Ellri

The Relics

It's not as if we can stop you, bingthewing...

We'll look over the lore suggestion later.

The Relics

AlidaMaria said Bing..... I'm sorry but the main problem I see with your CS is the Da-Hyunin pirates' attack:
1. They would NEVER, EVER go as far inland as to reach Othea. (Da-Hyuni) Pirates are in their element as close to the sea as they can be, and they'll only perform lightning attacks on coastal cities or towns. So if Ajax was from an Oragossi coastal town, it would make sense. Just not when he's from any Othean town. The following are just minor concerns;
2. A crew would exist of more than 8 pirates if they're planning on ambushing a town.... Also, once they had chased out the inhabitants, they'd gather all valuables they could find and get out of there a.s.a.p. They wouldn't bother searching for the survivors and instead get their asses back to the open sea before some sort of backup could arrive.
3. Seeing how the "dirty tactic" of killing enemies in their sleep, is a very Da-Hyuni thing to do, they'll most likely have taken counter measures against such a thing!
(These points could quite easily be helped by saying that they were bandits and not Da-Hyuni pirates).

Other than these points, I don't really see anything wrong with it. I'm sure Ellri will come up with some points, but it's great to see that you came up with a concept! ^_^

BingTheWing said Name: Ajax Garrison
Age: 38
Gender: Male
Faction/Allegiance: The Othean Royal Family
Relic Description: The relic is a golden hoop about the size of Ajax’s palm, which he wears around his neck, hidden beneath his armor. It affects Ajax the same way a pair of gravity boots would do: it doesn’t make him fly, but it does lift him off the ground and significantly increases his jumps and swiftness in movement.

This does not make sense. Especially not given the picture. Given the ring size (palm), fitting it around the neck would be rather challenging, and not to mention, he’d be choking all the time as a human neck on anyone other than walking skeletons (i.e. “super”models) is much larger than the palm of a hand.
We’d suggest a larger necklace made of some jointed segments or something like that. That wouldn’t choke him and would fit well underneath. Or maybe you could go with a belt?
The power of the relic feels balanced, though. Just one question… What fuels the relic?

BingTheWing said Appearance:

This is a good picture. Armor that is fairly plausible, body proportions that make sense and so forth.

BingTheWing said As with Othean Special Tactics Unit tactics, Ajax normally dresses and arms himself as a typical Othean guard to integrate himself and his men within the mainstream form of defense. He is 6’10 and weighs about 185 pounds. He has long brown hair kept tied in a neat bun.

We’re skeptical of the idea of special tactics units. Its rather anachronistic. We’d instead suggest him having a role akin to royal guard.
In most medieval fantasy settings, there’s two types of royal guards. The first type is the ceremonial that only knows what end of the sword to hold because its part of the ceremony. The second type is the ones who are basically living weapons, knowing everything they can about weapons and fighting.
If you’re in doubt, we’re suggesting that you take the second type.

BingTheWing said Flaws:
As a commander of a typically sneaky sort of guard unit, Ajax does not like facing problems head-on and could be considered by a brash cavalry warrior as ‘cowardly’. In a way, this is true: Ajax values victory in life more than honor in death.
Growing up a peasant boy, Ajax values his heritage and his people and will not adhere to following commands against the common folk.
Ajax is not a fan of straightforward solutions and his are often long and complicated by even some of his superiors’ standards.
Ajax is one of the few soldiers that show little to no remorse for murder, as was proved on his sixteenth birthday. This mixed with his specialized training may often cause him to be seen as a cold, calculating character.

Cowardly doesn’t make too much sense. We’d think it would be more like that he’s not fighting the same type of battles as the regular troops.
The part about not wanting to hurt commoners is good.
Fondness for complex solutions is also good.

BingTheWing said Skills:
- The Othean Special Tactics Unit, founded and led by Ajax himself, is a breed of soldier that very much compares to normal guards as the Navy SEALs and USMC compare to the Army grunts today: they are bred to be a one man army. They are handpicked from the most outstanding of rank-and-file and are trained in foreign forms of swordsmanship, how to survive in the most inhospitable of wastes for weeks, and above all to be able to quickly respond to situations that the normal guard can’t take on themselves. They also maintain a strong, but friendly rivalry with the Relic Constabulary Guard.

See point above concerning special tactics units. They don’t make sense.
Secondly, it makes even less sense for such to have been founded recently. There’s been no recent situations demanding the establishment of such in Othean history. We’ll keep the suggestion for royal guard. Its more plausible.
We’d actually suggest these elite soldiers having training in many sorts of combat, not just swordsmanship. Also, foreign swordsmanship forms are not necessarily better than Othean forms.

BingTheWing said Biography: Ajax was born to a pair of hardworking but humble farmhands in a remote, nondescript Othean farming village, far from Amaryth. His parents worked hours in the sun to provide for Ajax and his three younger brothers a solid education and it was returned earnestly by gaining the interest of a royal tutor in Ajax’s teens. His future was bright and so was he: he was a smart, hardworking and most certainly not simple country boy. He was also an important asset to his yeoman master: his education provided the farm boy ways to productively spend the profit from the harvest in improving conditions for laborers.

The attention here doesn’t make sense. Royal tutors in Othea don’t go wandering about searching for potentials the way a certain grouping in Kalesia does. We’d suggest going with a background in entering the Othean army and proving himself considerably better than most.

BingTheWing said Ajax’s supposed destiny as a royal advisor took a drastic turn on his sixteenth birthday. Fugitive pirate raiders originating from Da-Hyun quickly overran Ajax’s village’s most of guard and quickly occupied the village, leaving what was left of the guard and Ajax himself to escape to the mountains. A messenger had been sent out, but because of the village’s distance from the capital the Crown would not be able to send reinforcements in time before the pirates reached the mountains. Ajax, being the nice bright good boy he was, suggested a strategy that many chivalrous knights in the capital would have described as ‘dirty and dishonorable’: killing their enemies in their sleep. The guard was reluctant and many would not hear of it at first, but it seemed the only possible way to survive. Given a simple longsword, Ajax with his comrades crept into the village at night while some of the pirates were looking for them in the mountains and slew each and every single one of them. Ajax found out that he hand a natural ability for the sword, as one guard reported he fended off and killed three awake pirates all at once. This was also when he found his Relic, worn on the neck of a sleeping Da-Hyuni pirate.

See AlidaMaria’s critique. It covers this section well.

BingTheWing said When the reinforcements from the capital arrived, they stumbled upon a happy village and eight trussed-up pirates. Of course, with the incredible recounts of the guards, the captain of the troop decided to recruit Ajax into the guard for basic training. After doing exceptionally well at basic training, his superiors noted his talent and recruited him into the Special Tactics Unit, then one of the first Othean guard units devoted entirely to scouting and guerilla warfare. Ajax swiftly rose up the ranks for five years, becoming commander of the entire unit at age 22. A few years later, he submitted an entire training handbook with training methods designed by him to fully enhance the abilities of scouts, especially ones in the Special Tactics Unit. It was eventually passed, and Garrison is now known as a revolutionary icon in the world of Azukharian guerilla warfare.

See AlidaMaria’s critique. It covers this section well.

BingTheWing said Relations: Those who have lived in Amaryth for a while may remember his face, since he has masqueraded as a common guard posted all over the city.

Doesn’t really make sense due to points higher up.

BingTheWing said Final Point - Secrets: Possession of a relic, essentially.

Would not those close to him notice? Or does he hardly use the relic at all in the presence of others?

BingTheWing said Theme Song: Carol of the Bells/God Rest Ye Merry Gentlemen - The Piano Guys.
For full effect, imagine him running, tumbling, parkouring and rolling through the chaos of the Kalesian invasion while stabbing the odd guard or two with his longsword.

What Kalesian invasion? Its not started yet, and it won’t for a good while.

BingTheWing said (Ajax looks incredibly OP in terms of combat, I know. Those aren’t all his flaws, I will reveal more of them as I progress in the RP.)

That’s fine, actually. If you correct the above stuff, then you can avoid the problems related to the extreme combat skills through later flaws.

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Cider: criticism PM'd.

The Relics

No objections, Echo.

The Relics

Still open for new players. See Characters tab for more details on possible types Throne Room, The City of Amaryth

“And father, you are sure?” The prince knelt before his father, doing so cautiously, in the way that one would when they question a king, something the prince did with much more frequency than any of the nobles. It had ever been the duty of the Crown Prince to question the king, for everyone knows even a king has flaws. “It is time and the people have called for it. Do not worry of the preparations, for they have already been made. Figuring out how a coronation ceremony is supposed to be done shall not be your first act as king, as mine was.” The king spoke with clear concern and worry for his eldest son. “Your grandfather held on to the throne well past the time his war wounds crippled him in body and mind. I will not do the same to you.” The Order that had him in shambles did not so easily manipulate the prince, and King Hrodlaf’s dwindling health could only be hidden for so long. “Father I don’t know what to say,” Prince Aral stuttered. “In my mind I had always believed you would rule to your grave but…” The king waved his hand. “You and I both know well why this is happening.” He stepped down from his throne with some difficulty, urging his son to stand. “But what of the Idrissi? Do they approve of the idea?” The prince could not be clearer with his tone. The Order of Idris, to him, should have little influence in the matter of nobility. Yet he asked for his father’s sake, his father who had quickly bowed to the Order in fear of the danger for his life presented by the mystical and oft-feared Evokers. “The Holy Order…Had some concerns. But I felt I addressed them properly. They will not prevent your ascension to the Throne.” Hrodlaf smiled meekly at his son. The prince nodded as he stood. He wished to believe this was the kings act of defiance, that his father had understood at last just how brutal the Order really was and wished for his son to correct his mistakes. But he could not be sure. “Father… But what if-?” “The people will follow you.” The king interrupted him, laying his hand on Arals shoulder. It was one of those rare moments of connection between Hrodlaf and his son, moments that the king wished he had more of in his life. One of his greatest regrets. “If I am sure of anything, it is that the peoples have put their trust in you. I remember, from the first day they laid their eyes upon you, the people have always loved you.” He smiled, nodding quietly. After seemingly being lost in thoughts for a moment, the king nodded to himself for a second time and resumed talking. “We will let our people know after the festival. Come, walk with me my son.” The king relied heavily on Prince Aral and his cane to support him as they walked. “Those… they have eyes and ears everywhere, let us take a stroll in the gardens.” Involuntarily, the prince looked around him. The throne room was completely empty, save for some guards and a little girl who was polishing the floors. For a moment, the prince felt empathy for the girl, having to scrub the enormous throne room all by herself. It would take her hours, no doubt. He wondered whether his father was becoming fully paranoid, as he had heard some nobles whisper, or if the king was right to suspect even this small amount of people. Aral knew the two guards stationed near the doors leading outside by name, and he greeted the two with a smile and a nod as he and his father passed. They finished climbing down the the stairs, which guided them straight into the palace’s luscious gardens, with some effort. The king’s health appeared to be worsening with the day and they took a moment to sit down on a bench, which was carefully crafted out of a fine piece of marble. The two took a few moments to enjoy the view of the colours of a spring morning that had painted the garden in a lovely shade, allowing the elder one to regain his breath. The morning air was still slightly cold after yesterday’s rain, but the cloudless sky foretold that this would become a sunny, rainless day in spring. The sounds of a city just waking up,were carried towards the palace on a gust of wind. Hammer on anvils, the tuning of instruments, a woman scolding her children, a barking dog, merchants glorifying their wares despite the early hour...The capitol of Othea was busy as always, especially with the upcoming festival. After what seemed like a small eternity, Aral gathered the courage to ask a question which had occupied his thoughts for a long time. “Father.. How can you rule them if you don’t trust them? If you don’t know them?” Only the slight tightening of his jaw, showed the king’s surprise and faint displeasure, a small sign most would not have noticed. His eldest son, however, knew him well enough to notice. “Forgive me father, I did not mean to offen..” But before he could finish the sentence, the king brushed his excuses aside with a curt movement of his hand. “Do not apologize when inquiring for truth, Aral. If you truly wish to be answered, you must stand firm and believe you have the right to be obeyed. After all, your wishes will be the only truth, as you will soon be king.” In the light of the king’s own submission to Idris, the words sounded hollow to Aral, but he nodded nonetheless. It was painstakingly clear that the king had avoided his question, but the young prince let it rest, too afraid to hear the answer he suspected. The old king sighed and Aral saw how his eyes were filled with regret as their eyes met. “I should have taught you so much more… If only we had time...” His watery eyes lost their focus and the king hummed softly for a while before his humming turned into a coughing fit. Hrodalf lifted his arm to stop Aral from calling the servants, muttering that he was fine, although his bloodied fingers told a different story. Arals eyes widened and a soft, wry smile formed on the Hrodalf’s face. With as much dignity as he could muster, the king stood tall and spoke with a hint of bitterness and regret, almost hidden under the air of authority. “Perhaps the second day of the festival will be a better time to announce your coronation. Come, my son, let us greet the people and open the festival in a way that befits the king and heir of the House Otharion.”

The Relics

Yup. We probably missed a sheet or two. Just point the missing to us.

The Relics

Thats quite a bother to do, Kangutso... We speak from experience, as we seem to have misplaced the bio for our PC, so yesterday we rebuilt all but the essence of the character.

Right now the world doesn't really need to fill up with more nations. Yeout s, there are empty nation silhouettes, but no PC will cross borders out of Othea during the early parts of the RP. The stage in the IC planning is now to get people together, not to figure out detailed descriptions of all sorts of different places they are from.

The Relics

If that is so, Maki, then you can go ahead and post it in the CS thread.
We'll be going over stuff now to see what is missing to make Relics IC launch-ready. There's nine characters already submitted and several more on the way, so it shouldn't be too long till the IC is ready.

The Relics

We hope we'll get net soon... It's annoying to have to leave home for all net-related activities....

The Relics

We're going to stick to the 'only human' thing from relics v1. There's enough complexity with the relics and the map already. No real value in adding species as well.

We'll review sheets since our previous post later.

The Relics

Or your character could have been stationed on the borders to the south/north/west. Border skirmishes are common there. Or you could have both (skirmishes & bandits).