Leah wasn’t a big fan of CAGE on principle. People went here for bad reasons, even if it was good they had the opportunity. The place reminded her of the lab underneath her “home” back in the day, and April came here after she damn near killed herself. Several of her friends came here for their problems, and psych wards always struck her as a fundamentally negative and dreary thing. And, honestly, who named such a place CAGE? Even though, of course, CAGE was vibrant and nowhere near what one expected if they had her impressions.
A lot changed in a short time since she was all but forced into a chat with Maeve Whitehall. The contest, the sudden illusion she was ever born on earth being shattered, the trip to Asgard… There would be a lot to go through. Leah was here of her own free will, this time. The contest made her face a few ugly things. So she scheduled a visit at the building itself, and hoped it wouldn’t be too awkward that she was suddenly bigger and taller. If need be, she’d just stand the whole time.
She found the right door, and knocked.
Dr. Whitehall was pleasantly surprised to hear that Leah wanted to engage in counseling. She had watched the contest, of course, and knew there were underlying concerns that occurred during it. She confirmed the appointment and was getting ready when she heard the knock on the door. Maeve’s office would look different than last time. A couch and two arm chairs were in the center with a coffee table. On it were some magazines and a self-help book. A bookshelf was along the far wall filled with non-fiction and fiction books, some diagnostic manuals, and other psychological texts.
”Come in,” she called out. Once Leah entered, she continued. ”Hello Leah, it’s nice to see you again. Please, have a seat wherever you would like. Can I get you any coffee, tea, or water?”
”I’ll just have water, thanks.” She sat down directly across from her, and leaned forward. ”I said I wasn’t coming back, but… I lied.”
Maeve smiled warmly as she got a pitcher of water and poured some in a glass for Leah. ”I wouldn’t call it a lie. It’s all right if you believed you would never return, but you did and I am thankful. Now, you called for this session so what it is you would like to address?”
”Uh. When the contest was nearly over, I almost snapped America Chavez in half, and that was after both teams were pretty much done fighting. Because of the incident with the weird cosmic ghost thing. I was pretty damn pissed off at them, not for anything in particular. There’s stuff wrong with me and I’m not sure what.”
”So you were angry, but didn’t quite know what about. I watched the contest and saw that entity appear. I imagine the situation was confusing, stressful, and more. Your team and the Young Avengers were, probably, very scared and concerned. One of each of your team members was in potential peril. And another stepped up to help. The anger of it had to go somewhere and you decided it needed to be America. Correct me if I am wrong, but is it possible there were also outside conflicts from the contest itself that might have contributed to it?”
She shrugged. ”I’ve got a pretty good idea about why I felt that way. We literally died to train for fighting them and they were goofing off like it was a game. That wasn’t fair to them, though. I made up for it with them, but I think I’m just… Not okay. I genuinely expected them to try something stupid, and I think that’s a me thing, not them.”
”I imagine the experience of dying and coming back was not pleasant. I can see how it would then become important to fight for the win. Your team came far, experienced great loss, and still came together for the contest. You wanted to help them, be there for them. But you say you went too far. Is this the first time you’ve felt you weren’t okay?”
”Like this? I think so. When you have to watch your back as much as I have, you can’t ever be too careful. At least, that’s what I used to think.” And that was the problem. She was too damn paranoid, and now didn’t know how to stop being that way.
”I can’t fix it myself. Or move on, or whatever the actual therapy thing is. My head’s pretty fucked up.”
”Admitting you cannot do something on your own is a strength. You’ve had a life growing up where you had to and that wasn’t fair to you. Now you have others you care for and care for you, but even then sometimes it is hard to overcome that original programming of relying on yourself only. Using the supports you have is a great first step towards progress. And the fact you are here shows me you are willing to make those changes. You also made amends with those you hurt, accidentally. So you have taken the first steps, but now it sounds like you want to focus more on the internal struggles, the feelings, the emotions attached to what drives you to do these actions.”
”Yeah. I don’t want to keep being like this.” She took a sip from her cup. ”Didn’t always see it as a problem, now I do, and I want to change it. I’ll take as long as I need.”
”Well the good news and bad news of it is that the process takes as long as it needs to, but that also means it never quite ends. Therapy can and will, of course, but it is up to you to continue to put in the work outside of sessions. And the door to services doesn’t close ever. You can always come back.”
“But let’s start with something simple. I want you to think of the earliest memory you can from your childhood. What is it and what feelings does remembering it bring up?”
”Hmm… Sitting on a couch with my mom- Human mom- and not much is happening. It’s peaceful, she’s staring off into space the way she always did. Pretty normal, for where we lived anyway.”
”This is the first time you’ve brought up your mother. To me at least. What can you tell me about her?”
”Ah, she was a lot nicer than her husband. Wasn’t easy for her to get up, get around and do things like us, there was always something kind of wrong with her. She loved to paint and read, I picked that up from her.” Leah leaned back against the couch, it wasn’t real anyway. Probably. ”Very gentle with everything, when she was able. She had no idea she married a terrorist.”
”She sounds like a great mother. I can imagine how tough the situation was with who she married. I’m glad an early memory you have is one of peace though. Tell me Leah, and I apologize if this question seems abrupt but go with me on this, but with all you have done so far, with school, with your relationships, with the contest, and everything in between, do you think your mother would be proud of you?”
”Not completely. She’d… Well, she’d probably be unhappy with the way I’ve been a massive bitch the last couple of years, but I know she’d like my friends. It’d probably be a lot for her to meet them, if she were still alive, because she wasn’t really all there mentally, but we wouldn’t be fighting. We never did.”
”I think she would be despite all of that. And I hope you are proud of yourself too. You’ve accomplished a lot. There’s room for growth, which you recognize. There’s plenty of people out there who refuse to grow and remain stuck in outdated ways, causing more harm to themselves. Speaking of your friends, how are they all doing? Have you spent much time with them outside of training for the contest?”
That got a laugh out of her. ”A lot more than I used to. Me, Percy and Dorian went to Asgard, I have a huge magic sword that my… I guess birth mother left for me, it’s complicated. I’ve gotten along with people a lot better now than half a year ago. And I want it to stay that way.”
”That’s amazing to hear. A support network like that helps tremendously with mental health. I’ve been to Asgard a few times, actually. Amazing place. I’d love to hear more about this sword though. How did you come across it?”
”We went to Asgard, then some prophetic shenanigan nonsense happened, turns out theres- This sounds weird thinking about it now, but someone wrote a whole damn book about me called A Rose in Midgard, and Dorian didn’t believe me when I pointed out that Rose is the middle name I gave myself after my dad shot my mom. So then we followed that, wound up in Jotunheim. Chasing a riddle that I’m still puzzling out.”
”That’s incredible. It sounds like quite the journey you made in discovering something about yourself. And you had friends with you. Sometimes having things about ourselves we don’t fully understand can make us feel incomplete. Like how people want to find out where they came from or who is in their family lineage. These uncertainties, what does it inspire in you?”
”A lot. I spent years burying a past I was convinced wouldn’t let me off so easily. Now I’ve got more than one. It happens over and over, and the only way to break it is to accept it, so I’ve learned. All this stuff I haven’t gotten answers for, I don’t hate that. But it means I’ve got pieces of me I need to uncover. Get to know, figure out what to do with. That kind of thing.”
She had another name before she was Leah. Another name before she was Mayra, too. Another past that wasn’t meant to be, until long after.
”I’ll find it eventually. Don’t know what I’ll find, but I want to find it.”
”The journey will be hard, as most journeys are. You have support behind you, which will help, but I imagine you will come face-to-face with some truths that could be harmful, potentially life changing, on top of the issues surrounding things like your father. Are you prepared to handle that?”
”Yeah.” Leah nodded. ”Speaking of him, I’m starting to think I actually did kill him. I ran into an illusion of him, not the real him. But it won’t be the same this time either way. I used to think I had to do everything alone. Now, I know why that’s not okay or even true.”
”It sounds like you’re better equipped this time around to handle him then. Should it come to pass that he isn’t dead, relying on those who want to help will be good for you. I want to go back to the moment during the contest where you reacted strongly, lashing out unintentionally or not. Sometimes when we are experiencing a heightened state and a rush of strong emotions we do things that we regret. Like someone who gets angry and punches a wall. I might suggest learning how to manage those emotions in the moment, provided you are willing to give it a try”
That did sound like a good idea. It helped her after she abstained from the fight.
”I am.”
”So in those moments I would suggest, and I recognize the irony here, grounding. Grounding is a way of centering yourself to calm those racing thoughts and out-of-control feelings. It utilizes the senses to do it. You start with 5 things you can see, then four things you can touch, three things you can hear, two things you smell, and one thing you can taste. That helps control the part of your brain that’s reacting so strongly”
”I did something like that after the fight. Sorta panicked, so I tried to get control of it. It worked, I got that from one of those books you gave me.”
Dr. Whitehall let it slide that Leah used one of the books she gave her. ”That’s great! It’s perfect in those situations. You can also do some mindfulness walks or keep a journal. If that doesn’t work I often suggest creative hobbies like art or poetry or theater. Or crafting in general. Never underestimate the power of a coloring book. Above all, be open to receiving help when it’s offered.”
”I’ll try that.” Knowing her, she’d get plenty of opportunities to. ”I’m not used to having to regulate, I always just ignored it. Feels a little embarrassing to say that out loud, but… Yeah.”
”It’s not something to be embarrassed about. Given your situation, it sounds like a defense mechanism. There were more important things to focus on. Eventuall,y it became your standard, but even then, you can recognize the unhealthy patterns and take steps to fix them, which is commendable.”
Ouch.
”Jeez. Are you a therapist or a telepath?” That was a joke. ”Yeah, no, that’s accurate. Survival was more important. Speaking of books, if you have more of those like the ones you gave me last time I was here, I’ll take them and read them all.”
Dr. Whitehall stood up and walked over to her bookshelf. She scanned some of the titles, grabbing two, before she returned. ”Here, I think these will help. One is about the binds of family and learning to overcome expectations placed on us from those who raised us. The other is about emotional regulation and steps to checking in on yourself and your emotional needs.”
Leah took them and read the covers. ”At this rate I’m going to need to get a bookshelf. Or maybe I’ll learn to make a pocket dimension with magic or something. I don’t really have anything else to talk about, but I do want to come back and actually commit to this.”
”I am happy to hear that. We can set up a regular day and time to meet if you would like. And we can meet at school if that’s easier. I know some have a hard time being in or around CAGE, so I get it.”
”This place freaks me the hell out, yeah. Reminds me of the basement back home. But I can get over that. School’s starting back soon, so I can come on weekends. Saturdays okay?”
”Saturdays are just fine. Shall we set it up for this coming Saturday or would you like some time in-between?”
”This Saturday. I’ll come here if you’re here, or be there at the school if you’re there.” She stood up, and held the books close to her.
”Let’s meet at the school. I’m there nearly as often anyway. Keep the books as long as you’d like. And Leah, I am very proud of you for admitting you need help and taking that first step. I bet your mother would be proud too.”
”I’d hope so, yeah.” She smiled. ”I’ll be back.”
And then, she left.
A lot changed in a short time since she was all but forced into a chat with Maeve Whitehall. The contest, the sudden illusion she was ever born on earth being shattered, the trip to Asgard… There would be a lot to go through. Leah was here of her own free will, this time. The contest made her face a few ugly things. So she scheduled a visit at the building itself, and hoped it wouldn’t be too awkward that she was suddenly bigger and taller. If need be, she’d just stand the whole time.
She found the right door, and knocked.
Dr. Whitehall was pleasantly surprised to hear that Leah wanted to engage in counseling. She had watched the contest, of course, and knew there were underlying concerns that occurred during it. She confirmed the appointment and was getting ready when she heard the knock on the door. Maeve’s office would look different than last time. A couch and two arm chairs were in the center with a coffee table. On it were some magazines and a self-help book. A bookshelf was along the far wall filled with non-fiction and fiction books, some diagnostic manuals, and other psychological texts.
”Come in,” she called out. Once Leah entered, she continued. ”Hello Leah, it’s nice to see you again. Please, have a seat wherever you would like. Can I get you any coffee, tea, or water?”
”I’ll just have water, thanks.” She sat down directly across from her, and leaned forward. ”I said I wasn’t coming back, but… I lied.”
Maeve smiled warmly as she got a pitcher of water and poured some in a glass for Leah. ”I wouldn’t call it a lie. It’s all right if you believed you would never return, but you did and I am thankful. Now, you called for this session so what it is you would like to address?”
”Uh. When the contest was nearly over, I almost snapped America Chavez in half, and that was after both teams were pretty much done fighting. Because of the incident with the weird cosmic ghost thing. I was pretty damn pissed off at them, not for anything in particular. There’s stuff wrong with me and I’m not sure what.”
”So you were angry, but didn’t quite know what about. I watched the contest and saw that entity appear. I imagine the situation was confusing, stressful, and more. Your team and the Young Avengers were, probably, very scared and concerned. One of each of your team members was in potential peril. And another stepped up to help. The anger of it had to go somewhere and you decided it needed to be America. Correct me if I am wrong, but is it possible there were also outside conflicts from the contest itself that might have contributed to it?”
She shrugged. ”I’ve got a pretty good idea about why I felt that way. We literally died to train for fighting them and they were goofing off like it was a game. That wasn’t fair to them, though. I made up for it with them, but I think I’m just… Not okay. I genuinely expected them to try something stupid, and I think that’s a me thing, not them.”
”I imagine the experience of dying and coming back was not pleasant. I can see how it would then become important to fight for the win. Your team came far, experienced great loss, and still came together for the contest. You wanted to help them, be there for them. But you say you went too far. Is this the first time you’ve felt you weren’t okay?”
”Like this? I think so. When you have to watch your back as much as I have, you can’t ever be too careful. At least, that’s what I used to think.” And that was the problem. She was too damn paranoid, and now didn’t know how to stop being that way.
”I can’t fix it myself. Or move on, or whatever the actual therapy thing is. My head’s pretty fucked up.”
”Admitting you cannot do something on your own is a strength. You’ve had a life growing up where you had to and that wasn’t fair to you. Now you have others you care for and care for you, but even then sometimes it is hard to overcome that original programming of relying on yourself only. Using the supports you have is a great first step towards progress. And the fact you are here shows me you are willing to make those changes. You also made amends with those you hurt, accidentally. So you have taken the first steps, but now it sounds like you want to focus more on the internal struggles, the feelings, the emotions attached to what drives you to do these actions.”
”Yeah. I don’t want to keep being like this.” She took a sip from her cup. ”Didn’t always see it as a problem, now I do, and I want to change it. I’ll take as long as I need.”
”Well the good news and bad news of it is that the process takes as long as it needs to, but that also means it never quite ends. Therapy can and will, of course, but it is up to you to continue to put in the work outside of sessions. And the door to services doesn’t close ever. You can always come back.”
“But let’s start with something simple. I want you to think of the earliest memory you can from your childhood. What is it and what feelings does remembering it bring up?”
”Hmm… Sitting on a couch with my mom- Human mom- and not much is happening. It’s peaceful, she’s staring off into space the way she always did. Pretty normal, for where we lived anyway.”
”This is the first time you’ve brought up your mother. To me at least. What can you tell me about her?”
”Ah, she was a lot nicer than her husband. Wasn’t easy for her to get up, get around and do things like us, there was always something kind of wrong with her. She loved to paint and read, I picked that up from her.” Leah leaned back against the couch, it wasn’t real anyway. Probably. ”Very gentle with everything, when she was able. She had no idea she married a terrorist.”
”She sounds like a great mother. I can imagine how tough the situation was with who she married. I’m glad an early memory you have is one of peace though. Tell me Leah, and I apologize if this question seems abrupt but go with me on this, but with all you have done so far, with school, with your relationships, with the contest, and everything in between, do you think your mother would be proud of you?”
”Not completely. She’d… Well, she’d probably be unhappy with the way I’ve been a massive bitch the last couple of years, but I know she’d like my friends. It’d probably be a lot for her to meet them, if she were still alive, because she wasn’t really all there mentally, but we wouldn’t be fighting. We never did.”
”I think she would be despite all of that. And I hope you are proud of yourself too. You’ve accomplished a lot. There’s room for growth, which you recognize. There’s plenty of people out there who refuse to grow and remain stuck in outdated ways, causing more harm to themselves. Speaking of your friends, how are they all doing? Have you spent much time with them outside of training for the contest?”
That got a laugh out of her. ”A lot more than I used to. Me, Percy and Dorian went to Asgard, I have a huge magic sword that my… I guess birth mother left for me, it’s complicated. I’ve gotten along with people a lot better now than half a year ago. And I want it to stay that way.”
”That’s amazing to hear. A support network like that helps tremendously with mental health. I’ve been to Asgard a few times, actually. Amazing place. I’d love to hear more about this sword though. How did you come across it?”
”We went to Asgard, then some prophetic shenanigan nonsense happened, turns out theres- This sounds weird thinking about it now, but someone wrote a whole damn book about me called A Rose in Midgard, and Dorian didn’t believe me when I pointed out that Rose is the middle name I gave myself after my dad shot my mom. So then we followed that, wound up in Jotunheim. Chasing a riddle that I’m still puzzling out.”
”That’s incredible. It sounds like quite the journey you made in discovering something about yourself. And you had friends with you. Sometimes having things about ourselves we don’t fully understand can make us feel incomplete. Like how people want to find out where they came from or who is in their family lineage. These uncertainties, what does it inspire in you?”
”A lot. I spent years burying a past I was convinced wouldn’t let me off so easily. Now I’ve got more than one. It happens over and over, and the only way to break it is to accept it, so I’ve learned. All this stuff I haven’t gotten answers for, I don’t hate that. But it means I’ve got pieces of me I need to uncover. Get to know, figure out what to do with. That kind of thing.”
She had another name before she was Leah. Another name before she was Mayra, too. Another past that wasn’t meant to be, until long after.
”I’ll find it eventually. Don’t know what I’ll find, but I want to find it.”
”The journey will be hard, as most journeys are. You have support behind you, which will help, but I imagine you will come face-to-face with some truths that could be harmful, potentially life changing, on top of the issues surrounding things like your father. Are you prepared to handle that?”
”Yeah.” Leah nodded. ”Speaking of him, I’m starting to think I actually did kill him. I ran into an illusion of him, not the real him. But it won’t be the same this time either way. I used to think I had to do everything alone. Now, I know why that’s not okay or even true.”
”It sounds like you’re better equipped this time around to handle him then. Should it come to pass that he isn’t dead, relying on those who want to help will be good for you. I want to go back to the moment during the contest where you reacted strongly, lashing out unintentionally or not. Sometimes when we are experiencing a heightened state and a rush of strong emotions we do things that we regret. Like someone who gets angry and punches a wall. I might suggest learning how to manage those emotions in the moment, provided you are willing to give it a try”
That did sound like a good idea. It helped her after she abstained from the fight.
”I am.”
”So in those moments I would suggest, and I recognize the irony here, grounding. Grounding is a way of centering yourself to calm those racing thoughts and out-of-control feelings. It utilizes the senses to do it. You start with 5 things you can see, then four things you can touch, three things you can hear, two things you smell, and one thing you can taste. That helps control the part of your brain that’s reacting so strongly”
”I did something like that after the fight. Sorta panicked, so I tried to get control of it. It worked, I got that from one of those books you gave me.”
Dr. Whitehall let it slide that Leah used one of the books she gave her. ”That’s great! It’s perfect in those situations. You can also do some mindfulness walks or keep a journal. If that doesn’t work I often suggest creative hobbies like art or poetry or theater. Or crafting in general. Never underestimate the power of a coloring book. Above all, be open to receiving help when it’s offered.”
”I’ll try that.” Knowing her, she’d get plenty of opportunities to. ”I’m not used to having to regulate, I always just ignored it. Feels a little embarrassing to say that out loud, but… Yeah.”
”It’s not something to be embarrassed about. Given your situation, it sounds like a defense mechanism. There were more important things to focus on. Eventuall,y it became your standard, but even then, you can recognize the unhealthy patterns and take steps to fix them, which is commendable.”
Ouch.
”Jeez. Are you a therapist or a telepath?” That was a joke. ”Yeah, no, that’s accurate. Survival was more important. Speaking of books, if you have more of those like the ones you gave me last time I was here, I’ll take them and read them all.”
Dr. Whitehall stood up and walked over to her bookshelf. She scanned some of the titles, grabbing two, before she returned. ”Here, I think these will help. One is about the binds of family and learning to overcome expectations placed on us from those who raised us. The other is about emotional regulation and steps to checking in on yourself and your emotional needs.”
Leah took them and read the covers. ”At this rate I’m going to need to get a bookshelf. Or maybe I’ll learn to make a pocket dimension with magic or something. I don’t really have anything else to talk about, but I do want to come back and actually commit to this.”
”I am happy to hear that. We can set up a regular day and time to meet if you would like. And we can meet at school if that’s easier. I know some have a hard time being in or around CAGE, so I get it.”
”This place freaks me the hell out, yeah. Reminds me of the basement back home. But I can get over that. School’s starting back soon, so I can come on weekends. Saturdays okay?”
”Saturdays are just fine. Shall we set it up for this coming Saturday or would you like some time in-between?”
”This Saturday. I’ll come here if you’re here, or be there at the school if you’re there.” She stood up, and held the books close to her.
”Let’s meet at the school. I’m there nearly as often anyway. Keep the books as long as you’d like. And Leah, I am very proud of you for admitting you need help and taking that first step. I bet your mother would be proud too.”
”I’d hope so, yeah.” She smiled. ”I’ll be back.”
And then, she left.

1x Thank











