Gutshot — Roleplayer Guild

Oh, didn't know the community got to vote on the writing contest. Great!

Before I give my reviews on all entries except mine, I want to say thank you to @Silver, @PlatinumSkink, and @Dark Wind for the awesome and in-depth criticisms on Twilight Ultimatum. It's always great to be able to hear what I can improve on, especially from so many different viewpoints.

As well, due to confusion concerning the poem, I provided a small hider below detailing all of the Norse references in the writing and some more explanation. Please feel free to read this explanation before or after voting, but remember that you are voting for the poem ultimately, not the clarification.

This poem is, indeed, referencing the world-shaking events of Norse-mythology's Ragnarok. I believe it to be an almost alien resolve that no earthly nor godly being could ever overturn, created by something unknown, and thus this poem's entry into the resolution contest.

A mighty hand etched in stones - A Reference to runes vikings used to carve into large stones, usually detailing prophecies and poems of the gods. The mighty hand represents the immovable power descending upon the Norse world. Thus, 'The immovable power foretold in writing'.

No godliness could ever lift the fate imprinted - The gods in Ragnarok are ultimately helpless beings, and this line says of such. Furthermore, it can be taken into context with the previous line as to say 'No god could erase/throw away the written prophecies' or 'no god could've lifted the stone'.

A tree’s roots grow farther and farther into unmovable destiny - Referencing Yggdrasil, or the world tree, with it's roots extending towards the dragon slumbering at it's base: soon-to-be destiny, per-say. 

Thor will fight the mighty serpent, Odin: the wolf - Directly alluding to the battles fought by the gods in Ragnarok. Thor fights the world serpent, Odin fights Fenrir.

The sun and moon overturned by hungering pursuers - In Norse mythology, the sun and moon were two beings pulled in carts by galloping horses around the sky. To keep the horses running, the gods put two wolves in the sky to chase them. During Ragnarok, the wolves finally catch up to the horses and devour them, ending night and day.

For the fanged ones starve the most - The dragon, Fenrir, the wolves in the sky, the world serpent: they are all fanged beings that bring about the destruction of the Norse world. This line specifies such.

An immortal earthly lineage reunites - The surviving Norse gods, after Ragnarok, are foretold to gather back together to create a new world.

What prophetical runes stay unmarked? - Going back to the viking's tendencies to write destiny in stone, this line simply reads 'what else is there of middle-earth?', 'what else has Ragnarok to destroy?', or 'what else is written on the stones?'.

All but two then five. - Referencing the two humans left surviving after Ragnarok, as well as the gods accompanying them. Now, though it is specifically told that two humans survived, I could not find specifics about how many gods reunited after Ragnarok. Five was chosen due to it's stoic sound in the poem.

REVIEWS:

Really symbolic, really foreboding, and really engaging. right off the bat you get the reader to sympathize with your nameless character in a really unique way: through the loneliness of power. All of the actions you specify having happened to your character are very personal effects his people have made on him, and thus do not provide a sense of disconnection from this supposed country figure-head like what many other literary novels do. You feel bad for this monarch or god, you want him to succeed in reclaiming his real control and freedom. Nevermind that you do it in such a short amount of text. I will always applaud a writer able to make an impact in a paragraph or less. The final sentences are really what pull this all under the umbrella of resolutions, though. Here is this immortal being, dwelling in the thoughts, plans, and resolve to reclaim complete control, but the reader will never know when. Bonus points for that kind of mystery.

If there's anything to improve on, perhaps how the last sentences were introduced: The rest of the story did not feel like him getting empowered to reconquer his world, but instead him falling farther and farther into depression. It seemed abrupt to jolt in a sudden moment of confidence, but that's really it. Splendid job.

I like the setting and the way of counting down to everyone's new year's resolutions, really reminds me of wartales from World War Two. A very good and brief summary of events leading to this war-torn environment also helped feed the tone, and indeed did some of the survivor's resolutions allow the reader to relate. But really, that's where the reader-character connection ended.

With the way you ended your story with the threat of eliminating this quickly introduced team of characters, the pay-off of "Oh no they might die" was played down a lot due to this obvious lack of character development. With no prior knowledge to help me connect with the characters through sympathy or understanding, other than the suggested stereotypes and blindness of one soldier, the countdown and suspense of an oncoming bombardment were almost totally negated. Perhaps focusing on one character and telling their life story, or the relationships and stories of this whole group of characters, would've helped. But, again, without that emotional build-up, there's only a dry payoff.

But, as @Silver said, the tininess of these almost World War-like veterans does give a solemn tone to the short story. Your piece does have some great aspects, as said: The beginning description, the atmosphere, etc. Yet, again, what makes death the saddest is when you can see, personally, what had and could've been.

Great to have more lighthearted story mixed in within the bleak ones. Your story is most definitely based around character development and interactions, which is completely fine and can be done a number of entertaining ways. Andy is obviously a quirky character, liking to tease and mess with people. I wished you played with his interactions with the nurses more. That attitude and behavior, pared with a few other, more stoic personalities in the workplace, could've led to a good mixture of conversations and interactions. But, your story seems to only really be based on the joke "He only did it to mess with the new nurse", which was not a very satisfying conclusion. Other then that, you also have a whole scene about child-birth that could've been taken out entirely and wouldn't have affected the story a bit. It's just a little too flat and unfulfilling for my tastes.

That was great character development, great suspense, and great pay-off. Wonderful entry, and kudos to you for both historical accuracy and wonderful literary craft.

You introduce us to Agenor immediately, and you waste no time fleshing out his and his families characters. He is a humble warrior that wants to protect his family at all costs, his wife is beside him as strong as ever, and Kiril is both of his parents' driving force: much like in any actual nuclear family. All of the main characters are likeable, strong, and really give the reader the want to care for them. You introduce and describe yours characters in such a way that the reader can clearly see emotions and ambitions behind them, and they cling to those human characteristics throughout the story. Might I also add that most of this connection is done through dialogue, which is always a plus in my book.

Furthermore, the suspense of knowing what is most definitely about to happen is just right. The Trojan horse is going to breach the city, the troys are going to be defeated, and it will be a disaster: but knowing these characters you've just connected with will have to go through it gives the tale a whole new layer. I will also like to add that the decisions that Agenor and the others make are completely human, something rarely seen in very fantastical tales such as these. They want to evacuate the city instead of fight in glorious vain, they want the best for their families instead of themselves: It's a thought pattern that compliments the realism of your characters very nicely. You can also clearly see the resolution the Troys had for protecting their kin, a theme that rings throughout the writing. Last but not least, the ending is a bitter-sweet masterpiece and what was always subconsciously expected by the reader throughout the short story, but is a turn of events that pays-off wonderfully nonetheless. Amazing job.

'A Reason To Go On' is what I see as a fantasy adventure tossed into a spiced political mix and deep-fried. It's enjoyable, interesting, and keeps that whimsical air of fantasy around itself while tackling the heaviness of war and diplomatic ventures. The main character Cal is absolutely relatable and respectable. Though she has trudged through her past, a peace has come upon her in her political position and she will not let go of it. You describe the different political forces and their beliefs simply and quickly enough to keep the story moving forward, and I was never bored with the civic happenings. Overall, the build up to the god's summoning is terrific and a great example of sword-and-sorcery literature, but then it falls apart due to a sudden detail.

How Cal deals with, defeats, and dies because of Jashae's summoning is a thick layer of Dues Ex Machina where there shouldn't be. Suddenly Cal remembers ancient runes, Jashae's origin-story, and why she should defeat him in a convenient split-second of time. It's a jarring and unnatural resolution to this big build-up which almost ruins the story. Perhaps integrating some of these happenings and remembrances into the rest of the story would've helped, giving your reader a much more gradual step-up to this sudden moment of destruction. Otherwise, this story is great fantasy literature.

Though I did read Phantom Legacy and Of Oaths and Wars, I am not supplying a review for them merely because there is a lot to cover literary and writing-wise. They were both fantastic stories, had their individual improvements, and overall I loved them. I sincerely apologize to the authors of both entries, I will have to review your work another day. But, with further ado, My @vote for RPGC 13 is:

"Entry Five: Ashes of Illium, for it's fantastic character development and story-arc"
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