Feeling him move closer, moving the bowl of lunch he had made for her onto the coffee table she felt the butterflies in her stomach. Hopes began to rise that perhaps maybe they could be close once more, that maybe it would be okay. The idea that they could just go back to normal crossed her mind, the feelings had resurfaced, and she felt nothing but desire for him once more. Iris wanted nothing more than to just hold him, feeling his warmth and touch once more and she felt excited when he had tentatively edged closer. Closing his eyes as if to kiss her.
No. Feeling her heart stop as she didn’t feel his lips, unable to open her eyes just yet because she wasn’t ready to face the fact that they couldn’t. As much as she knew in her heart that they shouldn’t be thinking of this or egging it on together it didn’t stop her from wanting it. Finally opening her eyes, she could see he was still close to her, he hadn’t pulled back yet, and she could feel his warmth breath hitting her skin making her heart flutter in anticipation.
I know. I shouldn’t. We shouldn’t. Reasonable thoughts crossed her mind as she did agree with him, he was right in every sense that they shouldn’t be doing this but yet they were still close unable to break apart. “I know.” Whispering her words in disappointment, she didn’t want to admit to him as he voiced what they were both thinking, “I know we can’t be together. I will never be good enough and I understand, but I can’t help but feel this way for you. I can’t help but want this.”
Feeling her blue eyes soften as she looked him in the eyes, her hands now moving to touch his gently. Taking his hands in her own feverish ones gently as she caressed his skin with her thumbs. “I can’t stop these feelings for you. I can’t stop wanting to kiss you, hold you and… just be with you. I want that and a part of me doesn’t care if it’s only for now because that would be better than nothing.” She could already feel her heart breaking at the idea that they shouldn’t be doing this, that ultimately at the end of the road it would be the end of them whether friendship or not and she didn’t want that.
There’s nothing I can do, nothing he can do. We will never be together. The gut-wrenching thought crossed her mind, But… what if it means nothing? What if it’s like friends with benefits? No who am I kidding. Feelings will always be attached to this. To us. Biting her lip as she looked at Cas, longing in her eyes as she desired to be with him. Iris hadn’t been able to bring herself to move away from him, the pull to be close to him was still strong even with the reasonable thoughts that they couldn’t be together.
Smitten,
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