As the water beat down on her skin she was hoping it would wash away her worries, get rid of all the bad memories and even though she tried to hum in hopes it would distract her from the flashes of memory, they continued to haunt her. Trembling as the hot water warmed her body she felt her lower lip tremble as she tried to push down the thoughts, forcing them to the back of her mind but it seemed her thoughts had something else in mind for her. No, please. Stop it. As if telling herself would force it down, would force it to stop but it didn’t.
Raising her hands to her head she gripped at her hair as she knelt down in the shower, water still beating down at her as she shook her head wanting it to stop. Please. It seemed the pleading word of please had been some sort of trigger, flashes of the interrogation seeped in and it almost felt like she was reliving it all over again.
“You’re right, you are a dead person walking. Just like your father, well he is no longer walking. He was executed more than a few days ago. Regis Nox-Fleuret the leader of the rebellion, he was killed for his crimes.”
It was like she could hear his voice, the mocking voice of Matthew who had interrogated her, unable to stop the shudder as the flashes continued. The reminder that her father was dead, and she still hadn’t processed it, she knew he was a bad person, but the way she had received his news still hurt.
“No words about his death? Surely you loved him, he was your father after all.”
I did love him, right? I know he made bad decisions. I know he hurt a lot of people, but. It’s not wrong to grieve for his loss.
“Ah, I get it. You probably think we are lying. Let me show you, just so you know it’s the truth.”
Flinching as the flash of images crossed her mind, the photos he had shown her of how they had killed her father like it was natural. Without noticing the tears had flowed from her eyes and she had begun to cry softly in the shower, the truth was that no matter how many fake smiles she put on she was still very much broken and hadn’t fully come to terms with everything. It was becoming apparent that however she was coping was not very well, but she tried to make out that it was okay.
It didn’t stop there, the words played over in her head, cringing as this time she could hear her own begs and cries for death. How she had begged for them to kill her as she had given up all the information they had wanted. Feeling lost in her own world of thoughts she tried to calm herself from her sobs, not wanting to let herself get caught in this downward spiral that she knew was beginning to affect her. I have to stop; I need to stop. Cas broke me out. I’m safe… I’m safe here. Repeating the words over and over she reached up shakily turning the shower off forcing herself to put a smile on her face trying to convince herself she was fine.
Using the towels to dry herself off she changed back into the loose-fitting clothes that Miles had supplied for now until there were other options and headed back to the bedroom. Feeling cleaner and a bit more comfortable she walked out of the bathroom back into the room as she continued to dry off the damp strands of her hair hoping she hadn’t been too long getting all caught up in her emotions.
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