@Baklava Okay I think its fixed now?

Wew, finished adding parts to Aleta's backstory!

Also, I've been obsessed with this anime styled game opening. After watching it again, I just realised how well the music would fit this RP :)

And the animation.

Oh my God the animation. Ufotable, you have served us well.

m.youtube.com/watch?v=DSQV-NkWGOk

Cant wait to DEMON FANG!

@Crimson Raven Concerning Ark... There are a few changes I would recommend. Firstly, could you elaborate a little more on Ark's appearance? Most notably, are there differences to note from the picture used or does he look exactly like that? Also, what is he known to wear when he's not decked out in bright red and gold battle gear? Or is that all he ever wears and he's just not one to wear casual clothes?

With Ark's nature, it seems he has a few contradictory character traits that could use a bit more explaining. He is described as being cynical and apathetic, but also thoughtful, kind, and loyal. The very definition of the word apathetic is "showing or feeling no interest, enthusiasm, or concern"-- so it doesn't make much sense. Is he kind and thoughtful on the outside, but apathetic and cynical on the inside or vice versa? As it stands now, I just feel like I don't understand what kind of person he is. I understand that he's someone with a lot of patience who tends to bottle up his feelings and that he's extremely stubborn and fearless and loves the violence of combat. Does this cause him to act aggressively with others or does he do a complete 180 when he's not dealing with enemies? Also, I would be very interested to know what kind of affect his extremely traumatic past has had on his character.

With his backstory, I might tone down the emphasis on how cold the North is. It's a fairly large country, but not a world map. I suppose you could say it's colder up there, but not anywhere close to a frozen tundra. I'm also a bit confused about what happened with the bandits that bound, blindfolded, and gagged Ark. Why would they return him to his father rather than just kill him like most bandits? Does Ark ever plan on going back for his mother?

I would also recommend clarifying where the fire came from when Ark discovered his powers during the attack as it seems like he generated a great deal of fire with the way it is now. Were the creeps setting the camp on fire and that's where it came from? Also, with the location being so close to Frel, it wouldn't make sense for that many orcs and the like to be there. Frel is located far away from Spiritus Raptor, so to see that many creeps so far away from there would be very uncommon. It would make more sense for them to be close to Vevian, Jeorvo, or Periset when the attack occurred. Also, could you add a break somewhere in the third paragraph of his biography so it's a little less of a wall? It just makes it easier to read without getting lost (for me at least).

There are also quite a few typos I would suggest spell checking before the deadline. Other than what's been mentioned, everything looks good, though.

@Crimson Raven Concerning Ark... There are a few changes I would recommend. Firstly, could you elaborate a little more on Ark's appearance? Most notably, are there differences to note from the picture used or does he look exactly like that? Also, what is he known to wear when he's not decked out in bright red and gold battle gear? Or is that all he ever wears and he's just not one to wear casual clothes?

With Ark's nature, it seems he has a few contradictory character traits that could use a bit more explaining. He is described as being cynical and apathetic, but also thoughtful, kind, and loyal. The very definition of the word apathetic is "showing or feeling no interest, enthusiasm, or concern"-- so it doesn't make much sense. Is he kind and thoughtful on the outside, but apathetic and cynical on the inside or vice versa? As it stands now, I just feel like I don't understand what kind of person he is. I understand that he's someone with a lot of patience who tends to bottle up his feelings and that he's extremely stubborn and fearless and loves the violence of combat. Does this cause him to act aggressively with others or does he do a complete 180 when he's not dealing with enemies? Also, I would be very interested to know what kind of affect his extremely traumatic past has had on his character.

With his backstory, I might tone down the emphasis on how cold the North is. It's a fairly large country, but not a world map. I suppose you could say it's colder up there, but not anywhere close to a frozen tundra. I'm also a bit confused about what happened with the bandits that bound, blindfolded, and gagged Ark. Why would they return him to his father rather than just kill him like most bandits? Does Ark ever plan on going back for his mother?

I would also recommend clarifying where the fire came from when Ark discovered his powers during the attack as it seems like he generated a great deal of fire with the way it is now. Were the creeps setting the camp on fire and that's where it came from? Also, with the location being so close to Frel, it wouldn't make sense for that many orcs and the like to be there. Frel is located far away from Spiritus Raptor, so to see that many creeps so far away from there would be very uncommon. It would make more sense for them to be close to Vevian, Jeorvo, or Periset when the attack occurred. Also, could you add a break somewhere in the third paragraph of his biography so it's a little less of a wall? It just makes it easier to read without getting lost (for me at least).

There are also quite a few typos I would suggest spell checking before the deadline. Other than what's been mentioned, everything looks good, though.

Okay, I understand most of what you are asking.

First thing, (actualy two things) he has character traits that contradict each other, this was on purpose and a direct result of his tramatic backstory. I din't want to state it, instead, I wanted you/whoever read it to come to that conclusion.

Next, The bandits were slavers, and Ark had been 'sold' by his greedy drunkerd father to pay a debt. His mother...lets just say thats for the IC. =] I wasn't too sure about the geography and the map, so I chose based on the discription.

I will go back and make the changes. Thanks for the feedback.

@Crimson Raven It's not a bad thing to have contradictory character traits, but in most cases it's "he acts X. on the outside or in A. situations, but is Y. on the inside or in B. situations." Otherwise it seems like he has a mental disorder like being bipolar or something. In this instance I wasn't given quite enough information to draw any sort of conclusion-- that's the only reason why I bring it up. That could just be me, but I would suggest adding a little more to guide me and the other players in the direction you want us going in.

Obviously we won't REALLY know what kind of person Ark is until the character interactions begin, but this is the part where you want to make sure we as players have a clear view of your character. This makes it easier for us to form the story together and make predictions about each other's characters. For example, let's say I want to have my character accidentally step on someone's foot and I want a very interesting/tense reaction to come out of it. If I, as the player, had the choice of stepping on a nice character's foot and an abrasive character's foot-- I might make my roleplaying decision based on that.

Next, The bandits were slavers, and Ark had been 'sold' by his greedy drunkerd father to pay a debt. His mother...lets just say thats for the IC. =] I wasn't too sure about the geography and the map, so I chose based on the discription.

I might refer to the bandits as slavers from the beginning in that case-- as it still seems a bit confusing why bandits who are also slavers would bring someone back to their home if they saw any potential in keeping him as a slave. If I were an evil bandit slaver I wouldn't want to pay for the kid-- I'd just take him.

With the geography thing-- definitely not your fault. I haven't mentioned much in the way of Coake's climate.

@Crimson Raven It's not a bad thing to have contradictory character traits, but in most cases it's "he acts X. on the outside or in A. situations, but is Y. on the inside or in B. situations." Otherwise it seems like he has a mental disorder like being bipolar or something. In this instance I wasn't given quite enough information to draw any sort of conclusion-- that's the only reason why I bring it up. That could just be me, but I would suggest adding a little more to guide me and the other players in the direction you want us going in.

Obviously we won't REALLY know what kind of person Ark is until the character interactions begin, but this is the part where you want to make sure we as players have a clear view of your character. This makes it easier for us to form the story together and make predictions about each other's characters. For example, let's say I want to have my character accidentally step on someone's foot and I want a very interesting/tense reaction to come out of it. If I, as the player, had the choice of stepping on a nice character's foot and an abrasive character's foot-- I might make my roleplaying decision based on that.

<Snipped quote>

I might refer to the bandits as slavers from the beginning in that case-- as it still seems a bit confusing why bandits who are also slavers would bring someone back to their home if they saw any potential in keeping him as a slave. If I were an evil bandit slaver I wouldn't want to pay for the kid-- I'd just take him.

With the geography thing-- definitely not your fault. I haven't mentioned much in the way of Coake's climate.

I see what you mean, sorry for the vagueness. How to explain it? He is a mercenary. So basically, he sells himself for money(irony alert) on every job and he riskes his life to do so. He may be willing to and enjoy protecting people and the combat, but wouldn't anyone living like that develop a cynical outlook? And if he does fail and people get hurt, he would have to be able to shut away the feeling, hence apathy. That was the idea I was going for anyways.
Stepping on an armored foot wouldn't get much of a reaction.

Yeah, I plan to make that easier...I like how you think...

Having a cynical outlook as a result of his occupation and being kind can sometimes collide though. When he sees a damsel in distress, does he think "I need to help her" or "It's a trap"... or, does he perhaps think "I'm going to help her even though it's probably a trap." Basically, is he kind in spite of his cynicism?

It's sounding so far like his apathy is applicable only in situations where there is a lot of death or violence. A better way to describe it might be to say that he is hardened against such things, rather than apathetic. Apathy suggests that if a child he was supposed to protect dies, he wouldn't care at all. If that is the case, then apathy would be the accurate word, but I get the feeling that isn't what you're going for. Perhaps he is only apathetic towards those he deems evil-- or those he is being paid to kill? (Mercenary work is not always the most just-- does he reject jobs if he is hired to kill someone he deems innocent or does he approach it with more of a "Sorry, it's strictly business" approach?)

Having a cynical outlook as a result of his occupation and being kind can sometimes collide though. When he sees a damsel in distress, does he think "I need to help her" or "It's a trap"... or, does he perhaps think "I'm going to help her even though it's probably a trap." Basically, is he kind in spite of his cynicism?

It's sounding so far like his apathy is applicable only in situations where there is a lot of death or violence. A better way to describe it might be to say that he is hardened against such things, rather than apathetic. Apathy suggests that if a child he was supposed to protect dies, he wouldn't care at all. If that is the case, then apathy would be the accurate word, but I get the feeling that isn't what you're going for. Perhaps he is only apathetic towards those he deems evil-- or those he is being paid to kill? (Mercenary work is not always the most just-- does he reject jobs if he is hired to kill someone he deems innocent or does he approach it with more of a "Sorry, it's strictly business" approach?)

First part: Yes, that sounds right.

Second part: If someone he tried to protect dies, more like he would try to force himself to feel nothing (character flaw, perhaps?). Yeah, definatly apathetic to those who he sees as 'evil.' He goes with the "Strictly Business" approach, but with a few stubbon morals that he will not violate. Such as...well, you will have to find out. :P

Sounds good. Let me know when you've applied your revisions.

@Dynamo Frokane Everything looks good.

@Baklava, I applied your suggestion. :) Thanks!

@Baklava

Okay, give my CS another look.

@Crimson Raven Much better-- looks good, man. Is it bad that, although completely unintended, my advice led to Ark's abusive, wife-beating father being killed and that makes me happy?

Lot of competition for that fire role, maybe I should make an earth CS as back up if I don't get it?

@Crimson Raven Much better-- looks good, man. Is it bad that, although completely unintended, my advice led to Ark's abusive, wife-beating father being killed and that makes me happy?

Nope, thats justice. Although, maybe it would be bad that my brain came up with something as twisted and tragic as that.

@Dynamo Frokane Aw, and I was just starting to enjoy my monopoly on that role. (I kid, I kid.)

I guess you could say the competition for the Fire role is really heating up.

Why yes, it is quite the hot topic, is it not?

Why yes, it is quite the hot topic, is it not?

Ha! I am fired up for it!