SleepingSilence

What Are You Listening To?

well goddamn. I guess I have an album to listen to.

You are the Mon

Ravi

Adventure Log

Moves:

• Swagger: Confuses opponents and raises their normal attack.
• Wrap: Binds opponents like a constrictor and does damage while opponent is constricted.
• Bite: Bitten with viciously sharp fangs. It may make the target flinch.

Health: Full
Status: Well Rested
Ability: (Shed Skin) May heal itself from status conditions by shedding its skin.
Inventory: None
Quest: Make friends and get along despite his intimidating voice and appearance.

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Trevor had graciously taken Ravi’s place by retrieving the berries from the cave. So he stayed put and let his digestive system work its magic as his stomach deflated, so he wouldn’t need to move while overstuffed like a thanksgiving turkey. It was hard to share his thoughts in the start of the conversation with the taste of his kill still ripe on its tongue. Plus, Ravi was too focused on smiling and thinking positive. Sure, there was some downsides to transforming into a small creature without limbs and risking your life against your would-be natural predator, but nothing was better than a happy belly. And with everyone now returned and seemingly in unanimous agreement it seems like they’d be taking a ride in the Pelipper’s bill—

Wait. What? Someone going inside someone else’s mouth? How unsanitary! It gave a ticklish sensation at the tip of tail just imagining it-oh, it was just a flower brushing up against him. Well he supposed if the rest of team wanted to go to this farm house, it would be wise to go along.

You are the Mon

Will wait for the last of the group, or until tomorrow to work on a post.

RPGC #23: InGlorious - Discussion

@Calle

My response

What I had in mind for my story is that it could be told by someone, either by someone who witnessed it or someone who heard about the events and tells the tale to an audience. This is why the story is not told from the viewpoint of the Herovillain and why the filler pauses are there. The teller wants to situate the audience first. 'This is the city, this is how it got rich, and here is the one we will be talking about'.

The end of it certainly didn't sound like it was from a normal person's perspective. Would a normal person use so many positive descriptions of the psychopath? Or be able to say how Morgan saw children thieves and or his mindset? That's very odd.

But let me ask the obvious follow up rhetorical question. Why does telling your story with that filler and from a 'nobodies' perspective make the story stronger?

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I know that Pickpockets, Purse snatchers and Thieves are pretty much the same thing, but they all steal in a different way. This is more to illustrate that pockets were picked, purses were cut and things being stolen. And I thought it gave it more of a 'told story feeling'.

Still very much consider changing that sentence. If you liked it because of the exact specification. Eliminate the vague term of "thieves" because that doesn't fit your explanation and intention. And you can leave the other two instead. If you must have the list of three. Make each word specific, preferably about entirely different aspects of criminality.

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The purpose of the tale is more to discuss morals, do people agree or disagree with sir Morgon, do they think he did good or evil. Is he still a hero or is he a villain?

Like I said, the story isn't really written with impartiality in mind. There's plenty of positive and negative descriptors used that would favor Morgon and 'other' all who oppose him. If it was meant purely to be a description of the events, the better or more emotive lines wouldn't be there.

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The 'it' when referring to the boy was intentional. Showing, as you said, the dehumanizing sir Morgon goes through. They are criminals, not people, and he will not stand for lawlessness.

Yeah, it was showing Morgan's perspective. Most average "tellers" or any normal person wouldn't dehumanize a child right? How would they be able to assume Morgan thought this? If he spoke these lines instead, it would be more believable.

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It's great you liked the last sentence, I'm pleased with the ending myself. I usually don't do endings well, I've had feedback before stating 'if you had stopped here it would have been a more powerful ending', which is another reason why I didn't elaborate on the events after that. I wanted to end strong.

Fair enough.

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You wrote "the main streets were filled with tailors, goldsmiths, glassblower, artists, pastry bakers and everyone had ample choice (...)", it gives the impression there are tailors, goldsmiths, etc, walking on the street, instead of being in shops located at the main streets.

*Shrug* I think it could work. But I suppose to eliminate that possibility you could just add 'filled with shops of'. I'd recommend doing that instead of what was there previously.

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And with your suggestion to remove 'at' and 'itself' from "At the junction itself was the oldest inn of the city," you will get "the junction was the oldest inn of the city", which you incorporated in your suggested edit. But, it suggests the name of the inn is the junction. Using 'at' places the inn at the junction.

I can see that. You could add 'At' back to the sentence in that case. And if you still wanted to eliminate words it could be, "At the city's junction was the oldest inn,"

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Your suggestion of "The good people of Ostagon had fewer travelling there and trading or buying goods" feels a bit off, and Grammarly also gave it a red line, with the explanation:

I've used that program too. But Grammarly tends to be a bit ass, I'm afraid. Least it certainly was for me. (Travelling isn't a/the noun in that sentence.) But I agree that the sentence is off. Replace 'AND' in-between there and trading with a comma. How's that?

"The good people of Ostagon had fewer travelling there, trading or buying goods and most didn’t know how to grow their own food or make their own clothes."

(Or maybe this.)

"The good people of Ostagon had fewer travelers trading or buying goods, and most didn’t know how to grow their own food or make their own clothes."

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That being said, I will consider all the changes you suggested and I thank you for your detailed feedback.

I also appreciate the feedback. Thanks for giving me the time.

Expedition:Extraterrestrial:Encounter (amorphical X SleepingSilence)

Ha ha. Yeah, I know that feeling.

Expedition:Extraterrestrial:Encounter (amorphical X SleepingSilence)

Like them both. A robot eh? Will be interesting to see them in action. I'm sure we could have them introduced almost as soon as we finished the first two character's introduction and exchange. Depending on how you wanted to write their backstories. Both could be more highly advanced sorts that happen to be inside this dimension where we'll be probably staying for a while.

Expedition:Extraterrestrial:Encounter (amorphical X SleepingSilence)

Everything onboard the ship was in perfect order, and the radar remained free of signals of other ships, life and dangerous obstacles. Providing you the security to gaze at the massive blue planet below and what was likely its own moon orbiting around it. For the past few hours you’ve been in uncharted territory, and as thrilling as that felt, it meant any attempts to use your computer to research what planets you were near or where you were heading to would turn up no results. Nor were you certain how safe you'd be, but you accepted life was one big risk and had been incredibly careful for your whole trip.

However, your computer was still receiving faint signals from other Pathfinder’s ships that were coming from all over the place. Which wasn’t unusual as you were by no means the only one in space. Just a visual reminder that if you were bored with talking to yourself, you had options. Most of them shared similar backgrounds and were educated and curious minds, so the conversations would never be boring. Their trucker lifestyle of constant and long trips away from home, allowed them to be chummy with one another from impossible distances, which certainly helped alleviate any intense feelings of loneliness. Or put more accurately, the highly advanced communication systems built inside these ships did that. Nebutum technology was amazing...

...Beep.

Did your ears deceive you? No, the radar must've picked something up. In most instances it was a piece of debris floating in space that was close enough to notice, but a single beep was never the end of world...

Beep.

That was too fast to be another object. Seems like whatever it found was getting closer and was big enough to be worth paying attention to.

Beep, Beep, Beep.
Beep, Beep, Beep!
Beep, Beep, Beep!

It began to increase in speed and volume, getting faster and louder like an alarm clock gone feral. But you recognized that something was immediately amiss. Besides having nothing in your view at the time, not even from a distance. Which a cloaking device, theoretically, could answer that conundrum. But the radar was free of any blinking dots displaying any kind of object, or life anywhere in your proximity, and that didn't seem logistically possible as it showed no signs of it failing to properly function. If it was from your dimension, you'd have seen it by now and taken the appropriate countermeasures...

So what were you even—

Instant blackout. No amount of shielding or armor plating would've helped you stay conscious from whatever had just directly collided into your ship. Fortunately you'd eventually come to and prove to be unharmed with the lights back on and the ships systems surprisingly remaining entirely intact like nothing had actually damaged you at all. So what the hell happened to you? You and your ship weren't endangered yet, so assessing your surroundings would be the next thing on the checklist. But as you drifted through a kaleidoscope of colors the only thing in your view was a large object directly in front of you. But it was no debris, it looked like another spaceship! A model you had never witnessed before, even on the more sketchy forums that claim to have recorded and documented alien ships. Vertical and in dark red plating that might have been made from Nebutum? How could that be possible—

But before you could possibly grasp your scenario and theorize every aspect, you had another rude interruption. An incoming transmission request from...that alien spacecraft.

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Destination One: Another Dimension

Expedition:Extraterrestrial:Encounter (amorphical X SleepingSilence)

The chapter system is just for funsies. But I figured each change of location would lead to a nice transition. You're in that different dimension now and have no contact with any Pathfinders, your home planet or anyone else at all beside the transmission in question. If you reject it, it will keep coming in relentlessly so. Figured you'd be able to have any reactions that you would. Let me know if you have any questions or issues.

Expedition:Extraterrestrial:Encounter (amorphical X SleepingSilence)

I approve. ;P

Edit: Posted the CS for the character you'll come into contact with. Forgive the fake names. :P

Expedition:Extraterrestrial:Encounter (amorphical X SleepingSilence)

You can make them detailed or vague as you wish them to be. It's more so for visual references and reminders so if this expands we'll remember everyone we introduced and their general personality or point in the narrative. And if you'd like to do the OOC stuff here instead of PM's, as intended. Then I'm okay with doing the rest of our communication in here.