It was late, the mansion was eerily quiet, though Max supposed it was only because everyone was supposed to be asleep. The event of Asteroid M still playing over in his head like an old tape. Trying again and again to figure out if there was another way, if he could've saved those last few mutants that were left stranded and abandoned on the base as it blew up. He could still feel their minds, their psychic impressions, as if they were just down the hall from him. He closed his eyes and turned in his bed, bringing his knees up to his chest as he tried to shake the images away. Hoping one of those mutants had the ability to save the others. That it wasn't all in vain.
He let out a sigh, relaxing his pose as he straightened out and sat up in bed. His hands splayed behind his back as he looked up at the ceiling contemplating just how many mutants they have lost. Too many. He looked back at the door, it's image seemingly closing in on him until he finally stood up and pinched the bridge of his nose.
”I need a drink.” Though Max wasn't even 21 yet, so a midnight snack would have to do. He tried to be quiet, leaving his room as he made his way over towards the kitchen and opened up the fridge, wishing Ed was here to make another charcuterie board.
Antoinette sat hunched at her desk with the lamp on while she doodled on her tablet. Arnold sat sleeping on his little bed, with not a care in the world. Antoniette circled the arm of the goblin with her tablet pen and hit delete. She grinned as the thing disappeared so she could start again. Antoinette loved to still draw and paint on paper and canvas, but there was something freeing about having a tablet now as well.
Her stomach grumbled and without stopping, Antoinette rose from her chair and shuffled into the hallway and down to the kitchen. Her face was lit by the light of her tablet while she navigated her way down the familiar hallways to the kitchen. Antoinette was inches away from hitting the open fridge door when her intuition told her to stop. She looked up and peeked around.
“Max? What are you doing up?”Max closed the door halfway, just enough to look around it and see Annie standing there with a tablet in her hands.
”Oh, Penguins, hey. I uh…couldn't sleep.” He decided to say honestly. He pulled a soda out of the fridge, along with some ingredients for a sandwich before hitting it closed with his hip before he made his way towards a counter.
”What about you? What's got you up and about?”Antoinette grabbed an apple from the bowl on the counter and held it up.
“Hungry,” she declared.
“I probably should be sleeping, but I’m having too much fun. Look! I have an entire new line of creatures I’ve been designing for Avery’s DnD campaign.” She excitedly flipped her tablet around, so Max could see the goblin she was working on.
He chuckled as she showed him the drawing.
”Very cute. Are you playing a goblin? Or?” Max hadn't heard of a player playing as one, but it also wasn't unheard of for DMs to allow some monstrous races as playable characters.
”Kind of jealous. I've been too afraid to ask to join the table. Still being new and all.”“I am!” Antoinette said excitedly. She went off explaining what level she was and what abilities she had. She spoke about a mile a minute. DnD had quickly become one of her passions, even though she still had no idea what she was doing half the time.
“You must join, Max! We could design your character together! I’m hoping we can make 3D models one day and actually use our characters,” Antoinette stated, drawing a little heart beside the goblins’ head. She bit into her apple and looked up at Max.
Her eye shimmered a little and she set her tablet down before resting an arm on Max’s shoulder. She didn’t always know why, but she knew sometimes when people needed extra support.
Max listened as Antoinette spoke about her character, letting her words fill the space in his mind that had been previously occupied by other thoughts. Survivor's guilt if he had to put a name to it. He had thought about using his magic to be a way to weasel himself into the table. After all, what better way to use creation magic than to make realistic terrain and mini's for all those at the table. Bring a new level of immersion to D&D. He'd thought about them using the Danger Room, but doubted they'd be allowed. But as soon as Annie placed her hand on his shoulder, his thoughts snapped back. That gentle touch reminded him in the back of his mind that something was wrong. He continued making his sandwich before stopping midway. Looking towards where her hand was.
”What's up?”Antoinette watched Max silently while he made his sandwich, her hand remaining on his shoulder. After a couple of moments, Antoinette sat on the counter.
“We haven’t had much of a chance to talk,” she said. It had been A COUPLE WEEKS(?) since their mission at the space station. Some of them — most of them — declared it a failed mission.
”To be honest…I haven't been much in the mood for talking…” His eyes bore holes into the counter before him as his hands gripped its edges tight. He let out a soft sigh as his shoulders relaxed slightly.
”Then again…that's probably the same reason why I can't sleep. I suppose if you keep too much inside it can haunt you.” He figured he was making any sense to her. Then again there were times in which she seemed to not make sense at all, yet he still understood her. Like now.
Antoinette nodded as Max spoke, both in understanding and acknowledgement.
“That’s why I’ve been drawing more. Guin and I train but I needed something else.” She flipped her tablet around and opened a separate file. It was full of art that was not Antoinette’s usual. She drew scenes from space, explosions and shriveled up bodies. She even had pieces from the OMEN facility where she had been captured now drawn out. It had been years since that day, but the screaming, the gun shots, and the sounds of shattering glass often joined her in her dreams. She shared these images with Max as she ate her apple.
Max lingered on the images of Space, almost lost in them as his eyes unfocused on the frame. Finally he pushed past it and onto the others. He didn't dare look at Annie, but a question ran through his mind and without thinking it he said it aloud.
”Do you ever wonder if we did the right thing? With Wanda…”Antoinette watched Max closely, seeing him come in and out of reality. She always felt that way when a gun went off around her. She dropped her eyes to look at the sandwich he made.
“Do you mean stopping her?” He gently grabbed his sandwich, hands shaking slightly as he did before turning around. Max pressed his back against the counter, sliding down it with his sandwich in both hands as he stared at it as if it held the answers to all his problems.
”Yeah…Mutants were happy there. We didn't hide in shame or fear or…” He got quiet, contemplative as if trying to find the words he needed to say amongst the curves in the lettuce.
”I'm 20 years old and I've witnessed three world ending events. I never understood Frodo when he said he ‘wished it need not have happened’ in his time. I thought how wonderful would it be to live a grand adventure. To see the world and fend against foes of darkness. But now…now I wish it hadn't been.”Max caught himself for a moment before waving away the air before him dismissively.
”Don't get me wrong. I love everyone I've met because of it but…”Antoinette bit into her apple, chewing in contemplation while Max spoke.
“I liked the other world. Carolina and I lived with her girlfriend. We had an art studio and everything. And Wanda, she was amazing but it all felt… fake. Have you ever read Alice In Wonderland? It felt like that. Everything was technicolour and too much. Then what Magneto wanted to do… It didn’t seem right to switch one people being persecuted to another.” Antoinette took another bite from her apple, letting silence fill the space between them.
“I think we evolved to handle the things others can’t, but it's hard to do it alone and that’s why Professor Xavier made this school. It’s easier to get through things with people who are like you.””Yeah…” Max took a bite out of his sandwich, chewing on the words both literally and metaphorically. She was right, he knew she was, but he still couldn't shake the feeling.
”I get that. Make no mistake, that world wasn't perfect, but why shouldn't we use our powers to do more? To make change happen faster?” His eyes reflected off of the sheen of the refrigerator. A magical glow encompassing them for a moment as he looked at his reflection before blinking and having the magic fade away.
Antoinette smiled when Max confessed his true thoughts. The two of them had yet to have such a conversation like this but Antoinette was glad they were. Sometimes it was nice to share the deep dark thoughts with another person. What it was about midnight snacks in the kitchen, Antoinette wasn’t sure, but it was a great starting point for them.
She set her half eaten apple on the counter and moved to sit down next to Max on the floor. The room glowed for a moment, and even though it didn’t let off a heat, Antoinette felt warm and safe.
“We have a hard job, I think. We have to determine when to use our powers and when not to, and we have to realize that we have something that others do not. If we used our powers to solve the world problems, to save more or do more, we would take away from what makes humans special too. Their ability to choose. The space station was…hard. I think that was perhaps the one time that all of us knew there was nothing more we could do. We all have limits, Max. Even mutants and inhumans.” Antoinette reached out and rested a hand on Max’s wrist.
There was a lump in Max's throat as he tilted his head back and allowed it to rest against the cabinet.
”I just wish…just once…everyone could be saved. Time and again I've been put into situations where my powers could do something, make a difference. And time and again I either falter at the finish line or can't bring myself to lay low the others because it's not what's right. I've lost so many people, strangers and friends. People who just wanted to live, to make it to the next day…The Morlocks, my late friend, all those ravaged by M-Pox, the poor souls I couldn't help on Genosha, or even the ones killed in Limbo and taken in New York from demonic invasion. I've seen so many people…so many mutants…” His words began to choke up as he brought his knees up to his chest, the sandwich now discarded to the side. He held his tears back, but his breathing was shaky.
”I can still feel the minds of all those I couldn't save back in Space. Feel their presence haunting me as if to ask me why I got to live when they didn't? Why I get to survive all these disasters when others can't? How many more times must I survive? How many more people do I need to lose before this is all over?” He buried his head against his knees, hiding his face.
”I can't take it anymore.”Antoinette let him get everything out. She remained silent this time while Max spoke of his heart's pain. She shared with him and even began to tear up. It was hard not to empathize with Max and it was impossible not to understand him. As he curled in, Antoinette wrapped her arms around Max and held him tightly, as if she could help keep him together.
“It doesn’t seem fair, does it? But Max… do you ever let yourself think about the people you did save?”Max tried to. To think of the ones who had made it. The remainder of the Island of Genosha. The ones he was able to help during the invasion, those babies that made it without sacrifice. He thought of Ben who he gave a second life to, of his son who he saved from death by Purifiers.
”I…don't think I ever have. No.” He was so focused on everything he couldn't do, he never stopped to think of everything he had done. The countless people in his life that would be in awe of his powers and what he was able to do to save others. But then again, that's how he felt about others. Of James, Ed, the ones capable of saving.
“That’s okay. It’s hard to see past the destruction and loss sometimes. But you did save a lot of people that day, Max. You kept the station together so we weren’t sucked into space. You opened up portals so people could get to the hanger faster. You did a lot despite the station crumbling around us because of failed safety codes and other chaotic things. Try to hang on to that when the dark creeps in.” Antoinette squeezed him a little tighter before she loosened her hold.
Max let her words sink in as he felt the pressure of her squeezing him. She was right, he needed to focus on what he had done and not on what he couldn't. He shouldn't dwell on the past, except to learn from it and grow so that next time might be different.
”Yeah…you're right. I need to focus on the positives a bit more. Have more hope that humanity will choose the right path and that one day Xaviers dream will become a reality.”Antoinette nodded and smiled.
“We’re a family here. We might not always see eye to eye and bicker but when it comes down to it we are always there for each other.” She stood back up and grabbed her apple.
Before, Max would've thought the idea of family foreign to him. Back then it was just a play you put on, pretending to fit in in day to day life, pretending to not hold any grudges against your parentage for the way they spoke about mutants, about those different than them. He didn't get it back then. But he was shown what a family was like, what it should be like. The Mutant Underground was his family, and now it looked as though his was growing a little bigger.
Max grabbed his sandwich, using his magic to levitate him slightly before placing his feet firmly on the ground. He dropped the sandwich into a nearby trash can, he didn't care how often they cleaned the mansion, he wasn't about to eat a sandwich off the floor. So he went about preparing a new one.
”Thanks Penguin, I really needed to hear that. I guess I didn't realize how much I've been going through lately. I haven't exactly given myself time to process everything that's happened, just forcing myself to keep moving forward to the next mission.”Antoinette giggled and grinned.
“Why penguin?” she questioned him.
Max blushed, rubbing the nape of his neck as he did so. He guessed he hadn't ever actually spoken to her about the nickname or if she even liked it.
”Oh, it's silly really. After I'd found out the truth about Wanda's reality, the first thing I'd seen was your dancing Penguins, and her laughing at them. It felt like a light at the end of a tunnel, like hope personified. Showing a side of her that made me feel as though she wouldn't have done this. So…I kinda just attributed you to Penguins because it was the first impression I'd gotten. One of wonder and hope.”Antoinette fiddled with her tablet while Max explained his reason for her nickname. She opened up a new tab and started to draw a simple little penguin.
”I do miss her.” She coloured one eye on her penguin purple and the other blue instead of the standard black. She started drawing a second but added a cape this time with stylized hair. Below the two she wrote her name and Max’s with a flourish and a heart next to it.
”I’m glad you’re here, Max. I think you bring more hope than you realize.”Max couldn't help but laugh at her statement. He never saw himself as someone who brought hope. Perhaps for those that didn't know him, or for the flatscans that needed rescuing. But from his team? From other mutants? He was seen as chaos, as a wild card that couldn't be accounted for. It was why he trained so much, but it felt as though his magic would always have that element of chaos within it. As if it was a part of it.
”Thanks. Though I'd say I bring more disaster and chaos than I do anything else. Hell, this one time I accidently turned myself into a massive golden dragon. I didn't even know that was within my wheelhouse. All I wanted was to heal my wounds…which…technically happened as part of the transformation.” He said as he smiled at the drawing she was making.
”Hope comes in the form we least expect it to, but still it comes,” Antoinette stated.
Max smiled. Magic swirling in the palm of his hand as he closed it and watched it dissipate before opening it again. A small figurine, a D&D miniature, lay sideways in his palm, of a little goblin just like the drawings Annie had shown him earlier that night.
”Hope could come in the form of a little goblin girl.”Antoinette’s eyes widened at the little goblin. She squealed and picked it up out of Max’s hand, tablet drawing forgotten.
”It’s perfect, Max!” She threw her arms around Max and hugged him tightly.
Max wrapped his arms around her, holding her tight, though not nearly as much as she was to him.
”Thanks. I mean, it's not much, and far from perfect, but with your art skills and my magic I think we could help bring Avery's vision to life.”Antoinette shut her eyes as she hugged Max back, a full smile on her face.
”No one’s perfect, Max. That’s what makes humanity beautiful.” Besides, it was perfect for her.
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