Hidden 8 yrs ago Post by Raxacoricofallapatorius
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Raxacoricofallapatorius god of shenanigans

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Up to this point my life has not been particularly exciting but as of recently it's just a little bit too exciting.

Summary: I'm a college grad working part time and living at home. I don't pay rent because my parents expect me to move out this year and would prefer I save my money for that eventuality. I also recently adopted a puppy (one of my goals since graduating) and he's super adorable and perfect and I've never been happier.

The situation: Since graduating, a handful of my college friends have moved to Colorado and have been asking me to come down and live with them. I recently visited for a week and we had a great time, and although I'm not a huge fan of the climate it's something I could adapt to. After that if seemed like a deal, and so I've been working toward that goal.

However, last week my old roommate (whom I love dearly) suggested that I move in with her this summer out in Virginia. I'm going to visit her in May but I don't know about moving. I would love to live with her but she does have an autoimmune thing that might make her unable to live with a dog, and that would be a dealbreaker for me. Assuming that we could work around that, I'd actually prefer to live in VA than CO, since the weather isn't much different from my home.

But wait, there's more: One of my best friends from high school is applying to schools down south (South Carolina and Georgia) to be closer to her boyfriend and is looking for a roommate so that she can live in an apartment off-campus. I know for sure that if I lived with her I'd be able to have a dog, because she's an animal lover and won't settle for anything less (she already has several apartments on her list of possibilities from her visit over spring break).

As if that wasn't enough to worry about, my best friend here at home also presents an obstacle. She's been suffering with chronic pain and illness for years, and throughout that time I've been her only real friend outside of family. Her personality is sometimes a lot to handle which is why she hasn't made any lasting friends (we've been friends since I was 12). Recently, she told me how she had been self-harming and struggling with suicidal thoughts on a daily basis. She also told her parents and since then has been going to therapy and seeing doctors etc. so I'm glad she's finally getting the help she needs. I've done my best to just be supportive and help her along the way, but I also know there is only so much I can do. I've been talking about moving for some time now, to try to get her used to the idea, but I don't think she takes me seriously and assumes that I'm just going to stay with her. (She talks about having me move down south with her but that's not going to work for so many reasons, especially not now). Anyway, I'm afraid of what might happen to her if I leave, and I know you're not supposed to make your decisions based on what other people want (and she's not the kind of person who would try to guilt me into staying put, just to be clear). But I really do worry and it is definitely making it difficult for me to decide anything.

So yeah, I guess I'm asking for advice on how to handle all this. I don't have my heart set on being anywhere in particular, as long as I'll be able to bring my dog and live with people I like I'll be perfectly happy. I am eager to move out and have my own space away from home. Right now I don't have any other long term goals that would factor into any of these choices. I'm being pulled in a bunch of different directions and I'll admit I never forsaw myself in this scenario in a million years.

Help?
Hidden 8 yrs ago Post by Aragorn
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In my experience, this kind of thing almost always ends up becoming simpler one way or another after some time passes, for better or for worse. But obviously, sitting around and expecting things to resolve themselves isn't a very intelligent way of going through life. So I'd say gather more information. Start with talking to your old roommate about their autoimmune problem, as that seems to be the path you want to go down. See if it's a problem that could be easily worked around(since I obviously know nothing about her.) I can already tell you though that your friend with the mental issues, going down that path will not help either of you, neither in the short nor long run. That said, nobody said you can't keep in touch with her. And it wouldn't be a terrible idea to have a serious conversation about this with her, so you don't blindside her(since that's the last thing she needs, obviously.)

It all boils down to that you need to have conversations with all these people.
Hidden 8 yrs ago Post by Dinh AaronMk
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Sounds like no choice is going to be the wrong choice. Well, except maybe the dog bit.

Best bet is to make a decision and explain to the rest, say "sorry" if you think it's going to be a big deal, and live and let live.
Hidden 8 yrs ago Post by Vilageidiotx
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become a hobo. ride the rails with a hobo pupy.
Hidden 8 yrs ago Post by BrobyDDark
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Your choice is your choice. If you'd feel happy anywhere, then its all fair game. If you think staying behind to help your best friend would stifle your dreams, or moving down to VA without your puppy would make you unhappy, then I'd say don't take those choices. But its all up to you

Though, personally, I'd go to Colorado.
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Hidden 8 yrs ago Post by Awson
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There's probably a huge amount of factors beyond what you've shared. Those can add up.

- Which state is closest to your parents
- Who is the most changeable
- Do you want to live with a couple
- Are you okay with having to change routes sooner than you planned if things don't go as well
- Whose lifestyle and social scene do you line up with the most
And more!

With what I know so far, I would suggest Colorado.

More connections and less baggage.

Until you're capable of choosing where you live without any hassle, weather is secondary to happiness.
Hidden 8 yrs ago Post by NotAMouse
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I think everything I would have said has already been brought up.

Communication is key, etc.

You've got a commitment (dog) so if anything comes along to break that deal, well, you already know the answer.

Along with everyone else, I'd suggest CO. And if it doesn't work, hey! Keep your options open and look for other opportunities elsewhere.

Alternatively, move in with me and take the world by storm.
Hidden 8 yrs ago 8 yrs ago Post by Wade Wilson
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I'd recommend a group chat on Skype, to settle any differences there might be between each other, and for them all to get to know each other, so they'll all be more understanding and less irrational in their decisions. It'll also stop insults, accusations from flying around, and grudges being held. Just like everyone else said, communication is key. Get a whole big bucket of communication and dump it on all their heads.

Sincerely,

~ The Person That Loves Your Avatar & Signature Gifs

EDIT: Okay, so apparently people want Rax to move somewhere, but have people holding grudges against each other because he made a decision without involving everyone involved. But, hey, we're all entitled to our own opinion, though you can state something without simply saying it sucks and then providing no insightful explanation as to why.
Hidden 8 yrs ago Post by KnightShade
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Most of what I would've said has already been covered. So make the decision on where you want to go (Colorado sounds good to me, multiple friends means options if things go to shut). Then deal with those you must leave behind as a separate issue,sometimes people are stronger than you think. Whatever you do take care of yourself Rax. Good luck.

PS: I don't think I need to say this but don't take Wade's advice. It sucks.
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Hidden 8 yrs ago 8 yrs ago Post by Aline
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Aline

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Hidden 8 yrs ago Post by Awson
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backspacebackspacebackspace...

The Skype idea is absurd.

You have been spared from a rant.
Hidden 8 yrs ago Post by MeredithMartin
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solution: you should dump the white guy, fuck the black guy
Hidden 8 yrs ago Post by Aragorn
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solution: you should dump the white guy, fuck the black guy


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Hidden 8 yrs ago Post by Raxacoricofallapatorius
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In my experience, this kind of thing almost always ends up becoming simpler one way or another after some time passes, for better or for worse. But obviously, sitting around and expecting things to resolve themselves isn't a very intelligent way of going through life. So I'd say gather more information. Start with talking to your old roommate about their autoimmune problem, as that seems to be the path you want to go down. See if it's a problem that could be easily worked around(since I obviously know nothing about her.) I can already tell you though that your friend with the mental issues, going down that path will not help either of you, neither in the short nor long run. That said, nobody said you can't keep in touch with her. And it wouldn't be a terrible idea to have a serious conversation about this with her, so you don't blindside her(since that's the last thing she needs, obviously.)

It all boils down to that you need to have conversations with all these people.


That has always been my experience: everything works out in the end some way or another. I will be visiting my roommate the third week in May and after that I should have a better idea of what I want to do. And I would plan to keep in touch with my friend, I mean it's not like we've never been apart for an extended period of time (we went to different colleges, etc.) and I think that she'll be able to cope just fine but I'm just worried about her initial reaction when she figures out I'm serious about moving away. She's kind of fragile right now and I don't want her doing something irrational.

But yeah essentially I do need to do some talking. (Communication is key and blah blah). Thing is: all my potential housemates would more than likely be understanding if I didn't choose them, so I'm not super worried about that. It's more like this idea that I have all these major choices in front of me and I can only pick one and it will probably alter the course of my life so tbh most of this is me not wanting to make that kind of decision right now.

Sounds like no choice is going to be the wrong choice. Well, except maybe the dog bit.

Best bet is to make a decision and explain to the rest, say "sorry" if you think it's going to be a big deal, and live and let live.


Speaking of which



become a hobo. ride the rails with a hobo pupy.


I would be lying if I said I hadn't considered this option.

Your choice is your choice. If you'd feel happy anywhere, then its all fair game. If you think staying behind to help your best friend would stifle your dreams, or moving down to VA without your puppy would make you unhappy, then I'd say don't take those choices. But its all up to you

Though, personally, I'd go to Colorado.


That's what makes it hard though: I really would be happy just about anywhere. I'm low-maintenance and I like to try new things and the only thing I'm worried about is where I'll work (right now I'm in the restaurant industry and I really like it so I could see myself being a server/bartender for a long time.

There's probably a huge amount of factors beyond what you've shared. Those can add up.

- Which state is closest to your parents
- Who is the most changeable
- Do you want to live with a couple
- Are you okay with having to change routes sooner than you planned if things don't go as well
- Whose lifestyle and social scene do you line up with the most
And more!

With what I know so far, I would suggest Colorado.

More connections and less baggage.

Until you're capable of choosing where you live without any hassle, weather is secondary to happiness.


I'll just compose a pros and cons list for each place.

Colorado
Pros: I know the most people there, dog-friendly
Cons: Climate, driving (everything is really spread out, but we'd probably still carpool a lot), don't know when I'll be able to move

Virginia
Pros: Living with someone I've lived with before, I'd probably have a very active social life since she's a social butterfly and always finding things to do, would be able to move soonest
Cons: Possibly wouldn't be able to have a pet

S.C.
Pros: 100% guaranteed to be able to have a pet, living with someone I know very well who is a student (since I'm home during the day and tend to work evenings she'd be home when I'm working--good for pupper not to be alone), apparently the town is famous for fine dining restaurants so I'd have a lot of job opportunities, would move before end of summer, our families live near each other so visiting home would be a fun road trip.
Cons: I haven't actually come up with any yet, I was just presented with this option a couple of days ago.

All places are almost equal distances from where I live now, so that's not really a concern and I don't mind living far away from my family (not that they're awful or anything, I just don't miss them when I'm away). If I did go with S.C. I'd be in it for at least 2 years until my friend graduates, after that I don't know. With the other two it's more of a "stay as long as you want, we're all just trying to figure out life" kinda feel, and I don't dislike that either. It would be kind of cool to live near the ocean since the only time I've ever seen it was when I was flying over it and I also have other friends who live near the East Coast who I'd be able to visit.

Alternatively, move in with me and take the world by storm.


Dammit Taaj, as if I didn't already have enough choices

I'd recommend a group chat on Skype, to settle any differences there might be between each other, and for them all to get to know each other, so they'll all be more understanding and less irrational in their decisions. It'll also stop insults, accusations from flying around, and grudges being held. Just like everyone else said, communication is key. Get a whole big bucket of communication and dump it on all their heads.

Sincerely,

~ The Person That Loves Your Avatar & Signature Gifs

EDIT: Okay, so apparently people want Rax to move somewhere, but have people holding grudges against each other because he made a decision without involving everyone involved. But, hey, we're all entitled to our own opinion, though you can state something without simply saying it sucks and then providing no insightful explanation as to why.


It's a nice idea but it's probably better for me to just talk to people individually. I'll be facetiming my friend in Colorado later today (he's the one who initially convinced me to go) and see what he thinks.

I think it's wonderful that you have all of these open opportunities! I wish I had the same but I can not attend college because I'm sick but it's on hold for now. Congratulations on graduation college, first of all! That's awesome possum.

I just thought I'd say that and that I agree with the points Broby made and just about everyone here so I vote Colorado; I've been there and the climate should be the least of your worries! It's nice.

Having spent half a year with my cousin who is allergic to dogs and cats, I had a lot of anxiety because I had extreme withdrawal of cradling or cuddling with a pup or a kitty... imagine if that were for life. No thank you! That just about sums up my experience. I really needed one of my dogs or cats at that time.

Let us know how you're doing and what you decide with.

What @Wade Wilson said about a group call on Skype, or a group call in general, sounds like a really good option too!

Take time with your decision.


The doggo is a done deal. Like, he's my ultimate goal. Like some people want a career and a house or to live in Jamaica but I thought to myself "In this crazy journey called life it'd sure be nice to have a dog" so after I graduated that was my goal, everything else was secondary so naturally I'm going to choose the option that works best with the dog-owner lifestyle.
(Also: Chat Noir!)

solution: you should dump the white guy, fuck the black guy


k

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Hidden 8 yrs ago Post by Halo
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Gonna ditto the "fuck Wade's idea" from others. Not to put anyone down - that's just my view. It's not a group decision between everyone involved - it's your decision and yours alone. Doesn't need be discussed in any format other than you talking to the various options.



TL;DR: Factors to Consider (in order and bolded if especially key):
1. Dog - based on what you've said this contributes the most to no. 3 so I'm putting it at the top.
2. Viability. Job opportunities and cost of living in that place. If you aren't sure you can afford it or job opportunities are scarce - don't go. I know putting this above no. 3 is controversial-seeming to some happy-go-lucky folks but from experience... I live somewhere I can't afford. If you're destitute and stressed and can't find a job and can't feed yourself or your dog and blaaah blaaaah blaaaah you automatically violate no. 3 anyway - no matter how positive a person you are.
3. Happiness and wellbeing. How reliable and fun/chilled out are the people you're moving with? Are you positive you'll enjoy living with them? Do you have a good support network there? Don't be reliant on just one person (the flatmate you're moving with). Do you think you'll like the city (weather and atmosphere and things to do etc. etc.)?
4. Your friend at home (should you be unable to shed your worries about them).
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