Dmitri "PipeBomb" Dolatrev
Dmitri walked into the bridge and stood with his eyes locked on the portal."Dmitri!"
The captain exclaimed as she hopped down from the cockpit and into the main area of the bridge. "I'm glad to see you're joining the party in the bridge! Then again...I'd bet it's to be as close to the epicenter of the possible explosion that may or may not occur when we force our way through that portal."
She said, her eyes narrowing slightly."I mean, I guess a little of column A, little of column B."
Dmitri said with a shrug. He doubted the ship was just going to combust. They could already see a few human ships entering the portal as they always did...What interested him was whatever was on the other side. There was no telling just how many ships had entered those portals since the invasions began, but not one had ever returned. "I mean, look at it from my perspective Cap."
Dmitri began, a devilish grin overtaking his face "If we make it through, I get to blow up some bugs. If we don't, I get to die in an explosion that's only possible every decade. For an enthusiast like myself, it's a win-win.""You're predictable, and not in a good way."
The captain said with a sigh as she idly poked her distracted subordinate. "It's no wonder you don't have any kids. You can't fuck an explosion.""You can, but I doubt you'd be able to do it twice. Assuming I even could have kids after all the physical trauma, radiation, etc. My body's experienced...which is unlikely in itself- Why would I want any? I already have the closest thing I'd ever want to children...and they explode.""Pre-dict-a-ble."
The captain said with another sigh. "Then again, if you weren't...you...I'd have probably splattered your greymatter on the rocks when we met.""Oof, gotta bring that up every time, huh."
Dmitri said, taking his eyes off of the portal. "If there's one thing I've learned since you've recruited me, its that you just kind of pick the craziest idiots at random and force them to join you.""It's worked so far. You sure didn't try to resist...You're a few centuries too young to poke fun at my choice in comrades.""Last week it was millenia, the week before it was just years. You ever gonna just cut the shit and tell us all how old you are?"
Dmitri asked before receiving a solid right hook to the face."Don't you ever ask a lady her age."
The Captain said, shaking her fist slightly. Admittedly she had held back quite a bit, but she had to pretend that she had put her back into that punch for her subordinate's pride."I'm not totally sure you're a lady. I think some sort of demoness is more like it."
Dmitri said through clenched teeth as he held his jaw. The captain let out a hearty laugh and walked back to the cockpit to prepare.