That move that just ripped apart Rowan's bag... given how it took out Purrloin at lowest possible power, that move now had enough power to take out a Purrloin-esque Pokémon twice, and that's WITHOUT Super-Effective. XD
Edit: Ohwait, I may have forgotten that she was kicked before as well, which might have factored in. ... What's the power of 'Kick'? XD
The backpack probably contains the things that he'd need on such a journey that otherwise wouldn't need to be mentioned. Like, extra food, changes of clothes, maybe something to sleep in... Hm, what else would one need for such a journey? Oh, right, that potion. Haha. Hopefully Dwebble doesn't somehow crack open the potion accidentally and heal himself... XD
Here's my thoughts on the entries. Do keep in mind that what I think isn't world-crushing extremely correct irrefutable truth of the universe. Just a guy who knows how he likes his stories, and you totally don't have to please him if you know better. Haha.
I'm just going to go ahead and read the second page first. Seems easier.
... Oooh. Nice twist. I didn't see it coming. Haha.
Short, sweet, got the point across well. Excellent twist. It's essentially just you telling about the world as-is, but it's still sweet, and the twist in the end is sweeter still. You've got quite the aura built here. Very, very well done. A perfect little snack of a read. Can I ask for seconds? XD
Well. That was somewhat beautiful.
It's also somewhat unsatisfactory to my story-sense. She just got to hear the truth about herself and embrace her new self. It's a very important part of her life, and most certainly worthy of being depicted in writing, but I find myself in the end there just thinking “... And that was that”.
Still nice. I believe I've heard shadows of that story before, not sure how much of the real tale you've used here, but I saw the signs of something I recognized. Using that for this was an interesting choice. And, that's about that.
... That... that was absolutely bloody wonderful. The words sank like really delicious and melty vanilla ice-cream down my tongue as I read it out loud, not a single hick-up through the whole entry. The rhymes were unpredictable, but so melodic and they just plain felt RIGHT. This thing absolutely reeks of wonderful polishing, and, and... Gosh, I've never had an entry so short almost make me cry. Beautiful. Perfect. I am completely satisfied.
The only minor criticism I have, which is extremely minor, is the relatively minor connection to the theme. The moon in this occasion could have been replaced with any location, and the story would still have told just fine. But, that's so extremely minor in the face of such perfection, that... yeah. Can I hug you? I want to hug you. Gosh, that was beautiful. That was such art. Such consistency. Such resounding musical rhymes. So magical. Haha. Yikes.
I am... considerably confused. So, uh. Did this have any connection to the moon other than that it was shining down on the scene? Why did she do that, in the first place? I... kind of wanted to know! What's up? What? … Oh, well! At the very least, there's nothing wrong with your descriptive ability, I found no errors and the scene was clearly set! I just didn't understand the set scene! So, yeah! XD
“Yeah, well, forgive me for worrying about my wife while she's on the same mission under the same name as the one that killed my dad.” - That line is awesome.
… *sigh* It ended like that, huh. Kay.
So, all in all, it's not a particularly entertaining read, but it's interesting. It was nice enough that I became invested in it as I kept reading. There are numerous gems in it that makes reading on definitely worth it.
Though, I can't really appreciate the ending without an explanation. That's kind of a shame. Oh, well.
Now then.
I, ueh, um. That entry made me feel very uncomfortable. It read like drugs raining from the skies. A very twisted version of “the moon is made of cheese”. Suppose that's brilliant, in a way, ergh. The uncomfortable part was never really solved, either, the revelation that “it came from a star” still left the question “... Why?”. Still felt really uncomfortable. Oh, well. Nicely written, anyway.
... Well, this certainly has the 'Ellri' vibe. Wonder if I feel that only from comparisons with one other entry or several? … Haha.
… Am I allowed to be somewhat disappointed in that she was merely an overwhelming show of force? I mean, yeah, the Settled sure had done great wrong to Nature, but somehow I felt there was a greater justice that was coming into play than... … … Oh, well...
I feel kind of conflicted. I can appreciate the world, though it's a version of the world of the likes I've seen before. Neither side is inherently bad, they're just living in the way they find natural, and with that they've both done great harm upon one another. I like the world and such. The first battle was a wonderful introduction to Mellin and really got things down for us. But, as it went on, there's a lot of things that slightly bother me. Each thing minor on its own, but there's so many of them.
It felt rather jarring as you switched perspective very often. I want to feel connections to the character at hand, and with you switching so often made me never actually be able to attach myself before being pulled up by the roots again. It's really not a necessity for a story that we're attached anywhere, but do keep it in mind. Absolutely weirdest was when we actually had a conversation between the two leads, and the perspective kept switching between them...! Gosh.
The undertones you addressed at the time of her coming out of her shell to when she finally got dressed were uncomfortable to read, although I understand their presence. It was a beautiful scene, which then got me to feel awkward when those tones showed up. Just, er, just a detail.
And, um, on a completely different matter. What did the moon do? Did it do anything? Sure, it started growing things on it with a separate spirit and such, and that's interesting, but... Did it impact the plot on land in any way? Did I just completely miss it? Did it have something to do with Mellin's transformation?
I'm somewhat disappointed in that the rather mildly interesting yet unnamed Settled died just like that. In a story that feels like it was trying to show both sides of the story, Mellin's transition of alliance left the Settled side largely unrepresented. Can't really be represented by people without names, really. Oh, well.
The last line confuses me. “Peace began to return to the land”? You just said that the Wildborn and their champion continued to raid the Settled, who were helpless to resist them. The sentence seems to imply that both sides agreed to mutual peace. But in this case, if peace did return like this, wouldn't that be more like “Wildborn reclaimed their peace by crushing any Settled that could disturb it”? Er. Anyway.
It's a nice entry. I like the world, the people in it, and the concept of the Nature and looked forward to whatever you were doing with Mellin and the moon. … That just caused me to make a lot of comments about that which I had opinions about. Yeah. Haha. That's about that. Thank you for writing.
... Heh. Just reading this title makes me think of another classic tale. Maybe I should go read that, first. But, I don't have internet here, soooo... Let's go~! … Heh, Kaguya...
… I would mention that the talk of bathroom breaks in intermixed crews would likely already have been held on the ground, but eh. I already did.
*got internet back* … Yeah, the story as read on Wikipedia was as bland as I remembered it. Just had to go do that. Yeah, it was a nice read. As a trip to the moon might be, it was nice enough. I did wonder what you planned to do with Princess Kaguya, returning to her people, but it would seem you ran out of time. It's still kind of nice, although it does raise a whole slew of other questions. Who are they? Why was their language Japa-*cough* Akitsukuni? Is there a connection between them and the civilization on Earth? How did Kaguya get there? … WHEN did she get there, how long ago was that?
It is kind of interesting, that we actually delve into a more serious and realistic version of a Kaguya who wants to get home to the moon. But, oh, well. Still. It's a nice thought. Thank you for the entry.
... And in the end, there's no question about it. I @vote for “The Princess of The Moon”, quite possibly the most beautiful and melodic little piece of writing I've ever read. That opinion might change in the future, but right now I'm all for. I was absolutely enchanted. Well done. Haha.
'A-ah...' Why? Why were they still fighting? Why had Yasha ran forward and taken that attack? They weren't defending anyone but themselves. They had nothing to lose by running. They were new trainers facing an experienced one, nobody would expect them to win. It was much more sensible to go tell adults about the problem. This wasn't how he had imagined his Pokémon journey to start out. Not at all.
Yasha was facing the opposing trainer. Kira was still facing the Dwebble. He didn't know how Yasha would do, but he did know that Dwebble had the advantage over Kira. And this time, there was nobody defending between Kira and a fully-powered Fury Cutter... This was a bad match-up, Fury Cutter was now a high-level move, and as it was, Rowan was useless...
Rowan made his decision. There was no time. He wasn't brave enough to rush into the way like Yasha had, but he could do this. He quickly let his bag slide off his back and then grabbed it by a rem. His hand sought and retrieved the Dogwood Pokéball from the easy-access side-pocket.
He threw the bag. He threw it at where he predicted the opposing Pokémon would be on Dwebble's path to Kira when it landed before actually coming into contact. Regardless of if Dwebble dodged the bag or just shred right through it, the moment would hopefully distract it long enough for Kira to get the advantage once more. … That, or maybe Rowan would just completely botch his aim, that was always a possibility.
'I-I'LL BE BACK!' Rowan spun around on the spot, and dashed for the trees that were located around behind him. Even if he didn't necessarily see them... There could be Taillows in them! THERE COULD BE! While without Purrloin he had no chance of weakening one... Taillow was still a low-level Pokémon! It should be possible to catch one without weakening it...! I-if he could quickly catch one and get back... if... IF...
Of course, the entire battle could very likely be over already by the time he came back. That... was a risk he had to take. Because as it was, there was nothing else he could think of doing.
@Pikmin Eye Oh, I don't think you need to worry about that. I felt that it was your standard degree of quality, though maybe I'm just have an inability to see bad quality. Haha. Anyway, I had no problems with it in that kind of way, and I'm pretty sure the others don't either~
... You did earlier though mention my plans of suggesting running in an IC post when I actually only had mentioned it to you in a PM earlier, though. Just a detail. XD
There we go. I couldn't really think of something dramatic to write, so instead you got something low-maintenance that was just me enjoying writing. And I'm pretty happy with it. Haha.
I'd like to randomly mention that Rowan still did all he could for the victory of the battle. There wasn't a single action where he in some way held back. ... Not intentionally, anyway. Then the fact Purrloin went down in a single hit was just unfortunate, but honestly, that would have happened regardless of what he had done.
Well, except for MAYBE that he could have discouraged Mara's plan, but he did not believe that was in his place to do, and he believed he could still fight to his full ability despite that. ... Which he did. That was it. Yeah.
Savo,
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Kon Kon,
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