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Bio

I have been writing as a hobby for around seventeen years now (wow does that make me sound old). I have been a regular member and roleplayer on no less than eight different online forums during that time (including the old RPG), five six of which no longer exist.

I was previously a regular on the Homestuck forums, but I became so sick of thread turnover there that I asked around and eventually found the Guild. Since joining, I have exclusively only participated in Advanced RPs. Before Mahz gave NRPs their own subforum, I used to be an NRP regular in the Advanced Subforum.

If you ask anybody who has written with me in previous RPs, they should tell you that I have a generally open schedule, I post regularly and in a timely fashion, and I never drop an RP once I join unless the thread dies. Some of them may tell you that I have extensive expertise within the realms of Biology, Psychology, and Physics, which I will make no effort to validate since there is no way I can provide hard proof of aforementioned alleged expertise to anybody over the internet (though I am happy to try and answer any questions you send my way).

My favorite fandom is the Myst franchise, which seemingly nobody other than me has ever heard of.

I have been quadruple secret banned from the guild chat. That is not a joke.

Most Recent Posts

<Snipped quote by Terminal>

I presume said moderator is too busy moderating the discord for penis and cum jokes. :)

I would not know. I still am not allowed in. Pass on my sympathies.
There's no reason for it to be as dead as it is, though, considering there is still an active writing contest moderator.

Excellent answer. Factually correct and 100% true.

<Snipped quote by Terminal>

That sucks troll schlong....

Could we do something independent of the sub forum, just because it's fun? You've done some before in the past right? Is it a lot of work?

Sure. I could hypothetically run an independent project there. It is just that there is a 0% chance it would be Mod sponsored. For people to actually get anything, it would have to be run by someone else who the Mods would be amenable to making a contest moderator.
<Snipped quote by Terminal>

don't say this too loud or people will get upset. I think you know why it died.


Let me say it extra loud just for you.

I have no idea whatsoever as to why it died.

I know that it did die. One of the contest mods lost their position, the others went AWOL, and TheGreyDust's project unfortunately did not take off. I do not know the actual causes behind any of those events.

If you know anything, by all means, please enlighten me.
<Snipped quote by Terminal>

Son of a bitch.

Why?

I wanted to do more of that, damn it.


No idea. I was not informed as to the why.
What the hell, it's been three months. That's probably a sufficient waiting period.

The writing contest subforum is dead.
The guard stationed at the Southern City gates gave the man a look. He was not precisely inconspicuous. Clearly not a knight of any kind of order, despite the fluted mail and his grotesquely shaped helmet - he bore no insignia. His papers indicated his membership with the Order of course, but that was not precisely reassuring. The man had not appeared on any of the posters in the barracks however, so unless he was running just ahead of news of his bounty he might possibly even be legitimate.

"Name?" He asked.

"Hans Iikka." Came the echoing reply. Then something clicked.

"Wait. I know you..." The guard cautioned, leaning forward ever so slightly. "You're that orphan from Gaelia what slew a, uh..." He trailed off awkwardly, momentarily afraid the man might take offense. The guard's memory was not the best, and Hans was wearing a tailored overcoat. It was possible he might have been a low baron.

"A slay a lot of things." Hans replied easily. "Just here to help."

"Huh. Well, alright." The guard grunted as he took another look down at Hans' papers. A member of the Order invited up North on official business...and a bounty hunter recognized by the regional House. "Though I have to say this seems a bit queer. You sure you can be both a bounty-hunter and a member of the Order?"

Hans shrugged, the metal in their mail-jack clinking faintly with the motion. "You know how it is with the Order these days. A few of my bounties tend to be other Order members, yeah? If my practice should be a little crooked, my quarry are more crooked still."

The guard grunted in vague affirmation in reply, handing the papers back. "I get it. Well, as long as it is not strictly Order business then, I do not suppose you might be interested in clearing some space on our hangman's wall? For a bit'o the Law's privilege, of course."

"Oh, not today." Hans replied as he tucked the papers away in a small courier's tube. "Wouldn't want to raise any undue tensions, you know?" He thumbed the side of his helmet's hooked nose. "But if you know any mages willing to weave a few enchantment runes on the quiet somewhere discrete, I would appreciate it. My blade could use the work." He reached nonchalantly into a pouch under his long-coat, drawing a handful of copper coins from it and pressing them into the guard's hand - which had opened up between them almost reflexively. "Your gate tax." Hans indicated in an offhand tone. The guard's eyes flickered briefly in understanding.

"Well, he's a bit on the shady side, but there is a warlock who works out of a butchery in the narrows. Does a bit of cleaning work, as it were. Everyone knows about him of course, but he can keep his mouth shut. There's also this lass in a nearby bordello, does a bit of spellery on the side in her downtime if you were looking for a more private setting..."


"Some of the chops, wrapped please." Hans indicated to the butcher, setting a handful of copper coins on the counter.

"Certainly." The thick, rotund man replied in a cool if low voice. Their eyes were narrowed and skeptical, but they went about the task willingly enough. "You said your name was Hans, yeah? That Journeyman that hunts mages?"

"I am he, but I only really fought mages over near the border a few times. Mostly I fight monsters, it's just cutting a few spell-wrights tends to get more attention. Also, Journeymen can't hunt bounties. Sign an oath and everything. Not really good for business."

"Do people even take that oath seriously?" The butcher asked as he finished wrapping the meat together in a thick bundle of waxed parchment.

"Some more than others, but as you've demonstrated I have a bit of a reputation. I wouldn't want to send out the wrong kind of message." Hans answered smoothly as he took the bundle. "Certain kinds of people keep a close eye and lookout for me."

"I get it. People get expectations because of what they've heard. Stuff like that goes around here in the narrows all the time. "

"I'll bet." Hans remarked idly as he stepped out of the shop.


Having conspicuously then made his way to a certain bordello, followed by pointed loitering and badgering of scholars at the city archives, and rounded out by malingering around a particularly rough part of the docks and exchanging words with the locals, Hans was content to let the misinformation he had uttered about propagate to the rest of the city's mage population. He the, finally, made his way back to the Order's outpost, having already passed by it twice as he went about his own business. With the better part of his initial groundwork out of the way, it was time to tolerate whatever inadequacy awaited him within its walls.

...Or at least, sit back and observe it. Rather than entering upon arrival, Hans decided to loiter at a nearby food-stand, removing his helmet and hiding it under his overcoat, held beneath one arm while pretending to flirt with the stall-woman and eating. For a man in his thirties, his appearance was not hard on the eyes - his hair was scraggly and unkempt, but his face had a roundness about the cheeks and a particularly slimness to it. It took the woman nearly a quarter-hour to realize what he was doing and indicate that he should probably buy something else to keep his appetite up, at which point the conversation turned to a more pointed conversation regarding her knowledge of Mezzar, all the while Hans looking out at the outpost's entrance.


Hans Iikka Guiomar
Witch-Slayer





Age: 31
Alias(es): Witch-Slayer Hans
Gender: Male
Race: Human







Hans Iikka Guiomar
Witch-Slayer





Age: 31
Alias(es): Witch-Slayer Hans
Gender: Male
Race: Human







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