Avatar of Antarctic Termite

Status

Recent Statuses

6 yrs ago
Current ( ͡° ͜ʖ ͡°)
1 like
6 yrs ago
If you're not trying to romance the Pokemon, what's the fucking point?
7 likes
6 yrs ago
Can't help but read 'woah' as a regular 'wuh', but 'whoa' as a deep, masculine 'HOO-AH!'
1 like
6 yrs ago
That's patently untrue. I planted some potassium the other day, and no matter how much I watered it, all I got was explosions.
2 likes
6 yrs ago
on holiday for five days. if you need me, toss a rock into the fuckin' desert and I'll whisper in your dreams
3 likes

Bio

According to the IRC, I'm a low-grade troll. They're probably not wrong.

Most Recent Posts

Some balance notes about the Bazaar so far, since we now have a market for humans that probably pre-dates humans by a million years.

Let me know if it seems good, GM lads.

-Everything is upmarked so high you can scarcely believe it's Chthonic. The primary benefit of using the Bazaar is because you can find everything there, but price-wise it's often more efficient for a mortal to get things themselves.

-Items in the Grand Bazaar can only leave it if they're purchased. Stolen goods dissolve into the void from whence they came. First rule of alchemy.

-Invisible hands have no soul and are not sentient. They're just a physical manifestation of the abstract market forces to which Choppy is bound.

-No heavy industry. If it can't be made in a cottage with a few years of experience, it's probably not in there.

-Nothing particularly supernatural or alien beyond what can be found on Galbar, or Earth five hundred years ago. At least not if your name isn't Choppy.

-Plants and livestock are sold. However, plants that aren't garden-variety and animals that aren't pets are mostly absent.

-Additionally, the price of species that aren't yet present in Galbar, or have no equivalent, is thousands of times higher than what it would otherwise be. This is the Choppy Tariff, that keeps you from introducing new species to Galbar for free.

-The writing is mostly illegible. Information traded in the Bazaar is mostly a copy of what exists on Galbar, or could be discovered with little effort.

-Art in the Bazaar never innovates. The style, and often the work, is a direct imitation of whatever exists. I think.

-It does have a pre-mortal local style, though, mostly in the form of traditional Chinese landscape paintings of Galbar.

-and

-fine

-okay

-no gunpowder.

-;-;


On an unmapped sandbar in the middle of an unnamed sea, clumps of beachy mud were seen flicking up and out of a hole that must have been several meters deep. Chopstick's naive and optimistic attempt at digging had started off well, but her progress had stalled once the seawater started to seep in from the side of the hole faster than she could splash it out. After a while (an hour? a day? eight years?), she poked her head out of the burrow to see what was going on.

"...Oh. Nice."

A new light was shining in the sky, glittering off the sea, hot enough to burn her skin. It was the first warmth above background temperature that she'd felt for some time.

A deep, distant crack ricocheted through the endless waters, followed by a cataclysmic crash. Chopstick Eyes turned her head to the horizon and saw a great surge of water approaching from one side. She turned her head and saw an equally enormous tsunami approaching from the other.

Oh, thought Chopstick, as her sandbar was annihilated, along with her plans for the evening. Shoot.

A few days later, her speck of a body finally floated up onto the surface, and there she stayed for a while, spread eagle on the still-tossing seas, looking up neutrally at what remained of the sky. But the warm blue had been overtaken by volcanic and meteoric dust, and the waters were now so turbulent that she had little chance of ever finding her way back to the chopped mountain, or really any other landmark, should any have seen fit to arise.

Well, screw that then.

With a kick and a paddle Chopstick Eyes made her way down into the depths where the waters were calmer. Unseen and unheard in these empty seas, she could hear for hundreds of miles of unliving depths; sensing that her body was caught in a current far larger than she could see, she curled up for now and let it do what it will.




Eventually Chopstick found herself bumping slowly along an igneous seabed, raising tiny clouds of dust as she scraped the ground with an arm or knee. Her environs were still vast and melancholy, but at least there were landmarks, such as they were: distant, uneven shapes in the dark, signs of godly interference and the first hint of what was to come.

The pressure here was crushing, but all Chopstick's bones were made of rubber and her only internal cavity was a stomach that had long since filled with seawater. Kicking along the seafloor to the highest ridge, she began to listen once again to the echoes of the constant, splintery wooden creaking that oh-so-quietly followed wherever she went.

Up and up and up, ever so slow. Up and up to the edge of the broken ridge.

Then down, down again into the crack.

She could sense someone's presence nearby, even after all this time, and it wasn't hard to tell who it had been. Ashalla was gone now, into the heart of the rift where this crack led, and Chopstick Eyes had no intention of following (just yet). She needed to find some other way down.

And she did, in the end.




Choppy fell for several miles once she squeezed herself (octopus-like) through the leak. At last she hit the floor of the enormous chasm, splattering a small puddle of water that continued to fill, one drop at a time, with seawater from the unseen crevice above. Vomiting up the last of the ocean, and her kite, Chopstick Eyes looked up, and watched patiently in a crosslegged position as the leaking droplets slowed, then stopped. Eventually the water soaked away into the dirt. Whatever route she had found into this world, it was transient.

She looked around.

No light, of course. Only black. Black air in every direction, not musty, but still. Without illumination, her god-sense took over, and she saw an endless plain of reddish hardpan stretching off in every direction, dusty and not quite smooth. No walls, no roof. Leaving her cleavers stuck in the clay, she walked as far as she could in one direction, until she came back where she started.

She was very alone. But it was a cosy kind of alone.

"...Time to set up shop."

Wringing out her dress again, Chopstick's first thought was that if she had some bamboo and rattan to work with, she could probably light a fire and make a rack on which to dry both that and the pretty kite. It came to pass, and some stalks and palms sprouted up nearby.

Sitting crosslegged in front of the fire with her things on the rack, she thought it might be a good idea to fix her dress, and maybe make some more later on. For that she'd need silkworms, which needed mulberry-leaf, and some bone for the buttons and needles. It came to pass, and soon her mouth was stained with mulberries as she sowed together a new dress and her surviving buffalo chewed up her bamboo.

With that done, it was probably about time to start building stalls. Soon there would be buying and selling (she Knew this), and that would require vendors, who would need lodging for their stock and ware. She could probably build most of it out of bamboo and rattan, but she'd need some sturdier wood too, and less labour-intensive fabric, and water, and nails. Chopstick Eyes surmised that she could make good use of the pine and cotton trees sprouting alongside a nearby stream, and refine some iron out of the ore in its bed.

So, she did.

With a mountainous supply of lumber stacked up beside her, rolls upon rolls of cotton, leather, rice paper and wool, and hundreds of crates of wrought-iron nails, Chopstick Eyes tapped her chin, looked out over the endless supply of clay at her feet, and thought. At this rate, and if she was thrifty with the available space, she could probably fit about a billion stalls in her Sphere.

So, she did.

As she stocked the last of the stalls with some bronze hair-curlers and nail-trimmers, Chopstick Eyes thought about how she would go about livening up the packed but still lonesome Sphere. All of these goods were made for mortals of the generally humanoid persuasion, and there would one day be such mortals on Galbar (she Knew this).

But Chopstick Eyes had not the faintest clue how to (responsibly) put together something like a human, or even if it would be appropriate for her to try it. In fact, she wasn't even sure she wanted mortals in this Sphere of hers (at least yet). This big market didn't necessarily need buyers and sellers. It just needed buying and selling. She could probably arrange that somehow.

So, she did.

Still, the 'invisible hands' solution felt a bit lacking. Without a human touch to them, the Sphere was missing something of the bustle and flair that defined a true market. Chopstick Eyes didn't know how to make humans, but she had a pretty good eye for fashion, so she could probably work something out.

So, she did.

Finishing the last stitch on the last glove and fitting it onto the last invisible hand, Chopstick Eyes looked out over her innumerable horde of impatiently muttering hagglers and wondered what it was she was missing.

What did a human need beside air, food, water, and a limitless thirst for liquid assets?

...

Ah yes.

The last flying lantern was released from the window of Chopstick's workshop, and she leaned out to watch its passage. It was a pretty thing, and she was proud of it, not least because of the papery patterns painted onto its side or the streamers billowing out below. It was bright with life and light and warmth, a little flame spirit just like the countless others she'd caught seeping through the walls; it oozed oxygen and ate smoke, burning in reverse, purifying the air and purring an ethereal hum as it bumbled across the canyons of trinket-shops. The invisible hands weren't always the gentlest market-goers, but these critters would offer a guiding light to anyone who'd stumble across the Sphere of Chopstick Eyes.

And with that Sphere now illuminated, it was finally done. Chopstick Eyes looked out over the assembled hands and picked up the big mallet she'd been saving for this occasion.

"I now declare-" She hefted the mallet over her shoulder. "-the Grand Bazaar-" teetering under its weight, Chopstick Eyes nearly fell of the stage, but managed to teeter her way back to where the huge bronze bell was waiting. "-to be..." She swung. "OPEN FOR BUSINESS!"

And it was.


Mount Chop was made from a single tiny island in a tropical latitude. If anyone's raising continents, you can choose to have either leave it in the sea or have it raised up with your landmass.

While I'm going nuts with the portfolios, did anyone have their hearts set on Cuisine or Lanterns? The former fits well with Chopstick's general themes, and the latter is just an aesthetic I'd love having, like Kites.

@Oraculum@DracoLunaris@Crispy Octopus Your characters are the only ones I think there's a risk of stepping toes on, with Knives, Kites and Lanterns, respectively.

Random object portfolios are the future, my dudes


Chopstick stood her ground as the Iron God loomed over her, secure this time in the calmness of Ashalla's waters, albeit only physically. She managed not to back up too much as the great feet came to a halt before her, and not lean back too much as the great eye narrowed above her.

"Hrrah, hah, ah... Are you looking for..."

She wiggled the cleaver.

The absurdity of what she had done hit her along with the tension and she winced back hard at the sound of an unsatisfied grunt.

It was a long few seconds that followed. Every subtle move of the Iron God's hands sent blood rushing into her headbones, striking her anew with the heart-stopping fear of instant annihilation. From below, she was unable to determine whether he was wringing his wrists in murderous frustration or charging up a blast of less insidious but substantially more lethal divine energies. By the time he lowered his finger silently towards her, she had shed eight wooden spikes from her eyes and retreated three steps, and was nearly in tears.

She kept her fists up, though.

The cleaver-scimitar hit the stone with a splash and she jumped back with an 'eep!', hair jolting in every direction as if electrified. But the tension was broken, and Narzhak explained himself, and Chopstick found that she really was crying, fishing up the giant noodle shortener with a messy sniff as gelatinous tears of marvel rolled down her cheeks.

"Thank you! I will!" she yelled, standing up after crumpling under the shadow of the leaping titan. Ashalla, Shengshi, Seihdhara, Azura, now Narzhak... for all its chaos, Chopstick realised, there was nothing in the world that was quite like family.

"...but thank fuck," she murmured, if only to herself and Ashalla. "I don't think I could've gone through with that."

An iridescent streak flashed off overhead.

"See you all on Galbar..."

"AZURA!"

Unwilling to let the macaw god go without thanks, Chopstick shed her weakness like dust and bounded on all fours after the bird, kicking water in a high spray with every landing until she hurled herself, like cannon shot, onto the dead center of a crystal platform.

Her stone followed Azura's with tremendous speed, and as Chopstick crouched and held on with her left hand, she found she could control its journey with the touch of her lower right palm (her upper- and middle-right arms were preoccupied with handling the cleavers). Still, Azura had a considerable lead. By the time Chopstick had accelerated enough to catch up, Azura had come to a halt in her Sphere, and the god-gremlin shot onwards, far far below, unable to stop.

Crap! Empty spheres flashed past her as Galbar grew ever nearer and Chopstick struggled to find some way to slow. Scratching around herself in brief panic, she grabbed her dress by the shoulders and plucked at it.

From its silk unfolded behind her a huge and glorious kite, sewn of many colours.

The speed of the crystal provided lift, and its plummet halted, and Chopstick Eyes found herself flying over the nascent sea with the wind in her hair and the strings of destiny in her hands. After a moment she stood, her dress still soaked and tattered, and stared, undaunted, into the wind.

Somewhere out in the void, she knew the Architect would still be looking back. She remembered her unasked question. It didn't matter now.

I know what to do.

As the air around her turned from black to morning blue, and she finally felt like something fully born.




It wasn't long before Chopstick Eyes located a mountain, jutting out from the shimmering waters in the distance. She tensed her cleaver-bearing arms. It was time to take Narzhak's gift out for a spin.

Bending her knees just enough to stabilise her body, Chopstick Eyes reached out with the pumpkin carvers, and turned the kite towards the stone. Closer, closer...

...In a blur of godly mettle, she struck off the mountain's head.

An instant passed before the second cleaver came down on the falling peak, slicing that, too, in twain. White columns of water shot towards the skies behind her as the pieces landed in the shallow sea. Chopstick turned the kite to survey the damage, and saw the base of the mountain, still standing as an island with a high plateau, as flat as a chopping-board.

"Hah!"

She stuck out her tongue with the sheer cheek of it. Her eyelids twitched, but were unable to wink over the skewers in her head. Still, she needed a pose to celebrate the occasion, and others like it; she settled for raising two fingers in a v-shape next to her head, a salute for anyone who might be watching.

Her elation lasted until she realised that she had begun to slow. Guiding the disc as she could, Chopstick Eyes landed herself on a nearby sandbar as the crystal petered out and dropped her on the surface of Galbar, the kite folding slowly up behind her.

"...Oops."

She knew her Sphere lay below her somewhere. With a fairly satisfied shrug, Chopstick put her knees to the dirt, scooped out a clump of sand and started digging.




Chopstick Eyes did her very best to wade through the deeper parts of the throne room lake, swishing her arms through the water in search and trying her very best to blot out the sounds of burning, yelling and slithering as she did so. It was a bold attempt, for her part, and perhaps the only movement she'd managed so far that had not involved scuttling in fright. She dipped her head below the water to listen for the creaking of the wood inside her skull, hoping to echolocate something smooth, broad and metal.

When she came up, she... Did not come up. Kicking up and backwards with a jerk of panic, Chopstick found that either she had drifted away much deeper than she had intended, or the water was rapidly rising. Breaching the surface with a shake of the head and treading water, she realised that the water had indeed risen, but caught in the lowermost reaches of yet another goddess of the titanic variety, that seemed to be the least of her troubles.

"Th-th... Thank you!" she spluttered, paddling within reach of the trusty meat-partitioner, a little humiliated but having no obvious means of recourse while splashing around like a dog in the watery base of an elemental lord. But she meant it. "Thank you, Ashalla."

Chopstick bowed as soon as her legs could reach the bottom. As her skewers touched the surface of the water, she saw the ripples below her face grow suddenly much darker all over, caught as it was- as she damn well knew it was, divine sense or no- in the shadow of yet another colossus. A second later, she could smell him.

Still facing the water, Chopstick clenched her teeth in the fakest smile and went hgrrrnnnrrnnnnnrnnnn, and only then permitted herself to sigh.

Standing up to face Narzhak armed with nothing but an oversized vegetable sectioner, Chopstick rested her cleaver on her shoulder, uncrossed her other two arms, stared him dead in the visor and raised her tiny knuckles as if to promise swift and unrepentant fisticuffs.


On second thoughts I'm going to have to leave Chopstick's response to Narzhak and Ashalla for tomorrow, since it's now too late to continue. See y'all in ten hours.


Fire and wind and desolation erupted into the Architect's chamber, things the little god saw in blurs from beneath the waves. It kicked into the water, trying to stand among the titans- and was noticed. A new colossus caught the flailing figure in a coil of its tentacles, lifting it effortlessly up from the torrent and to a great height. A gaze without eyes met with an eye that should not, and perhaps never should have, been.

"Fortunate..."

But not for you, o demon.

Caught in the vastness of ANZILLU's visage (for she knew his name, had always known his name), drowning in the awesome and terrible song of his voice, dwarved a thousandfold by the magnitude of his presence, that spark of divinity that slept in the little god awoke into a fire. Without thought, nor feeling, nor pain, joy, or fear, the skewered godlet reached back into its hair, and drew a great cleaver.

In a single sweep of metal elegance, the godlet freed itself. A moment later, the great crash of the Demon's severed fingertip falling into the water reverberated through the chamber.

For its own part, the little god did not land, but fell, still holding its dress in its teeth, until caught on the back of the great macaw. The shimmering light of the wind-god's plumage dazzled the gremlin, but it did not leap, or fight. There was warmth here. Besides, it had lost its cleaver.

"I have you small friend. Are you alright?"

The little god pulled the dress from its mouth with one hand, and, for the first time in a long, long minute, exhaled. It could finally remember what peace felt like. It felt good.

"I..." Another long breath. No more running. "I... I like... I like your feath-"

Nope.

Launched bodily from Azura's back by a sudden red blur, the little god was hurled into freefall, and this time landed hard. Its bones wiggled and creaked in the water as it tried, for the manyth time, to stand up. And to its credit, it was getting rather good at that, but fate had other designs, and the red blur returned.

'I've got you Meatchops.'

And she did. Divinity aside, there was a world of difference between the two naked women, including about five stone of pure muscle. The little god pushed weakly against Seihdhara's grip, and eventually went limp. But before long, Seihdhara started screaming, and s̸̵oḿ̸et̨h̢̧͡i̷͜͝n͏g̷͏ ̀b̢̡͘r͜͠o͝kę̸́ņ approached them and started clicking...

Exhausted and weary of sensory overload, the little gremlin still managed to hear enough of the warrior-goddess's speech to finally pick up a new and valuable word: "FUCK-!"

Flailing with both of its free arms while holding the dress in a third, the little god scrabbled, scratched and bit Seihdhara, drawing blood with its needle-like teeth and leaving welts around her throat with its hair until a moment later it managed to push itself out of her grip. It rolled over the water and stood, staring down the hostile universe, and wiped its mouth.

"Fuck."

For a moment it stared down the other two. Then the little god wrung out her tattered dress and yanked it over her head. "Fuck this," it said with its face under the fabric. "Fuck you. And you. And you especially." Its head popped out and gave no further clarification. It started to do up its surviving buttons. "I mean... Sorry. This... wasn't what I expected."

Was anyone listening? It couldn't tell. But in the end, it found that it didn't really care either. In fact, it didn't even give a fuck.




The little god with the bleeding sockets cast its gaze away, the skewers in its eyes darting down to point to one side, and it chewed its lip. Clutching the wet dress in its arms as if to hide its tension (an unsuccessful endeavor by any means), it slowly looked up again, trying to catch the exact line where the Architect's throne met the back of his head.

It tried, once more, to speak to the one that had spoken for it.

"I-I..."

Too late.

A blaze threw apart the dim of the throne room. With no real knowledge of how to balance itself, the little god yelped and reeled from the light, falling sidelong into the water. Wet again from head to toe, it emerged from the rushing streams on all fours, carrying its dress in its teeth. Teetering one way and another, it scuttled through the water, crawling away to the safety of a pillar, where-

c r a c k

Whether a sound or a dream or a thing altogether different, the pulse that ricocheted from the unseen black bead struck the godlet and it hit the ground, crouching with its hands over its ears, eyes wide and full of splinters. This, it seemed, was the safest way to stay the sensory assault. Yet even without eyes, the creature could feel things moving in the throne room.

Its peace was not to last.

A third sense burned as the tides of water grew stronger around the god-gremlin's body. Something foul was thrashing in the water, rising upon the air. With greater poise than it had ever shown yet, the little god scuttled away from the scent of slaughter, splashing and loping across the floor with all seven of its limbs.

But the foulness was congealing, and the flesh it grew was laughing, laughing to quake the worlds and lash the seas...

Caught in the gargantuan shadow of the Iron One, the little god lost its grip and tumbled, tumbled away on a wave of dark water.


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