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Hidden 5 yrs ago Post by BurningCold
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@Ammokkx Hard at work. Application will definitely be up today, no ifs ands or buts about it.
Hidden 5 yrs ago Post by Ammokkx
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@Rabidporcupine I've read bits and pieces of it, but I've been gone for most of the day and it's near midnight so I'll get to you tomorrow. There's some stuff to talk about here, though, from what I've read. Doesn't look too bad at a glance, but I'll give you my in-depth thoughts once the 'ol brain juice is refreshed.
Hidden 5 yrs ago Post by Ammokkx
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Several things, not all of which are strictly bad, to address here.

First, while the two BG's are fine, I do feel they're a bit more melodramatic than maybe intended. It's not really knocking you down for anything, just expect that the general tone of the RP won't be quite that.

Second, on reflection, I feel like "shapeshifter" should be its own subsection by this point. We've had two types so far, Viscera and now Dizarach. The problem is that I can't really find any excuse as to how this is set apart from Viscera. Both fulfill just about the same role, with the only difference being Dizarach able to grow big and Viscera having ooze, which isn't enough of a gimmick to set them apart to me. I feel like there's something different you can do with Dizarach's abilities to make him stand out a bit more. Diz also looks to rely heavily on the skill of his user in his current state, so the wielder and the wielded seem to be an ill match (though I guess that might be an intentional contrast).

Thirdly, a pet peeve.

He doesn't understand why people call him edgy.


*breathes in*

Okay.

So while this is technically not an issue with your sheet, I am so bothered by this I need to bring it up anyway. I've seen people do this. I don't get it. Nobody, in any context of fiction outside of the most blatant satirical comedy, would ever call someone edgy. The very nature of the word is deeply entrenched into internet culture and weird meta-analysis of tropes. While you might get the odd comment from the particularly genre savvy one-off cameo or something, I can't imagine a world in which any character would seriously call another this on frequent occasion. It is downright immersion breaking, if you ask me.

And then you ask 'well why is it so immersion breaking?'

Well.

Imagine this. We're in this setting that takes itself some degree of serious. It has a few characters with tropes attached to them, sure, but everyone interacts with each-other as if they were normal human beings. Then comes in some guy going "whoa isn't the logic of this universe funky hue hue" and starts calling you a tsundere, the other guy the lancer and then another person's apparently "whoa you're kind of a sue" now. Yes, these are extreme examples, but it's the same mentality. If you drop a term or trope verbatum like this, in a place otherwise devoid of such mentions, it becomes extremely jarring. It's just bad writing as it takes you out of the narrative that's being spun and remember that, yes indeed, this is still real life and people are still memelords. Is this bad? Not in some contexts, but in a personality and BG section that I'm supposed to take seriously, it just makes me *not* care at all for the character.

That is, to say, I don't like it when someone calls themselves edgy.

Wouldn't reject you for it tho, just a peeve I felt the need to share with the world.
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Hidden 5 yrs ago Post by Rabidporcupine
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Ok... In my defence, the edgy thing was just meant to be a joke from me, mostly stemming from you mentioning Coldsteel. And yeah, don't worry about the melodrama, that isn't how I normally write either. I just kinda started off with it and realised I was in too deep too late.

Anyway, the original idea was to give Diz a kind of black and red energy blast that combined with Ren's wind to use cool anime sword beams, or fire out projectiles when he punches like Asura from Asura's Wrath in humanoid form. Mostly because I based his humanoid form on Berserker Asura. As in I stole a picture of him. Anyway, if I added that back in, would that make him seem different enough?

Hidden 5 yrs ago Post by Ammokkx
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Anyway, the original idea was to give Diz a kind of black and red energy blast that combined with Ren's wind to use cool anime sword beams, or fire out projectiles when he punches like Asura from Asura's Wrath in humanoid form. Mostly because I based his humanoid form on Berserker Asura. As in I stole a picture of him. Anyway, if I added that back in, would that make him seem different enough?


I'll say the same thing to you as I said to the predator guy (it's also going to sound aggressive but I swear it's not meant to be).

I don't care what your "Original intention" is. I care about what you wrote.

The sheet, as you present it to me, has a lot of overlap with Viscera's role and doesn't really attempt to justify its spot and why it is any different. I'm not keen on accepting two constructs with virtually the same set of powers. And to add to that, the contractor does not make up for the contracted. You can't use your human character as an excuse for why your construct lacks power. I feel like you need something more than just "shapeshifting" in order to set yourself apart here. While the "increases with more fabric" thing is cool and all, I still think like it doesn't do enough. Not when Viscera has all the flexibility in the world without needing such a constraint.

Another advantage Viscera has that Diz doesn't is that Viscera is not limited by his contractor's movement, but rather deliberately empowers her. Diz doesn't seem to have that going for him, and I struggle to see why a humanoid form would take so much energy to maintain.

It also leads me to ask- how does fabric become katana? Unless you're implying you can make the threads so thin and precise that it simulates the smooth edge of a steel blade, I don't really see a way. It's not a dealbreaker, I'd allow it, but it just puts the way Diz shapeshifts into question for me. It feels like you're severely limiting your options rather than leaving room open for a broader scope. Especially with a core like "Flexibility". It feels like you're less flexible than the actual shapeshifter we already have.

I don't think your concept is bad, I just think you need to expand on it more and really sell it better. I struggle to find a reason to slot you in currently when your only gimmick is done better by someone already here.
Hidden 5 yrs ago Post by Rabidporcupine
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@Ammokkx
Hmmm... Ok, new plan. Well, newish plan. Basically, Diz is still a scarf, but he doesn't have humanoid forms. Instead though, he turns into basically any kind of weapon. He can float around independently of his wielder like one of those dancing blades from fantasy and junk, but when he's being held by his contractor, his fibres, which are some kind of crazy eldritch super hard thread instead of normal fabric, can burrow through the contractors hand and spread through the body, drastically increasing their physical abilities while they're connected. If the threads burrow through enough, or simply wrap around the outside, it can cover the wielders body to become kind of like a uniform, so I can still keep the magical girl style transformations. Also, he can produce red and black energy beams, for the magical girl style attacks.

I wanna make Ren a magical boy.

Maybe I'll have him learn how to make more complicated energy-based attacks, or maybe even fibre-based attacks. I'll admit I don't really know what I should be doing, because I'm usually told I make my characters too overpowered rather than underpowered.
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>burrows through their hand and spreads through their body

Oh god, that's some real body horror right there.
Hidden 5 yrs ago Post by Ammokkx
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Hmmm... Ok, new plan. Well, newish plan. Basically, Diz is still a scarf, but he doesn't have humanoid forms. Instead though, he turns into basically any kind of weapon. He can float around independently of his wielder like one of those dancing blades from fantasy and junk, but when he's being held by his contractor, his fibres, which are some kind of crazy eldritch super hard thread instead of normal fabric, can burrow through the contractors hand and spread through the body, drastically increasing their physical abilities while they're connected. If the threads burrow through enough, or simply wrap around the outside, it can cover the wielders body to become kind of like a uniform, so I can still keep the magical girl style transformations. Also, he can produce red and black energy beams, for the magical girl style attacks.

I wanna make Ren a magical boy.

Maybe I'll have him learn how to make more complicated energy-based attacks, or maybe even fibre-based attacks. I'll admit I don't really know what I should be doing, because I'm usually told I make my characters too overpowered rather than underpowered.


I've thought about this a fair bit over the few hours it took me, and I've gotta say, I'm not terribly fond of the idea for a multitude of reasons.

My first issue was the autonomy of the construct. I very much want these to not only be their own character, but also fully self-sufficient. In that sense, having your entire set of power reliant on another person and/or construct being there to operate you struck a bit of a wrong chord with me. I've talked to some others about it and the sentiment is generally mixed; some agreed with my take while others were like "Eh, it's fine isn't it?" so it's not the single most solid reason, but still something to keep in mind. Again, sorry to keep drawing parallels here, but Viscera just illustrates the issue so well. While, yes, Viscera *can* be a part of the contractor and make up for any deficiencies they may lack, it's also still able to become a hulking golem on its own and do everything it wants to do. It doesn't need a contractor to be efficient in any capacity, just like the other constructs, but unlike Diz.

Another issue is the core idea you're going with being seemingly at war with the character you propose to do this with.

I'm not against having someone take up direct arms and face constructs one-to-one, but you have to understand this is a very unique position. You're deliberately putting yourself in more harm's way than anyone else in order to do, effectively, the same job. You'd think it'd require someone booming with confidence, or at least a severe lust for battle, to do something like this... but that's not the character you're presenting. You're presenting a boy who, for all intents and purposes, would rather do everything but. He's spent his life running from bullies; what excuse does he have going up against super-powered monsters? He doesn't even have the drive to fight, just some remote obligation. He'd crumble under any amount of pressure. As anime as this is, I don't see a justified reason as to why this wreck would deliberately put *himself* between rogue constructs and Japan. Emi, Ayesha, Yuuto and Hugo can all more-or-less stand behind their combat unit- Renzo cannot. And I find that hard to believe.
Hidden 5 yrs ago Post by Ammokkx
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@BurningCold I'm going to sleep now, but last chance dude. I'll be closing sign-ups in 16 hours from now, so that should be plenty of time to get your sheet finished.
Hidden 5 yrs ago Post by Rabidporcupine
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@Ammokkx
Ok, that actually makes things a lot clearer, so I'm getting to work again now. That being said, I've just realised that given the setting, I've missed what should've immediately come to mind for the construct, and I'm probably gonna give him a complete overhaul. I really hope you weren't planning to use Emil from Nier for yours though, because I'm probably gonna use him.
Hidden 5 yrs ago Post by Ammokkx
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I really hope you weren't planning to use Emil from Nier for yours though,


I'm not going with a GMPC lol. If I want to play characters, I've got a million + 1 NPC characters to worry about.

Speaking of which: Was originally going to kick it off today, then I kind of

didn't

So expect the RP to start tomorrow. I'll try to actually stick to my own deadline this time. I'm also a softy and I'll give Burningcold until I go to sleep before actually closing sign-ups (and the now-tagged porcupine can take the time he needs since he got his sheet in way before the deadline expired and is being v communicative in general)

Speaking of which, @Lugubrious, you're in a bit of a unique position with your character being the only last year. It'd make sense for him to know some other students around the academy, so do you want me to forward you info on that or nah? It'll be in a PM since most other characters wouldn't have much reason to know them. How many people Hugo knows is up to your discretion; though the campus is pretty huge. He may not necessarily know every face from every year.
Hidden 5 yrs ago Post by Rabidporcupine
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@Ammokkx
Ok cool. And yeah, I'm actually super glad you didn't start, because I didn't really get a chance to do anything today, and I'm probably going to pretty much redo my entire construct now. Next backstory for it, even more melodramatic! Look forward to it!
Hidden 5 yrs ago Post by Rabidporcupine
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It's nearly two. I am very tired. Not too many jokes now. Sorry if it's bad and I'll edit Ren's app to fit this if you think it's alright. Sorry if it's not, but again, I'm really tired.



Hidden 5 yrs ago Post by Lugubrious
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Speaking of which, @Lugubrious, you're in a bit of a unique position with your character being the only last year. It'd make sense for him to know some other students around the academy, so do you want me to forward you info on that or nah? It'll be in a PM since most other characters wouldn't have much reason to know them. How many people Hugo knows is up to your discretion; though the campus is pretty huge. He may not necessarily know every face from every year.


Some information on a number of NPCs -though not exhaustive, by any means- in a PM would be splendid. I'll leave the amount to your discretion.
Hidden 5 yrs ago Post by Ammokkx
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So uh. My computer broke and I can't access my laptop at the moment. I'm not going to write on my phone, so this is on hold for a day or two until I can get my laptop.
Hidden 5 yrs ago Post by Ammokkx
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OKAY

LAPTOP ACQUIRED

It's nearly two. I am very tired. Not too many jokes now. Sorry if it's bad and I'll edit Ren's app to fit this if you think it's alright. Sorry if it's not, but again, I'm really tired.



IS GOOD. ACCEPT.
*deep breath*

okay

I'm here guys. I kind of lost all the art I'd gathered for NPC's but it's okay since I still had source links so I can find them again with relative ease. It's 20:37 right now so I'm not going to write the post immediately-immediately, but I swear I'll have it up tomorrow. For real this time, unless my laptop also feels like shitting itself right now.

Sign-ups are now closed. Burningcold had more than enough time.

@Lugubrious I'm working on sending you NPC details now.

Real sorry about the delays everyone; I'm prioritizing this right now so if you see me posting for anything else you've got the right to call me out on my shit.
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Hidden 5 yrs ago 5 yrs ago Post by Ammokkx
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@Rabidporcupine@OwO@Hammerman@ERode@The Irish Tree@Lugubrious@Rune_Alchemist

Alright, so, here's the deal.

I have a good bit of the first post written up- let's say about 70% of it. The problem is that all of it is really just me firmly establishing the when/where/how of things, and the state of each of the PC's currently.

The problem is that I'm at a bit of a cross-roads here and would like some feedback on the issue.

I was thinking of maybe giving all of you a few scenario hooks that your characters could jump into, but despite my prep-work I still find myself not really able to come up with a whole terrible lot (I've got two things, tops, and only one of them would be mildly interesting to me if I were a player). So, I wanted to ask; Would you all prefer if I just established the setting further and then you all create your own scenarios to interact with each-other (so a more sandbox approach for the opener) or do I stick with the original plan and think of a few events for you all to jump into?

This prolly means the post is delayed by another day so apologies fellas. I just want y'all to have a nice time and thought I'd ask rather than just do it my way and fuck it all up. I said I wanted this to be formed through player feedback, so this is a start to that.
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I think I prefer the latter.
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Hidden 5 yrs ago Post by Rune_Alchemist
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Having a plot hook to get things started, or at least get us going in a certain direction would probably help things tremendously.
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Hidden 5 yrs ago Post by ERode
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^
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