they were a liar or a sociopath. He just couldn’t bring himself to argue with her about it when he was barely strong enough to make it to another hideout before he collapsed in on himself under the weight of the abject horror that still brewed underneath the surface of his calm exterior.

Walking close beside her, he dropped his gaze to the ground, mentally and physically exhausted from the attack. He wasn’t sure if Iris knew where she was going, but he didn’t bother to ask. It wasn’t like he could give her any suggestions, after all. He still barely knew which district they were in, so he didn’t have the foggiest idea where to search for more lodging. Content with trailing along in silence, he didn’t look up again until he heard her say that they might have to make use of the forest and the road. “Whatever works,” he muttered, inwardly surprised by how little he cared that the path the was suggesting was supposedly dangerous. It seemed like he’d reached his limit on how worried he could be for his own life at some point between the bloodbath in the plaza and the bombs that had just been dropped by the Aspirian military. Right now, he was morbidly numb to the fact that he was in danger practically all the time.

In addition to that, his excitement about returning to the capital had waned drastically since he’d seen the bombers in the air. It was hard for him to believe, but there was even a part of him that wasn’t sure if he wanted to go back at all. His father obviously didn’t care that he could have been killed. It explained why the soldiers had never found him in Regis’s basement too. Atlas wasn’t even looking for him to begin with; he was too caught up in his hatred of the Scourge to care that his son was missing. His throat tightened with the thought, and he swallowed dryly, fighting back against the dejection that welled up within him. What was the point in going home if “home” was a place that moved on with or without him? Now that he knew how little he meant to his own father, he even wondered if it would be better for him to be killed out in the middle of nowhere rather than go back to a life in which he was nothing more than a subject for the media to use to keep the high borns entertained.

Pained by his own thought, he took a shuddering breath and looked up as they approached the woods on the outskirts of Bel Bicis. After walking through the debris for a while, his lungs had started to burn from constantly inhaling dust and ash. He hoped the gritty clouds would settle soon, so he could breathe fresh air again. “Is this where we’re going to be staying for the rest of the day?” he asked and then coughed as speaking irritated his soot-coated throat. A few days ago, he would have assumed she was leading him to a shelter on the other side of the trees, but he’d been traveling with her long enough to realize that the forest probably was their shelter for now.

[sukikyoufu]

Hearing his dejected voice and the way he had dropped his gaze to the ground hurt her, to see him in such a way upset her because she knew there was nothing, she could do to fix it. If she could reverse time she’d go back in a heartbeat, perhaps even to a time before they met so he could still be blissfully unaware and the happy go lucky Prince she remembered. Although a part of her knew that even though the truth was no doubting hurting it was better than being unaware with what was going on with his own country that he was due to inherit.

The silence between them was deafening and Iris knew all to well what that could mean, often she got herself caught up in her own depressing thoughts. Spiralling and making them worse than they needed to be, and she knew he genuinely didn’t know about what was going on with the war. That much was clear from his reactions. On top of that his safety had been compromised rather than help by the Aspirian military and she could only assume what he would have concluded from that. Especially now with his muttering of whatever works to her plan, the enthusiasm of going home clearly drained.

Seeing the woods was a delight, something Iris never thought possible and as much as she wished there was another torn shelter or beaten up cabin, she could take them too there wasn’t. Not that she knew of. Sighing as he asked the question, she didn’t want to answer she nodded with a sad look in her eyes, “I’m sorry. I just don’t know where is safe right now. There is no withstanding shelter in Bel Bicis and heaven knows about the other districts.” Coughing herself as she felt the irritation of dust that hat settled in the back of her throat, she pushed on into the forest feeling the cool breeze as she entered some of the trees.

No I can’t do it. I know he wanted us to distance, but I can't not right now. Feeling her eyes soften as she glanced over at Cas saddened by the fact, he didn’t have the usual positive aura around him, and she couldn’t blame him. “Hey…” Reaching out she touched his hand with hers holding it gently as she looked at him, fingers caressed his skin hoping to offer him some form of comfort. “You’ll get through this and you’ll be the strongest person for it. I know it doesn’t seem like it now, I know it’s not easy when the voices tell you otherwise… but. You will be fine. You will get through this.” Whether or not her words would help she knew that it was better to try and comfort than let him focus on those thoughts. Iris wanted him to know that she was there for him, no matter what happened she wanted to help him.

“Let’s get you sat down.” Whispering as she moved into the clearing leading him by the hand as they entered a small area that was slightly open. A circle of trees would surround them, but it was perfect for them to sit and rest. If she was honest, she didn’t know how much more she could push on herself, but right now her focus was Cas. Letting go of his hand she pulled down the backpack and grabbed the blanket inside before she laid it out on the cold grassy floor. Sitting herself down she patted the side for Cas as she rummaged around for the water so they could both clear their throats from all the dust and soot they had inhaled.

[Rogue Sloth]

“I wasn’t—” Caspian started and then stopped, shaking his head as he decided against arguing with Iris. The apologies that came out of her mouth didn’t seem to have an off switch. He hadn’t asked her if they were spending the night in the woods because he was turning his nose up at the plan. He had asked out of innocent curiosity without any underlying judgement. At this point, he just wanted to stop walking and rest. If he had to do so under a canopy of tree branches instead of a roof, then so be it. As long as he could stop moving long enough to gather his thoughts, he would be content with wherever they made their metaphorical beds for the night.

Ambling along beside her into the trees, his breath hitched as he felt her suddenly take his hand in hers. Her touch still made his heart flutter no matter what he told himself about the reasons why they couldn’t be together, and the way she stroked his skin made him want to forget about the fact that they had to part altogether. Hesitantly, he glanced up from the ground to meet her gaze but didn’t pull away from her as he had done in the apartment. Judging by the words she spoke, he guessed she had noticed the shift in his mood since the bombing. Her assurance didn’t quite hit the mark, since he had been discouraged by the fact that his father didn’t seem to care about his safety, but he still appreciated that she was trying to cheer him up. At least he had one person on his side.

At the thought, he blinked and then turned away from her with an incredulous smile. He hadn’t noticed it until now, but the amnesiac was currently the only person in his life who wanted him to make it out of the warring districts alive. The realization swelled his affection for her, and he laced his fingers with hers as they walked. “Thank you,” he murmured with genuine appreciation. He was also starting to wonder if there was even any point in pushing her away anymore. The people he had known in the capital obviously didn’t miss him, and standing beside him now was a woman who was quite literally risking everything to make sure he wasn’t killed by the rebels. Was he really going to toss her aside to go back to his so called friends and family, who might not even be happy to see him return?

I don’t think I want to… but I have to, don’t I? he frowned, feeling conflicted. As much as he would have loved to stay with Iris, he still had a responsibility to take over as the next monarch after his father. Everyone was expecting him to do it, so it would have been wrong of him to abandon his duties to run away with a commoner. But, then again, what was the point in giving up his own happiness to make a group of people happy who couldn’t care less if he died? Iris’s father had been right. They didn’t care about him, so why should he sacrifice everything for them?

As they stepped into a small clearing, he watched Iris absently until he remembered that she had been running a fever. She was ill, and yet she was going out of her way to make sure he was taken care of. He felt a pang of guilt, knowing that he should have been the one taking care of her, not the other way around. Sitting down beside her on the blanket she had rolled out for them, he slipped the backpack from her hands. “Let me,” he volunteered, taking the water bottles out and handing one to her.

Setting the bag aside, he leaned back on the palm of one hand while he lifted the drink to his lips to wet his tongue. The cool water felt refreshing as it swept down his throat, washing away all the dirt that had lodged itself there from the explosions. When he’d had his fill, he put the cap back on and set it off to the side near the backpack and looked up at Iris again. “How are you feeling?” he asked, hoping that she wasn’t as sick as she had been earlier, but knowing that all the running around they had just done had probably made her worse. “If you need to take a nap, you can. I’ll keep watch.”

[sukikyoufu]

Feeling his fingers lace with hers was one of the best moments she felt, it wasn’t hard to feel her heart fluttering like it always did when they touched. Hearing the genuine appreciation in his voice made her feel slightly better even though they were in a terrible situation. Although she knew deep down, he would have to return, and she shouldn’t be enjoying the fact they were holding hands it was hard to ignore it when she had genuinely developed feelings for him. This is going to be hard on the both of us in the long run, but I don’t want to push him away. I can’t.

Sighing with relief as he had taken the backpack from her hands, she let them drop to her side as she could still feel them shake from the effort. “Thank you.” Taking one of the water bottles from him she took a sip wanting to clear her mouth from all the dust that had settled back there. Grimacing as the water hit her stomach, she could feel it churn away unsettled from all the action they had just gone through, but none the less she kept taking a few sips knowing it would be best. Replenishing the energy, she had lost and clearing out her throat from the rubbish.

“Huh? Oh. I think I’m alright.” Smiling as she tried to brush off how she felt, she didn’t want him to worry about her. The fever was making her uncomfortable, but she had ignored it because they had been in danger. Sitting down now it felt like everything was catching up with her, the ache of her limbs, the sickly feeling in her stomach and now she felt cold. “No, it’s fine. I don’t think I’d be able to sleep anyway. I’m cold.” Rubbing her arms slightly as she looked over him, “Thank you, for making me eat back there. I definitely needed it.” If they hadn’t had eaten, she could only imagine the worst-case scenario, but thankfully they had recuperated even though it was only brief.

As much as she wanted to take a nap or sleep for that matter, she knew it would be hard, between feeling cold and being out in the open she wouldn’t feel comfortable sleeping whilst he kept watch. What had just happened to them wasn’t easy to process and she wanted to be there for him, listen if he wanted to talk and show him that there was someone who cared. Iris was still concerned over the shift in mood of him, she didn’t want him to feel alone because she knew how it could feel. “How are you?” Tentatively she reached out her hand to him hesitating for a moment because she didn’t want to overstep, but she still wanted him to know she was there. “I’m happy to listen if you need it… I. I understand how it can feel sometimes, but I just. I don’t want you feeling like you’re alone right now. I am here. I just wanted to make sure you know that.”

[Rogue Sloth]

When Iris said she was cold, Cas responded immediately by unzipping the jacket he’d been wearing. Slipping it off his shoulders, he was slightly chilly, but he wasn’t cold enough to be seriously bothered by the weather. It was better for him to be mildly uncomfortable if it meant she would be warm. She was the one who needed the extra layers to break her fever, after all. He was pretty sure she was feeling cold because of the chills. So, he passed the hoodie over to her to put on, “Take it. I don’t need it right now, and you still need to keep warm so you can get better.”

As she thanked him for forcing her to eat earlier, he nodded, “You’re welcome.” He knew he would do it again if he had to. While he had been partly invested in her health because he’d wanted to hurry back to the capital, he had to admit that he also genuinely cared when she was feeling unwell. He didn’t want to see her like that, shivering, feverish, and generally uncomfortable because of whatever illness had taken over her body. He also didn’t want to see her get worse by not taking proper care of herself.

Picking up his water to take one more sip, he hesitated at her following question. Honestly, he didn’t know how to answer her. He wanted to say he was fine because he had made it out of the wreckage in one piece and had only broken down once at the apartment, but that probably wasn’t the truth. It was more likely that the full weight of it all just hadn’t hit him yet, and it was going to be a shit show when it finally did. He shuddered at the thought. It was kind of insane just how much they had been through in less than eight hours. He’d seen the bloody aftermath of a battle for the first time, somehow wound up in the apartment that had belonged to two of the corpses he’d seen and had almost been buried alive by said apartment in a bombing. He couldn’t say he was “fine” without lying to himself and to her.

On top of everything, he was now more convinced than he ever had been before that his father couldn’t have cared less about what became of him. If he did, he wouldn’t have given the military clearance to launch those bombers in the first place. That was all the proof he’d needed that his life was insignificant to the people in the capital. Now, he didn’t even know if he should go back to them, and he felt torn between his duties and his desire to do choose a path that would make him happy.

“I know, and I really appreciate that you’re here,” he exhaled heavily. Part of him didn’t want to involve her in his problems, but he was also desperate to talk to someone else who could give him an outside perspective. He was worried that he would make the wrong decision if he tried to deal with it alone. “I’m just… confused, I guess,” he started slowly, trying to piece his jumbled thoughts together into some kind of coherent statement. “I thought that when I was abducted, my dad would turn over every stone in the country to find me, but no one ever showed up at your dad’s house, and now it looks like the war hasn’t even been put on pause while I’m still missing. It feels like he doesn’t care whether I come home or not, and I’m just wondering…” He trailed off with a sigh before going on softly: “I’m starting to question if there’s even a reason for me to go back.

“I’ve always seen the capital as my home, but I’d never left it before. Now I’m beginning to realize just how shallow all my relationships were. I don’t know if I want to go back to that. Not when—” Not when I have you, he wanted to say but held his tongue. Seeking her gaze, he frowned, feeling conflicted. “What do you think I should do, Iris?”

[sukikyoufu]

Watching as he passed her his own hoodie she frowned, wanting to say to him no he should keep it because it would get cold and they didn’t have shelter. Holding her own tongue she put on the jacket knowing it would only help her break the fever, plus she was very cold. Feeling a little bit better with the jacket adding an extra layer of warmth she watched as he hesitated at her question, she didn’t blame him it was quite the intense question and very personal. Even though they had been close a lot had changed between in the short amount of time, but she hoped that she could help.

In the space of a day a lot had been thrown at them, it was like the stuff in stories and if they spoke about what had happened, she was sure that no one would believe them. This was the situation that they had to see and experience themselves to actually believe what was going on. Smiling softly at his confirmation that he appreciated she was there she felt herself relax a little, happy that she could provide him some comfort. “Confused?” Though as he spoke on, she felt her heart crumble, he truly believed his father didn’t care and she could understand why. It was hard to optimistic when your mind was constantly telling you what was the point and she was had been there more times than she liked to admit.

“Hey, no. Don’t say that.” Without hesitating she took his hands in hers holding them gently, “Home is where you make it. It doesn’t have to be a specific place. Trust me on that.” Running her fingers across his hands caressing them gently so he knew she was there for him as she tried to console him. “I could tell you what to do, I could tell you to run away, to go home but it won’t make you happy. You have to make your own decision, but I’ll support you no matter what you want to do.” Speaking softly as she smiled up at him continuing to run her fingers across the skin of his hands.

“I understand why you must think that, but you don’t know what your father has done. We could have missed him and the soldiers at every turn, I’m sure he loves you Cas. Remember all those rules, all the guidelines he put you through? He wouldn’t just leave you. What if he is sick? What if that’s why he can’t personally oversee your return?” Trying to be optimistic as she spoke of the what ifs, they didn’t know what he has done and even though it looked bad there could be a reason why behind it. “Perhaps those bombers were to scare the rebels in hopes they would return you; it could have been warning.”

Edging closer to him she moved her hand to his shoulder rubbing it gently as she smiled softly at him watching him, “I promise you this, no matter what happens I’ll still always be your friend, cheering you on in the background.”

[Rogue Sloth]

As Iris took his hands, Cas dropped his gaze, biting his lower lip. He knew that she was speaking the truth, but it was hard for him to truly grasp the meaning when the capital had been his home for twenty-four years. That was why the thoughts passing through his head now were so frightening. He felt trapped between two less than perfect options. Either he could go back to what was familiar with the new knowledge that he’d been misguided for over two decades, or he could give up on his friends and family completely and make a new life for himself somewhere else. In both cases, he would be losing something important to him. He hoped that she could speak into the mess at least a little to help him make up his mind about what he should choose to do.

However, it seemed like she wasn’t going to give him an out that easily. He deflated slightly when she went on to say that he was going to have to make his own decision. Perhaps if he’d been more secure in his ability to make good choices, he wouldn’t have cared, but it was hard for him to feel confident when he’d gone most of his life without any assurance from his father that he had been on the right track. He was worried that he was going to pick the wrong option and live to regret it.

Going back to the capital, while less than ideal, would have put him back on the path toward becoming Aspiria’s next king. Even though he didn’t love the thought of taking over, it was important because his father had no other heirs. If he didn’t return, there was no telling what would happen to the country when Atlas inevitably passed. On the flip side, if he didn’t go home, he would finally be free from the responsibilities and expectations that had been placed on him by everyone in the capital. He could be with Iris, and he could form new friendships with people who might care more about him than the people he had grown close with before. But he would also never see his father or his friends ever again. He wished the choice was easier.

Although Iris tried to be optimistic, Cas couldn’t agree with her. “I don’t want to believe it, but why else would he have sent those planes?” he asked rhetorically, looking up to meet her blue eyes again. “My dad is the one who approves every move the military makes. If they had been sent as a warning, they would have just flown by without dropping any bombs. It wasn’t a threat; it was an attack, plain and simple. He’s continuing the war instead of waiting to make sure I get home first.” As he said it out loud, he felt even more certain that he was right. Knowing that his own father would jeopardize his safety made him feel hollow inside, and he barely registered that Iris had placed a hand on his shoulder.

“Thanks,” he said quietly. He didn’t feel much better than he had before he’d opened up to her, but he was grateful that she was willing to support him. God knew he needed a friend right now. He just wished they could be more than that. She was the kindest person he’d ever met, and he longed to be closer to her than ‘just friends.’ He just couldn’t open that door when they would be parting ways soon. But will we actually be saying goodbye? He paused as he chewed on the thought. Right now, he wasn’t even sure if he wanted to go home anymore. Even if he did, he was so frustrated and hurt by his father that he didn’t want to follow his rules. No matter what happened, he didn’t want to lose the one person who had stood by him through thick and thin and who had saved his life on more than one occasion. Where was the justice in that?

“Actually, no,” he shook his head, studying her face with new resolve. “You shouldn’t be in the background. I’m sorry I was such a coward earlier, but I know now that that’s not what I want… I want you, Iris.” To leave no shadow of a doubt that he’d made up his mind, he leaned forward and pressed his lips to hers in a fervent kiss.

[sukikyoufu]

It was selfish of her to want him to just run away with her, make a life for themselves away from the rebels and the Capital but it wasn’t the right decision. Iris knew he was destined to be the future king, the new ruler and after everything he had been through she knew he would be a just King, he would make the changes that people were crying out for and she genuinely believed that. “Unless this is his way of dealing with it? Perhaps he’d rather go on the offensive to flush out the rebels to get you back?” She was grasping at thin straws, but she didn’t want him thinking he was unloved and not thought about by his own family not when she had believed something similar of her own father. Ultimately there had to be some form of love there.

“I could selfishly make the decision on what you should do, I could tell you to stay with me, but… I’ve seen what you can do. Whether you believe it or not you will be a great ruler. Cas you are fair, you always try to make the best decision and I feel like you are what the people need.” Although it pained her to admit it because she wanted nothing more than to just run away with him, she had to tell him the truth. Considering her own feelings was one thing, but ultimately his rule would benefit thousands of people and she was not worth that.

Watching him she wished she could take his pain away, return the smile and make him feel happy. Iris wanted to have the power to do so, but all she could do was listen and comfort him. Trying to be optimistic hadn’t gone the route she had hoped it would, but at least he was talking. Airing out his feelings because bottling it up certainly wasn’t healthy, not that she could talk. Catching his gaze, she felt her heart skip a beat at his words, for a moment she had thought she was dreaming and if it hadn’t been for the fever she knew she would have gone a dark shade of red.

“C-Cas?” Stuttering at his words that he wanted her she felt her heart swell, the feelings that she had been trying to ignore resurfaced flooding out and she could feel her heartbeat quicken. Closing her eyes as he leaned in, she met with his kiss unable to stop herself, overwhelmed by her feelings for him as she pressed her lips against his eagerly. Letting her hand slide down his shoulder from where she had placed it before she searched for his hands holding them gently in her own as she squeezed them.

Pulling back slightly she placed her forehead against his opening her eyes to look at him, “I always wanted you Cas.” Whispering her words to him as she couldn’t help but confirm to him that she felt the same, she always did. Not waiting any longer, she leaned in again unable to stop herself for wanting to feel his lips against hers once more. Kissing him with need as it was everything she had wanted.

[Rogue Sloth]

Iris’s affirmation that she believed he would be a great king only reassured Caspian that for once, he was making the right decision. He had always been insecure in his own abilities, following in the footsteps of a powerful ruler like Atlas. His father had the fortitude to effortlessly make difficult decisions that he’d never been able to commit to without squirming. He was apprehensive that when he was eventually crowned as the next monarch, he would fall short of the Aspirian people’s expectations and undo all the hard work his father had done to build the nation into a respectable one. So, hearing her say that she thought he was what the people needed elicited a sense of self confidence that he’d never felt before.

He leaned into her lips as she reciprocated the kiss, as if he could make up for all the time they had lost since the incident in the capital. The instant he had caved to his desire for her, he’d realized just how foolish he had been by fighting back against the bond that continued to form between them. He cared about her more than he cared about anyone outside of his immediate family, and he was being a coward by pushing her away. No matter what he decided, the journey ahead of them most likely wouldn’t be easy, but she was worth fighting for. If he returned to the capital, he would do just that, no matter what his father or anyone else had to say about it.

When she pulled back briefly, he panted to catch his breath, having lost control of his respiration in his hunger for her lips. The words she whispered sent shivers up his spine, and he smiled, happy to hear that her feelings for him hadn’t wavered. Being with her felt right, and for a moment, he let himself forget about everything they had just endured in Bel Bicis as she kissed him again. Right now, there were no war zones, dead bodies, bombs or uncertainties. There was only the two of them, finding comfort in each other alone in the trees beyond the eleventh district’s border.

Heart pounding, Cas pressed his weight into Iris and slipped his hands from hers, bracing himself as he pushed her down on the blanket and hovered over her without breaking the kiss. In the back of his head, he knew he shouldn’t put too much strain on her when she was still sick, but he couldn’t help himself. He had craved to be with her since the day they had escaped from Regis’s basement, and her touch was driving him wild. It was like he was an addict on withdrawal, and she the drug he’d been abstaining from. Every movement of her lips, sweep of her tongue, and caress of her fingers lit him up like fire.

Leaning his weight on one arm, he held her by the waist with the other, kissing her deeply until he felt dizzy from lack of oxygen and had to come up for air. “I missed this,” he breathed, studying her blue eyes in the hazy, afternoon light that filtered through the swirling dust over their heads.

[sukikyoufu]

Seeing his smile and the way his eyes lit up at her own affirmation made her feel on cloud nine, nothing could bring her down from her high right now as she let into her desire and finally took what she wanted. Happy that he was more than willing to do the same. Right now, she didn’t care what would happen, if they were doomed to not be together then so be it but for now, she’d enjoy the moments she could spend with him. It felt right. Even though her fever still burned away she could barely feel it amongst the fire that he could light with his touch.

Breathing hadn’t been an option as they both had locked lips, both hungry for more from one another as they tangled themselves forgetting the horror of what was happening around them. The rise and fall of her chest were quick as she felt herself gasp for breath, but she didn’t want to stop kissing him. She didn’t want to lose the touch because she feared that this could be a dream, that she had somehow created this delusional desire of hers under the fever. It was hard not to feel excited when she felt his weight against her, pushing her down on the blanket as he hoovered over her all whilst they were still locking lips.

Unable to stop herself her hands moved up placing them against his chest, fingers curling around the fabric of his clothes gripping at them weakly as she kept up with the deep kiss. It was like she was trying to pull him closer, trying desperately to feel his warmth that accompanied his touch. When they finally broke for air, she felt the rush go to her head, panting as she tried to steady her breaths as she looked at him with adoration in her blue eyes. Iris felt the grin across her cheeks as she heard his words on how he missed this, she felt a surge of happiness course through her at those words because she had greatly missed him too. “Me too…”

Forgetting about what was going on in the world around her she let go of his clothes and placed her hand against his cheek smiling like a fool. “I missed you.” She didn’t care what happened now, whatever he wanted to do she would follow. Not just because she felt it was her duty but because she cared for him, she knew their bond had grown even if she had tried to deny it and she wanted to see where it went. Although it scared her because she had never felt like this for someone before, it was unchartered territory for her and for a brief moment she was scared to lose him.

“Hey… how about this for a plan. We slowly make our way back to the Capital, it’s going to be quite the adventure anyway and by that time you’d have an idea on what you want to do.” Caressing his cheek with her hand as she spoke softly she thought it was the best option for them, she didn’t want to take him further away from the Capital in case he did want to go home.

[Rogue Sloth]

“I missed you too,” Cas said in return, unable to stop smiling while he could still feel the ghost of Iris’s lips against his. He was still a little nervous about the pandora’s box they might have opened by choosing to be together when the future was so uncertain, but he was dedicated now to enduring whatever hardships they were going to have to face. If he stayed with her beyond the capital, they would probably have to live on the run for a while until the rebels no longer wanted to kill him. If they went back to the capital, he was going to have to figure out a way to smuggle her in with him and convince his father to stop planning to arrange his marriage to someone else. Both options had their pros and cons, so he wasn’t ready to make a decision either way yet.

When she suggested that they slow down their trip to the capital, he nodded without hesitation. “That’s a good compromise,” he agreed. Hopefully by taking their time instead of rushing, he would have enough time to make up his mind before they got there. It would also help him stall as he tried to figure out how to approach his father about their relationship if he decided that he did want to go home. When he had tried to date high born women in the past, Atlas hadn’t even considered the thought of letting him choose who he wanted to be with, so he was sure it was going to be an uphill battle trying to convince him that a common girl was a better match for him than someone who had an upstanding reputation and valuable connections. If the king found out she was Regis’s daughter, it would be even more difficult.

Although he wanted to keep kissing her in the grass, he knew he should give her a break to catch her breath since she still had a fever. Not wanting to overwhelm her, he removed himself from on top of her and laid on his side next to her, propping one arm underneath his head and draping the other over her middle. The bombing in Bel Bicis had been nothing short of terrifying, but in a way, he was glad it had happened. If he hadn’t faced a life-threatening crisis that had made him second guess all of his life decisions, he would have continued to keep Iris at arm’s length and gone back to the capital without ever finding out the truth about who was really on his side. He was glad he’d found out before they had parted rather than after.

“Are you still sure you won’t be able to sleep?” he asked, letting out a long exhale. “I’m starting to think I could use a nap, myself.” Thoroughly distracted from their close encounter with death, his exhaustion had hit him like a freight train. It was still far too early to go to bed, but he was physically and emotionally drained, and he was comfortable nestled with her against his chest, so the thought of dozing under the trees was tempting. The only thing keeping him awake was the fact that he knew they weren’t as safe out in the open as they had been in the apartment they’d broken into earlier. It would have been easy for a rebel to stumble upon them out here if they were searching for them in the forest.

[sukikyoufu]

Hopefully by the time they would reach the Capital he would have a better idea on what he wanted to do. After all it was his life and he had to be happy with his decision because there was nothing worse than regretting it. Iris felt like she had no regrets, not with choosing him and no matter what was thrown at them she knew she’d stand by Cas like he had with her through her amnesia. A part of her did wonder about her father, the fact she had technically turned her back on him but deep down she knew she couldn’t change him. There was nothing she could do there until he wanted to change himself, she couldn’t help anymore, and she had to be okay with that. It was hard to be okay with that, but she’d find a way.

Happy that Cas had agreed to the compromise she thought it was the best choice for them right now, if he ended up wanting to go home, they were at least still making their way towards the Capital just a bit slower than their original plans. Feeling him move to her side instinctively she turned on her own side to cuddle up to him, placing her arm across his waist smiling up at him. Between the hoodie and his warmth, she was starting to feel comfortable and not cold anymore which was nice. Sighing softly out of content she was just happy to hold him again, to be close to him as it was everything she had missed. Even though her heart hammered away she was happy, it was exciting that with every little touch she’d feel the butterflies in her stomach like it was new and she’d never experienced it before.

Glancing back over at Cas as he asked her about sleep, she smiled nodding, “No, I’ll be alright.” Keeping her hold of him she shifted her weight getting herself more comfortable beside him, “I’ll keep watch whilst you nap if you like? We can switch after.” As much as she wanted a nap herself, she was sure he was just as exhausted as her, one of them would have to keep watch whilst being so out in the open. At least in the shelters they weren’t so exposed, but who knew what kind of danger could happen in this forest. The rebels that were hunting them down could pop out at any moment and she didn’t want to risk their lives, not especially after the day they had so if one of them kept watch they wouldn’t just be sitting ducks if anything did happen.

“Go on, I’ll be alright. I’m warm now.” Whispering her words as she leaned up with her hand stroking his hair gently, glad she could do things like this now because it had been hard pushing him away. Not that she got very far with it because she had caved first back in the apartment. “I’ll wake you up if I need anything.”

[Rogue Sloth]

“If you say so,” Cas shrugged, closing his eyes as he rested his head against Iris’s. Even after everything they had been through that day, taking the leap to be more than friends with her again still overshadowed all the rest. With her in his arms, it was easy for him to pretend like everything was just fine and that they hadn’t just fled from an imploding building. Of course, the trauma from the event hadn’t vanished, but he was enjoying the respite while it lasted. For the last week, he had been in a nearly constant state of stress, so it was nice to finally relax long enough to remember what it felt like to be at peace, even if it was temporary.

Taking her up on her offer to nap, he nodded faintly and let himself begin to drift off. The hard ground beneath them wasn’t as comfortable as a bed would have been, but Iris’s warmth made up the difference. In no time at all, he’d fallen into a light slumber with his arm resting limply over her body, his jaw hanging slack, and his chest rising and falling with slow, even breaths. He had hoped to wake up feeling well-rested, but apparently his brain had other ideas.

After about an hour of pleasant, fleeting dreams that didn’t last long enough for him to remember, his unprocessed grief over the war and his father caught up with him. He found himself back in the plaza in Bel Bicis, surrounded with exaggerated mounds of blood-covered bodies. Immediately, a sense of panic set in, and he ran, desperate to get away from the wreckage and corpses. But the plaza was never ending. The further he ran, the larger the piles of bodies became until he was completely surrounded. He could feel his sense of urgency swelling until he finally came to a halting stop, too overwhelmed to continue as he dropped to his knees among the ruins.

It was then that he felt a hand on his shoulder. Turning around, he saw his father standing behind him. The familiar face gave him a fleeting moment of relief before he watched in dismay as Atlas curled his lip with disgust and walked away, leaving him alone with no one but the pale, lifeless war victims around him for company. For a moment, he sat still, frozen with shock that his father would abandon him when he needed him most, but he didn’t have long to dwell on it when two of the corpses slowly crawled from one of the mounds and grabbed hold of his arms with clammy hands—the mother and daughter whose faces he would never forget. They grinned, showing bloodstained teeth, and began dragging him toward the other bodies. However, before he reached them, he awoke with a jolt.

Scrambling into a sitting position, Cas gasped for breath, trembling with residual fear from the vivid nightmare. It seemed like even though he had been relaxed when he’d fallen asleep, he wasn’t as recovered from the traumatic day as he’d thought. He dragged the back of his hand across his sweaty forehead as he tried to calm down again.

[sukikyoufu]

Letting him get some rest Iris settled herself next to him holding him gently, everything seemed so peaceful. She could hear the usual sounds in the forest, that of the odd birds and rustling of leaves in the winds. It was very surreal the calm sounds compared to that of the destruction they had just experienced, but it made her feel comfortable. It was strange listening out for any sounds that could be an attack, but she tried to keep herself alert no matter how tired she was feeling she had promised she would keep watch so he could rest. She could wait.

How long has it been? Time seemed to be very strange for her right now, she couldn’t quite understand the concept of it, but she was sure it had to have been around an hour or so. Glancing down at the peaceful Cas she couldn’t help but smile looking at him rest, they had finally given in to their feelings and she couldn’t be happier with that fact. We’ve never really put a label on it. Could I consider him my boyfriend now? Thinking to herself as she absentmindedly traced circles across his chest as she thought about them now. Even though they were far from normal she couldn’t help but let her mind wander on what kind of dates they could go on, where they could go together and want kind of stuff they could just do as a couple.

Disturbed from her thoughts she looked down at the sleeping Cas who didn’t look so peaceful anymore, frowning slightly as she sat herself up focusing on him as she touched his sleeping cheek gently. A part of her instantly thought on how it had to be a nightmare, she knew that could be the only thing that was disrupting what should be a peaceful sleep and she understood. There was no way he had seen this before, perhaps in movies, but it was vastly different being face to face with it. Concerned she went to wake him up but in that moment, he had sat bolt upright with a start and she could see him gasp for breath.

“Hey… hey Cas. It’s okay.” Speaking softly as she moved rubbing his back gently, her other hand grasping his giving it a squeeze. “It’s not real. You’re fine.” Trying to smile as she wanted to be as reassuring as she could for him, nightmares could haunt you and she knew that. “I’m here okay.” Continuing to rub his back as she kept the firm grip on his hand so he could feel it, so he knew that she was right there beside him.

Turning slightly, she stopped rubbing his back for a second grabbing one of the water bottles and offering to him with a smile, “Here. Have some of this, it may help.” She didn’t know if having a drink would help, but she felt that doing something would bring him back to reality and away from whatever nightmare he had faced.

[Rogue Sloth]

Caspian had had nightmares before, but this was different than what he’d experienced in the past. When he’d been young, he’d had some wild dreams influenced by movies he’d watched that he shouldn’t have at his age, but as he’d gotten older, his nightmares usually revolved around things that had caused him stress. Like other high borns, he’d lived a sheltered life, never facing worse than a broken bone and never finding himself in a dangerous position as long as the capital had been secured by the military. He dreamt of missing deadlines, failing at important tasks, and of course, the all-time classic: giving a public speech while naked. While such nightmares were disturbing in their own way, they couldn’t compare to the terror of seeing the faces of the dead over and over again.

Distantly, he heard Iris speak up beside him and felt her squeeze his hand reassuringly. Using her as an anchor to recover from his fright, he turned toward her and took a deep breath, reminding himself that he was far away from the plaza, taking cover in the woods with her. Repeating the truth to himself, his tense muscles began to unwind, and he took the water bottle from her to wet his throat. “Sorry if I startled you,” he sighed, a little embarrassed that she’d seen him freak out over a bad dream. He wished he hadn’t jolted awake so violently, but it wasn’t something he could have controlled, since he had been asleep a second before.

Setting the container back down, he glanced up at the sky. Between the tree branches and the haze in the air, he couldn’t see it clearly, but he could tell that it was still sometime in the late afternoon. Good, he thought. That meant he still had some time to try to forget about his nightmare before he laid down to sleep when dusk fell. He had a feeling that if he tried now, he would just end up reimagining the same scenario in Bel Bicis that had woke him up the first time. He didn’t feel like going through that twice.

Turning back to Iris, a half smile pulled at his lip. He appreciated that she had helped him ground himself. The lingering fright was fading faster than it probably would have if he’d been alone. With a burst of affection, he leaned over and pressed a soft kiss to her lips, relishing their renewed closeness. He rested his hand on her leg and pulled back from the kiss to meet her gaze, “It was stupid of me to ever think I could go back to living without you. I hope you know that now that I’ve got you back, I’m never letting go again.”

Though he spoke partially in jest, he was earnest about how much he liked being with her. If she wanted to be with him for the long haul, he knew he wouldn’t be opposed. Far from it, in fact. Even though they hadn’t known each other for very long, going through multiple near-death experiences had a way of bringing two people together. He was prepared to fight his father tooth and nail if that’s what it took to keep her by his side for the rest of his life.

[sukikyoufu]

“Don’t apologise, it’s fine. It happens.” Iris spoke softly as she watched him ground himself from the nightmare, “I’ve gone through similar experiences and I’ve found it’s better coming around with someone. I’ve found it to be easier in my opinion.” Smiling as she admitted that she herself had gone through nightmares, it was common growing up in these districts and after all he had seen today she would have been surprised if he had a peaceful dream rather than one that relived the horrors of the day. A brief memory of how Maisie had comforted her through a nightmare when they were younger crossed her mind, it was why she did what she had to Cas because she had found it comforting herself.

Watching his half smile she couldn’t help but relax a little knowing that he was coming round and not focusing on the horrors of his dream. Like a chain reaction she felt the butterflies in her stomach as he pressed a soft kiss to her lips, meeting the kiss herself she couldn’t help but return it, gentle and soft. Every time he kissed her she could always feel the butterflies, she had never experienced this kind of attraction to someone before, she had never bonded like this before and she didn’t know what she would do if he pushed her away after all of this. “No, it wasn’t stupid. You made valid points.” Pulling back as she looked at him still smiling. “We don’t know what will happen and you were just protecting yourself and me.”

Although she knew his reasons before she was over the moon that he had gone back on it, that they were back to being close and enjoying each other’s company once more. “I’m glad though, that we get another chance together.” Feeling her cheeks heat up at his earnest words of never letting her go again she couldn’t help but beam, “Well at least your arms are comfortable, if you’re never letting me go that is.” Teasing gently as she felt her heart swell with his words, unable to contain her happiness at the fact she was able to be back with him. Although it did concern her, if he chose to go back to the Capital, back home. Regardless on who she was his father hated her before all of this happened, there was no way he’d allow her to even step back into the Capital and she would be lying to say if she wasn’t worried about that. How would she be able to join him in the Capital?

“Did you want to get some more rest?” Seeing as his nap had been disturbed, if not she knew she should try and get some rest. She was exhausted herself and hopefully the warmth and rest would break her fever as she needed to get better. “If not, would it be okay if I get a little shut eye? I’m hoping it will help break the fever so that we can move on and find actual shelter. As much as it’s romantic sleeping under the stars I’m sure you can agree an actual bed to sleep on would be great.”

[Rogue Sloth]

When Iris admitted that she had experience with nightmares, Cas frowned. The way she spoke made it seem like it had been a common occurrence for her. He’d only had one bad dream, and he didn’t want to go through it again, so he couldn’t imagine what it would be like to suffer from them regularly. If she did, he wondered if there was a way to treat it. He didn’t want her to be plagued with nightmares regularly if they could avoid it. If they did end up going to the capital, he made a mental note to look into possible therapists that might be able to help her with the issue, so she wouldn’t have to suffer unnecessarily for years.

“I guess,” he acknowledged, leaning back on one hand while he left the other resting on her leg. “I just realized I’d rather fight for us, so we have a chance rather than give up without even trying.” As the saying went, it was better to have loved and lost than to have never loved at all. However, it was definitely too soon to drop the “L” word when they had just gotten back together about an hour ago, so he kept that part to himself. While his feelings for her were stronger than anything he’d felt for another woman, he wanted time to thoroughly sort out what they were before he threw out any labels. Besides, he had no idea if she felt connected to him the same way he did to her. He didn’t want to catch her off guard. They already had enough to worry about without any rifts forming between each other.

As she joked about his arms being comfortable, he returned her bright smile with one of his own. “To be honest, it’s surprising to me just how comfortable I am with you,” he confessed, idly trailing his fingers down her thigh. “We barely know anything about each other, but I feel like I’ve known you for years. I don’t know; I guess you just have a way of making me feel relaxed whenever we’re together. It’s something I’ve liked about you since the day we met.” It was also one of the reasons why he didn’t want to let her go. The ease with which they got along wasn’t easily recreated, and he couldn’t picture himself doing it again with any other person. Although he would never admit it out loud—his friends would have never let him hear the end of it—there had always been a part of him that had wondered if he had a soulmate. If he did, Iris was the closest match he’d found so far.

At her question, he shook his head, “I don’t think I’ll be sleeping again for a while. You should go ahead. I’ll stay up so you can get some rest this time.” If her fever broke while she did, it would be all the better. He wasn’t in a rush to get home anymore, but he still hoped her sickness was just a twenty-four-hour thing that would pass soon. Since they didn’t have any medicine to dull the symptoms, he was sure she was probably uncomfortable.

Her mention of a bed, singular, didn’t slip past him either, and he reddened slightly as he imagined sharing one with her. That was something he’d never done before. His past relationships hadn’t lasted long enough, and he’d never had the privacy to get away with it at the mansion. However, although the thought made his heart race, he couldn’t deny that it was something he wanted to do. He may have been inexperienced in the realm of romance, but he was still a red-blooded male. If the opportunity came up, he wouldn’t turn it down.

“R-Right,” he stammered, unable to hide the effect that her insinuation had on him. Awkwardly, he coughed into his elbow and smiled at her again, trying to recover from the initial shock. “Well, if your fever does break, by all means, we can look for a better place to spend the night. Either way though, I think a nap will be good for you.”

[sukikyoufu]

“I’m glad, that you would of course. I guess… well. I’ve never bonded like this with anyone before, it’s kind of scary, but exciting at the same time and it’s nice to hear that you’d want to fight for us. I know I would in a heartbeat.” Smiling as he spoke about fighting for them to be together, it was reassuring knowing that fact. A part of her wondered if it had been this easy before the lapse in memories, had she changed as a person or was she always like this? Even though a fair chunk of her memories had returned not everything was clear, the fact she had nearly forgotten about Maisie was astonishing. It seemed that even though Ethan had told her the main facts she didn’t fully know her past life, it was a miracle she knew were she was going in the districts. Could be muscle memory, I guess?

“It really is surprising; it feels like I’ve known you longer than we actually have. It’s nice feeling this comfortable with someone though.” Feeling herself smile at his own words, that she could make him feel so relaxed and that he always liked that about her. “Safe…” Whispering more to herself as she trailed off, Cas made her feel safe and that was something she had never felt before not truly. “You make me feel safe. It’s something I don’t think I’ve felt for a long time, not until you.” Smiling to herself as she admitted her own sentence on how he made her feel safe.

Getting lost into her own thoughts as past memories flashed by, she focused on the word safe, the last time she had truly felt that was when her mother was still alive. Iris had been a child then, no need to worry about anything as she lived in her own little world protected by her parents. Safely in her own little bubble not having to worry about anything like she did now. Blinking a few times, she smiled looked back at Cas nodding pushing away her thoughts “If that’s okay?”

Though soon after her own face reddened just after his as she realised how her words had sounded, she had just said bed. Of course, she didn’t mean anything by it, not that she didn’t ever want that to happen because at some point of course she would. It was natural, she was attracted to him and every time she felt his touch it excited her. Feeling her chest tighten as it started to hammer away, she felt rather flustered and was desperately trying to think of something to say to draw the subject away of what she had said. Unless now she was just wildly assuming that’s why his face had heated up because she could just be getting the wrong end of the stick here and making it far worse than it needed to be.

“Yeah! No… I’d l-like that. It will be good. Yes.” Nodding furiously as she enthusiastically latched onto his words in hopes they did not focus on what she had said. “Thank you…” Feeling herself gulp as she grabbed one of the water bottles taking a sip as she tried to calm herself down already berating herself as she thought of how much of an idiot she currently was. Placing the water bottle down she tentatively moved back down onto the blanket next to him, draping her arm across his chest as she got herself comfortable to get some sleep.