sukikyoufu

Amnesia [Suki & Summer]

At the end of the day Cas was right, what happened in Bel Bicis couldn’t be changed no matter how hard they wished it to not be true. Those people had still died, the district ravaged by the bomb rendering most if not all of the town useless. Covered in dust and rubble from the buildings that were destroyed and scattered corpses and bones no doubt littering what once used to be the streets of that district. It made her feel sick thinking on it, the needless death because of the war, or more likely because she had kidnapped the Prince in the first place. Somehow that thought still weighed on the back of her mind, even though they were happily spending time with one another and progressing their budding relationship she still felt that guilt of what was the biggest mistake she had ever made in her life.

Even as she sobbed into his chest, she could still feel why he would be upset, they had stayed in the apartment of the bodies he had seen. A snapshot of what everyday life would have been like for them as they used their home to seek shelter from the rebels. A part of her already started to scold herself because he was going through a lot as much as she was, she wanted to support him through it like he was doing with her, but even as she thought that her sobs continued as she felt his hand rub up and down her back soothingly.

It was typical that at the moment she had caved and started to open up to him the food arrived, the knock on the door pulling her out of her sobs as she glanced up nodding to Cas knowing he had to get that. Trying to halt her tears she gripped her arm with her hand finding the pressure to help her focus, wiping the tears from her eyes she knew she had to sort herself out. There was no way she could spend the morning crying over things that were now in the past, no matter how much it hurt or upset her she couldn’t dwell on it. “Hah… yeah...” Sighing softly in agreement trailing off as she glanced at the domes now on the coffee table, a part of her not feeling all too hungry anymore but she knew that was just due to the surge of emotions she had gone through.

“I’ll try to eat a little. M-Maybe it will help.” As much as she had been hungry that feeling had gone the minute, she let her emotions overcome her. Thankful she could at least start to string some sentences together and wasn’t some blubbering mess in his arms unable to cope with the events that had just gone. Not wanting to think on it further she moved from the sofa to grab her own plate of food wondering on if she would continue to talk after eating, she could still feel herself tremble slightly after releasing the tears and she knew she needed to discuss it more than she just had, but it was hard. The idea that he would see her so vulnerable, as someone who he couldn’t lean on for support was something she thought of, but most importantly the trust was something she was getting used too especially as something told her she had never really opened up like this before to anyone. Maybe she had with Maisie, but she couldn’t be sure, not with her memories still playing havoc.

Opening up the dome she was greeted with the scent of freshly made food, it not only smelled delicious, but it looked it too. Finding herself smile slightly at the sight she looked down at the breakfast happy for a distraction, though already she felt sick at the idea of eating it which was a shame because it looked like top quality food. Placing the dome back over her food with a sigh she shook her head, “I’m sorry Cas, I might have to wait to eat a little. I’m not… well... I’ve never really talked before.” Grimacing she placed it back on the coffee table as she began to fiddle with her fingers, clearly uncomfortable. “It’s difficult, I still have nightmares about… well. Everything, but mainly about him. I was shown pictures of his… eh…” Shaking her head it was hard to come out with it, that she had been shown pictures of her dead father right before she was tortured with that drug.

Amnesia [Suki & Summer]

Ohhhh do you have any photos? I’d love to see! It sounds so pretty!

Yaaay, I love the fact the breakfast arrived mid upset haha xD I can see her getting a little closed off and just using breakfast as an excuse.

Amnesia [Suki & Summer]

Ohhhh what colour? I hope it goes well!

Amnesia [Suki & Summer]

Omg that’s what happens when you take on a lot of them lol! However, I bet it’s nice to read them and have a bit of a catch up.

That’s good at least! I’m glad it’s moving along. Although it does sound stressful to say the least!

I’m hoping so too, but right now I can’t see get less stressful just yet. Perhaps next year xD

Amnesia [Suki & Summer]

Holding in her emotions she watched Cas as she felt like the deflection had worked, briefly relieved that the attention had diverted from her and onto him as she had asked how he was doing and about the rocky relationship with his father. Knowing that alone would be more than enough information to focus on and was a perfect excuse not to go into her own emotions, but that didn’t mean she didn’t care about how he was feeling. In truth she wanted to know, she wanted to help him in any way she could and if she could offer a shoulder, she would within a heartbeat no question about it.

Watching as he began to answer her own question, she smiled softly at the gentle contact feeling his head lean against hers as he began to explain a little about his family. Closing her eyes as he began to talk, she quietly listened letting him open up to her, offering support where she could with a gentle placement of her hand on his leg reassuring him that she was there. Thinking about his father’s paranoia she wondered how it all started, was it a part of the grief he had experienced when Caspians mother passed away? It was interesting to hear about how he had practically kicked out family, but a part of her wasn’t surprised. Not with what she had been hearing and she had yet to see a caring side from the monarch and was beginning to doubt there even was that side to him, though deep down she hoped there was because hearing the hurt from Cas was upsetting.

Frowning as she felt him lace their fingers together, she squeezed his hand, not really knowing what to say just yet because it was a lot to unload. “I can’t even begin to understand it myself, but… I am sure he does care about you… in his own way?” Sighing herself as she knew no matter what she said on the matter wouldn’t b able to fix it. Falling silent as he mentioned Bel Bicis, something she had nearly forgotten about and she couldn’t help but feel a little uncomfortable at the mention of his psychiatrist who had deemed him mentally unwell because he continued to fight for her. “Maybe that’s his way of showing he cares? It was probably a shock finding you missing.” Reaching up with her other hand she touched his cheek gently caressing the skin trying to offer some form of comfort as she could feel the hurt, the emotion this was stirring inside of him.

“Why didn’t you tell me?” Iris couldn’t help but whisper at the mention of the dead bodies that haunted him, already knowing it was rich coming from her with her own emotions that she liked to try and hide from him. “It’s okay.” Squeezing his hand again knowing this was not an easy fix, the trauma he had gone through, that they had both experienced. Though she knew the kind of imprint the dead could leave behind, feeling bad that she hadn’t asked him sooner about it because everything had been so fast. “There was nothing you could do for them though; you have to know that, or it will continue to eat you alive.” Trying to offer a smile as she looked up at him holding him in her arms hoping she could offer him some comfort, feeling a little better when she saw his half-smile. “I’ll always help you through it, I’m always happy to listen and try to help you Cas, don’t forget that.”

As Iris began to settle in his arms comfortably, she felt her own face drop, her hold on him loosened as she heard his words. Her turn. Something she didn’t expect to be brought back around and she knew she shouldn’t keep it from him. Not when this was the second time being called out on it. “I-I… I’m fine. I told you this.” Whispering at first as she felt herself fidget in his arms trying to think of a way to wrangle out of it again. Though Cas was right, he had poured out his own emotions to her and she should do the same, she knew deep down she wouldn’t be burdening him with it, but it was difficult. Without even thinking she buried her head into his chest, hands gripped at the material of his clothing as she tried to hold back the tears already knowing she was at tipping point. “I’m… not okay.” It was barley a whisper as she held back a sob that followed, finally admitting to him that she was not as fine as she tried to make out to be.

“I… I don’t even know where to begin. The kidnap, Bel Bicis… the rebels…” Feeling her heart begin to race as she touched upon a few things he had already mentioned, “Then… the Capital. T-That. Drug… his death, my father.” It was all a blubbering mess as she could barely string together a sentence, the tears falling as she couldn’t stop them as everything started to pour out of her that she had been holding back for a long time.

Amnesia [Suki & Summer]

“Maybe you should be a chef.” Iris teased gently as he answered her question, happy in the fact they could just tease and joke with one another like they did. “Though I’m not sure you could cook if you tried.” Chuckling as she teased him a little further, her own skills weren’t as great at cooking, but she knew she could at least rummage up something passable to eat. Not like her friend Maisie who could turn scraps into something great, her pies were the best and she was sure if that girl had access to ingredients like the Capital, she could make quite the cook of herself.

“Oh, of course you have.” Iris smirked at his own proclamation when it came to billiards and how he could easily win in his sleep. “Quite the statement, I do hope that when it comes to it you lose just so I can wipe that smirk off of your face. Who knows? I could have beginners’ luck and win.” Puffing out her chest proudly like she even had a chance of winning at that kind of game, it was still just playful fun that was a damn site better than dwelling on whatever negative thoughts that festered away in the back of her mind.

Hearing his tone become a little more serious she looked up at his suggestion of just talking, sure that didn’t seem so bad if talking just meant harmless chit chat like they had been doing. Teasing and winding each other up with the TV on in the background sounded quite nice. They hadn’t really had a chance to just idly talk to one another without anyone else being around them and it did pose a good opportunity to get to know him even more as there still a lot she didn’t know about him and she knew she’d love to learn it. Though at the mention of catching up on how she had been doing after everything had happen did make her falter, the smile fading rather quickly as she scrambled for her words trying to deflect.

“O-Oh, well. I’m fine. You know me.” Offering a hint of a forced smile as she avoided his gaze not wanting to even touch on her own barrage of emotions knowing that was a huge can of worms that did not need to be opened. “It’s been a bit intense lately for the both of us I’m sure, enough about that though. How about you? How are you doing?” Changing the subject onto him rather than herself and what she was going through, plus she would rather help him as she knew he was going through some tough things right now. Cas had run away from home, run from his father who was willing to put him into a mental institute just because he had believed in her saving his life.

“It must be hard with your father, he’s the only family you have left right?” Iris wanted to confirm that was the case, she didn’t know of any other relatives of his as he didn’t mention it. Not that she could remember.

Amnesia [Suki & Summer]

Omg no way!? That sounds like a whole lot of crazy! I’m sorry to hear that about your grandma though. It’s not easy when it comes to things like that.

Yeah, I can imagine how frustrating it is with the house as well! 2020 hasn’t really been a good year. I dread to even think on what else could happen this year as a whole.

No worries! I always try to post at least once a day! Sometimes life gets in the way as we all know. Apart from that are you doing okay? And the pets of course!

I’m alright! Really tired, work has been so busy. I also just spent like four hours cleaning my house!? Idk why, but I am just in one of those moods??

Plots plots plots!

Bump! Looking for something in my Fandoms section! Craving Bleach and Psycho-pass :3

Amnesia [Suki & Summer]

There we go! So sorry for the delay ;A;

How did it go? Did you manage to sort out the mouse infestation before the cabinets where installed?

Honestly I’m still in shock that happened and that they refused to pay for anything when it was inspected!! Honestly sounds like quite the adventure, but hopefully it will be worth it when it’s all complete!

Amnesia [Suki & Summer]

“Honestly I dread to think how much this all costs” Iris couldn’t help but comment back, trying not to dwell on the cost because she knew it would only make her feel awkward. It was still something she struggled with on occasion and she knew it had to do with her own background and not being raised in such a lifestyle, but there was also a part of her that worried he would think she was taking him for granted. Though there was no inkling or even actions that she was, it was just something she worried about, him thinking that she was just using him or gaining some sort of advantage in life after living in such a poor household. That’s what all the rumours would say if anyone caught wind of their entanglement, she often wondered if his friends would think that about her too.

Finding her mind wander off into territory she wasn’t too fond of she nearly jumped when she felt his hands wrap around her from behind, but that was only due to being in a world of her own. Smiling at the gesture she couldn’t help but be pulled from her thoughts when Cas was around her, the open affection and feeling loved by him was something she never wanted to stop. “I’m glad you approve of my adventurous side.” Chuckling softly as she kept the menu open so he could have a look too, already settled on her own dish.

Letting him go choose the order she grabbed a glass of water taking a drink as she contemplated on what hollandaise sauce was, something she would ask of course though a part of her feeling just a little embarrassed about it. Shaking her head, she glanced over realising Cas was done with his order and she grinned following him to join him on the sofa sitting next to him comfortably as she cuddled up to his side. “What’s hollandaise sauce made out of?” Phrasing it in a way that seemed she knew what it was just wanted to know the ingredients, of course it was silly but she often over thought on simple things. A bad habit that had begun to develop of late.

“I’m quite happy here, we can watch some TV together? I’m sure there is some interesting program we can laugh about.” Iris smiled as she sought out his hand with her own grasping it gently, although they couldn’t go experience the amazing things of the resort, she was content with just spending it with him even if it was locked in a room together. It could have been worse after all. “Well you know what, this just sounds like we have to come back when things are normal. So, we can do the cool stuff together. So, we have to come back now I know there is a pool!” Smiling up at him as she leaned up placing a gentle kiss to his cheek. In reality it was unlikely they’d be able to come back and take part in Spa treatments, billiards and even have fun about the pool because she doubted they would ever be in some sort of normal relationship, but it was nice to hope. Think that it could happen, even if it was highly unlikely because of their circumstances.

“That is of course if you aren’t afraid to be beaten by me at billiards.” Iris smirked knowing that she had never played the game before, but making these playful threats was enjoyable even if she had no hope in winning. Perhaps she would be lucky enough to have beginners luck, but again it was harmless fun.