Ellri

The Relics (No Plot/Fantasy/Character Driven/Worthy of Skepticism)

Sparks: about that bit about two parts you commented on earlier:
The other relics are one item. i.e. one mask, one bracer, one book, etc. Then along comes two earrings. That is what we meant there.

The Relics (No Plot/Fantasy/Character Driven/Worthy of Skepticism)

Making sounds louder is dangerous if you don't have really strong filters. A sudden, unexpected boom while that "boosting" is active has a decent likelihood of damaging hearing. If you're reliant upon others making sound, then eventually there will be some sneaky bastard you can't "see" because he or she doesn't make enough noise. Someone who can breathe silently enough not to be heard even by a master listener. And if he or she is heard, he or she can simply make a massively loud noise, causing incapacitation, and still have the advantage.

We like the idea of playing with a sound-based power, but we think you could go with solutions for it that leave your character less prone to incapacitation.
One possible way of doing it is to have your relic grant your character the ability to both perceive and generate ultrasound, much like the bio sonar of numerous animals. That way, you won't have him as vulnerable to loud noises, and you're not reliant upon others making the noises you need to "see".

As for the vulnerable placement of the earrings:
Just because you can hear something coming, does not mean you can always dodge it. Thats why armor, when it was invented, covers areas the user can see as well as those he/she cannot see. Where others would look strange with one (or both) ear(s) cut off, your character would be dead if that happened.
Its a bit like the myth of Achilles. Why, if his weak point was the achilles heel, was that part not given extra armoring? We're not saying you should absolutely not use earrings (it is after all, as Sparks so aptly put it, a personal preference), but it will be a significant risk for him if you do. We're sure there's some pretty bauble you could go with that is not as likely to be cut off by chance in combat or dropped by accident. We're not going to suggest anything specific here, as it should be your choice what you go with.

The idea above should leave your character more powerful than before, we're not the sort to suggest stuff to weaken PCs without good reason (i.e. if they're ridiculously Overpowered). Its more fun when they're strong.

The Relics (No Plot/Fantasy/Character Driven/Worthy of Skepticism)

Darko Stojaspal

Name: Darko Stojaspal
Age: 27
Gender: Male

Relic Description: When he does not cover it with a leather glove, metal gauntlet (both fit over it) or a long sleeve, Darko’s relic is obvious. It consists of a large centerpiece that lies in the middle of the palm, with wires going out to a series of rings on his fingers. There is also a wider band of metal around his wrist. In the middle of the centerpiece is a large, polished Citrine. Though it somewhat restricts how much he can move his left hand, he still tends to wear it all the time.

Relic Abilities: The relic provides him with multiple abilities, each of which he learned after some time of study, with varied level of control. Though the relic was one of those who had in the past held another wielder, not much was known about its powers, let alone how to trigger them. Of the three powers he currently knows how to access, he learned them several years apart, the last one just a few months ago.

Ribbon: The first ability discovered, this ability has short range, never exceeding more than a meter from its target. He discovered it during a childhood game, where he played some sort of powerful lord who had conquered an enemy. He held his hand right before the other child, and suddenly a ribbon of magical energy appeared between his friend’s forehead and the relic’s citrine centerpiece. Seconds later, his friend began screaming in pain. Only the luck of Darko pulling his hand back saved his friend’s life and health.

Shockwave: This ability was discovered during military training. The result was his opponent, and several bystanders, being thrown backwards quite some distance. The latter got a bit of a shock, the former a concussion after getting painfully intimate with a stone wall. While it is powerful, this ability is unrefined. It has very little focus, and if Darko does not brace himself before using it, he too is flung back. The estimated range of this ability is up to ten or so meters.

Turning: The third, and latest discovery in the relic, is the ability to turn certain subjects loyalty over to that of the Kalesian empire. Or rather, to the alignment Darko himself has. As it is far more refined than the previous two powers, it is also more restricted. So far as he has determined, the target have to be open to serving the empire before it can even have any chance of working. It is also exhausting to use. Unlike ribbon or shockwave, this ability requires direct contact. He discovered it while preparing to torture a prisoner.

Skills: The skills that stand out for Darko, beyond being a decent talker, are those of torture, self-defense, hand to hand combat and generally taking care of himself. He has only limited training with weapons. The last skill he has, if it can be called such, is a very fine education.

Background:
On his mother’s side, Darko is Kalesian going back seven or more generations. His father on the other hand, was not born Kalesian. Exactly where he was from, is something neither Darko nor his mother, Darina, knows. He was a captive of the Vocators, of whom she was a servant. She had at first been intended to become one of them, but lacked the necessary ambition to rise up into their ranks. As she could not easily leave knowing so many secrets of their order, she was forced to stay among them as a servant, something she honestly did not mind doing.

When Darko’s father was captured and proved himself unwilling to be loyal to the Empire, he was brought to the vocator sanctum to be used for breeding imperial Evokers. Darina was among the numerous women who were chosen to breed with him. It was not every year they got captive evokers to breed, and the future strength of the Empire was one of her chief goals, so it was natural for her to do it. As such, Darko has a considerable number of siblings throughout the Empire, Some of them evokers like him, others regular citizens who have been adopted through the imperial Orphan distribution program. Because his father would not take up the proper loyalties, none of his children have ever met him. Whether he is still alive is unknown to Darko, not that he cares one bit, for he was raised with complete loyalty to his motherland, betrayal of that is unimaginable. Unlike most of his siblings, he remained at his mother’s side during childhood.

All children born of evokers in the empire are regularly tested, given exposure to known (or suspected) relics that are unbonded. For while the Empire knows to breed for the Old Blood, they do not have a precise system for determining who it has bred true in, let alone what relic they will bond to. From the day he was born, Darko remained a regular citizen of the Empire for a bit over fourteen years. It was some few months after his birthday that he bonded to the relic that is now his constant partner. Less than a day after he bonded, he had turned himself in for further training. As a loyal servant of the empire, he was treated well, given an even better education than his peers. In particular in the fields related to the known abilities of his relic.

When he reached twenty-three years of age, he was assigned to the Imperial army for basic self-defense and hand-to-hand combat training, as most field evokers are. A year later, he was assigned to a unit in the imperial army. Now, four years later, he is involved in the Imperial invasion of Othea, in the field intelligence sector, where he was transferred after he unlocked the third power some six months ago. Contrary to what some might expect, he does not use this power often. It is extremely draining, and one measly mistake is exceedingly dangerous to the target. Only high-profile or high-value targets are even considered for it, and few of them are chosen.

Appearance: Darko is a man with pale skin and dark brown hair and beard. He goes about dressed in a cowled robe with a deep hood. The only thing that stands out on his face is the scar running vertically across his right eye socket, earned in a brawl during his military training.

Image

Motivation: Born of the old blood, he was raised with unquestioning loyalty to the Empire. He has led a good life so far, so he wishes to see to it that others get the same chance, even if they’re not quite ready for it.

Trivia: He might be related to at least a few others involved in the invasion of Othea.
It can be assumed that his father hails from a nation that is currently part of the empire, or close to it. It is not yet defined where.

The Relics (No Plot/Fantasy/Character Driven/Worthy of Skepticism)

Most of those are intentionally sparse, Wilson. We don't want a whole nation.

The Relics (No Plot/Fantasy/Character Driven/Worthy of Skepticism)

We've got another (N)PC sheet in the works, Sparks... Want us to post it here or edit it into a previous lore post? The character is Kalesian.

The Relics (No Plot/Fantasy/Character Driven/Worthy of Skepticism)

Maki, these are the impressions we got on reading your character. We'll try to not make them seem to harsh but it may not seem that way all the time. Know that we don't mean anything bad about you, no matter what we say below. Our intent is to be constructive in the criticism.

Image: Even if it takes time, there are more than enough images out there that can fit a setting like this so you won't have to use a photo of someone in completely different clothes. We understand you like the person shown in the image, but there's so many wonderful characters out there. We'd recommend browsing DeviantArt or sites like that to find the gems hidden among the junk. Going from the description of the clothes, you can probably find something roughly similar to that.
Relic: Power makes sense, but the fact that there's two parts kinda contradicts with all the other relics so far. Also, earrings on a male character feels kinda wrong to us. It doesn't really fit with the sort of setting we're in. thats what it feels like to us.
Also, considering the fact that moving a relic far from its evoker is lethal to the evoker, having earrings, who are rather exposed, is rather risky.
Lore: You've not really used much lore established by others yet. You make mentions of the hills of Ovesh, who are far, far west of where everyone else is. Not bad in itself this, but we'd suggest working on making it mesh well with others' lore.

Blindness: Quite inspired flaw, but the reason for it doesn't make sense. Slavers would have no trouble handling an 11-year old boy, no matter how wild he is. Gouging out the eyes would make his value as a slave drop dramatically. If someone is too wild to control normally, blindfolding and hogtying is a reasonable attempt to control. Pain is also a teacher slavers are fond of. If nothing else, they would probably have cages they can use. A few days in a cage, and even the wildest prisoner will be more docile, even if it is just because of burgeoning starvation.
Treatment by the slavers: In an era like this, especially to slavers, "pretty boys" and such are just another commodity. Still, being called such is still nothing compared to being a slave. Also, slavers would remove any property he has, especially ornaments. Even if ornaments are cheap junk, they can still be sold. a skilled swindler, could probably get much more than what they're worth for them. Besides, slavers generally won't know how to judge the value of ornaments, its the value of living flesh they can judge easily. Any reminders of home, of hope, are natural to tear away.
One more thing: only stupid slavers starve or abuse their merchandise. A malnourished, starving slave fetches a much poorer price than a healthy slave. Same goes for injured vs. healthy slave. Plain logic.
The rescue: Bandits, unless they're really strange, wouldn't take compassion on someone almost guaranteed to die, someone who would not be of much use to them. Unless the pickings in their territory are extremely good, they wouldn't normally afford to have an extra drain on their resources.
Also, why would they raid a slaver caravan? Such a caravan, when it has merchandise, probably doesn't have much worth stealing (other than the slaves). We would recommend making up a plausible reason here.
How did they discover his "astounding echolocation skills"? Training someone who is blind in archery doesn't really make sense. Archery is a skill that works best at greater distances, where sound no longer provides much aid through echolocation. Throwing knives, on the other hand, that can make more sense.
Is he reliant on the sounds made by others, or does he have some sort of ability to produce "pings" of his own?
belonging to the clan: Why would he not feel like he belongs? Ten years in the same place, especially the ten years from eleven to twenty-one, are important to shaping who someone is. He might have some memories from before his capture, but after ten years they won't be what he focuses on any longer.

There are also some minor lingual oddities in there, but we don't see any reason to point out such unless requested. If we'd held everyone else to the standards of language we hold ourselves to, we would end up with far too few people to RP with. Content matters more than wrapping, so long as basic grammar is there.

We see considerable potential for making this character much better, but right now we can't really see this as a good character. Fix at least a few of those things mentioned above, and you'll be well on your way to a good character that should fit perfectly into this RP. If you have any questions, feel free to ask them.

The Relics (No Plot/Fantasy/Character Driven/Worthy of Skepticism)

Crossbows were generally more powerful at a short range, but due to some science we don't have in front of us right now (wind resistance stuff, lots of mechanics), they're not as effective at a long range. Longbows fire faster and further than crossbows, but they have less stopping power. I.e. they can't penetrate armor quite as well.

Also, an expert longbowman takes a decade or more to train, while a crossbowman only takes a few months to train.

In essence for crossbow vs. longbow:
Crossbow: punches harder - shorter range - slow to reload
Longbow: smaller punch - longer range - quick to reload

The Relics (No Plot/Fantasy/Character Driven/Worthy of Skepticism)

Crossbows make all those lovely shiny knights too easily dead, Maki. Yes, plate armor and crossbows co-existed for a while, but thats only because the church set up a ban forbidding the stronger crossbows for a good while. Till they banned such, nobles were dying at an alarming rate of the pincushion syndrome.

We'd recommend in city, too few people there. As invasions go, this one is among the safest to be a civilian in the middle of.

The Relics (No Plot/Fantasy/Character Driven/Worthy of Skepticism)

You discarded crossbows in favor of having plate armor survive.
Echo made sure that while the Kalesian siege core uses lots of complex compounds in their siege projectiles, there are no explosives. The field of explosives was explored once, but determined to be too dangerous to continue research and was thusly abandoned.

We think Sep refers to technology level outside combat. What sort of developments is it acceptable for his egypt-based society to have?

The Relics (No Plot/Fantasy/Character Driven/Worthy of Skepticism)

we're rather fond of "mad genius" ourselves...