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Recent Statuses

14 days ago
Current I might slowly be coming back to life. Getting laid off does give one more time to think about stories and such.
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3 yrs ago
Happy new year. Yes I am still alive. Bleep you 2022.
3 likes
4 yrs ago
You need to chill, girl. ;P
2 likes
6 yrs ago
I still don't know why I'm awake.
4 likes
6 yrs ago
I have no idea why the hell I am still awake right now. I blame my brother.
3 likes

Bio

I'm a 30-something woman just looking to keep those writing muscles in whatever shape I can. I'm also Canadian, so fill the rest of this bio with every stereotype you can think of. I've also single, so clearly I'm a catch.

"She's horrible and stuff" - @BangoSkank

Most Recent Posts









Fireworks. Who actually cares about fireworks anymore? Loud bangs only made palatable because of a brief flash of color? Get over yourselves.

While the fact that she was alone on a hill near the cabins gave the appearance that the girl was staking out a spot to try and get the best glimpse of the nighttime show, Lexi Parsons just wanted to get away from the crowd at camp. She knew that taking part in this place was going to be a mistake, but she had to get out of the house for the summer. Her father was driving her nuts with his whole push to actually try and give a damn about what his daughter was doing and she just wanted some time for herself. It's the only reason she agreed to come to this camp. Not that it gave her any warm and fuzzy feelings about remaining in Utah when the other option was on the West Coast.

Would they be any better in California? Probably not.

They would probably be swallowed up by the LA smog. Not that her other option was all that close to LA. Or that she would at least have the option to be left alone like this. The mountains did allow for some solitary time that probably would not be available in Victorville. But her dad kept taking her around from place to place as a kid, why did Utah hold such a place in his heart? Lexi knew the only thing that ever stood out about her time in Ridgefield, and she wasn't exactly mentioning that to anyone.

So, how the hell did that Jericho person know about that? And my email address?

She looked back over at her phone, resting beside her on the rock that was serving as her seat for the show she had little interest in. Prior to that message, Lexi's time at camp was spent plotting out the best places to sneak smokes and avoid the gaze of the higher-ups. It was during one of those little side hikes that she discovered the spot she was at now. The faint trail of the cigarette that rested in her left hand wasn't visible from the main camp area, that's for sure. It's why if she was going to try and reason this whole email out, she wanted to not be disturbed. She had a tendency to talk out loud to herself when trying to figure out complex issues.

"I thought for sure that shit was just a dream..." Lexi said softly. It was definitely something that had stood out over any other memories of her time in the Beehive State. Even for someone who didn't care for dinosaurs in her youth, seeing a giant red-and-green version of what would happen when a stegosaurus merged with a T-rex battle the largest, nastiest bug this side of a Scyther would be something that wouldn't be forgotten. She remembered wondering why no one from the base was scrambling out to stop the monsters and by the time Adam had woken up to see why his daughter was standing in their duplex in stunned silence, there was nothing there. So she said nothing. To no one. Ever. Didn't need to have anyone thinking she was going slightly loco. Maybe she Googled it once or twice, but it only led to a bunch of nonsense parroted by tin-foil-wearing rubes, and she erased the history after...

But this guy Jericho knew about it. Knew she saw it.

So what? This dude was probably one of those rubes too! Picked some random emails off some server and just sent them out in the hopes that someone would be duped enough to respond so he could ask for their credit card info. Why was she even giving this any thought in the slightest? It was stupid!

"Nah, can't be anything. Don't know why I'd think it is." Lexi leaned back onto the rock and took a soft puff of her cigarette. She just had to calm her nerves and realize it for what it was. "Gonna have to get a new email address though if I'm on some creep's list. What a pain." She lazed on the rock, ignoring the colors in the sky as she closed her eyes and let herself drift into her own special type of meditation.



It felt as if one more ghost had joined the army floating around Edenridge High that night. At least, that's how Jillian felt. Well aware of just how pathetic she looked curled up on a floor that heralded the bloody end of so many dreams lately, floating above a body that for all intents and purposes was already dead to the world. Jillian wanted to scream at herself to stop feeling so god damn sorry. To stop letting the past continue to bury her under everything it put her through, even as it continued to pile on. But it was a futile effort.

Brains are assholes like that after all.

So she sat there, tears in her eyes as more fighting broke out, another remnant of the past as her ride clashed with her nemesis. Again. The bad blood between Kylie Grimm and Natalia Belmonte was very well known, and it didn't take a lot of arm-twisting on Kylie's part to get Jill to side with her in that battle. From when they were kids, Natalia had been nothing but an absolute bitch to her whenever she visited Danny's place. Jill learned how to give people the side-eye because she was on the receiving end of countless glares from the twin. As much as Jillian tried to put olive branches out there, Natalia only wanted to break them and use them as kindling. So it wasn't surprising that the sparks from that fight reignited in this pressure-cooker situation.

Also not surprising that Danny and Lanie went to try and quell that instead of paying any attention to her at all. They had well and truly abandoned her. Jill contemplated for a second asking Decky to just put her out of her misery since he probably had experience...

Then she was reminded of the force that brought her here.

She could almost feel her essence sucked back into her body through the warmth on her forehead. It seemed to have healing properties that would make the Catholic Church call in its panel to determine its status as a miracle. The tears stopped as she looked back up into the eyes of Miss Midnight. How appropriate she led Jill away from that harsh light, if only for a moment.

”Come on, baby. We’re gonna end this.”

The vigor was renewed, stronger than any fortification vodka would provide at this time. As Mei turned to address the assembled masses in the hallway, Jillian shakily pushed herself back up to her feet. Her fellow former cheerleader was marshaling the forces to head back to Carlisle Street. Just one thought was going through her own mind at that moment, overriding everything else.

I would follow this woman to the gates of hell and back...




The twenty-minute walk gave some time for the redhead in the group to think. She still held onto the now empty vodka bottle, content to have something to hold onto during the walk while indulging herself in the latest discussion to take up real estate in her brain.

Do I really want to ask her that? I mean, we spent the whole day together with time flying by. So many days. Like they're nothing. She wasn't sick of me, even like this. She pulled me out of this. But she's my best friend... Heh, all those people who thought I would end up sleeping with my best friend but betting on Danny would have been completely wrong. She wouldn't go for that though. I can't imagine. I mean, how would we discuss the headlines from the previous night if we already knew what happened? As the familiar fallen remains of the Sinclair house came into view, she had to come to some conclusion and her conclusion was...? Are you sure this isn't the booze talking, Bean? You know damn well how you get when you're drinking. Think about this tomorrow maybe and see if you still want to go to that spot.

The presence of ReyRey Gonzalez made it a lot easier to table the conversation with herself. Jillian knew that if Hailey was going to get her in at the Edge, she was going to have to go through ReyRey, so she did her best to maintain some level of presence that didn't invoke pity. ReyRey admitted it wasn't him writing the letters but he started to take the ex-students of Edenridge back to the day that Allison Davies breathed her last breath. It wasn't hard for Jillian to join him. The reason she made so many trips to this house was to go back to that night...



December 4, 2016, Edenridge, MA, 13 Carlisle Avenue, ReyRey’s Party House


"I'M THE QUEEN OF THE WORLD!!!!!

"You're going to be the queen of the emergency ward if you don't get back in here! C'mon, Red!" the male in the Edenridge letterman jacket beckoned.

Jillian pouted and climbed back in off the roof of the awning that overlooked the house that served as the staging point of the celebration of what would be a long line of Pinehurst defeats. It was proving to be a night of firsts for her. The first victory in cheer competition over those Pineheads. Her first (and second, third, fourth and fifth at that point) alcoholic beverages. And not 10 minutes ago, the first time she got to third base with a boy. "I'm sorry! I'm just... really freaking happy right now, you know?"

"I wish all the other girls were as happy as you are after what you just did. Would make my life easier."

"As fun as that was, it's not just that. It... I don't know. Just feels like things are really falling into place. Like this is who I'm meant to be. Even... doing that. By the way, how was I? I mean, for a rookie and all. I know I've been exceeding expectations tonight, so I'd love to keep that streak going."

The boy ran his hand over his hair to slick back the beads of sweat while coming up with a diplomatic answer. He didn't dare say that Jill wasn't quite up to the levels as her more practiced sister. In fact, mentioning Grace at all seemed to be a bad idea. "You kept it going, all right. If that's your first effort, I'd say you're going to be going places in that regard." Jillian beamed and went to kiss him, but he held up his hand. "Easy there! Go down another couple Breezers, wash the taste out, then you can go ahead and do that."

"Sorry! Still new to this whole process. Duly noted though. And your feedback will help improve this service in the future."

"Any time you need feedback, girl, let me know." He snapped the fly on his jeans and stood up from the meager bed that served as the staging grounds for their endeavor. "C'mon. We should clear out and get back down to the party so someone else can have their fun... Jill, right?" He knew damn well it was Jill, but she didn't need to know he knew that.

Jillian nodded affirmingly. "You got it! I'll probably get back to my friends, so maybe I'll see you around... um... sorry I don't know why I'm blanking right now. I'm usually so good with names! I swear I have a memory like an elephant!"

The boy laughed and dismissively waved his hand. "Don't worry about it. It's Mike. Mike Barrie. I'll see you around, Jill. Don't go practicing too much without me, all right?" Michael turned and left with a more positive wave as he faded out of sight.

A giggle escaped Jill's lips as she gave a quick glance in the dirty mirror, fixing the straps that had come askew during her time in the room. "I don't know what could make this night better," she said softly to herself as she went to rejoin the party.


There were many things that were getting on Jillian’s nerves at the moment. Nerves that should have been dulled at this point to anything other than finding the sick SOB that was putting out these garbage diary pages and force-feeding them every gymnasium floorboard the assembled mob could pull up. But there were too many hooks pulling up things that she wanted to forget. Lanie showing up and acting like she didn’t need to be here. The mocking tributes to Alison Davies. Danny. Everything Danny. She spent so long trying to forget the past that having the various ghosts burst through the fog she spent the entire day carefully crafting were getting to her. But nothing could distract her enough from what was happening. This Danny was far different than the one she last spoke to in anger and hurt.

Not that she had changed her tactics much since then. Danny did though. He was never the take-charge serious type before… well, he stopped being a lovable doofus and became an untrustworthy asshole. She still didn’t see any sign of the latter yet. But at least he was leading a party out of this god-forsaken gym. Right now, the Edenridge gym was the last place Jillian wanted to be in the world. Aside from maybe the Pinehurst gym. She still hated them too. So she followed the growing Scooby squad around Danny as he led the way to the lockers to see if his hypothesis was right.

Walking the hallways again was giving Jill the shivers. The recent nightmares weren’t helping matters either. The tiles still looked the same, alternating pale and dark as they did when she got the up close look at them when she fell. Every time. Seeing the floor and the wall of lockers in reality were reducing any effect her liquid courage was having. She looked back, as if to try and find an exit, but only saw Mei walking behind her. Mei wasn’t scared. Why would she be scared? She wasn’t reliving those horrors over and over. She was reliving different horrors over and over. At least she was doing it by choice. Jillian swallowed a gulp as the grip on the nearly-empty bottle turned her knuckles white.

It turned out Roddy was going to be the one to open up his brother’s locker. It made sense, even if for some reason it was Danny that had come up with the combination. Jillian thought that she couldn’t get more tense than she already was but hearing the clicks of the lock seemingly amplified by the hollow resonance of the halls was ratcheting up the pressure in her mind. Yet Roddy was able to open the lock with the given numbers. Jill half expected a boom or a jump scare to pop out of the locker when Roddy opened it.

Instead, there was just more music. Fucking A/V nerd was really enjoying themselves with this soundtracking.

As the Callahan boy searched through what used to be his brother’s storage space, the only things he found didn’t seem to pertain to him. Roddy pulled out a photo and a sunflower, a wilted remnant of former cheery glory. How apt that he handed it off to Jillian. She stood there holding the plant, trying to figure out what it had to do with Allison as Roddy requested, but she was drawing a blank at the moment. I don’t know what sunflowers had to do with Allison. I don’t remember her being gung-ho about them. She didn’t have earrings or anything…”

Roddy held up the photograph though, and being right next to him, Jillian was first to grab that from him as well. She shifted the flower into her bottle hand and stared at the photo. She barely recognized young Francis Callahan but got there after a few seconds. Forgot how hot he was back then… Flipping it over though, her heart continued to sink. This hook was barbed, and it was pulling her back down with ease.

Jillian crashed back-first into the lockers and slid down to the floor, the bottle making an empty thud on the ground as she stared at the back. It was Francis, and some dude named Russ, but that wasn’t the key detail for her that triggered her fall. But it would circle back in a second.

The date was ominous enough. Everyone in Edenridge knew that day. That was the day that the innocence died. When the picturesque world of high school was shattered like… well Jill at that moment. In more ways than one.

It was the night that young Jillian O’Brien got her first taste of high-school partying. It was where she got her first taste of alcohol, courtesy her sister grabbing some Breezers for the rest of the freshman cheerleaders to partake while the seniors and juniors went for the harder stuff. She could still remember the syrupy-sweet strawberry flavor that seemed to herald sweet success for a fleeting couple of hours.

It was an address that she knew very well, having stopped by the place more than a few times lately. Whenever she thought confronting the ghosts head on would convince them to leave her alone for a moment’s peace, and when that didn’t work, to drink until she forgot they were haunting her. There was one ghost in particular she wanted to try and talk to and exorcise, and yet she couldn’t be shaken. She was here tonight after all. And that picture on the front may explain the unfinished business.

Jill muttered softly at first to herself. ”That was the night…” She looked up to see the rest of her former classmates staring at her. It was probably a mix of 20% confusion, 60% pity and 20% anger. She couldn’t tell where in particular the emotions were coming from, but as her glassed-over eyes stared up at everyone, tears forming, breakdown surely coming, she did her best to stammer out as she handed the photograph off to her partner-in-crime, Miss Midnight.

Say something! Everyone’s looking at you to say something!

Jill closed her eyes, trying to flush the sadness so she could explain herself. “That was the night…” she said louder this time, but still at a whimper’s decibel level. “While Francis was in the arms of another man… that was the night. That was the place. That’s when Ally died… There was no respite now. No courage. No bravado. No swear words for defense. The depression and regret was fully in control and there was nothing Jillian could do about it. ”That’s when it all went downhill…” The flower was getting watered and the bottle started to regain some volume as a hundred bottles’ worth of liquor started to be shed for the first time in a while.


A @NeoAJ & @LovelyComplex Collaboration, Part 2 Present Time || Featuring: Jillian O'Brien & Danilo Belmonte



The people around him had mixed feelings about his presence, including the girls he saw as friends. He could lie and say he didn’t care, but he did. He cared a lot. Danny used to be the king of this very court right here, but now? He was a highschool has-been, probably a future gas station attendant, or at least, a guy who had no idea what he was going to do for the rest of his life. Maybe, he’d settle with a food service job because conveniently his family owned two businesses. 

Sadly, Danny ruined his chances to join the big leagues and just lived the past couple years on auto-pilot, with routine and pattern, so he could always be there for his family and loved ones whenever they needed him. His life was on hold because it seemed the worst years had yet to come for the Belmonte family. His eldest sister was bound to get a divorce sooner or later, Elisa probably would overwork herself to death, Tiffanie would get fucked to death, and he was sure there were more issues behind the curtain of the Belmonte show. 

If he was being honest with himself, even younger Danilo knew basketball wasn’t his future, but part of him wanted to believe basketball was everything he loved and dreamed of doing. Part of him wanted to believe life was that simple and he had everything planned out from start to finish. Part of him believed he would be a star forever. But, he wasn’t a complete idiot and he knew that wasn’t a life meant for him. 

He knew even on the court, sure, he made the girls go wild and everyone praised him, but he didn’t feel fulfilled. It was like he was walking this meaningless life, always trying to impress and make his parents proud. He tried to justify this feeling of emptiness. Did it root back to when his twin, Natalia, started distancing herself? Or when Cece came to him crying and he realized there was more to life than looking cool? Or did it happen when he met Marco and found that up until he met this goofy boy he was just playing pretend? Like the real him was stuck in a box and only Marco could open it… 

He had no idea but he knew, after the end of sophomore year, with Francis, Rhett, and all those in Allison’s year already gone, her ghost lingering in the hallways of Edenridge High, that basketball wasn’t his forever. He just knew... there was something more for him, but what was it? What was his forever? He had no idea of his destination but it certainly wasn’t being in the NBL, which he was told he would be part of ever since he was a little kid.

Now in his feelings, when his eyes locked with his childhood friend, Jillian, Danny cleared his throat and approached her. Kylee had walked away, leaving an open space beside her. Placing his hand on the back of his neck, like he had done at Marco’s house, he offered an olive branch, hoping she would take it. Danny knew she was still mad that he slept with her sister, Grace, the same year when he no longer had Francis to look up to, but he also wanted his friend back. 

Even an inkling of what she used to be, he missed, and so he approached her, with no hesitation. Hoping things could be like it used to be, but knowing very well it can never be, he asserted,  “It’s good to see you, Jillybean. Um,” He could smell the strong stench of booze coming off of her and he gave her a genuine concerned look,  “... are you sure you can handle this?” He didn’t want to discredit his friend, but she’s been through so much already and this might just add to all her inner turmoil. Unfortunately, before she could respond the montage of Allison Davies started playing. 

Her attempts to put up some sort of psychic wall or call the ghosts to her aid to block Danny Belmonte had failed, and now Jillian O’Brien had a lot more to deal with than how many hits Aaron Cox could take from a vodka bottle and which one would break first. She wanted to scream at Danny. She wanted an apology for what he did to their friendship when he did her sister. She wanted an apology for not even bothering to check in while she was recovering from the attack that dashed her hopes of having a family of her own to look forward to. She wanted an apology for stealing the Pokemon cards out of her Happy Meal when they were nine. She wanted Danny to be fucking sorry. 

But there was no time for any of that. Apparently the ghosts were busy rigging up the audio/visual tech in this shell of a school, blaring the projection of one of their own. Allison Davies in happier times, with a future to look forward to that was seemingly limitless with its possibilities, her smile beaming. Back before that mouth was filled with foam and death. That optimistic look was one that Jill used to have herself. Now it filled her with pain to even imagine smiling that wide. As much as the strains of “Summer Long Gone” that filled the room. She couldn’t think about that song anymore. It was like someone had designed a PowerPoint of torture. Like most PowerPoint presentations. Jillian closed her eyes shut, not wanting to submit to it anymore. Not wanting to give whoever was doing this the satisfaction of drawing emotion out of her. Emotions were a thing of the past. They had to be.

As the gunshots rang out, Jillian opened her eyes again as the music video came to an end with the cryptic “Callahan 16-7-5” message. It had to be Roddy. Roddy was the last person to see Charlie Decker alive. He had to be tied to this. But Jill couldn’t be sure. Those emotions that were supposed to be a thing of the past? Anger was still a very prominent part of her present.

Danny though. Danny was still standing there, seemingly looking for an answer from her. Unfortunately, the one that came during the video wasn’t great. So Jill needed another one. “Handle this?” she slurred. “The only handle I gotta worry about is tha handle of this bottle not breaking while I beat the shit out of whatever braindead motherfucker thought this was a fucking funny joke! Dragging us here for this bullshit! Dragging up shit from the past like it’s a fucking game!” Hanging out with Mei as much as she did now had clearly given Jillian some of her bravado, and her penchant for swearing. “Fucking A/V nerd here being an asshole. What the fuck even happened on July 5, 2016?”

As the once star jock observed his friend with one hell of a sailor mouth now, Danny found himself cupping his chin and covering his mouth with his left hand. For a moment or two, he was stuck in a state of shock. Shock of what was projected on the wall and shock at how horrible his old friend’s state was. Jillian was barely understandable and living life in her primitive brain, behaving accordingly.  

More often than not, Danilo Belmonte had encountered his friend, and her family members, on numerous occasions since the fall out. Rarely was she sober and if she was, at least up until sophomore year, she wanted nothing to do with him. This though. This Jillian was ten times worse. When did her perpetual state remind him of poison? When did it get so bad? Six months ago? When she lost... 

That feeling, that turned his emotions jagged, curled up in his stomach and chest. This feeling that seemed to be his new normal as of late continued to make his insides tight. And he felt powerless. Guilty. This was all his fault.

When Danny looked at Jillian, who peered at him with emptiness in her eyes, those eyes that refused to connect and let him in, he could only stand there and watch. Her emotional pain, as much as she tried to hide it, seeped out in her words and he could feel her hurt. He could see her invisible scars so raw, with no skin to cover up the pain. 

He only had himself to blame. None of his gifts were received, either thrown out or refused or stolen right off her porch. All Grace suggested was to give her sister space and time to heal, as if she had done nothing wrong and this was all on him. When really, it takes two to tango, but that one mistake made Jillian feel the ultimate betrayal so maybe Grace was right, this was all on him. Maybe he was a fool for thinking with his dick instead of his heart at the age of sixteen. 

Danny wasn’t pleading to be the best guy in the world, especially not during highschool, but this felt drawn out and he hated seeing her get worse and worse by the day. It seemed no one cared about her state, not her family, not her so-called friends, no one. She was drowning herself in alcohol, cursing and yelling at the world because hurt people hurt people, and just… looking sickly. Slowly killing herself. 

He royally messed up. He knew that. Danny had thought, at the time, that Grace would be a big win not only in his and Quinn’s game but also he thought, maybe Grace could cure him of his ‘disease’. He was wrong and if anything, he lost Jillian and found men more attractive than he had before. That was neither here nor there because what he was presently witnessing was Jillian’s skin looking dull and grey, her eyes being completely bloodshot, and her hair clearly thinning. Did no one know that too much alcohol dehydrates you? 

Just when he was finally going to respond, his green eyes went back to the still image on the wall and those numbers. At that point in time, his mind was taken away from worrying too much about his old friend who hated his guts to the numbers before him — the feeling of nostalgia flooding over him. Why were those numbers so familiar? Why did he feel like this clue was only possible if he had come tonight? Who knew he would come tonight? Lost in thought, but still directing his words to Jillian, Danny freed his mouth from the hand that was covering it and snapped his finger, as if this would help jog his memory, “I think, I think I know those numbers.” 

Knew those numbers? That would mean Danny knew something meant something, and that was not a track record he had established in the past. It meant he would do things like not sleep with a friend’s sister.

It seemed petty for Jillian to still harbor such a grudge over something so long ago that apparently meant more to her than any of the other parties involved. But it still hurt. Grace was the closest sibling to her in age and with the other three now moved out of the house, it should have been the stronger bond. Instead, in the wake of their dad’s passing, dishonor happened. Her relationship with Grace had gone from a frenemy sibling bond to a frost-coated bridge that neither of them had been willing to cross since. She didn’t even know what Grace was doing to support herself or if her mom was charging rent. Jillian didn’t care to find out. Grace clearly didn’t care either.

Danilo Belmonte? Even now he seemed as clueless as ever. Rubbing the back of his neck trying to figure out what to do next. How many times had Jillian offered him advice? How many times had she kept him in check for his own good? Except the one time there was going to be no chance of her involvement, and he failed. And kept failing. Was there anything behind those eyes? It didn’t seem like there was for a while. Until he decided to snap his fingers and proclaim he knew the connection.

“Know what? What the fuck those numbers have to do with anything? And how are you knowing shit? It’s Roddy’s family up on the board! Why isn’t he coming up with tha number one answer? Huh?!?” Jillian wasn’t worried about volume control at this point, so the Callahan boy probably heard what she was yelling about. Good. Him and Lanie can bond over how much they hate her. Might as well join in with the cosmos. “What the fuck happened that fucking summer?”

Jesus Christ. All these curse words and the pressure of Jillian yelling at him was reminding him how the coach or his father would talk to him when they countlessly told him to pass the ball. To say he was getting increasingly annoyed by this was an understatement. He was trying to do a good thing but she was treating him like garbage. Jillian had changed and honestly? He was wondering why he cared about her in the first place. 

“Would you shut up!”


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