http://www.fimfiction.net/chapter/768922
Tell me if you think it flows well, foremost.
Tell me if you think it flows well, foremost.
whizzball1 Member
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Okay, the section I just wrote exceeded my expectations by a million times. :D :D :D
<Snipped quote by whizzball1>
Sage: *Shouting*
The debris that impaled Vex is still here, but Vex is gone.
Zach: Any sign of Sven?
Zyland: Negative.
Zach: Leon?
-No.
-Maddie- Hmm... *begins scanning the area from her vantage point*
Jonny, if you are frequently waiting to post when we're both on at the same time, this will take much, much too long. If it's possible, just put a reply up when it's convenient for you and I will get to it.
I'm just extremely forgetful. But I'll try my best to remember.
<Snipped quote by whizzball1>
No you don't.
Your straight.
it's a figure of speech
bed, ned
This army building is going well.
Oh crap! I forgot something! Here you go whizz!
*rushes to ic to post something*
finallyyyyy I love you
*meanwhile, with the Ventaris..*
Shinji:
*as they all attack, shinji fly's inside of the creature's mouth, and flies upward, effectively ripping its jaws apart, as it drops, dead. He takes a DNA sample of it, then walks towards the group*
Finally. Let's leave this planet, I'm no longer picking up readings of Genesis..
*the ground rummbles, as if something big was walking their way*
Shinji:
...please don't let there be more...
*takes out a pair of binoculars, and scans the horizon*
....oh...my...god....
*thirty more Ventarii head their way*
....we need to go.
*just as he says this, a transporter ship fly's by, and several fighter ships fly towards the Ventarii, attacking them*
Celldweller:*spots Shinji, and lands the transporter, opening the door*
Everyone in!
Shinji: Klayton, nice to see you here. Thanks for the ride!
Celldweller: no problem. And please, the name I go by is Celldweller.
*Soren and Maddie follow*
-Maddie- That was close!
<Snipped quote by whizzball1>
Have fun, there.
*Punches a code into a translucent door*
-Soren- *the music fades once he's finished and she's punched the code* Huh. Already? Actually, can I stay for a bit?
<Snipped quote by whizzball1>
As long as he isn't using telekinesis.
Nope.
<Snipped quote by whizzball1>
Is Soren actually holding it?
Is having it hung on one of his wrists okay? I don't know if there's a rule about that.
EDIT: In my imagination he can still do it with one hand, but it looks better on his wrist.
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