Avatar of Jorick
  • Last Seen: 4 yrs ago
  • Joined: 10 yrs ago
  • Posts: 1640 (0.44 / day)
  • VMs: 0
  • Username history
    1. Jorick 10 yrs ago
  • Latest 10 profile visitors:

Status

User has no status, yet

Bio

User has no bio, yet

Most Recent Posts

Just for the sake of clarity and transparency, I've just updated the entry named Buckriders. I got bamboozled by PMs not having the little notation at the top saying a post has been edited, so I didn't realize the version of the entry I'd grabbed the night before I posted this thread ended up being edited in the extra day that was given.


The submission period is over, so it's time to get to the voting and critiquing! All the relevant rules can be found below, but check out the general Rules and Info thread for more and to leave any comments or suggestions on the contest as a whole. The theme for the inaugural Monthly Adaptive Storytelling Contest was...

WOTM Throwback


Before getting to the actual entries, here's a quick recap of the prompt our entrants were asked to fulfill and below that the voting rules.

Theme: Mythology

Write a story involving a myth. Myths cover a WIDE variety of things, usually explaining traditions, historical events, or natural phenomenon. Check out Greek, Norse, Egyptian, etc. myths if you aren't familiar with what sorts of topics myths cover.

Components: Use at least two of these in your story.
  • The protagonist of the story is a villain.
  • The story involves one character trying to trick or deceive another character.
  • The myth does not involve gods.
  • The myth explains a technological advancement as the result of supernatural events rather than mortal ingenuity. (Note: things like the invention of the wheel to the creation of the first spaceship both count as technological advancements.)
  • The story takes place in a post-apocalyptic setting.


Extra Challenges: These are optional. The entry that best fulfills each extra challenge (as decided by @Jorick) will be highlighted after the voting period ends.
  • Overachiever: Use all five components in your entry.
  • Mic Drop: Have a character deliver a devastating insult to another character.
  • Artist: Use your words to paint a mental picture of a vividly detailed setting.


Voting Rules:

1. Submit your vote by posting in the voting thread before the deadline: before midnight (in US time zones) on August 16th.
2. Submissions are posted anonymously for a reason. Revealing which entry was yours before the voting period is over will result in disqualification.
3. Contest entrants cannot vote for their own entry but are invited to vote for a competitor's entry.
4. Comments on and critiques of the entries are highly encouraged, but do keep in mind that criticism should be constructive rather than destructive.
5. The entry with the most votes in the end will be declared the winner. @Jorick will also highlight those who did the best job tackling each extra challenge.
6. All site and contest moderation rules are of course in effect.

And without further ado, the entries:





Just so folks are aware and not wondering what's up, I'm pushing the deadline back a day. Any entries submitted on August 9th (in US time zones) will be accepted, and the voting/critique thread will go up shortly after midnight.
Darth Embrus's Stronghold
18:00, <DATE TBD>, 1333 PRE


Sleek, dark metal rose high into the sky among the ancient stone and rust that made up most of the standing buildings on Korriban, and the setting sun gave it a gleaming halo. It was designed with the express intent to intimidate, and Darth Embrus could see its effects on the Acolyte that stood before him in the center of the old stone plaza that sat in front of the main entrance, though his awestruck attention also seemed to be pulled toward the Mandalorian standing silently two steps away from Embrus. The Overseer that had brought this young man to display his skills was less impressed by both the building and the mercenary, but then she had been there many times before to escort students of the Sith Academy who believed themselves worthy of Darth Embrus's attention. He humored them most of the time, but more often than not they were sent away with an earful of scathing criticism.

"Was that mess meant to impress me?" There was no need for the Acolyte to look at his face to know that his mouth was turned downward in a sneer, thanks to the venom dripping off the words. Truly the Human's performance of lightsaber forms and Force powers had been above average, but that question was always the first he asked of those hoping to become his Apprentice, and often the only one asked.

The Acolyte shook his head. "No, of course not. It was meant only to show you my potential." The Overseer's eyes narrowed in disappointment; the last hopeful student she'd brought before Darth Embrus had said something similar in response to the question and was sent away with scornful laughter. There were, of course, reasons she had never risen beyond the role of Overseer.

Darth Embrus's sneer turned into a faint smile as he nodded. Where the prior hopeful Acolyte had been donning feigned humility in a pitiful attempt to please, this one gave off an aura of sincere reflection on his inadequacy. "Good. You're not quite ready, but perhaps soon you will be." He turned a more obvious smile on the Overseer, born in large part from his amusement at her confusion. "He's got the perfect build and mentality for Djem So, but you incompetents have been focusing his training on Soresu. Correct that mistake and bring him back in a few months." The Overseer, a woman whose name Embrus had never bothered to learn, simply nodded and turned to leave before her anger could boil over and make her do something she might not live to regret, and the Acolyte gave him a respectful nod before he turned to follow.

"As fun as that was..." Zaek's dryly sarcastic remark did not require any further words to make it clear just how bored he was. "Before the interruption, we were discussing matters of payment. My services are worth double what you've been paying me, and we both know it."

"Ah, yes." Darth Embrus turned on heel and swept past the Mandalorian, beckoning for him to follow. "It's a good thing I like you, else I'd have cut you in half for your impertinence long ago."

The Mandalorian's snorted laugh was almost enough to make him follow through on the threat. "You could try. Ever tried cutting through beskar? You'd be better off throwing me around with your damned Force power. That way you'd actually win."

It was a clearly calculated insult, and the audacity of it amused Embrus enough to soothe his anger. Even if he threw Zaek around like a rag doll, it would be admitting that he was not good enough to best the fabled Mandalorian armor with his lightsabers alone. Attacking with just a lightsaber would perhaps be a fatal mistake if the first blow was not a killing blow, but to do otherwise would be to admit weakness. "You're a clever little bastard, I'll give you that. I ought to pay you for your wit rather than your skill with a blaster."

"I'll pass. I'm looking to double my pay, not cut it in half."

The odd pair shared a laugh as they strolled back into the Stronghold, greeted by the sounds of clashing lightsabers and grunts of exertion from Darth Embrus's favored students hard at work in the training hall. Rather than heading toward the sound, he led the way to his study and left the students to fend for themselves for the rest of their evening practice. This was far from the first time the Mandalorian had asked for a raise in his pay, but doubling it was a new extreme. Embrus was inclined to grant the request for one simple reason: Zaek was in fact worth the credits. Giving in and saying yes right away would be no fun though, so there were many more insults and jokes to be made before the deal was struck.
Korriban



Korriban is a hub planet for Sith characters, and perhaps for intrepid independents, to interact with one another as they please. Any approved characters for the persistent galaxy who have some reason to be here can feel free to jump in. It's going to be a sandbox sort of thing rather than having a defined plot, so feel free to scheme and push along whatever stories you like here.

There are a few noteworthy locations on the planet that can be used for various shenanigans:
  • Korriban Arrival Port: The planet's main spaceport, located near the Academy.
  • Sith Academy: One of the main training facility for Sith Acolytes, and the primary point of interest for most people on Korriban.
  • Valley of the Dark Lords: The burial ground of the ancient Sith Lords of Korriban, replete with tombs and angry ghosts.
  • Darth Embrus's Stronghold: A decidedly new building among the ancient structures and ruins, used as Darth Embrus's home and base of operations. Also houses the gaggle of underlings he likes enough to keep nearby.


I think that sums it up, but if you've got any thoughts for useful info that ought to go here just lemme know and I can toss it in.
Korriban



Korriban, the ancient homeworld of the Sith, was lost to them for a millennia. It was recovered in the early days of the Great Galactic War, and now that the Republic was forced into signing the Treaty of Coruscant the planet and its Sith Academy have thrived as a major center of learning for those who undertake the grueling trials to become a Sith. Korriban is a harsh planet, full of barren wastes and dangerous creatures and tombs of ancient Sith whose angry ghosts still haunt the land. Such dangers do not deter the living Sith from using the planet as a base of operations of all kinds, and the Imperial presence on the planet only increases with each passing year.

Whatever a Sith may desire, from deadly challenges to ancient wisdom to venues for political machinations, they can find what they want on Korriban... so long as they are strong enough to reach out and take it.
Well damn, that was a quick one. Perks of the light side, I suppose?

I'll knock this one over to Approved in the title as well.
Zavas Ordo? As in, Mandalorian Clan Ordo? Or just happens to share a name?


Just a shared name. In fact I totally forgot there was a Clan Ordo when I randomly slapped that name together, haha.


Zaek Saxon also reporting for duty. He'll be sent on this mission by the orders of Darth Embrus.
© 2007-2024
BBCode Cheatsheet