Doc Doctor

Melee! Kentucky Tom vs Steer Cottonworth

@Metal Tortoise

Tom finally managed to haul himself back over the barrier, only to land on his back with a groan. He squinted up at the sun through his sunglasses, grimacing.

"Yeah, sure, sure. I enjoy a fight as much as the next sick fuck, but this isn't a fight. It's a torture session. I'll fix ya up an' we'll go get some fuggin' beer."

(That was a hilarious match. Thanks for having it with me!)

~THE GUILD COLOSSEUM~

@Tharraleos Polemistis

Accepted. We are active, but mostly in the Discord. This thread is more or less a placeholder.

~THE GUILD COLOSSEUM~

@RiDaku

Donny lifted a hairless brow, flicking a lazy eye over Fry's bod as he took the mug of ale from the vendor.

"Least Aw'm gorgeous awn thah inside. Heeyuh, take this. Aw'm not a beer drinkah mawself. Prefer thah occasional Jaegermeister."

Donny held the beer out, turning his dry attention back to the fighting.

"Yah fancy a cigarette awn thah side? Got a pack but haven't smoked one in awhile."

Melee! Kentucky Tom vs Steer Cottonworth

@Metal Tortoise

Tom crashed over the barricade in a burst of light and heat, the crowd peeling backwards to form a circle around where he'd fallen, unseen through the sheet metal. He'd have bruising and first degree burns all about his groin and in and around his mouth, and a good lump on the back of his neck that'd require a cold compress later. The wily Deep South magician was probably unable to do more than lie on his back and whisper due to the pain, and even then that sheet metal looked like it formed a nice barrier between Tom's spells and the intended target. Steerina had earned herself a little time to recover, a solid minute bare minimum.

Melee! Kentucky Tom vs Steer Cottonworth

@Metal Tortoise

Though Steerina could squeak by Tom's narrative spell's restriction by calling the names of her attacks, that didn't permit her to initiate their functions without doing the same. She'd need to narrate the holy explosion facet, whereas she'd only have had time to get off the grab. Her original intent had been to slowly compress Tom to make him feel like a pancake, and to deliver a threat second. Steerina was fighting reactively. In a fist fight you could do that, but now it was a battle of words, and whomever spoke first held the advantage. She had changed her intent upon reacting to him talking, meaning that Tom had started talking first, and so held an edge speedwise. That explosion wasn't due to come without narration, but the flipping had likely upset the setup, so to speak, unless Steer didn't need to aim or know where a target was to attack with magic, and could maintain a steady bead on said target even through a microshift in space/time.

Melee! Kentucky Tom vs Steer Cottonworth

@Metal Tortoise

Both incantations had the same amount of syllables, so at best Steerina could only strike even with Tom before he cast the spell meant to flip her spatial positioning and perspective. Tom wasn't slacking off, after all, so there'd be no question about initiative.

Melee! Kentucky Tom vs Steer Cottonworth

@Metal Tortoise

Steerina got Tom with the press, grinding the fast talker up against the old sheet metal barricade. In fast response Tom launched a spell towards her center mass from a couple feet away with a flick of his right thumb from the hip, not missing any opportunity to land a hit on his opponent.

"Sucknutus Switcheroonio!"

If this one hit Steerina, she'd suddenly find herself literally upside down and facing away from Tom, her head where her feet should have been. When gravity took effect she'd likely fall into a confused heap as the aim and concentration behind her spell was obliterated, wondering what the fuck had just happened as dookie kept pouring down. She'd have to narrate herself back into the game, even whilst Tom began some planning of his own. He'd have taken up a classic 'Kame-Hame-Ha' stance, a steady stream of blurringly fast words funneling out of his mouth. In the crux of his joined hands a ball of magic was growing larger and larger with every passing second. He was channeling a variety of spells into a single sphere of humiliating torment.

"Dirtlingusshoutloudiusestatecrashiohousingmarketumdirtlingusshoutloudiusnipgantiusbigtittumusdirtlingusshoutloudiushorndoggumshumprumpusdirtlingusshoutloudius..."


*A pause as he takes two sharp, guttering inhales in a fraction of a second, a high school debating technique to fill the lungs with air. Even if Steerina could talk as fast as Tom, it takes years of training to master the tongue twisters and asphyxia that accompanied nonstop fast talking. If she tried to keep up she'd probably wind up on the verge of passing out from lack of air, assuming she didn't trip over her own tongue first. What Steerina also didn't know was that Tom had no intention of finishing the fight with magic. He intended to chistle her down until he figured he had a good chance to go toe to toe physically. Steer could bench more than his own body weight without magic, even as a girl. Physically, Tom was but an average joe. He couldn't even bench 200. But hey, he could conjure midgets and gender bend with a flick of his finger. Gotta roll with what you got.*

Melee! Kentucky Tom vs Steer Cottonworth

@ChickenTeriyaki

Sure thing.

@Metal Tortoise

It'll be another day or two before my next post. Lots of IRL shit to do.

Melee! Kentucky Tom vs Steer Cottonworth

@Metal Tortoise

Tom's spells can't be redirected or otherwise influenced by energy. It's one of their specified capabilities.

Melee! Kentucky Tom vs Steer Cottonworth

@Metal Tortoise

The problem was that Steer had to say what he was going to do before he did it. If he wanted to change his mind and do something else, he also had to say so. If Steer wanted to avoid Tom's next spell, he had to narrate it, but he had already begun narrating a chi thrust. It seemed that Steer was opting to try and beat Tom to the punch, so to speak, trying to ignore whatever else came his way. The narration spell had entirely changed the flow of the fight though, and Steer's previous strategy wasn't going to be as effective now. Even if he could talk as fast as Tom, that didn't make the curse a positive by any means. It was still very bad news. By the time Steer had gotten past the word 'movements', Tom's first spell would have been fired and its speed was incomparable to anything Tom had used before. As a general rule, the stronger one of Tom's spells was, the slower it traveled. Weak spells were crazy fast. Thing was, sometimes weak spells worked with strong spells to produce dramatically enhanced effects. 'Dirtlingus Shoutloudius' was as fast as a bullet, and for good reason. It forced the opponent to bellow out their dirtiest secret immediately, and again every two minutes.

Of course, with all this yelling and narrating, Tom's mouth was bound to be loaded with Mr. Horse's bloody poop. The spells all stacked in their little ways. One wasn't so bad, but the effects all benefited from each other in one way or another. Even large animals can fall if enough mosquitos bite.

If Steer was hit by the wickedly fast spell, he'd suddenly be interrupted from his narrated action and be forced to yell his deepest, darkest secret at the top of his voice. During that brief fiasco he'd be unable to narrate, and as such would have no way to defend himself from the next two spells in line or to try and hit Tom in the jaw, which also wasn't very likely. After all, Tom would wind up knowing Steer's attack before it came, and could almost certainly inflict yet another status effect before it touched him.

'Nudesweeta Bareassium', as fast as an arrow, would dissipate all of Steer's clothing and envelope him in a sticky mist of honey. 'Sexchangium Laughardiculum', the speed of a small thrown object, would transmute Steer into the opposite gender. The result in total? A naked, sticky, shit-stained girl blurting out horrible things as a floating cartoon horse voided its bowels over her head.