Doc Doctor — Roleplayer Guild

The proper way to duck an attack isn't to try and bend beneath it, typically. To twist to the side and bend, however, better allows one's center mass to escape the from the space it had been occupying. Gonad did indeed dodge the arrow in such a fashion, leaning sharply to his left as he twisted into a low crouch that ended with his hand on the mat. The arrow smacked into the post behind him with a hearty sounding 'Thok!'

He eyed the poison spread throughout Lobo's side of the ring, and afforded his opponent a single nod in recognition of the attack's demonstration. It had surely been a tip off in good faith. Gonad decided to return the favor. The barbarian's hand whitened, the canvas bunching up between his immensely strong fingers, lines of strain stretching out in the fabric as the ring itself creaked. 
And then there was white. If Lobo remained where he was to study Gonad's next move, he'd be liable to suddenly find himself upside down. A wave of white would be all that Lobo might see looking ahead, lugnuts popping like m80's and the sturdy mat tearing as Gonad wrenched the ring's canvas out of its roots. He had erupted to his feet, the coiled steel-spring muscles of his legs unleashing their tension. He'd have situated an appropriate spread of Beardforce along the canvas to better accomodate his move, so that he'd have toughened the right parts up enough to not merely yank out a handful. 

Once he had torn the whole damn thing free, discounting the canvas beneath his own feet and behind him, he'd give it a great whip, making a vast material wave roll down to block Lobo's sight. All of this had occured with startling haste, like hurridly stripping a bedsheet and shaking off the dust. Could Lobo have predicted a response so extreme by studying the way Gonad arranged his body, the way he squeezed the floor into a lump in his fist? It wasn't out of the question. Gonad looked just like the kind of person to follow ridiculous whims, which he very well was.

@Rai

I'm mostly unfamiliar with mid-high tier combat, so this should be good training.

Here are a few sheets of mine that should suffice. Any pairings you want, I'm up for!

Name: Kentucky Tom
Age: 29
Height: 5'11"
Weight: 180 pounds
Race: Human
Class: Jerkwad
Alignment: Chaotic
Eye Color: Unknown

Weapons and Equipment: Ray-Ban sunglasses, unfiltered Wildhorse cigarettes, white suit with black tie.

Physical Abilities/Skills: Physically and mentally, Kentucky Tom is remarkably average. He's no more fit than a man of his age normally is. He is, however, one seriously hardass dickweed who used to be a fast talkin' auctioneer. He has only one special ability, but it is virtually impossible to kill or incapacitate with it. His power is known as "Really Buggersome Affectations". He can inflict nasty effects upon enemies by speaking the magic words of a curse and then pointing and firing a softball sized orb of arcane energy. The speed of the shot depends of the nastiness of the curse. Such curses as "Horndoggums Humprumpus" travel at half the speed of a small thrown object, whilst curses like "Pinkwimpor Buttflamingonum" move as fast as bullets. Those in the middle fly as arrows. He can slow down spells as much as he wants and return then to full speed at will after firing them, as much as he likes. He can combine multiple curses into a single attack, the arcane orb increasing in size with each spell added. He can speak at 250 words per minute, about as many as a good auctioneer. He cannot use the same curse twice in a row. The only way to break these curses is to kill him. The known curses he uses are...

*"Impreggio Bitchpleasum"- Impregnates whomever he is pointing at, forcing a baby to be conceived within them. This works on men and inanimate objects. Each subsequent hit halves the pregnancy time, starting at one week pregnant. The baby is ready by week forty. (Mid-Speed)

*"Baldickus Bodilicious"- Instantly removes all the hair on your body. (Fast-Speed)

*"Gayroticus Weinerfestum"- Turns the victim gay. (Slow-Speed)

*"Fartilliarum Skidmarkius"- Gives you the messy farts. (Med)

*"Pinkwimpor Buttflamingonum"- Turns your skin pink. (Fast)

*"Retardingus Shitheadellus"- Lowers an enemy's I.Q by one point. (Med)

*"Dirtlingus Shoutloudius"- Forces an opponent to yell out their deepest, dirtiest secret and then proceed to do so again every two minutes. Each time Tom hits a victim with this curse, it halves the time that they can go without shouting. (Fast)

*"Whiteytightus Fucknuttums"- Makes your underwear ultra-tight and uncomfortable. Each hit by the curse makes the ol' drawers get tighter and tighter until the waistband snaps. (Fast)

*"Beardantili Hipsterium"- Gives you a huge beard. Each hit increases the beard length by 18 inches. (Fast)

*"Nudesweeta Bareassum"- Evaporates the target's clothing into an embarrasing gooey honey mist. (Med)

*"Weaboonekus Fucknuttus"- Gives you a bunny tail and cat ears. (Fast)

*"Pisswiggums Bladdersmallis"- Makes you have to pee really bad. (Med)

*"Horndoggums Humprumpus"- Makes you insanely attracted to the next thing Kentucky Tom points at. It takes tremenous will to resist, and becomes a major distraction until the urge is "satisfied". (Slow)

*"Nipgantius Bigtittumus"- The victim's boob area will grow to five times normal size. (Slow)

*"Fatassium Bastardus"- Makes the victim obese. (Slow)

*"Lolhardickus"- Forces the victim into an awkward situation the likes of which occur most often to us in the morning. If used on a female, it will materialize the required assets upon her being. (Fast)

*"Pussysobbium Crybabius"- Makes you cry uncontrollably. (Med)

*"Racechangium Laughardiculum"- Changes the victim's race. By changing the first word to "Sexchangium" Tom can alter gender instead. (Slow)

*"Narratium Expositorium"- Forces the victim to narrate their actions as they do them in a deep, dramatic voice. They cannot complete their attack until the end of the narration. (Slow)

*"Smurftardicus Squeakerotica"- Gives you a high pitched helium voice. (Fast)

*"Butthorkus Limporkus"- The victim becomes a transgender drag queen complete with unwieldy high heels and wig. (Slow)

*"Blindorial Nerdwerdus"- Makes you near and short sighted and materializes a pair of prescription glasses onto your face. (Med)

*"Pizzamugums Pubertum"- Gives the victim a load of acne. (Fast)

*"Glasswhackius Buttmunchickus"- Makes you instantly punch the nearest person with glasses in the face nice and hard, even if it is yourself. (Med)

*"Dildus Rubberium"- Turns an enemy's weapon into a certain rubber implement. (Slow)

*"Foolookius Overthereius"- Makes you look where Tom is pointing. (Slow)

*"Itchums MacGuiness"- Makes you feel very itchy all over. (Slow)

Background: Kentucky Tom grew up in the rough part of town and was constantly harangued by bullies. Why? He had a smart mouth. Shooting off insults came naturally to Tom. He pissed off teachers, parents, drivers, senators, dogs, you name it. He never had much cash, since his job as an auctioneer didn't pay all that well. But then one day, everything changed. He met an old fakir who beseeched Tom to sell an old Porsche for enough money to bail his deviant grandson out of jail. Tom felt pity for the mystic and at the next auction, sold the vehicle for twice what it was really worth. Out of gratitude the fakir bestowed upon Kentucky Tom the  power to incur hilarious status effects upon the unwary.

Theme Music: 

Name: Auz von Kilinger
Epithet: Sir Auz the Undying
Age: 462, but only about a youthful 28 in appearance.
Height: 5'11"
Weight: 165 pounds
Race: Human, semi-immortal

Weapons and Equipment- 

*Steel cuirass, tassets, greaves, half helm, and bladed gauntlets. The works, you know.

*120 cm straight sword known as the Mord Sword, a unique weapon with a razor sharp pommel and extra width and weight at the bade of the blade, all to augment its capacity to be used as a warhammer as much as a sword.

(The Mord Sword)

*Narrow steel buckler with sharp blades.

*Two knives, a stiletto with a 7" blade and a gauche dagger with a 12" blade.

Appearance- Auz is slender but sturdy man, with a light blonde bowl cut and large, blue eyes rimmed in red, as if he rarely gets good sleep. He has cruel eyebrows and usually wears a leonine expression, that of a man ready to fight to the death at a moment's notice. Over his heart is the tattoo of an ouroboros.

Abilities/Skills- Auz is an aggressive, calculating swordsman who employs techniques from the German School of Fencing, as well as irregular moves of his own design. He's highly versatile and creative with his long sword, able to use it in just about any way that can be imagined. Additionally he's skilled with his two knives and at using his buckler as a weapon, and has no qualms about using any part of his body to fight. 
Physically, he's got a heavy lean towards speed over power. He's frightfully fast, a sort of Bruce Lee among fencers, so to speak. Naturally it's not possible to swing a sword as fast as a fist, but regardless most warriors that encounter Auz for the first time are utterly taken aback by his diabolical swiftness. He's not overtly strong, per se, but can hold his own in a grapple.

Auz is unable to physically age past 28, and has the ability to come back to life four times against any single opponent, hence his epithet. His body will resurrect within thirty feet of where he died after a period of ten to fifteen seconds, his corpse fading into a crimson glow than vanishes and then reappears in a random spot, which then forms into his fresh (and fully equipped) body. This means that in order for him to die for good, the same warrior would have to kill him five times in a 24 hour period. Every day that passes without him dying to that opponent will return a life to him, so that if an enemy kills him twice and then waits two days, said enemy will be back at square one. Perhaps it's a good thing for opponents that Auz isn't the type to retreat. Furthermore, every time Auz dies he becomes 25% faster than he was in his previous body for a period of twenty-four hours. On his last body against a single enemy, when true death looms, Auz will have gained a full 244% increase in speed. His body does indeed become somewhat tougher and stronger in order to withstand greater speeds, and yes, Auz can commit suicide if he kills himself five times in a day.

Personality- Auz is cutting and sardonic, his dark wit (the man enjoys his one-liners) born from pessimism. He cares not for status or friendship, being a solitary soul in search of nothing but that which gives his life meaning; war. He doesn't like alcohol or other substances, and only enjoys the company of women after a battle. His solemn, irreverent mentality isolates him, but he's not necessarily a "bad guy". He fights for the underdogs when he can, and doesn't partake or suffer the killing of the helpless. That being said, he doesn't care for hostages. Should an opponent try to use another life as a bargaining chip, Auz would just as soon tell his adversary to go ahead and see how much worse of a death they'll get.

Background- Auz was born in the age of Germanic kings, a paladin trained from a young age whose lineage was thrown into obscurity. From the moment he could walk he was trained by the best fencers in the land to become a holy warrior. War was his love, bloodshed his life. He killed his first opponent at seventeen. He was knighted at 20. A year later he left on his own to seek his own path.

When he was 22, he encountered a Swiss witch that promised him a form of immortality in exchange for his immortal soul. He agreed, and she bestowed a tattoo of power upon him, that of an ouroboros, the serpent that endlessly eats its own tail. What had gone through Auz's head to make him accept the unholy bargain? Simple. He made up his mind that when he died, as all things inevitably do, he'd lay down the hurt on every single infernal entity that stood between him and the soul he'd sold, laying low demons and devils until he got it back. Not a likely outcome, but who can question the will of a resolute warrior until it's put to the ultimate test? 

He spent his adulthood mastering his trade, devoting himself to the way of the sword as he cut down foe after foe. Old Auz was a regular Musashi, and soon other fighters started seeking him out, desiring to make a name for themselves. The only names they got were those carved on their grave markers.

little else can be said of Auz. There were no dramatic affairs, no arch rivals nor emotional conflicts. He traveled, he fought, he did the hokey-pokey.

Theme Music-

Name: Roger Wilkinson
Epithet: Scoville
Age: 11
Height: 55 inches
Weight: 77 pounds
Race: Human

Appearance- A blonde child with glasses and pale skin. Most often seen in his school uniform.

Abilities/Skills- Scoville is imbued with mastery over capsaicin, hot sauce, and all other spicy things. 

-His body has its own center of gravity similar in pull to that of the Earth's, but it can only draw in hot sauce. It can be turned on or off, and when on, all nearby hot sauces begin moving towards him as if the surface they were previously resting on had been tipped upside down. If they are far enough away, they can reach terminal velocity. This ability has a range of two hundred kilometers. Spicy vapors and whatnot move just as quickly towards him as if they were subject to the same amount of gravity as a solid. Scoville can also concentrate the gravity over different parts of his body to increase its strength and decrease the surface area that the sauces cover, or he can reverse the gravity and compact sauce into "pressure channels". These pressure channels are immensely powerful, so much so that when he lets loose at maximum strength, the released stream of hot sauce is propelled at Mach 7. It's not uncommon for most of his sauce jets to average out to around the speed of sound after two seconds of preparation, with seven seconds needed to reach the pressure required to top hypersonic speeds. He can fire from virtually any part of his body, but mostly sticks to launching attacks from his hands and feet. He can also use pressure channels to manipulate the shape of any hot sauce that is in contact with him, A.E, he can draw the all of the hot sauce on his body into the palm of his hand and form it into a perfect square. There is no limit to how much hot sauce Scoville can manipulate so long as he is in physical skin-to-skin contact with it.

-He is immune to all forms of heat and spiciness.

-Scoville can secrete his own hot sauces, at a rate of two gallons per second if his entire body is used to generate the juice. In ten seconds he can generate his own body weight in hot sauce.

-In lieu of typical hot sauces, Scoville can substitute pure capsaicin. It has a heat rating of 16,000,000 Scoville units. By comparison, the hottest habanero only has a rating of 350,000. Police grade pepper spray is rated 2,000,000.

-He can increase the heat of all spicy foodstuffs, to the point of boiling or even vaporization. He can do this remotely to anything spicy affected by his gravity. 

-Scoville is very protective of his glasses, for they are an expensive prescription brand and he is extremely nearsighted without them. The destruction of his glasses has been known to send him into a frightening rage, which fuels his abilities and allows him to double the rate of his sauce production in addition to drastically increasing his own body heat. At the peak of his fury, Scoville's touch can carry with it a temperature of over 950°C.

Personality- In the world of video games, there are creatures known as "squeakers". Underage gamers whose parents purchase mature rated games for them, along with an accompanying headset. These squeakers are known to be wildly rude, immature, annoying, and generally very unpleasant to deal with. Scoville, having obtained such powers as no child should be in his or her right to possess, is a rare case of the much deadlier organism thusly described as an "irl squeaker". His mischievous antics and ridiculous behaviors are tailor made to troll the world, and troll the world he does. That isn't to say he is a monster, morally speaking. Scoville isn't a murderer, isn't a great destructor. He mostly just slips hot sauce into the head dean's sandwiches, or gives the old boiler a working over to made the showers painfully hot. He pranks for fun, and though some may see him as malicious, he is really just a boy being a boy. Still, he is a very capable boy. He can and has used the full extent of his formidable power to kill those who would try to kidnap, assault, and otherwise perform seriously unlawful actions against his person. This has just so happened to include small militias and local mobsters, all of whom tasted the fiery armpits of preteen hell. 

Background- Scoville grew up as your run of the mill precocious British schoolboy, studying for college and getting into all kinds of wacky shenanigans in the meantime. He'd been known by his nickname since the age of five, when he ate an entire scotch bonnet pepper and asked for seconds during a family reunion. Even his own mother calls him Scoville over his real name. As for how he gained his power? When he was seven he dumped a bottle of habanero sauce into the soup of Mary Poppins. No seriously. He pranked the holy fuck out of Mary Poppins when he happened upon her in a retirement home, when his class was going 'round singing carols to the elderly during Christmas. Using her magic, Poppins thrust a curse onto Scoville. He would never more be able to suffer the delicious pain of spicy foods, eternally immune to the heat. Unfortunately the curse backfired. Poppins, in her old age, was too much of a senile old bat to realize that he had used too much juice. He not only gave Scoville an immunity to heat, but also absolute control over it. 

Theme Music-

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