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Hidden 10 yrs ago Post by Leviathan
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Leviathan Inhuman

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I am continuing to collab with him & just sent in part of mine so he could finish us up.

his next post should be the morning & we'll be caught up.
Hidden 10 yrs ago Post by Syben
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So are you staying with us?
Hidden 10 yrs ago Post by Leviathan
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Yesh, Vera's PIC [partner in crime] is back so Fire & I can just continue from where we left off. ^^
Hidden 10 yrs ago Post by Syben
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Alright, very good. :D
Hidden 10 yrs ago Post by TheMusketMan
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Hidden 10 yrs ago Post by Hanami
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Oh hey, a new CS ^^

Sorry guys, I'm about 60% finished with my post but I had barely any time to write today, my dad neglected to tell us he was staying overnight. He's leaving at "the asscrack of dawn", so I'll have tons more time to work on it later today, haha.
Hidden 10 yrs ago Post by kapuchu
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MusketMan.

Are you, by any chance, a Full Metal Alchemist fan? Your character is pretty much a copy of Alphonse & Edward, with Gonzo being the Edward. He lost his arm so he gave himself a robot arm. His little brother's body was destroyed, and he wants to give it back to him. Same here, only difference being that Alphonse lives on in that armour. Now, much like Edward, Gonzo is a genious albeit for a different reason. Both read books that their father owned because he wasn't using them anymore, Gonzo because he simply didn't use them, and Edward because his father wasn't there.

I can't feel like you took an already existing character and tweaked it to fit this setting rather than create your own :/
This is not representative of Aeonumbra's (the GM's) opinion, and is based solely on my own observations. I'm just giving my two cents, and any corrections made should only be made because Aeon says so.
Hidden 10 yrs ago Post by Syben
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TheMusketMan said
Nationality: America


*eye twitch* Forgot an "n" xD no big deal (but I'm kind of obsessive-compulsive sometimes, I can't not say anything)

TheMusketMan said
Appearance: Short bristly ginger hair
Ginger neck beard
White T-Shirt with black stains
Blue jeans with black stains
Brown Belt
Brown work boots
Brown gloves
Real beefy arms and chest
As tanned as a ginger can be
His right arm is cybernetic and he can do a load of cool repair and medical stuff with it.


As per all of the other CS's, I would prefer a description, not a list. Something meaningful, that takes effort.

TheMusketMan said
His right arm is cybernetic and he can do a load of cool repair and medical stuff with it.


...... Like what? Details.

TheMusketMan said
At 7 years old. Now Gonzo didn't know anything I'm about to tell you until years later, but for a quick story, I'll tell you now


No. If there's something that's in your biography, that means it's important to your character's past in a way for us to relate to your character's development within the story. Why he does what he does, or why he responds to certain situations certain ways. Just saying that piece that I underlined alone makes it feel rushed and lacking now.

Generally the entire biography leaves me wanting. There are a lot of parts that just feel skipped over, when you could have taken the time to flesh out key points in there. Like what actually happened to his parents? In fact, the only thing that I do know in your character's biography is that his parents vanished, his brother was super smart but he's dead, and a 16 year old boy with no prior medical or mechanical knowledge, let alone neurology or robotics, managed to attach a robotic arm to himself and was then 'recognized' for his cybernetic skill, without any knowledge of it.

TheMusketMan said
Skills and Talents: Cybernetic tech GOD, fairly advanced medical knowledge, an eye for machines.
Primary Skill: Cybernetic Tech, Advanced Medical Knowledge
Hobby: Gun enthusiast.
Talent: Very good at measuring. VERY GOOD.
Negative Trait: Due to smoke from machinery, he has weaker lungs.


The skills and talents aren't terrible. 'Cybernetic tech GOD' is not appropriate. 'Very good at measuring. VERY GOOD' is also not appropriate.

Also the fact that he is a gun repairman, and is advanced medically is encroaching on other player's characters, as we use a 'roles' system hear. It doesn't make sense to have two botanists does it? Though, cybernetics / robotics are free. Advanced medical knowledge is a very broad and general statement. Cybernetics basically says all you need it to without getting to into detail. You can take a piece of someone, and replace it with a machine. That's on a different level than oh say.. or resident doctor, who happens to have a cybernetic arm made for "cool repair and medical stuff".

The negative trait is fine.

TheMusketMan said
Gear: A large backpack
Tools and assorted mechanical devices on his person and in his backpack.
Medical supplies (Bandages, meds, etc.)
An Assault rifle modified to have a Holographic sight and flashlight, oh and the bullets have a bit more...'oomph' to them.
A Canteen of mush
Several cans of mush.


Honestly. I feel there could be higher levels of creativity throughout this whole thing. Again, it feels very bland and rushed. If your character was trapped out in the wilderness, alone, in an unknown location, would he survive? No, considering 'mush' isn't even a thing. I'm not sure if you read any other CS's for examples... or format, seeing as how roughly everybody followed it all incredibly well. But here's this, from our resident botanists (scientist of Plants).

Hanami said
Backpack: Lab coat, bulletproof vest (only worn in more dire situations due to weight), small first aid pack (bandages of multiple sizes, antiseptic wipes, isopropyl alcohol, packets of aspirin), two bottles of slush, three cans of food.

Cross-body bag: Weapons, supply of Purge, small pocket tablet for notes/sketches, 30x hand lens, dissecting tools (needles, forceps, razor blades, scissors), plastic bags, plastic vials with screw-on lids, steel case for vials and other samples, gloves, rubber bands, disposable fabric face masks, goggles. [Note: Her botany tools can double as medical supplies.]

Gun: 4-shot Derringer, .357 Magnum bullets. Full chambers, no extra bullets on-hand.
Knife: Small razor blades, 5-inch utility knife with sheath.


You should use that as a reference, make things up if you have to. I will tell you if I have a problem with it, or you can ask me for ideas. (I'm going to nit pick anyways, I did it to everbody.) Also, don't feel like I'm a bad person. I mean, I am, but I'm just giving it to you straight like everybody else got. (No seriously, I'm evil)

Anyways. I'll consider that CS a rough draft :) so .. I'd like a final copy.

If by chance we happen to whip the CS into shape. I just have one question for you.

Do you feel confident you can keep up with us? Actually put in the time and effort needed for something like this. Because I'm going to tell you right now, I expect more than two paragraphs. If you don't feel up to our "skill level" that's not terms for dismissal. But I will push you, nicely and sternly. Practice makes perfect, but a guiding hand makes it easier, but only when you follow it and remember it's teachings.
Hidden 10 yrs ago Post by Syben
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kapuchu said
MusketMan.Are you, by any chance, a Full Metal Alchemist fan? Your character is pretty much a copy of Alphonse & Edward, with Gonzo being the Edward. He lost his arm so he gave himself a robot arm. His little brother's body was destroyed, and he wants to give it back to him. Same here, only difference being that Alphonse lives on in that armour. Now, much like Edward, Gonzo is a genious albeit for a different reason. Both read books that their father owned because he wasn't using them anymore, Gonzo because he simply didn't use them, and Edward because his father wasn't there. I can't feel like you took an already existing character and tweaked it to fit this setting rather than create your own :/ This is not representative of Aeonumbra's (the GM's) opinion, and is based solely on my own observations. I'm just giving my two cents, and any corrections made should only be made because Aeon says so.


Oh please Ahri , TarTaric you're hardly one to talk. :) I'm onto you. That is stretching the comparison just a little though Kapu. There is a similarity yes, but it's like 4%.
Hidden 10 yrs ago Post by kapuchu
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kapuchu The Loremaster

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Aeonumbra said
Oh please Ahri , Tar you're hardly one to talk. :) I'm onto you. That is stretching the comparison just a little though Kapu. There is a similarity yes, but it's like 4%.


I stole the appearance, yes, but that's just because it was the only good picture I could find of a nine-tailed fox in humanoid form <.< Her abilities and personality have nothing to do with Ahri.

Also, Tartaric is an acid you find in bananas -_- Go look it up xD

Now, please, quit the outrageous accusations, please :P
Hidden 10 yrs ago Post by Syben
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Outrageous he says XD

Next thing I know your character is going to start making Yasuo references xD
Hidden 10 yrs ago Post by kapuchu
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Nah. Not gonna happen xP She might make an outburst in japanese, but that's about the extent of it. She's more likely to make a Master Yi-esque reference when she uses the shorter of her two katanas... Wuju Style looks a bit like fire, no? :P
Hidden 10 yrs ago Post by Syben
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Pfffhhhttt XD
Hidden 10 yrs ago Post by TheMusketMan
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Hey, just wanted to say that I'm not gonna be in this one. One of those things where this requires a lot of thought and attention and with school and other things I don't think I would be able to make something acceptable or have the time to do so, hope you guys have fun ^_^
Hidden 10 yrs ago Post by Hanami
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Phew, finally finished up. Sorry about that, I'll be more prudent in the future.
Hidden 10 yrs ago Post by Syben
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TheMusketMan said
Hey, just wanted to say that I'm not gonna be in this one. One of those things where this requires a lot of thought and attention and with school and other things I don't think I would be able to make something acceptable or have the time to do so, hope you guys have fun ^_^


I though so, but it's cool. I understand making the jump from casual to advanced isn't the easiest of things. Enjoy life, may you prosper in bountiful roleplays.

Hanami said
Phew, finally finished up. Sorry about that, I'll be more prudent in the future.


It's not bothersome. Nobody has any complains at the speed our little roleplay trolly is tugging along.
Hidden 10 yrs ago Post by Snowminx
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I am 100% interested in this RP, and would love a chance to join! If you still have a spot open, then I would much appreciate it. I can start work on my character asap.
Hidden 10 yrs ago Post by Syben
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Go ahead and make a CS. I highly suggest looking at a couple of the others.

I will help you (and by help I mean nit pick) with cs ideas (ie: skills, gears, etc.) (I did it to everybody else, it's not a bad thing, just me being ocd)

Secondly, if you consider your level of writing under advanced that is not terms for dismissal. But I will push to you to improve.

I look forward to seeing your CS if you wish to stick around. PM me with any thoughts and questions.

Also keep in mind we use a roles system here. In the second post on the main page you'll see "the cast" , next to each character is a [label]. Try not to stray into those identifiers, one of each makes for diversity and challenge.

If you want ideas on specific roles your character can assume PM me. (Because only I know what the future holds).
Hidden 10 yrs ago Post by Syben
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Go ahead and make a CS. I highly suggest looking at a couple of the others.

I will help you (and by help I mean nit pick) with cs ideas (ie: skills, gears, etc.) (I did it to everybody else, it's not a bad thing, just me being ocd)

Secondly, if you consider your level of writing under advanced that is not terms for dismissal. But I will push to you to improve.

I look forward to seeing your CS if you wish to stick around. PM me with any thoughts and questions.

Also keep in mind we use a roles system here. In the second post on the main page you'll see "the cast" , next to each character is a [label]. Try not to stray into those identifiers, one of each makes for diversity and challenge.

If you want ideas on specific roles your character can assume PM me. (Because only I know what the future holds).

If you want to see how NOT to make your CS, scroll up to musketeer's.
Hidden 10 yrs ago Post by februari
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I've taken some liberties in extending the Khu'lu culture a bit, so I'm obviously open to feedback as to whether it meshes with your vision for them. I've left the gear section as a placeholder for now, as that will need some thought being that it's primitive and will be a very different set of belongings that what others might have. I didn't want that to delay feedback on the other bits, though, as I'm sure they'll need revision. I intend to fill that section in shortly.
___

Name: Nix'ta (pronounced Nish ta)
Age: 23
Nationality: American (North)
Ethnicity: Mixed-unknown, probably includes Latin American or possibly Arabic
Sex: Female

Appearance:

Appearance among the Khu'lu is complex and influenced by a number of things, making it highly variable. Irrespective of that, Nix'ta is tall and athletically built, having a solid frame and well-muscled legs, nearly all of which is plainly visible as she prefers the stealth afforded by light dress over the protection of bone and hide plates common among Khu'lu warriors. Her hair falls in thin, dark braids mid-way down her back, each tiny rope weaved around an assortment of bone fragments, some colored and others not, that make a soft chattering when she moves. Often, they're bound atop her head, serving as the base for a headdress laced with feathers or larger sections of bone. Her eyes are an earthy shade of green, less like moss than like moss atop a bed of peat, and most often project a sense of tranquility. In the absence of embellishments, Nix'ta has a number of tattoos covering her body, with the highest concentrations on her back and face. All are in shades of charcoal and black, as they form both a sort of primitive identification system and a base for more elaborate camouflage. Nix'ta speaks softly, and typically does so sparingly, as excessive vocalizations are typically seen as a sign of weakness within a tribal unit.

Job: Shaman
Eye color: Moss green/hazel
Height: 5’ 9"
Weight: 145 lbs

Unique Physical identifiers:
Nix'ta has a multitude of tattoos and piercings, though their visibility varies on the degree to which she's camouflaged or otherwise adorned. In fact, there can be such variability in the appearance of an individual Khu'lu depending on the season, nature of their most recent prey, and a host of cultural factors with associated secondary pigmentation that outsiders typically have difficulty recognizing them on subsequent encounters. Within the tribes, however, the markings come in two distinct categories - those that identify characteristics or identity of the bearer, and those used as a general base for extension via camouflage. Nix'ta's markings designate her "ordainment" as a shaman of Gaea, describe her tribal lineage, identify her tribal unit, and mark her as a practitioner of cannibalism. She has literally dozens of piercings, roughly half of which are in use at any given time. While a few are for simple vanity and decoration, the majority are more functional, serving as attachment points for bone rings to carry bits of plants and grass as a sort of natural gilly suit. Among her more pronounced permanent features are a series of raised, pea-sized ridges underneath the tattoos on her back to accent their design. Each of the hundred, or so, bumps was created by inserting a smoothed bone fragment into a small incision. As one might expect, the process is excruciating and takes several hours to complete, making it a significant rite of passage for all Khu'lu once they take their place within a tribal unit.

Parents: Father deceased, mother living with another tribal unit
Siblings: Younger sister (Petani) living with another tribal unit, older brother (deceased)
Children: None

Biography:
Ebsu's children cull the weak so that the strongest among us may survive.

The beasts hunt by sight, sound, smell, and instinct so the Khu'lu adapt by becoming small in number, silent, and invisible. The Khu'lu lands are dotted with a network of small tribal units, each no more than a few dozen in number, making their shelters in the forest canopy some distance above the earthbound predators and obscured by the dense foliage. Into this world, Gaea dispatched seeds to the wombs of Khu'lu women and Ebsu saw them fertilized by the tribes' strongest warriors. From their blessings, Nix'ta joined her peers, a dozen wailing infants immediately taught the virtue of silence and who would, until the time of trials, learn the ways of the tribe and the firmness of Ebsu's hand, or perish. Noise attracts predators so, as they grew, Nix'ta and her peers adapted their childish games, under harsh penalty, to operate from signs and calls. Over time, raised standards, and increased penalties for transgression, even their romping footsteps softened as they chased after one another in traditional games like tag and hide-and-seek. By adolescence, they were swift and silent, each capable of tracking and subduing their quarry, each armed with the basic tools of survival, and each given opportunity to demonstrate their aptitudes.

For Nix'ta, daughter of warrior and shaman, there was but one clear path - Gaea had blessed her with a keen intellect, a sharp eye, and a careful hand, so she was to be taught the way of the shaman, that she might protect her tribal unit with Gaea's gifts. To be marked as a shaman is one of the highest honors a Khu'lu can achieve, and Nix'ta devoted herself to the task, as she would ultimately be responsible for a tribe of her own. Each of her peers was similarly assigned and apprenticed until physical maturity, and each absorbed themselves similarly with the task lest they be sent into the wilds alone to "speak to Ebsu". At the time of trials, Nix'ta and ten of her peers were led to a small creek bed marking the eastern bounds to a large tract of virgin land and dispatched with the blessings of the gods. They would either flourish or perish, demonstrate their strength to Ebsu or suffer gruesome deaths at the jaws of his children.

Nearly a decade has passed since her time of trials, and Nix'ta's tribal unit has flourished, absorbing the remnants of two failed units to grow to three dozen in number. As was their right, they annexed the hunting grounds of the fallen units and have moved into the most remote parts of the wilderness available to them, such that their contact with other tribes and outsiders has been significantly reduced. They have a reputation as fierce hunters, even by Khu'lu measures, for having brought down several especially dangerous beasts and they've also garnered a less honorable reputation among outsiders for similar ferocity. As with many tribes born into the Khu'lu, versus those born prior to the outbreak, their interpretation of Ebsu's will is quite literal, and the weak who fall prey are consumed by the strong as a delicacy. For this reason, few outsiders attempt trade with them directly, instead preferring to work through their northern neighbors, who are considerably more hospitable and who do not practice cannibalism.

Within her tribe, Nix'ta is respected as voice of Gaea, while the strongest among their hunters speaks for Ebsu. While they share in tribal leadership, their pairing is not without substantial tension, for she sees within him an unsettling darkness of spirit. While she accepts Gaea's will that she give herself to him, she's delayed that offering time and again, citing tribal obligation. However, her position grows weaker with each refusal and soon the tribe's cohesion will suffer for it. Perhaps by Gaea's grace, trade with the outsiders via a tribal unit north of their lands recently fell silent. Scouts sent to investigate reported that either a beast of substantial size or perhaps a pack of several smaller ones of exceptional ferocity decimated that tribe, destroying most of their supplies in the process. Having little option, someone must be sent forth to trade directly with the outsiders for slush and other necessary products from the outside world. Nix'ta has lobbied successfully that it be her, and has prepared her second to lead the tribe in her absence.

Skills and Talents:
Out of necessity, the Khu'lu generally excel at all aspects of wilderness survival by comparison with their technology-dependent neighbors and Nix'ta is no exception. By outsider standards, she would be considered a powerful, athletic combatant where small blades and ranged weapons like the bow or spear are concerned. Her knowledge of local flora is extensive and includes techniques for processing and applying different varieties to exploit their distinct properties. Nix'ta is nearly as learned where local wildlife are concerned, though she's considerably more skilled at properly handling their remains than tracking them or bringing them down. As the primary camouflage specialist for her tribal unit, Nix'ta can, given enough time, render herself or another virtually undetectable to human or animal within her locale; however, maintaining stealth is up to them.

Primary Skills: Natural medicine, natural apothecary, camouflage, hand tattooing, fletching, athletic.

Hobby: Nix'ta enjoys making bone jewelry and beaded adornments, often decorating herself with her own handiwork. She's also begun keeping a record of her tribal unit's history and experiences as pictographs.

Negative Trait: She's illiterate, though that trait is less of an issue within the tribes, as it's common among the second generation, or those born as Khu'lu. She's also naturally curious, which might seem like a positive quality, but it can be exceedingly dangerous in the wilds or anywhere for that matter, given the current state of things.

Gear:
Jaguar-hide cloak/wrap.
Feathered raptor skull headdress

A flatbow roughly 5' 6" in length with a finely carved and decorated bone grip with slight protrusions on either side to serve as arrow rests. The upper and lower limbs are fashioned from carefully worked and blemish-free pieces of Ipe (ee-pay) wood, backed with sinew for added strength

Bone spear/walking stick with an especially vicious-looking set of barbed protrusions around the tip.
Bone kukri carved from a single piece of bone and honed to a razor-sharp edge
Vertigo raptor nasal cavity***

Most items are individually packed as noted below and carefully arranged in a jaguar-hide pack treated with creeperseed oil for water resistance.

24 Raptor feather fletchings
24 Bone arrowheads
2 Sinew bowstrings
300' sinew* thread
100' braided sinew* cordage (250 pound capacity)
5# various types of jerky
2# assorted nuts
2# assorted dried fruits
6 eel skin tubes of slush, each weighing roughly 1#

Gourd-shell cases, each roughly the size of a fist (see here):
An assortment of bone fishhooks, sinkers, and needles.
6 pieces of char cloth, a piece of flint.
A small wedge of steel and a sizable wad of dried, packed plant fiber.
2 prepared antiseptic poultices (need to be refreshed every 3 days)

4 smooth bone cases containing several small sealed razor-eel skin** tubes filled with processed fluids, extracts, and mixtures. Each tube is marked with a distinct color and pattern, with those in one case all marked in neon pigments. One case contains several hollow bone needles and a few different sized plant fiber brushes along with its set of eel skin tubes. Each case contains tubes grouped by purpose:
- Raw base extracts used for processing and purifying plant and animal products
- Medicinal extracts and preparations
- Toxins and toxic extracts (identified by neon markings - includes both paralytic and lethal contact toxins, as well as toxic or acidic substances used in medical compounds or camouflage pigments)
- Camouflage pigments (case with needles and brushes - the pigments can be rendered suitable for tattooing by combining with acidic treatment stored in the toxin case)

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