Virgil

Endless

Right, @Drunken Conquistador, I finished it. As for criticisms...well, either I'm way too tired, or you did a really good job. I know you won't be able to focus on your character's religious/ethical beliefs *all* of the time, but it's definitely intriguing as an introduction to 'his world'.

Three walls up so far, hey-hey! (Also, I'm liking the colour-schemes for these posts...they're perrrrty.)

Edit: Good luck with that template.

Endless

I do realize think this first post was way too heavy with introspection but that was just because there's no one around for Hanir to act superior to.

@Drunken Conquistador

NPCs, my friend -- NPCs make the best replacement-lackeys ^_^).

Edit: Oddly fascinating -- Conquistador's choice in font-colour creates a focus-effect, persuading you to read from the top without spoiling things o_O).

....Or perhaps it's just red acting on grey...don't know for sure. Cool either way though.

Endless

Two more heads and we'll have a proper platoon!

Endless

<Snipped quote by Virgil>

I wouldn't go that far. The only bit of your post that doesn't match up is how he gets the message. You could pretty much just switch the last parts of each half and it'd work with very little editing.

@Dogematix

youtube.com/watch?v=azKfAfZeSpM

Besides, I've still gotta practice for that montage.

Endless

Right, I see it now -- time to restart!

Endless

So, just to be clear, Tarkus sent a mental message to our characters prior to Avless' fall, right? Because I just re-read the intro post and @Virgil's response, but they don't match up.

@Lexicon

How so, Lexicon?

Edit: I believe he sends it *post* Aveless-Fall; Thus, he hands Verse the papers of her squad-mates, clapping his hands to show that the telepathic commands have been sent and duly received.

Endless

And just like that, one wall falls...and 9 more are constructed in its place ~_^).

Endless

@Virgil
Nah your template is fine. It's just that.

Cause in your One Sun Post Aveless-Fall sectiom this happens. "and a sensation like rain-droplets pelting his face overcame him: Job to be done. Voice's orders. Meet at the Weeping-Gate within the Hour. Pack Light."

Tarkus talks to you lot in the before the fall section.(In the intro post the first part at the keep is in the future, the second part at the camp is in the past.)

@Hexaflexagon

Right, swapped about.

Endless

@Virgil
I was actually correct the first time! I'm just really tired. There are some time issues my dear friend. Basically the end of your two sections should be flipped is the easiest way of putting it. Cause in the past (the camp) Tarkus spoke in your guys heads while in the Future(Keep) Verse is going to gather you folks up. You have it the other way round. Besides that everything looks good!

Can't deal with rebels yet if the city hasn't been captured and all.

@Hexaflexagon

You did see the beginnings titles of each time period, yes? Or are we going by another template? If we're going by another template, then I suppose I'll flip them around...but man that is an odd way to put it.

Endless

Ah-haaaa....I just realized I really, really dislike having to write long posts.

Well, I don't know about you guys, but I think that: youtu.be/pFrMLRQIT_k?t=26s