STATUS:
Peace is a Lie, there is only Passion. Through Passion, I gain Strength. Through Strength, I gain Power. Through Power, I gain Victory. Through Victory, My Chains are Broken. The Force Shall Free Me.
7 yrs ago
Current
Peace is a Lie, there is only Passion. Through Passion, I gain Strength. Through Strength, I gain Power. Through Power, I gain Victory. Through Victory, My Chains are Broken. The Force Shall Free Me.
3
likes
8 yrs ago
"Never was, never will be."
8 yrs ago
We find that our favorite damage type is collateral.
8 yrs ago
We do not corrupt mortals. We teach them enlightened self-interest.
8 yrs ago
Peace is a lie. There is only passion (for cookies).
we generally like to have the one fighting win some and lose some. Even a master of some art of combat ain't perfect. Everyone can make mistakes.
Far too often, people will have an inexperienced protagonist prove him or herself perfect with the chosen weapon, be it a gun, a sword or a lightsaber.
Impressions of the short stories, RPGC2. We'll not cut back on things, but neither will we be unnecessarily harsh (we think). They do appear to be somewhat shorter towards the end. We did not provide reviews of any of the poetry, as we're no poet or critic of such. It would not be fair.
This story feels like it has potential for more. The use of “Pop!” upon the shots being fired either implies that the weapon is silenced, or that the author doesn't take into account the sheer noise of a gun being fired. As it is in a cafeteria, the sound level is probably also increased by the room being fairly large and hollow as cafeterias often are. The description of how or where they cover is vague, which in turn creates confusion about where the shooter is. We believe having a clear idea of that, even if the characters don't, will help the plot seem more realistic. The variation of reactions is good. Not everyone reacts the same way under duress.
The connection between cartooney superpowers and greek mythology seems forced. The whole thing lacks a concise logic to be tied together. The fact that the characters don't notice significant changes in their dress or what they are and aren't holding indicates that they virtually have no sense of touch left and cannot process input from their senses without prompting. The idea could be good, but the way it was done doesn't do it justice.
The linguistics stuff doesn't make much of any sense to someone with no experience with asian writing systems or languages. The rest of the story makes much more sense, even if it is a touch idealistic towards the end. Probability indicates that there would be more than one who would want to fight from the Vespuccians. The terror of atomic weapons is only seen once they are used.
If we were to consider a way for a technology superior society like the new ship is to prevent ultimate war, we would put it at having some sort of containment technology. Something to make the weapons ineffective. Sufficiently advanced shielding would do the trick. Perhaps projected around the offending vessel, rather than around the vessel's offensive target(s). It would do the trick for a while, at least. A worldwide broadcast would also help. Nice use of alternate geography.
A strange story. Did not pull us deep in and felt a bit confusing early on. It would have benefited from the role of numbers being explained more clearly in the early parts. The level of technology also seemed strange and unexplained. We did not truly feel for either the protagonist or the antagonist, they did not pull us in that way, which was unfortunate. Making the reader take up the cause of some party in the story will make it more engaging.
We can't really judge poetry fairly. It doesn't strike sparks of interest in us.
See previous review. Still can't judge it fairly.
Poetry. Not for us to judge.
Fits the theme nicely. The choice of the protagonist being hit by an arrow only makes his individual powerlessness more obvious. The final section feels a bit unfinished. The story could have benefited from more details on the various characters and on the various nations. Perhaps also a bit more detail on how the battle was turned beyond being provided a new element of chaos.
We could review our own work, but would that really make sense? It probably would not be unbiased. Possibly overly critical. Certainly not reasonable.
It feels... chaotic. There's no explanation of what is happening. With some more length, we suspect that might have been amended somewhat. Might have given it some sort of logic to comprehend it with.
Poem. Not for us.
Nice use of the idea behind the connection between power and corruption. The vagueness of how, or if, the object works was interesting.
Poem.
Too many paragraphs start in the same word. Doesn't improve lingual flow. It feels broken up.
didn't really make much sense to us. The characters did not really pull us into the story. The death of Tangerine as PoV should have had far more impact, and would have if the reader had been permitted to be more inside her. Her power was utterly unexplained and felt unused, which doesn't really fit. How did she meet up with Lavender? Why did she join him/her? What was the logic in killing her prior to finding this “Fern”? How did they access the information to find each other?
Decent story. Not much to comment about it. It may have been a bit vague early on as to the setting, but eventually that became clear. The viewpoint of a combat medic is a nice one.
Idealistic. Other than the communism vs. capitalism, this story doesn't feel like its set in Russia. Or in Europe for that matter.
How exactly did they disable the power plant? Where did the power plant workers go? How is it the people didn't recognize him around town? How is it the ones higher up in the government did not force him to work for them? Stories would wander about this superpowered individual.
Umm... With her being tied up, exactly how could she steal a knife? Why didn't her captor kill her immediately? Unless he was a plain idiot, which a recruit for some elite force probably wouldn't be, he'd have secured her far better. The logic herein is faulty. The characters have no depth. Nothing to engage the reader in any significant fashion. The story needs more depth to truly engage.
here's how we did it: Step 1. Get an idea. Step 2. Write ten plus pages of something terrible. Step 3. Let it ferment for a few days. Step 4. Remove inappropriate parts Step 5. Add mold spores and put it in a humid, warm place. Step 6. Realize its all horrible. Step 7. Start over. Step 8. Realize you're almost out of time. Ask about submitting an incomplete story. Step 9. Write a semi-decent ending despite thinking you did not have the time to do that. Step 10. Submit it.
Not quite as good as your method, but it did make our goat float.
Ohm
kingeditor
Armed Forces
Forsythe