Hidden 10 yrs ago Post by Gowi
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Also working on a Tsuchikage.
Hidden 10 yrs ago Post by Seraph
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Yes tis I, Sosuke Aizen! Didn't get the second reference, found the pic on le google.
Hidden 10 yrs ago Post by Sloth
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Seraph said
Yes tis I, Sosuke Aizen! Didn't get the second reference, found the pic on le google.


It's a reference to one of my former characters I used on RPG before the Guildfall.

For clarification, here he is in his native anime.
Hidden 10 yrs ago Post by Salroka
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Seraph said
Name: Aizen Shimura
Alias: Konton no Shisha (Messenger of Chaos)


I can't bring myself to politely review this character, so I will abstain from reviewing it. But that fact should also put forth my opinion on it.
Hidden 10 yrs ago Post by Yog Sothoth
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i edited my CS and changed the origins of my character's dōjutsu, so is he acceptable?
Hidden 10 yrs ago Post by yoshua171
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Durnehviir said
If you hold your hand over a fire, whether it be over a candle or a stove, you will develop second degree burns.
Fire is fire. If its even hotter than your common day Fire Ninjutsu, which will severely burn you upon contact, it's fair to assume that they will be able to greatly burn you.

I don't think it's necessary to elaborate on something that, albeit stated vaguely, is self exclamatory.
It's like saying "It's very hot" and you needing an exact temperature. If you had that exact temperature it wouldn't' change anything. It'd still be really hot.

Don't ask for unnecessary details when offering critique in an application.
If you wouldn't give those details yourself then it is unwise to ask for them.


Except, I would give details of how much damage a technique would typically do, if it is a technique that has a set amount of damage (on average). So that kind of gets rid of that argument. Sorry you consider it an "unnecessary detail," but I do not and thus I will ask for clarification if something of that nature is not specified. My reasoning behind it is not one dimensional either, because the more vague you have something written, the more room that the player gets to bend the rules through clever word play or the like. No I don't assume that everyone does that, nor is it true that they do, but it is better to be safe then sorry.

Idk if you noticed, but I put a lot of effort into my characters so that, even if misunderstood, pretty much all the information is there and isn't just "inferred" or made vague unless a technique is intentionally broad.

Boru Nagimari: The edits seem fine, however, I believed acceptance would be pending to Ouro's wishes. I'll check in with him when he gets on and get back to you.

Aizen Shimura: Denied.

You have too many powerful techniques. I understand that he's a kage, but the rank and sheer amount of techniques, not to mention the combinations between them and their general effectiveness. Then add to the fact that he has Dust release which is already incredibly powerful and difficult to balance...oh and you modified it so he can not only manipulate molecules, but reconstruct things, rather than just destroy them like the canon Dust release can.

No...no no no.

If you want acceptance/another review, you'll have to ask Ouro because I'm not even sure where to start in the interest of balancing this character.
Hidden 10 yrs ago Post by Salroka
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Yog Sothoth said
i edited my CS and changed the origins of my character's dōjutsu, so is he acceptable?


If Yosh is ok with it, I have no objections. I trust his judgment.
Hidden 10 yrs ago Post by IVIasterJay
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Ouro never did give a ruling on Ezo. Can one of you give him a read through?

Edit: Only Ezo, since Ouro already accepted May a while ago.
Edit again: Actually, I'd read her History, as it goes over another side of Ezo.
Hidden 10 yrs ago Post by Salroka
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IVIasterJay said
Ouro never did give a ruling on Ezo. Can one of you give him a read through?

Edit: Only Ezo, since Ouro already accepted May a while ago.


I can't. I'm about to head home, as I am at a friend's place right now... and will be going to sleep when I get home. That one is on Yosh.
Though I can always review him tomorrow.
Hidden 10 yrs ago Post by IVIasterJay
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Not a problem. It's been a week already, so another day won't change anything.
Hidden 10 yrs ago Post by Sloth
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IVIasterJay said Ouro already accepted May a while ago.


Yes. Excellllllllllllent. Excellllllllllllllllent. Chigetsu now has someone to murder ruthlessly in the event that Iwagakure get in Kiri's path to world domination via sea animals.
Hidden 10 yrs ago Post by IVIasterJay
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Joke's on you, May likes sushi!

Though don't get too excited. She doesn't exist without Ezo, at least not without major revisions that would need reapproval.

To a different Tsuchikage: "Surprise, you've got a daughter!"
Kage: "When did I do that?"
Hidden 10 yrs ago Post by Gowi
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Edited.
Hidden 10 yrs ago Post by Taka
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Obvs haven't finished history but most of the important stuff is in the damn OP. lolz



Hidden 10 yrs ago Post by Yog Sothoth
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Kal-El said
Obvs haven't finished history but most of the important stuff is in the damn OP. lolz


If he's the eldest son of the Sage of The Six Paths then shouldn't he look like this?
Hidden 10 yrs ago Post by Ouroboros
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Aizen Shimura - I think Yosh put it well. Simply too much mastery in too many natures and expanding the ability from only destruction like in the canon version to creation as well killed it. There's simply not enough depth to back up how he has such intricate and powerful abilities, he just seems like a bunch of powerful elements spliced together.

Toshiro Gomakashi - He was just now elected to Tsuchikage at 50? Care to make some backstory on the last Tsuchikage and what happened, it would do well considering Iwa will be your village.
Pertaining to Meisagakure no Jutsu, how proficient are we talking? Also I hope you don't plan on using Shunshin in an actual fight.

Minemoto Uchiha - Heh, I like him. Hop to it with that history! You might have to cut down a few of those Blaze Release techniques but we'll see what the finished product looks like.

Matsuo Bushou is accepted.
Hidden 10 yrs ago Post by Gowi
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Shunshin has been used in the canon franchise in combat, so is there an issue otherwise?

As for Meisagakure no Jutsu, I imagine since Toshiro was likely an ambush specialist during his twenties that at one point he became very good with it, but he hasn't used it in two decades in tense scenarios.

Care to make some backstory on the last Tsuchikage and what happened, it would do well considering Iwa will be your village.


Is there anything you as GM held in stone? I mean the timeline isn't very specific to me, the first Tsuchikage could've been one of those sage disciples you talked about and ended up surviving the war but ultimately dying of natural causes perhaps? I won't mind tips to forge the 1st Tsuchikage for coherency. =)

EDIT Note, I might modify this character into a sort of capacity jonin, since Taka's Hokage is going to get accepted I'd rather my village have a hokage with a different skillset which I AM designing.
Hidden 10 yrs ago Post by Seraph
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Ouroboros said
Aizen Shimura - I think Yosh put it well. Simply too much mastery in too many natures and expanding the ability from only destruction like in the canon version to creation as well it. There's simply not enough depth to back up how he has such intricate and powerful abilities, he just seems like a bunch of powerful elements spliced together.


Well... back to the drawing board
Hidden 10 yrs ago Post by Gowi
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Edited.
Hidden 10 yrs ago Post by IVIasterJay
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... That hurts Ouro.
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