Hidden 5 yrs ago 5 yrs ago Post by Lauder
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Lauder The Tired One

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Hidden 5 yrs ago Post by Ezekiel
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Ezekiel

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The only thing for me is;

San has essentially abandoned her studies in lightsaber combat, making her dueling skills rather lackluster compared to most of her peers.


That might be the case, but for a Padawan, she has lightsaber skills that would suggest that's been her main focus. To play the character that you seem to want to play, I'd tone down the number of forms and her ability in them. Other than that I have no further complaints.
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Hidden 5 yrs ago Post by Ellri
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Ellri Lord of Eat / Relic

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@Lauder

Ok. We've looked at your sheet for your padawan.

It's a pretty good start, but there are a few points we noted:

Lauder's San Anin
This sheet needs balancing.

Issue #1:
She's got lightsaber skills that for her age would imply that the lightsaber has been her core study, yet there is this:
San has essentially abandoned her studies in lightsaber combat, making her dueling skills rather lackluster compared to most of her peers.

There also appears not to be any good reason to have a curved lightsaber, but that is minor in comparison.
Please cut the lightsaber skills down to a level that is more appropriate for her age and focus.

Issue #2:
She's got high-level tutaminis, which requires GM-approval to implement. Even ignoring that bit, you need to explain in the sheet why she has that level of training at it, as it is not something most padawans will be trained in. Not even most knights train in it much due to the danger mistakes can pose.

Minor issue #1:
Her anti-social nature makes it hard for her to be a negotiator, as Jedi typically are, furthermore it makes her alienated from the rest of the Order.

Far from all Jedi are typically negotiators. Many are pretty close to useless at the subject.

Minor Issue #2:
bio text really doesn't need to be shrunken. All that does is make it harder to read. It would be much appreciated if you can leave it at normal size.

Bio questions:
  • Why did the family want to keep her away from the Jedi?
  • Is there some event in her story to explain her tendency towards self-isolation? Or is it merely that she's an innate introvert?
  • What was the event with that third trial?
    Suggestion: perhaps have her fail that trial once, then pass it later?





It would be nice if you could include details on the skill levels with the various Force techniques. Useful for when other players are collaborating with you and need to quickly check something.
Given her age, most will be at the levels of No training or Undiscovered innate talent or Basic Training / Novice or Known, untrained talent. Maybe one or at most two can be at the level of trained talent if training that has been the focused heavily upon by her master during her padawan period.

Thoughts: this sheet should be possible to get up to standard and balance fairly easily. We like the concept of it.
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Hidden 5 yrs ago Post by Lauder
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Lauder The Tired One

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@Ezekiel@Ellri

I have re-balanced San Anin and answered the Bio questions, while expanding it and changing her master to the Battlemaster controlled by @Heat
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Hidden 5 yrs ago Post by Ellri
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Ellri Lord of Eat / Relic

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There's a few grammar errors we won't pick at (unless you want us to).
But there are two things you do need to fix on spelling:

-
- You misspelled Kyla as Kayla

Minor grammar discrepancies are not sufficient to prevent approval.



Does she have exceptionally good memory, considering how she clearly remembers stuff from when she was four years or younger? Most humans at least don't recall all that well the those years. We don't know enough about the field of childhood memories to be certain how discrepant this would be, though. And we can see why you added that element.

Thus, if you fix those minor spelling errors above, you can consider your sheet approved, @Lauder.
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