sukikyoufu

Amnesia [Suki & Summer]

Iris could feel the tension, the feeling of not being wanted and she could understand to a degree. After all she had turned up and thrown a major spanner in the works, Raine and Caspian had been talking potential deals, they had been getting to know one another. Caspian had started to heal from her and started to move on with a princess, and she was about to ruin everything. Understanding the reason why she wasn’t the most favourable person right now, she didn’t take anything to heart. It did remind her of her own station, and how unsuited to this life she was.

A princess? Iris hesitated for a moment as Raine introduced herself. Remembering her manners she quickly recovered a politely bowed to the princess, her heart hammering away in her chest because she knew this would change everything. This woman screamed of elegance and grace and would have been perfect for Caspian, this was who the public would expect to see. Not some street rat. A girl from the rebellion who had played a part in the Kings abduction not too long ago. “No, honestly. The pleasure is all mine.”

Already her mind was racing, of course there was a hint of jealousy as she knew Caspian had started to move on. Though, she knew deep down she couldn’t be mad. After all she had left him first, willing to give him up because it was for the best. Believing Jacob that Caspian would be better off without her.

“How would you like me to address you?” Not wanting to insult the princess, but she didn’t want to just call her by her first name and cause even more issues. It felt the safest option, and at least it was polite. There was no need to twist the knife in, after all it was clear that Iris and Caspian had unfinished business so she could only imagine what was going on through her head right now.

Chewing the inside of her cheek she tried not to fiddle with her clothes, give away how uneasy she felt. How inferior she felt to this princess, her eyes glancing towards the door that Caspian had taken Jacob inside. Iris didn’t regret for a moment making Caspian to agree to not fire the guard, she knew how impulsive he could be, and she trusted Jacob. Although he hadn’t been there all the time whilst she was recovering, she couldn’t fault the fact he had saved her life, that he had taken care of her. Even though she hadn’t fully regained her strength she had been well enough to go back to the districts, but he hadn’t sent her back.

His home has practically become hers and she had grown comfortable roaming around it, but she knew how much Jacob cared for Caspian. There had never been an ulterior motive, Jacob was just a decent guy that took his job seriously. Knowing she had already gotten him in trouble made her feel guilty, but she couldn’t let him lose her job for her mistake.

It hadn’t even been her intention to go back to Cas, she had only left to try and find more about the rebels that should have been dead. Ethan was dead, Jacob had confirmed that to her, and so was her father. Shuddering at the repressed memory of the interrogator showing her the photos of her gunned down father. So, who was behind it?

There was no way of finding out now, Caspian wouldn’t let her leave not now he knew she was alive. Hearing the door, she couldn’t help but look towards Jacob her eyes instantly downcast on the floor as the guilt washed over her not wanting to see a look of disappointment. Not that she imagined he would, he had always been hard to read, but she was upset with herself for getting caught and getting him into trouble.

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Amnesia [Suki & Summer]

Iris bit the bottom of her lip nervous around her new surroundings and the idea of Cas and Jacob having a talk with one another. Even though she had tried to defend his actions she knew Cas would not go back on his word and fire the man at least. At least he’d still have the head of security keeping him safe, but she knew she’d caused a mass amount of tension between the two. Feeling responsible for the inevitable disagreement between the pair she couldn’t help but watch them.

Having such a horrible feeling in the pit of her stomach she stood for a few minutes just watching the pair disappear to the room she had just been in with Cas. With Cas gone, even though he was still in the same building her safety blanket was also gone. Surrounded by security personnel and a woman who he had started to look at a potential courtship with.

There was also the awkwardness at the fact the only reason she had been brought here was because she had been caught stealing, no doubt that would make a headline once rumours began to spiral. King of Asparia dating a common thief from the rebellion. Cringing at the thought of the horrific headlines about to come his way she avoided looking at any of the security members, but what she didn’t expect was to be addressed by the other women.

Nerves began to fester as she anxiously looked towards Raine who had been watching the whole event. “Oh... right. Thank you.” Trying to keep her voice calm and polite with addressing her, she didn’t want to offend her any more than she probably already was right now.

“I’ll just leave it for now. I’m not really hungry anymore.” Iris didn’t want to cause any kind of inconvenience to anyone, plus with how awkward she was currently feeling she didn’t want to bring any more attention to herself. Iris was sure Cas would understand her reasoning when she explained it to him, and maybe when things were a bit more settled, she’d feel comfortable helping herself.

“It’s a pleasure to meet you, I’m Iris.” Trying to be the bigger person, trying to make it less awkward she introduced herself to Raine. There was a twitch of her hand as if she was going to offer it out for a handshake, but she thought against it just leaving it by her side. Maybe the small talk would get them through it for the moment, hopefully it would pass enough time until Cas and Jacob would come back into the room giving them a buffer.

However, if Raine would rather sit in silence and not engage Iris would respect that, a part of her hoping that maybe it would be the case. Sitting in silence was easy, even if it was awkward.

Amnesia [Suki & Summer]

“I thought my father was the leader of it, I guess he was just a pawn in someone else's game. Ethan... me...” Iris sighed shaking her head confused by it all, who was truly behind this rebellion? “I’m no one special, I doubt they would use me anymore.” Hearing him promise that fact too warmed her heart, that even with the separation between them he felt so strongly about her.

“Eh... well. You know me.” Iris tried to wash it over, that it had been days since she had eaten. Food had always been a sore subject at times, especially when she had been trapped in the hotel by herself. “Sorry, I promise I’ll do better.” Hoping that would ease his worries about her, plus she had a feeling that everything would change now. With her in the picture she half expected him to wrap her up in cotton wool, ensuring that she was well looked after.

Iris was still hesitant at the thought of facing everyone, Caspian seemed to be certain it would be okay, but she was cautious. By showing up Iris had ruined any alliances and what if Raine was bitter about her showing up? She wasn’t anything special, she wasn’t any sort of class unlike Raine. Biting the bottom of her lip she followed along silently not wanting to draw any attention to herself.

Entering the room, it felt hostile, and she felt his grip tighten as he looked over at Jacob. Iris in turn avoided looking at Jacob, as well as Raine on the sofa feeling awfully aware of the silence in the room. Glancing at Caspian she nodded at his offer of the pantry, but she knew she wouldn’t eat not whilst she was worrying over what he was about to talk to Jacob about.

“Right...” Trailing off as she looked at Caspian before daring a glance at Jacob, the guilt apparent in her face because she knew this wasn’t going to end well. It was a miracle she had gotten Caspian to agree not to fire him, to make that promise as she knew he would still get mad. In truth she was surprised he hadn't directed any sort of anger towards her just yet, it was bound to happen as this wasn’t all Jacobs fault.

“Cas... just. He saved me remember.” A gentle plea to Caspian in hopes that he wouldn’t be too harsh, that he would be kind to the security guard. “Please...” Looking back at Caspian hoping he would listen; she didn’t want Jacob to get into any sort of trouble. Not after the lengths he had gone to keep her alive, it had been a difficult recovery, but he had ensured her safety and brought her back from the brink of death.

Had Jacob not been there she would have died; she would never have gotten another chance to see Caspian or another chance at life. Now it was time to face the consequences, but she didn’t want anyone to get hurt.

Amnesia [Suki & Summer]

Iris could feel the nerves settle in; she was about to be surrounded by people who didn’t want her here and she knew this would cause an uproar. Single handedly she was about to cause one of the biggest scandals and could be ruining relationships with sister nations, but Caspian knew all of that. He knew the risks and yet he still wanted to choose her over everything else. It was hard not to enjoy that fact, that she was that important to him he was willing to fight a country for her.

“Hopefully.” Iris wanted to believe it would blow over as easy as he said it would, in truth she wasn’t sure how quickly it would and if anyone would truly accept her dating the King of all people. However, it was a headache he was willing to take so she had to be willing to face it with him. If they stayed a united strong front, it would be okay, and she was sure she could do that with him.

Biting the bottom of her lip she saw the tentative frown of his, she wasn’t sure how this Raine would react, and it didn’t help they had just hidden themselves in a bedroom. Who knew what was going through that girls' head and she felt partially guilty for being the reason for this. “I hope so, if you’ve been friends for a long time, maybe she will understand?” Trying to be hopeful and positive about it for once, rather than worrying. Negative thoughts had only caused issues before, and she didn’t particularly want to spiral through that again.

Even with Ethan dead the rebels were still causing havoc, she had to wonder who had decided to take up the fight this time. Her father had originally started it, Ethan continued it, but surely the fact the rebels were still going someone else had to be pulling the strings. Had her father and Ethan just been pawns before? Was someone else behind this the whole time? “It’s strange to think the rebels are still causing havoc, I thought with... well. I guess someone else has decided to take the lead.” Hesitating at speaking her fathers name, and Ethans for that matter.

Iris would never forget the pain Ethan had put her through, even with her healed physically the mental scar was still there. Distracted by the offer of his hand she took it in her own with a smile, nothing else should matter right now.

“Oh, well. It’s been a few days. I should probably eat.” Iris admitted sheepishly, it was why she had been caught stealing because she had been in need of some sort of drink or food to keep her own search going. Until she had been caught red handed. Glancing at the door it did mean facing Jacob and Raine. Anxious at the thought of seeing them she shifted a little on the bed, uncomfortable at the idea but it was inevitable, and it would happen eventually.

“Are you sure it will be, okay?” Unable to stop herself from asking the burning question, she was still cautious at the thought of seeing this Raine. Jacob too, but she was more concerned about Caspians reaction to Jacob now he knew the truth behind her ‘death’.

Amnesia [Suki & Summer]

Iris enjoyed the touch between them, it had been so long since she’d had any sort of comfort like this. With all the previous trauma and everything that had happened it would have been nice to have someone there to comfort her. It’s not like Jacob was a comforting person, but she had missed that whilst healing. It seemed Cas was on the same wavelength as she felt the arm wrap around her waist, and she couldn’t help but movie closer to him where possible. “As I say, I’ll share whatever information to your team. I want you to be safe and free from all this rebellion.” A part of her still felt a twinge of guilt that she had been a big part of it before.

“Could I really?” It seemed surreal at the idea of moving into the palace with him, she had stayed there once before all the drama had kicked off, but his father hadn’t been welcoming. Not that his father was around anymore, and he was right to have not trusted her in the first place. “You wouldn’t get into trouble for it?”

It seemed like a silly thing to ask; he was a King and could do as he liked and they’d been apart for too long. Cas clearly wanted to just pick up where they left off, but he was still considerate of her own comfort as he offered her to stay in another room if she didn’t want to share. Feeling the heat in her cheeks she still wanted to share a room with him, she wouldn’t want to sleep in another room not whilst back in the palace when she’d be so conscious with the people around. “I would like to share. If you’re comfortable too of course.” Though she was certain she knew the answer to it already.

Shifting a little uncomfortably as he spoke about Raine, a princess from another kingdom who was of his standard unlike some rebel. “No, I understand. Of course. You thought I was dead. You’d have to think about the kingdom.” Hearing the confirmation that he loved her was all she needed, she shouldn’t be jealous when he had started to move on with his life without her because that was a decision, she had ultimately made by leaving in the first place.

“I just hope with me now in the picture it doesn’t damage anything for you.” Iris sighed softly knowing she was about to cause a lot of drama for him, both with political people and his subjects. All that should matter was the fact they were reunited and could work things out. It shouldn’t be too difficult. Right?

“Although... won’t it be kind of awkward, this place doesn’t seem big.” Iris hinted towards the fact Raine was still here, he would have to have some sort of conversation with her about this and then there was Jacob. This brief moment of peace and enjoyment between them wasn’t going to last long.

“How much longer do you have to stay here?”

Amnesia [Suki & Summer]

Caspian seemed pretty certain of his choice, but Iris couldn't help but feel he may regret that later. To simply forgive everything straight away seemed foolish and she had expected more of a fight, that she’d need to practically beg him with apologies. Yet, he was certain he was over it. All that mattered right now was the fact she was here with him. It gave her hope that he truly loved her, and she pushed her own concerns to the back of her mind. If he was willing to forgive and forget, then she would do the same. After all, he was a king now and could make any decision he wanted too, whether the people or his council would agree that was a different story.

Sighing happily at the gentle touch of his thumbs, the soothing notion and comfort she had missed from him she couldn’t help but smile. “One thing I have always been certain of, if wanting to be with you.” Even though she had her own emotions, turmoil around not being good enough for him she was always certain of wanting to be with him. It was everything else around them that was the challenge, but she’d be more honest about it with him. Talking to him truthfully was going to be the best way to make things work between them.

Seeing him gawk at the news that she may have tracked down the rebels Iris couldn’t help but laugh as she nodded, “I think so. I can’t be certain, but I did used to be a part of their organisation.” There was also the risk she could be completely wrong, but it was amazing what you could find when you didn’t look like you were from the Capital. “Of course, I will. Strangely enough the lead I was following isn’t too far from what I assume to be your safe house?” Gesturing to the building they were inside; she was still partially in shock she had been brought here to him.

“Were you interrogating anyone suspicious yourself? Or was it purely coincidence you saw me. I honestly thought I’d messed it all up and was headed straight back to prison.” Iris cringed at the thought, although it had been a while since the incident, she would never forget the feeling of the drug used to question her.

As they approached the subject of the woman that was the elephant in the room Iris winced as he confirmed he had been courting her. She couldn’t be mad; she shouldn’t be mad or jealous as he did think she was dead. Of course, he needed to move on, but she was jealous that he was holed up in the safe house with her. Had they done anything? Iris felt her thoughts spiralling into places it shouldn’t be, of course the princess he was courting wouldn’t have done anything with him. The woman was a princess, and she was just some common scourge member.

“Ah... of course. I understand.” Iris hesitated for a moment before she shook her head, “Sorry no. I understand, you thought I was dead. I shouldn’t be jealous.” Squeezing his hand she offered a smile, “It doesn’t matter now, but... won’t that make things difficult calling it off? I assume she is someone quite important. Right?” Trying not to let her jealousy seep through of a woman that was clearly better standing than her.

Amnesia [Suki & Summer]

Iris didn’t realise how much she had needed his comfort, after everything that had happened to them. To her. All of that didn’t seem to matter as he spoke about not letting her go, his arms around her and she felt safe. It was everything she wanted, everything she had needed and all she could think about was how stupid she had been to give it all up. To not be a little more patient and wait for him to make good on his word, as he never broke his promise.

How was it he still thought she was what was better for him? Already she could feel herself questioning his judgement, that after everything he still wanted her. He still loved her even after all this time and all the dramas that had come with it. “I promise, I’ll try to be more honest with you and my feelings.” It had only done damage to them both her bottling it all up, not talking to him about it and letting the negative thoughts win. “Maybe this could have been avoided if I had only spoken to you. I’m sorry.”

Blinking back her tears as she felt him caress her cheek, a gentle gesture showing her the love and care he still had for her. Sighing with content as she wrapped her arms around him just enjoying being able to hold him again, smiling as he said those four words that he still loved her. Wincing as he mentioned he forgave her she wondered if it was too soon, if he had truly processed everything and later on down the line, he would then be mad at her. “Cas... are you sure?” Not wanting to question it Iris couldn’t help but pull back to meet his gaze at his forgiveness. Honestly, she felt it was too soon for the forgiveness, but she wouldn’t push it.

Glancing down at his hands that now rested on her legs she placed her hands over his, just wanting to keep the touch between them. It was more comfort for her to physically feel he was in that room with her because it truly had been too long since they had last been together. Smiling slightly as they approached the subject of her rebels, she had been tracking down a group of them that where in hiding, she was kind of proud of herself with using what little resources she had to get information. If it hadn’t been the need to have some sort of drink or food she wouldn’t have got caught, but then she wouldn’t now be with Cas.

“I think I’ve managed to track a trail of the group the attacked the party.” Iris explained, adding the think because she could be totally wrong about it. “I had planned to go stake it out a little, but it’s been a couple of days without food and water. I thought it would go unnoticed, but I got caught. Guess it’s harder to steal here than it was in the districts.” Trying to make a light-hearted joke from getting caught, and the fact she had been caught stealing of all things. It wasn’t much, but she had tried. Perhaps with more time she’d have been able to give him something more concrete. It didn’t matter, what did matter was that she was able to see him again. Though she was curious as to who he had been with and she tried not to sound jealous as she asked the question to him, thinking that she had no right to be jealous about it.

“Who was the girl?” Iris had to ask the question, she had seen the girl on the TV and no she was in the same ‘safe house’ as Cas. There had to be some importance as to why she was here.

Amnesia [Suki & Summer]

“Cas, he didn’t know, he just thought I was willing to go back to the districts as I didn’t think I was good enough for you.” Iris tried to reason with him, who knew how it would have played out had she told the security guard about her blackmail but ultimately, he was looking out for Cas in other ways even if Cas couldn’t see it. “I was foolish. I thought if I did. If I went back to him, I’d be protecting you." Muffling out her response into his chest as she wrapped her arms around him unable to hold herself back from physical contact with him. It was comforting to be in his arms once more and even more so knowing he didn’t seem to hate her right now.

“Cas... I love you. I’ve never stopped loving you.” Love had made her do so many reckless things, think so many insecure thoughts because she thought he deserved better. Her feelings had not changed about him and seeing him with another woman or even entertain it had made her feel jealous and she knew her heart still belonged to him.

“Jacob saved my life again Cas, he didn’t even know if I’d make it. Recovering took a long time, he brought me back to his condo and we both. No, I thought it was best you move on from me.” Iris sighed softly knowing it wasn’t something he likely wanted to hear, but as much as Jacob believed they shouldn't be together, she had also agreed to it herself so she couldn't put the blame entirely on the security guard as it wouldn't be fair. “I know you say it doesn’t matter, that you don’t care, but I wanted you to have the best chance at being a King without constantly fighting those who disapproved of me. I wanted you to be free to be the King, I believed you could be.” Her own happiness hadn’t mattered when she thought it was in his best interest. “I honestly believed that me not being there would be better for you. I only cared about you.”

Iris hoped he would understand her reasoning, that she believed it would be his best chance to not have her around. “I watched the event you held; you looked stunning in that suit. Then I can only assume the rebels again? I made up my mind then to search for answers. To come talk to you and apologise and hopefully give you something to help bring them down after everything I had done to you.” Her voice was so sincere as she tried to explain everything to him, so he knew the full truth and there’d be no more lies or secrets between them.

“I understand if you don’t forgive me, but I had to tell you truth about everything.” Iris tried to smile at him, tears threatening to spill once again because she was still emotional seeing him after all this time. Her feelings hadn’t changed, she’d never stopped caring about him and even though her actions where quite strong she had meant them out of love for him, wanting him to have better. To do better.

“Cas, I love you. Nothing will ever change that.”

Amnesia [Suki & Summer]

Knowing that even with the repercussions he would face just having her back in his life didn’t seem to faze him made her feel a bit more at ease following him back to his room. As he let go of her hand, she missed the warmth, missed the feeling of having him close and without holding his hand she found herself fidgeting as she stood. Fingers fumbling with the end of her sleeves, a hesitance to join him on the bed because she was about to tell him the whole story. After telling him everything he may very well hate her, he may decide that in the end she was not worth any kind of hassle.

Hearing him agree to the promise she let out a shaky breath before joining him on the bed. Wincing at the mention of Ethan she could hear the pain in his voice, he had to have been distraught seeing a scene like that. Seeing her like that. Biting the bottom of her lip she reached out instinctively grabbed his hands in both of hers gently, hoping the touch alone would remind him that she was physically here alive and well. “I understand if after this you hate me, if you even hate Jacob, but I need you to promise me you won’t fire him. He’s a decent man, he cares about your safety and would never let anything harm you. I don’t want what has happened to jeopardise your safety.”

Squeezing his hands gently as she took a deep breath readying herself to explain everything, “That note I left you in the hotel was cowardly, but... I didn’t want to leave you. E-Ethan. Blackmailed me. Promised me he’d end the rebellion and his obsession with trying to kill you if I returned to the districts.” Glancing down at her hands that where holding his she wasn’t sure if she could look at him, she didn’t want to see the hate or disappointment in his eyes. “I was stupid enough to believe it. I didn’t want you to worry about me, I didn’t want your reputation to be brought into question because of me. I was an idiot to even believe for one second, he’d let things drop if I returned.”

Trying to explain parts of why she did it, so he could understand her thought process, but the guilt was evident in her voice because she knew she would have hurt him. “Jacob followed you when you came to visit me in me the hotel. I answered thinking you had forgotten something, but there he was. Our secret out and he knew you’d been lying to protect me. I’m not sure what he would have done, or what could have happened, but I said I wanted to go back to the districts. Jacob agreed to take me back, he believed it would be best for you. To not have someone like me bringing you down, he didn’t know about the blackmail... maybe I should have told him then? Maybe it wouldn’t have ended up like this. I wasn’t thinking straight as all I cared about was protecting you.” Reaching up Iris gently caressed his cheek with her hand, blinking back the tears in her eyes because she knew that she had still be a cause for his pain regardless of how everything had panned out.

“I...” Swallowing hard Iris felt the tightness in her throat, the hesitation to talk about what happened next. In truth she couldn’t remember everything fully, there had been a lot of pain, things that may not have even happened. “What happened next... well.” Cringing because she wasn’t even sure she could put it into words, “I... I should have died. I felt it. I... I.” Iris could feel her voice cracking as she hung her head in shame, no longer able to hold back her tears as the emotions started to boil over.

“All I could think of in that moment was that I let you down, that I was so powerless to help you with anything. That all I had done to you was cause pain.”